Dan safari copout

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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:21 pm

TBC, not to burst your bubble, but Dan is not only the dumbest rock in the box, he is the laziest. In order to get him to shift his arse out of the internet cafe chair is to wave a nubile and willing female in the near distance - and then pull her farther and farther away as he pants and salivates after her.

At least, this is what I have gathered from previous threads on Dan Dan the Lotto Lad.

Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:25 pm

Did I mention that Hugo has a 20 year old daughter who will be accompanying him on the trip? She's hot. Kind of like a cross between Keeley Hazell and some other really gorgeous woman. But mostly Keeley Hazell.

Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 10:19 pm

TBC - all good fun, but remember the bit you don't see on eater is the months of straight bait grooming that make these remarkable safaris possible - look at it the other way round, would you be more likely hire a car for some random internet dude, or for someone you've been discussing travel plans with for long enough to forget he's some random internet dude?

I wish you a lot of luck with your bait, but you may crash and burn quickly without some good backstory and shared IM time.

Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 10:40 pm

Disregard what I have said previously. I never meant to encroach on other people's baits.

Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 11:32 pm

Storylines like these belong to a baiter´s joys I enjoy most Very Happy

It´s very motivating to have some characters ready who are interacting with each other and make a lad mad!
Just take a deep breath, many things - and more than you would have thought of - turn out to be working in the long run, provided you have some persistence.
I did not want to leave the impression that it´s all tedious hard work; it isn´t, and straight-baiting is an intellectual challenge in itself, especially as the weeks go by, you find it incredibly funny to put all the blame on the barrister (or in my case, the older brother, who cashed the younger brother´s WU payment, and who is now romancing the scammer, an 18 year old refugee with milllions - as if!).

Unfortunately, I am completely left out by the current Dan-Merry-Go-Round (meaning the other characters are of more interest to him...now...but he WILL come back! Smile

). I had just asked then if I could take part. Dan was seeking for money then (oho!), and I tried to employ him for my LA restaurant. Nothing more than a few nice weeks "straight"...but a month later, with a cunningly disguise, Dan remembered me and came back, and this time it went much better.

Don´t feel bad about anything. They are unreliable; but they are stable in requesting money, and you can build upon their greed.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Dan has lost two cars due to his laziness/unwillingness to travel. Wayne Rooney's used Astin Martin was given to him then impounded by Interp0l. That car was totaled by Agent Thomas J0nes. He has also lost a very nice stretch limo that was wrecked, and is now serving as a chicken coop.

For Dan to travel "Little Dan" needs to be stimulated. At this point Dan is desperate though, as he believes an Inter0l Agent is coming to his house to kill him, so that might give him a kick in the rump.

Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:46 am

@ TBC, a story that complex wouldn't work on Dan, he'd just whine at you to please send him money please because he is brook. On the upside, he will be totally unaware of the plot, or existence of 'Lost'. You need to massmail lads with a hook before you can get into something so complex with the most likely candidtates.

I have sent Dan the scans of his 'Access All Areas' pass, thanks mbl.

I have asked him how he knows Paris Hilton and why he wants me to meet her, see another thread. Still not sure which baiter is Paris, there seem to be 2 possibilities. They would make a lovely couple.

Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:42 pm

My pleasure RC, they actually blend in rather convincingly with all my old accreditations from various gigs, so let nobody bleat that they're unrealistic Wink

I'd love to think they'll have the right effect

Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:00 am

Dan just sent Cinnamon his brother's telephone number ('cause his is "kinda faulty"). I'm supposed to call and ask for Dan.

Do you want the number, Jayhawk? It would be just awful after all this time if was really a double agent working for , wouldn't it? Wink

eta: Sorry, I forgot you guys already had the number Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Actually, I don't think I have the number. Inspector Gadget tried calling him the last time, and he quickly changed numbers.

I think Dan would love receiving a call from Agent J0nes.

Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:15 am

Well, a number that is "sort of faulty" is a nice change from the phones he keeps losing.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

No Titania, he doesn't lose the phones. They keep getting stolen from him by armed robbers.

I have this vision of a bunch of Nigerian thugs sitting around, wondering what to do, when one of them suddenly says "I know! Let's go rob Dan again!". I've lost track of the number of times that Dan has been held up.

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 12 Jun 2007 Posts: 95

Jayhawk, to be "fair", he does seem like the kind of lad that if he had a phone, would flaunt it openly and gloat to the other lads until had it taken from him. Any bets on how many times he has flaunted that picture of Wayne Rooney that Roy sent him around the cafe?

Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:54 pm

Dan's problem is armrobbers, they steal his arms, with his mobile attached.

Last minute instructions for Dan, he needs to be getting his ass over to Abuja anytime soon, for the safari bus on Wednesday. If he makes it there, we need a meassage getting to him, to tell him that the camp is closed due to snails, bees or whatever, and the whole shebang moved to the cameroon camp. I can't see him going that far, but we can try. Twisted Evil

I think RS17 isn't handy timezone wise, but he hasn't given us a mobile number anyway apart from his brother's. I'll ask him again.

He can leave messages with the 5imba Co, I assume? Other than that' we have to expect the odd frantic email.

Quote:

Hi Dan,

I am in Cape Town, South Africa at the moment. We drew 1-1 with the
Kaiser Chiefs on Saturday, they played pretty well for an
Indy band.

