Music 2 My Ears - Wickedest Evil Safari

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 27

I just lost 3 days reading this entire thread. Best safari ever! Except, I was hoping the little skull icon down there in someone's signature was a bit more literal! But, it ain't over till it's over.

Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:25 pm

Quote:

TEACH A MAN TO FISH, AND HE EATS FOR A DAY
TEACH A MAN TO SURVIVE ON A LITTLE DRY STUFF AND MEAT FROM
SOME RANDOM ANIMAL, AND HE'LL EVENTUALLY STARVE
TO GOD BE THE GLORY, BEN
THIS IS GREAT

OMG, now that ^^ is keyboard killing stuff. IMO this whole chat is way better than any phone call so far. Laughing

You gotta do more chats (plssssssss?)

Not quite a Newb Joined: 01 Apr 2008 Posts: 45

@jojo, prof and YW

What is the over/under for which twat is more likely to take out the other for the full share of the 400K. Are you taking bets? After just reading this I would have to go with Miracle only because he has a partner in crime. Might there be a chance you try to turn each against the other?

About Durian,

You must devise a plan for them to carry the durian cut open. I can carry the fruit no problem. Cut it open and I can't hold my lunch. My wife really likes durian (she's Chinese). She says, "It tastes good, but the smell is bu hao."

bu hao = bad

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:23 am

Well, apparently the TWATs have made phone contact. Our new Ghana TWAT appears to be stuck in Banki or some shit (no clue where that is) because he's dead broke. He seems to want our Chad TWATs to go fetch him, but unfortunately...

They're dead broke too. Sad

It seems they're waiting for Dover now. Anyway, I couldn't get through to Godspower, but here's the mail from Miracle:

Quote:

We have just got a phone call from the son of Mr.Godspower informing us that Mr.Godspower is stranded at Banki (Nigerian/Cameroun border). Also gives Mr.Godspower phone numbers as: +234 xxxxx20751.

We shall therefore advise mr.Godspower to find means to come to N'Djamena-Chad, then, when he gets to Ndjamena, he should take a taxi to the WESTERN UNION at: AVENI SAWO, MOURSAL, N'DJAMENA-CHAD, then, he calls us so that we go there and pick him up.

Banki is very far from where we are and will be more than 300kms. That will cost us some money to do that which we do not have at the moment.

Our advise is that, if Mr.Godspower cannot be able to continue the journey into N'djamena, he should hang on somewhere there at Banki until Reverend Benjamin Dover arrives tomorrow then, he will arrange for some money to get him over. Also, we advise that Mr.Godspower should look for somewhere there at Banki to sleep over because, it is already late now and no vehicule will be available now to carry him along till tomorrow then, he continues the journey.

Nevertheless, we wait for confirmation that Reverend Benjamin have left USA and that he is on air now.

With kindest Regards,

Sure, we can confirm Ben has left. Unfortunately, we can't control where he ends up. Laughing

Edit: After trying Crist quite a few times, I can't get a connection. I just sent this to the Miracle Network from Phystme:

Quote:

I just wanted to let you know that Ben made it out safely earlier today. I know he has a flight layover in New York City, but I don't know the itinerary from there. It's a very long flight, but he should be with you all very soon. Ben told me on the phone that you have spoken with Godspower, and he is stranded in Nigeria? You must make him aware that he has to find a way into N'Djamena. Reverend Dover is coming to collect both you and Andrew, and will not be going into Nigeria. He must make it to meet with you so that everyone is safe. Please do this for us and make him aware of how serious this is. Also, be sure to tell him that you are currently the leading member of TWAT Nigeria, and that position is not to be taken lightly. If he is to succeed, he must do as you and your brother have done, which is find a way to do what we ask of you. This will always be rewarded ten fold.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 24 Jun 2006 Posts: 7

From wikipedia, on durian:

"Its taste can only be described as...indescribable, something you will either love or despise. ...Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother."

"... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock"

"Other comparisons have been made with the civet, sewage, stale vomit, skunk spray and used surgical swabs"

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:59 am

I've been around durian a lot. There's a little freaky cult of people out here that eat it. I have always gotten the impression from them that they're they type that gets off on doing anything that is not mainstream, and their little clique is built on that. So naturally, they pick the absolutely foulest shitfruit on the planet.

Not sure if any of you have ever tried jackfruit, but that's a stinky little creation too. Different type of stink though.

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:18 am

must be reassuring for the guys to know that they will be rewarded Ten-fold... (so for every dollar or CFA they have spent so far they will loose ten more? )

Good that Miracle is now trying to convince Godspower to make it to N'Djamena... maybe his family can WU some money to Banki, he only needs enough for the single trip...

BTW... the fact he can't read emails because of his eye's... how did he run his scams? Was his son involved (doing the typing) Sure hope he can read the WU forms Smile

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:19 am

Suggestions for the Lad cargo have been:

*Bananas
*A 6 x 4 ft wooden cross
*Condoms
*Gold clubs
*Fish and a loaf
*Painted Eggs
*Durian fruit

Durian seems to be the front runner to date.

