Author |
Message |
GomerPyle
Baiting Guru
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8875
Location: Wherever I lay my hat
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:25 pm |
|
I could go on for ever here - but just a small selection
Today my GP made some eating suggestions and after going through a long list of things, which clearly my face showed a suitable look of revulsion at, she finished with jelly and ice cream out of desperation. not Smarties (M & M's)
Last week in hospital the nurse was listing my ailments and put down anorexia - and I weight 13 1/2 stone (200 pounds in dollars).
I went to A & E with a very impressive foot injury and after triage the doctor said I must be admitted and "follow me" and I stood up and fell flat on my face 'cause I couldn't walk. |
_________________ Fake sites killed 1 x 9 x 3 x 168 X
- the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
- Steve - Lagos to Accra
- Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
- Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning |
|
|
|
Titania
Hell on wheels
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 2442
Location: Rollin' rollin' rollin'
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:31 pm |
|
I had an eye operation, during which silicone oil was pumped into the eyeball (the original fluid having been removed). The oil in my eye renders it totally blind.
I had some trouble with the eye - mainly inflammation - and returned to the clinic to see what could be done about it. The doctor asked me if I was given an anti-inflammatory drop, and I said I didn't know. She said, "Well, when you put drops in your eye, are any of them milky when they go in?"
Even the studen-intern knew that was silly, and he said - with just the right combination of sarcasm and respect, "She can't see, remember?" |
|
|
|
|
simpsonman3000
419Eater is my life
Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 299
Location: The Michael Phelps Lounge
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:34 pm |
|
I went in for surgery and was just cut open when then the governator came in and said:
"it's not a tumor. sew him up and get him out of here!"
dang California budget cuts... |
_________________ HEY YOU OLD DISEASED SLAPPER I KNOW YOU F**K ANYTHING AND SUCK EVERYTHING HEARD YOUR C**T IS SO BIG NOW EVEN A HORSE CANT FILL IT!!! ENJOY IT AND HOPE YOU GETS AIDS YOU DISEASED MUGA BASTARD!!!- Some lad got pissed when I called him a slut.
Last edited by simpsonman3000 on Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:08 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
|
|
ParaNoid
** REMEMBERED **
Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 5123
Location: Looking for Steward.
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:56 pm |
|
^^
"This won't hurt"
"You will sleep through the whole operation" (I didn't)
"Don't worry I'm the expert" (They weren't) |
_________________ Gold Coins here
x 4 <b>Looking for a Mentor? Click here</b>
"If I get mad at you, please just understand me. I am just being ParaNoid because I love you so much." - unknown
Visit www.scamwarners.com |
|
|
|
The Blackwood Con
419Eater is my life
Joined: 17 Jul 2008
Posts: 373
Location: Petting the Time Travelling Bunnies.
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:05 pm |
|
Wow. You guys have had bad luck when it comes to doctors.
The one that bugs me is the:
Nurse: "Okay now, take off your clothes. Your doctor will be in in a moment."
...Twenty "moments" later...
Doctor: "Hello, how are you?"
Me: "Uhm...I'm cold, thanks. May I put my clothes back on now? I kind of have the flu so being cold really isn't THAT great of a thing to be right now. I mean, was it really necessary for me to sit like this...naked...for 20 minutes"
*facepalm* |
_________________
Quote: |
"It is important to recall our mission: going after lads, and protecting victims. The moment we act against one another, we dishonour that mission." ~ Rover |
thanks for making a fool of me ok,you are just talking nonsense.man to hell with you if you keep fooling me all the time."
maybe i will come and lick your shoes just because you want to buy diamonds from me. |
|
|
|
Eliza_Doolittle
"Warned for lad hugging"
Joined: 16 Mar 2006
Posts: 1979
Location: Contemplating a plan to steal Shiver's cat
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:05 pm |
|
shhhhhhhhhhhhh I am going under in the middle or end of next month. I don't want to think about what could happen.
The surgeon already flirted and asked if I'm married. LOL Now he has decided I need surgery.. Is he trying to look at the goods before he decides if he wants to "try them on and buy them?" |
_________________ Uch3nna - 222km Lagos, Nigeria to Cotonou, Benin
M4rtins Uzo - Lagos to Abuja "l have spent money,time,took risk to travel all the way from lagos to abuja to meet you.(8 good hours on board)."
Ed - Port Harcourt to Kaduna
vLad's ebay auction states "Wonderful seller! Thinks "out of the box" to get item to you."