I'm stuck in a hotel at the moment, we are flying to Abuja
Tuesday night / Wednesday morning, by a private charter flight.

We are playing in the Tinapa Invitational Soccer Fiesta in Calabar,
so we won't play in Abuja. However we will be flying to there.

Dan, I'll see you on Wednesday 23rd, on the 5imba 5afari Bus.

The ticket I have gives the pickup for you as:

The Sheraton Hotel
Lady Kwali Way
Abuja
Nigeria
at 3.45pm local time.

See you then, I will have the pink champagne on ice, and my
headphones on high.

You pester me for a phone number all the time, but I want to ring you
on Wednesday,
as soon as they give me my Nigeria mobile, and I have no number for
you, other than your brother, who never seems able to get you.

have you a number yet?

Roy

Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:27 pm

Just when you think you are getting through to him...

Quote:

Ok i get you i hope you have a nice rest,i am a kinda happy,maybe i'll be coming on wenesday or thursday,i'll be really happy to see you,maybe before then i'll get my mobile phone back so you can call me.

From Dan

Quote:

dan,

You cant come on Thursday, the bus picks up on Wednesday, its
not a daily thing, we are there once only.

Do you understand?

Once we start travelling tomorrow, you wont be able to reach me, we
will be in the air
until Wednesday morning, so I need to know today that everything is sorted out.

I will get Cilla to look after you while you are here.

Sir Alex, some of the team and I have met Nelson Mandela today, I
attach a photo.

Roy

I conveniently forgot to say which one is me, or that this was 2006...

@RS17, I know he's been messing you around, but can you get a message to him via Brother if necessary, that he has to get his scrwany ass to Abuja by Wednesday? Feel free to promise him the earth...

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Typical Dan. Sad

Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:00 pm

Jayhawk, I pm'd you the number

Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:40 pm

Baited breath over here... Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:23 am

Dan liked his picture of the squad with Nelson Mandela, and didn't spot it was 2 years old.

Quote:

thats very nice dad,nelson Mandela,he is a very nice man,i wish i knew him,i'll b very happy,ok dad i'll come on wenesday ok,extend my greetings to the club,i hope to meet u sooner,attach your AAA card for me to see.

From your son Dan

after all he has been through, he has become a bit wary. I don't usually provide lads with trophies, but it would help the safrari prospects if I can send him my pass. Paging Mr Bitesloin - chuck me a pm if you see this today If he's not about I'll see what I can do.

I have an Id photo thats a fair match for the photo I sent him of 'me' and Rooney.

Quote:

Hi Dan,

I look forward to seeing you Wednesday, the club say hello.

My AAA card is round my neck, how do I scan it on my laptop?

I'll see if they have one in the hotel before we check out.

Roy

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

Cilla just talked to Dan. He is so full of it. Personally I wouldn't put money on Dan traveling. He says he is coming, then he says, he will try. He doesn't have a bus ticket yet. I have this recorded if someone wants to upload it.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:07 pm

Roycropper wrote:

He can leave messages with the Simba Co, I assume? Other than that' we have to expect the odd frantic email.

Yes, voicemail is always in record mode for the "International Enquiry Line" so if he calls, Flextel Email me a notification.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:51 pm

well I've done all I can, its up to dan now. A quick look at Wikipedia showed I hadn't got the schedule right. In theory dan has an extra day, but I havent told him that. If he's not on time tomorrow, whatever goes wrong is his fault - the bus went without him.

Thanks to sunshine, who shopped an 'access all areas' for Mr Cropper, a scan has been sent to Dan, as per his request.

Quote:

Hi Dan,

I just got back, we have been really busy today, so much stuff to pack
and interviews to do.

Wes Brown is going home after a death in the family, so he won't be
coming to Nigeria.
We are going to Durban now, to play against Orlando Pirates.

If we win, we will have to play Pretoria on 26 July, but by then I
will already in Abuja,
getting things ready for our match with Portsmouth on 27th, so I'll
miss that match.

I'll see you at the 5imba 5afari Camp. Les Battersby is coming up with me, so you and he can have a talk.

Don't miss that bus, or you'll have to make your own way to Yankari.

Oh i nearly forgot, I got the girl on reception of scan my pass for you,
I attach the scan for you.

I won't be in touch until I get to Nigeria, as I will be on the move
all the time.

See you soon,

Roy

He should be flapping around about the same time that Sleepless is in Nigeria, over the weekend when United play. sadly I'm at my Mum's, with no internet access. I can always redirect him to the camp message service, I'll play it by ear on Friday.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:45 pm

Roycropper wrote:

Thanks to sunshine, who shopped an 'access all areas' for Mr Cropper, a scan has been sent to Dan, as per his request.

I wonder if we'll see this on Ebay one day soon.... Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:51 pm

I just hope you got to play with the nice shiny original artwork too Smile

Sorry I didn't see this thread in time to do it myself, bad lionbiter

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:51 pm

I cant post it, the picture I used is of someone well known and litigious.

Not a dickeybird from dan, he either is in abuja, or late in which case whatever goes wrong is all his fault.

One thing we do know is that he didn't show up at the SSC.

@Simba, can you send Dan a 'No Show' bollocking and invoice? I'm sure there must be penalty clauses in your contract.