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:40 am

Quote:

the fact he can't read emails because of his eye's... how did he run his scams?

He was definitely e-mailing with us until about one or two days before his trip, and then his son took over because of his surgery. His son also calls and leaves messages for him after he reads our e-mails to him on the phone.

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:52 am

And naturally, we receive the exact response we want. This just in as a reply to Phystme:

Quote:

We have received your email and we are honoured to your call for our service as the Central co-ordinators of the TWAT Mission in Africa. We shall do our best to uphold this order. Rolling Eyes

<< Very rare for me.

Meanwhile, we are communicating with Mr.Godspower and he is making headway towards N'Djamena, so, he would be meeting with us at N'Djamena today. We shall keep you posted as soon as we received him safely.

Also, we are waiting to the arrival of our dear Reverend Benjamin Dover at N'Djamina today as we are greateful to hear that he has already left and that he is on the way now.

Consistency is very important and we must not fail to appreciate now that everything is swinging as stated from your side. Laughing

God be with the TWAT.

Edit: Ego-stroking reply from Phystme:

Quote:

Thank you for allowing us to have such trust in your abilities to handle this business. Ben and I had a long talk today after our chat, and we both feel that you have all of the abilities to become one of the leading minsters in the entire TWAT organization, provided you stay strong in these challenging times, and hold tight to your faith in TWAT. We are honored to have you entering the clergy in this respect. You are doing amazing work.

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:27 am

Strange that they claim he's 300 km's from N'Djamena... from the city to the bordercrossing between Cameroun en Nigeria near Gambaru is only just over 100 km. Even the distance between Maiduguri en N'Djamena is roughly 200 km in a direkt line...
Or maybe he can't read roadsigns either?
Aparently Banki is in Cameroun, so he did cross the border already...

http://gateway.nlm.nih.gov/MeetingAbstracts/ma?f=102230221.html

sounds like fun place 'Banki the city of sin' Very Happy

Hope he can resist the temptation... wait, he was 'broke' anyway, so no problem...

BTW, any news on Stinky and the Leg, did they make it home? Or still on the road?

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:42 am

SH*TTY F*CKING CR*P!!!
CAN YOU ONLY IMAGINE HOW MANY WORKING HOURS I SPENT READING THIS STUFF INSTEAD OF DOING WHAT I'M PAID TO DO???
Je-Sus Christ!!!
I became a master of procrastination because of this thread!!! Embarassed

It was soooooooooo good and I've laughed soooooooooo much!!! Until tears and stomach pain! Laughing

The matter is that I work in the engineering office, which is the quietest and silentest office of all my company.
We usually hear flies fly you know... Confused

When there were a bit lack of new events, I felt sad that it comes to an end.
And then I just looked how many pages there were still to read and thought "HURRAAYYYHH it's not finished yet!!!".

Everything is in here!
The pictures of the harassed faces of Stinky and The Leg, the mother who becomes a whore and then dies, the camel toes, the baiter's group for ND,...
And then the SECOND convey to Chad! With the return of The Hand!!!
And even a THIRD lad going there!!!

Pity for the return to home of Stinky and The Leg, but it was marvelous however.

The conference call with Miracle!
Holy Shit that was so great!
Hearing Prof giggling directly in my left ear while this poor lad slightly slips into misery in my right one.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Laughing

You guys are simply amazing!
Hope it will hold again and again!! Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:47 pm

^^^ I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am not getting much work done because I keep coming back here all day to see what's happening on one of the greatest safari's yet. My co-workers have come to the conclusion that I'm insane because I keep sitting here with headphones on, giggling my fat a$$ off. I am soooooooo glad that I found you guys!!

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:57 pm

Ramm wrote:

From wikipedia, on durian:

"Its taste can only be described as...indescribable, something you will either love or despise. ...Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother."

"... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock"

"Other comparisons have been made with the civet, sewage, stale vomit, skunk spray and used surgical swabs"

This is a wonderful characterization of the Durian fruit. Whatever you try, like shitting your pants three times a day, or not brushing your teeth for a decade or two, you will never beat the smell of Durian. That would make it a very outstanding symbol, making the TWAT community still much more exclusive than it already is. Nobody who ever came across a TWAT minister, including lions, hyenas, and jackals, would ever forget about this encounter. The smell is so bad, that even hyenas and jackals would flee in panic.

But, however bad it smells, its taste is delicious. I have tried it years ago in Asia.

Edit to add:

yournamehere wrote:

Aparently Banki is in Cameroun, so he did cross the border already...

Banki officially belongs to Nigeria, but the border goes right through the town without a visible demarcation line.

http://allafrica.com/stories/200807170279.html

It is not clear if this is actually an open border or if there is a border post
somewhere on the outskirts in direction of Cameroun.