<br>
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/MrsRobinson419"> Click to see the videos Ed sent me.</a><br>
<A href="http://members.419eater.com/~eliza_doolittle/index.html"> Eliza's lad quotes, photos, and audio files</a>
x12
*this sig icon has been censored* <br><a href="http://members.419eater.com/~eliza_doolittle/809104_ML.pdf" > click here</a> for a Bank Account Transfer Form.
|
|
|
|
smartbomb
** Retired **
Joined: 14 May 2007
Posts: 750
Location: Air
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:28 pm |
|
I had a broken hand 2 months ago, and when I went in for to have the pin inserted, the conversation went a little like this :
Doc : Im just going to check the sensitivity around the wounded area
(doc prods the sore spot)
Me : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Doc : Did that hurt ? |
_________________ x8 x49 x5 x6 x3 x3 x10 x4 x2 x2 x4 x2
x7 a few
Click Here for Free Wigs !
i am no more a baby for going through this kind of stress for 200 pounds. : Hammed - Another satisfied MT7N S3cur3 customer.
l will never lose my leg in Jesus name.......ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeen l can see that you are totally MAD, FUCK YOU TOO!!!!! : Mr Yusuf |
|
|
|
JMRazor
Baiting Guru
Joined: 03 Mar 2006
Posts: 7103
Location: Yes
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:29 pm |
|
"Walk toward me and drop your shorts."
As the doc is sitting...um...eye level... |
_________________ <a href="http://forum.419eater.com/forum/donate.php">|A 100% RISKY FREE PROPOSITION| </a> |PLEASE VISIT SCAMWARNERS| |READ OUR F.A.Q.| |WHEN IN DOUBT CLICK ON THIS|
____________________________ Pretty Prancing Pink Pony Master _____________________________
x 43
x 16
x 3 |
|
|
|
Ima Baeder
Baiting Guru
Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 18313
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:31 pm |
|
Well, not a doctor, and not so much laughter as very evil laughter, the kind that comes right before a malicious act. . .
While I was in labor, contractions 2-3 minutes apart, entering the maternity ward, I was grilled with questions about registration. I quickly told the nurse that I'd pre-registered weeks ago and had been told I would be all set and wouldn't have to do any paperwork the day of delivery.
Her response: "I'm sorry, we don't have that paperwork. I need you to do it now". |
_________________ 348 Fake Sites killed
x 100 2 Years |
|
|
|
doc holliday
Squirrels Hate Me
Joined: 06 Feb 2008
Posts: 2477
Location: Behind the Oriental,taking potshots at hitlads.
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:37 pm |
|
Wound up in the ER with a burst appendix.In the course of checking me out,the doctor asks "have you ever been shot before?"
I replied that I never had been,and what prompted the question.He showed me an x-ray,and I had to admit there was a roughly bullet shaped shadow in there.He asked me several more times was I certain I had never been shot?I could onlt reply that no I hadn't,and didn't he think something like that would tend to stick in my memory? |
_________________ Fuck off, and wait for your death, you fucking dog's eater, I will see this to the end, already, you are a fucking negativity to this world, go to hell after two puuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Jack N0delay,hitlad
You have given me enough stress through the shit you sent to me
Jack the hitlad
What you sent to me is not real, don't you fucking understand simple english, that is not real slip from money gram, I have been using money gram before now, FUCK YOU. IDIOT. PLAY YOUR GAME WELL. MASTER OF ALL PLAYERS
Jack,the hitlad who keeps giving me fresh sig lines
x35 x2 |
|
|
|
Bruce Banner
Master Baiter
Joined: 15 Jul 2008
Posts: 189
Location: On the run from General Ross
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:46 pm |
|
I had a doctor tell me to take ibuprofin for the pain for a kidney infection. Ibuprofin can cause kidney inflammation and has been linked to kidney damage. I told her that and she gave me the "Oh yeah... umm..." |
|
|
|
|
Seven of Nine
Baiting Guru
Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 2147
Location: Somewhere in time.
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:38 pm |
|
|
|
|
The Man
Baiting Guru
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 2885
Location: La La Land
|
Posted:
Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:41 pm |
|
Had my lasik surgeon tell me that I was not a candidate for lasik as my cornea was too thin, but they could do this other procedure. When I told him I was allergic to the contact lens I would have to wear for a week or so after that operation he suddenly decides my cornea *IS* think enough for lasik.
Guess what?
I still wear glasses. |
_________________ ---
The Man
YOU ARE A CHILD OF SATAN WITH YOUR HUNGRY DIRTY BODY ,TUNDER FIRE YOU BIG HEAD IDIOT !!! HA HA HA HA HA
IS THIS HOW YOU DECIDED TO TREAT US AFTER ALL WE WENT THROUGH?YOU MADE US TRAVELLED TO ABUJA AND INDEBTED US.
"Cursed is your mother that gave birth to a family-disgrace like you. Cursed is your father he could not control his lust for anything under skate"
"hey u crakhead motherf*cking nitwit, from the way u express the cockamamy sh*t that ur dumb brain is made up of it's so obvious that u never really made it past elementary school but anywayz dogs don't have to go to school afterall."