Combined double post. Please use "edit" instead of "reply" when posting immediately after yourself. -luckey

Not quite a Newb Joined: 05 Jul 2008 Posts: 64

^^^^ Agreed.

I have only tried it once, many moons ago. My father used to travel extensively around the far east on business and always used to regale us kids with tales of this mysterous fruit. Once he took my mother with him, but it was not the correct season so the myth grew. Years later we went to visit relatives in Vancouver. While walking through the chinese district with my cousin I saw this strange fruit. As soon as I reported it to my father, he set off to get one. We ate it that night at the end of a BBQ. All but the hardy remained outside, but the taste and texture of the bit you eat was like nothing I have encountered before or since. Despite disposing of the rind in a bin that was collected the next day, the smell lingered for days.

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:30 pm

It sure sounds like great place to stay...

http://www.dailytrust.com/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=14650

But I understand our squinter has left town already and is due to meet with the highest rep's of t.w.a.t. in Chad... Let's hope he has made a good deal on his travel-fare (especially with respect to the interest-rate on late payments)

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:40 pm

An interesting detail from the above mentioned article (which BTW was posted just today)

Quote:

At Hospital De Destrict De Kolofata, which is about 23 kilometers from Banki inwards into Cameroon, ... "Many Nigerians come as far as Abuja and other parts of the country, but most of them from Maiduguri all make the trip to Kolofata for their eye surgery , ...

This makes it clear that Banki lies on the road that leads Southeast from Mauduguri to the Cameroun border (there's another one leading Northeast).

Why not have our good Mr. Godspower make a stopover at Kolofata for a bit of eye surgery? He would be able to see his TWAT brothers with different eyes, so to say. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 3:22 pm

I sure hope they're all discussing TWAT doctrine:

Quote:

We hereby anounced the arrival of Mr Godspower Jessa from Ghana. He is now with us here in N'Djamena Chad. Being stranded as we earlier notified you about, he incured much debt on the way to insure that he finaly gets into N'Djamena Chad.

Moreover, we are still waiting for the arrival of Reverend Benjamin Dover. Pls Reverend Williams confirm to us Reverend Benjamin Dover's location now. We beleived that we have done as you instructed, we therefore expect that you or the body of TWAT shall not dissappoint us. It's important to know the exact location of Reverend Benjamin Dover, to enable us know how and what to tell the driver that Mr Godspower chartered from Lagos Nigeria to N'Djamena Chad where he gots stranded, beleiving that Reverend Benjamin Dover will be available here at N'Djamena before his (Mr Godspower's) arrival.

Pls call us urgent to let us know your receipt of this information and to help us to know what to do as we do not have the cash to settle the debt incured by Mr Godspower Jessa which amounts to approximate value of (US$500.00) Five hundred United States Dollars. Remember we stand for you if you will stand for us at the time of crucial need as this to help the order of this TWAT mission on our shoulders.

YW, let's get these guys some money soon, okay? Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

The taxi drivers there will all end up with personal slaves if you keep this up. I see an ethics discussion coming. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 3:47 pm

@Prof.....great news, well done, congrats etc. clapping

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:00 pm

Lots of posts about people reading this thread from start to finish instead of doing whatever it is they are paid to.

Could the whole TWAT safari saga, being read worldwide, be responsible for the Global economic slowdown we hear so much about? Shocked

We should be told. If so, the TWATs should be billed for it...

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:02 pm

what a foul fruit. In the absence of getting them to carry a wasp's nest around it gets my vote.

Simple way of getting them to achieve their ends - cut it into three parts representing the father, son and holy ghost. The fruit is actually divided into two pieces representing the father and the son, while the holy ghost will haunt their skin and clothes for a long time to come. two pieces, three parts.

Let us proclaim the mystery of faith. Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ will come again.

this is what everyone else will smell like when they croak; an olfactory memento mori. carry it well, you smelly TWATs.*

*serving suggestion

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:14 pm

It's amazing how much debt our boys are getting into with this. How are we ever going to produce enough fake MG receipts to cover all of it?

It's nice to hear that they are all together now. Misery loves company afterall. It's ashame that Dover is not going to make it all the way to N'Djamena. Instead, his flight will be forced to land in Benin, where Miracle came from. You've got to love the irony there.

While Dover is stuck in Benin, he will need a place to stay. And since Miracle is not home, maybe Dover can stay there? Of course, he will ask.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 27

jojobean wrote:

I have said this before... but I truly believe that this set of TWATs are serious about the church. I am not saying they are not scammers. But I honestly believe that they think this is a way out or whatever. I think that they would actually follow through with their duties.

Do you mean that if they were given that large pile of cash, they would go back to Benin and set up the church instead of stealing it for themselves?

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:26 pm

It's so nice that all three of them are together now. I would love to hear the conversation between them Laughing

How long until Phystme makes a call explaining Dover's situation? Wink

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