(Lagos to Abuja)
x2
<---in lieu of a brownie. TS
x8 |
|
|
|
Newdonym
Elite Baiter
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 1043
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:08 am |
|
I haven't had too many encounters with the doctor, but my SO came out from her appointment saying that the doctor (She sees the head doctor in our uni practice) had prescribed her penicillin. My SO is massively allergic to penicillin. It says so in rather large red letters on her records.
This is the place where the standard first question to any female patient is to ask if they think they might be pregnant.
I guess the river of contempt flows both ways. |
|
|
|
|
Stoker Thompson
419Eater is my life
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 271
Location: Out There.
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:04 am |
|
When I was young after a bad accident the doctor came into the room and told my mother, standing next to me, " we don't know why he is alive right now but we don't expect him to live through the operation."
another time I was about to get X-rayed and got involved in a lengthy discussion with an ER nurse who had my file.
Nurse: I see you were here 5 years ago for X-rays
Me: No I wasn't.
Nurse: Are you . . . . . Living at .......
Me: Ummm Yes.
Nurse: Yes. You had a concussion.
Me: No I didn't.
Nurse: Are you aware that concussions can cause amnesia?
Me. Ummmm I am now.. . . . .
Recently I was in Eastern Europe and cut my foot open. As in open to the bone. At the local hospital the nurse was Slovak and the doctor was German. Fortunately I didn't need to communicate complex instructions. Since I was sitting in the ER bleeding all over the floor. After they had cleaned it up I started to look around at all of the bits inside my foot. After the doctor told me Nein! I said "It's my foot" To which he replied "Is also your infection idiot" |
|
|
|
|
Chibuike
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 07 Mar 2006
Posts: 693
Location: My corner of the world...
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:32 am |
|
Recently I had to phone my OBGYN's office to set up a surgery appointment to remove some suspicious looking objects in my breasts. Everything was going smoothly with setting up the appointment until she said, "Okay, I have you scheduled for a hysterectomy for the 8th." Quietly I replied, "I know that my breast are sagging but they haven't reached that part of my anatomy yet. Could we please schedule me for breast surgery?" |
_________________ "I didn't know Oscar was a pimp!" Chibuike
"simple....go fuck a tree trunk" Phillip Johnson
<--I got ponies! Wahhooo! |
|
|
|
GordonBennett
Baiting Guru
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 2829
Location: Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:02 am |
|
Quote: |
I guess the river of contempt flows both ways |
Nice turn of phrase; I shall unashamedly steal that.
In my case it was what my doctor didn't say..
Quite why it came up, but I said "You know I'm not paranoid, right?" which was followed an affirmation-expecting pause. And complete silence from him.
When the tumbleweeds had blown through the office I amended it to "You know I'm not a hypochondriac, right?" which went down much better.
Trouble is, it rankled and I have a bad memory, so when I was shopping and I felt people staring at me, I checked to make sure the trousers were on (check) and then told myself the doctor is an idiot and I shouldn't be paranoid.
Two hours later I wandered into the barbecue I had shopped for (cue multiple people looking up, most of whom I didn't know) and my SO said "New hairdo?"
During my shower, I'd forgotton to wash off the conditioner and my hair had gone all spiky.
A strange, sort of punk, look for a middle-aged guy |
_________________
DIE MUDER FUCKER
Last edited by GordonBennett on Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:54 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
|
|
Cherrie
** Mentoring Guru **
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 1746
Location: Still digging up dirt...but now somewhere else.
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:31 am |
|
Hey out here my Doc is great. Just ask him to give you something for your Liver and PRESTO...you get a free bag of onions |
_________________ Just keep me informed...then I can inform on you!
<a href="/forum/donate.php">[Click here to donate to 419Eater.com]</a>
x153 |
|
|
|
Ari
Elite Baiter
Joined: 17 Sep 2004
Posts: 1269
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:40 am |
|
I had to have a mole removed a few years ago. The surgeon and I were chatting to distract me...he distracted himself too! He forgot to numb me before he started slicing. I was quite a bit younger, so my mom was also in the room. I grabbed her hand really tight and my eyes went real big...I didn't say a peep though.
My mom: Uh...did you forget to numb her?
Surgeon: Oh, frik.
I told him he shouldn't charge us for that...he still did. Bleh. |
|
|
|
|
sheboppe
The Sparkly Member
Joined: 10 Dec 2004
Posts: 5002
Location: United States
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:59 am |
|
Approx 3 yrs ago I went to the ER because we thought that my foot was broken.
ER doctor: It's broken, huh?
Me: I'm not sure but it hurts badly.
Him: We'll get x-rays and take care of it for you.
X-rays were taken, then nurse gives me two Vicodin to help ease the pain. A half hour later, I was feeling really loopy. The ER doc entered the room and said. "We don't find any breaks, but that doesn't mean that your foot isn't broken. Here is a pair of crutches so that you can leave here safely. Please follow up with your regular doctor."
I took the crutches and attempted to "drive" under the influence of Vicodin, a drug that I wasn't used to. It took ten seconds for me to crash and burn on the floor of the ER treatment room.
So much for leaving there safely. |
_________________ | <a href=http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=135992> Official Eater T-Shirts</a> | <a href=http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=81028> Premium Membership</a> | ScamWarners | <a href=http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5413> Forum Rules</a> | <a href=http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=51> Baiting Tutorials</a> | <a href=http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=118738> Baiting Help</a> | <a href=http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=137846> FAQs</a> |
x22 |
|
|
|
GomerPyle
Baiting Guru
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8875
Location: Wherever I lay my hat
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:52 am |
|
One evening I had to call out the doctor and he decided I needed an ambulance, but it wasn't an emergency at that stage.
About 3 or 4 hours later I was shaking violently and hyper ventilating so I called to find out what was happening and eventually a paramedic and ambulance arrived togther at 3.00 am with me waiting outside with a bag for hospital, not wanting to wake up the whole neighbourhood.
The paramedic refused to let me leave without getting oxygen first. When I went indoors it set off the house alarm and I had to gallop up the stairs to switch them off - now in a state of collapse - so I gave in to the oxygen demand - then they started with the questions, and to answer I had to pull off the oxygen mask.
I'm not a good patient and invariably pull out any tubes they attach - usually with bad results. |
_________________ Fake sites killed 1 x 9 x 3 x 168 X
- the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
- Steve - Lagos to Accra
- Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
- Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning |
|
|
|
Slightlyoutofit
Baiting Guru
Joined: 13 Feb 2007
Posts: 14310
Location: Foraging for Nuts.
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:30 am |
|
Hurt my leg playing rugby a few years ago and an ambulance had to be called onto the pitch.
Me: What do you reckon?
Paramedic: Looks like it's just a sprain.
Me: So do you reckon I can get it looked at and get down to the bar before closing time? (There was a party at the Rugby Club I was dying to attend).
Paramedic: Yeah. Shouldn't be a problem at all.
Lying bastard!!! I'd smashed 3 bones and they didn't let me out for almost 3 weeks. |
_________________
God will see you true for all this you have done to me you bastard. - Collins Kalu
MAY THE HAND THAT TYPE ON KEYBORD BECOME STRICKEN AND TRANSMIT VIRUS TO YOU ENTIRE BODY. - Dr Linda Akeem
oh what a mess its time cabbage punks like u will be expose for trully what they are. - David Cole |
|
|
|
Wright B Hindyou
Elite Baiter
Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 1795
Location: Bangkok
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:21 pm |
|
You think you got problems?
We have Doctor Death, we're still not sure if he does it for fun or not...
NSF squeamish people... |
_________________ "YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMANITY" - Douglas Minning
"bastard like you, I will kill you with my hand, son of nobody. May your soul rust in help." - Titi Andrew
"I trusted you very much without knowing that you are a drug addit person" - Emma Bambara
"THIS YOUR BEHAVIOR IS IRELEVANT AND CROSPOLOS CARACTER" - Madam Clarrise Keita.
"you must speak beter because we dont train mad people in this company." - Incredible Self-Baiting Pastor Joe |
|
|
|
Simba
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Posts: 4093
Location: Bila Shaka
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:22 pm |
|
simpsonman3000 wrote: |
I went in for surgery and was just cut open when then the governator came in and said:
"it's not a tumor. sew him up and get him out of here!"
dang California budget cuts... |
That really is a pretty extreme budget cut if they didn't even give you general anaesthetic before they opened you up.....
In my younger days I was a bodyguard, and on one particular occasion I got stabbed in the forearm.
I was taken to a doctor, with a knife still sticking out of my arm when he said
"Now then, what seems to be the problem"
Didn't inspire me with a great deal of confidence.... |
_________________ =5imba Safari Camps
=King Zongo-Ouaga to Accra to Lome to Accra to Lome
=Mr Duru-Ouaga to Accra to Ouaga to Abidjan
=Mr Yetonde-Sierra Leone to Accra
=Mr Jiullus-Abidjan to Accra to Kumasi to Tamale
=Mr Dandy-Abidjan to Monrovia-SSC Liberia
=Mr Mandela-Jo'burg to Maun-SSC Botswana
=Mr Danka-Dakar to Bangul-SSC Gambia
=Mr Twumasi-Accra to Cotonou-SSC Benin
=Mr Gomer-Lagos to Douala to Parakou-SSC Cameroon & SSC Benin
=Mr Chukwu-Lome to Accra to Koforidua. Lome to Lagos. Lome to Cotonou.
|
|
|
|
Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
|
Posted:
Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:33 pm |
|
|
|
|
|