The Son of a Sex Symbol

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Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 1:07 pm

Anna Nicole Smith, Playboy model, gold-digger and sex symbol, died at 39 shortly after the death of her teenage son, leaving a baby daughter. You’d think her life was well enough documented; but it seems that a time in Nigeria and another son born while she made a fortune there somehow got off the radar…

Ken Smart Smith, aka Kelvin, claiming to be the son of the late Playboy model and sex symbol Anna Nicole Smith
Prof. Mark Philip
Barrister Felix Aku, lawyer Lad with no real role

Malcolm Reynolds

Comments are in bold. Most salutations have been left out.

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This was posted on the Eater Forum on 23 April 2008
==============================
FROM SON OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH,
DEAR SIR/MADAM,
Iam son of mrs ANNA NICOLE SMITH who was born vickilynm hogan on november 1967 in > houston texas.According to her who got married toMR J.HOWARD MARSHALL an oil tycoon who later die on 1986,she later travel to london and got married and have no other child except me.In the year 1992 my mumm husband die in a car accident.After some months both of us travel acountry called NIGERIA to start business ,though she was performing very good there.Mrs anna nicole called me one night by bringing all her document out for me and told me that there was 12.5 million us dollars in her account before she death took her life on 22nd july 2006.
Sir/madam if you will assist me to transfer this money to your account so that i will travel to your country and invest it.You will still have your share but with hope it shall work out very well.tremendously i hope you will be a trusted worthy.You can email me through [email protected]
Best Regard,
from
==============================
Rarely was a Lad more inaptly named...
MILF - Mother I’d Like to Fuck
==============================
Mr Smith,
Omigod! Your mother was my favourite MILF! I cried when I heard the sad news!
I know that's probably a tad tasteless, but I have to be straight with you.
What's the deal here? Tell me more.
Regards and condolences,

==============================
And right from the start he forgets my name!
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25 April 2008
Dear,
what more do you need to hear just only to help transfer the money to your account, can you.Give me feed back.
From
==============================
So I got his name wrong...
==============================
Kelvin,
That's cold, man! We're going to be partners in this. Can't we just be friends a little?
Sure, I can help you, but you have to tell me what's involved.
Be cool.
Malcolm
==============================
And now we got a long religious rant - BORING!
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25 April 2008
Dear Malcolm,
I recieved your mail with many thanks and May God continue to give more revelations concerning this transaction.Bible made us to know that it is good to say the truth and the truth shall set us free.You should bear in mind that it is the WILL of God for me to chosen you, you should not neglect the vision of God in your life.So you should not be surprise to my propsal because God has already signed this transaction between you and me.It is quite clear that there are alot of scam in the internet but I assure you that this transaction is true and I know really that God will continue to open your eyes to confirm the realite of this transaction.I have made up my mind to transfer this value (12.5 million) into your account.
I strongly believe that you will never betray me immediately the fund is finally transfer into your nominated account.May God be my witness that I am not telling you lies concerning this transaction.I always pray to God in order to give me the right person who will handle this fund according to my instructions.I hope that you will follow my instructions to utilise this fund for the sake of my future. I also greeted you in the name of our lord Jesus who shed his precious blood on the cross and died because of our sin.May God take the glory for giving you more encouragement to do his good work .Please don't be angry with my questions and I need simple explanation on how do you intend to invest this fund in your country.Because I don't want in situation where this fund will be utilise for earthly things.My prayer is for God to take proper control of every thing you are going to do with this fund.
Bible made us to know that we should serve God in spirit and truth.John 3:16 For God loved the world so much and sent his only son Jesus that any one who believe in him shall not die but have enternal life.I believe in word of God and word of God always gives us strenght to fight against our enemies.My hobbies are worshipping God, preaching the word of God, singing the songs of God, I mean christain music,reading Bible and tracks.Can you tell me also your hobbies?Bear in mind that it is great sin to use the name of God to steal innocent people and any one who try to do it will be put in hell fire.so it is over my death body to tell you lies since I know that the lord is my salvation.I will never use the name of God to steal innocent person like you.I will delight you to go into prayers and our God will reveal to you the truth of this transaction.Bible made us to understand that it is not good for man to gain every thing in this world and at the end,he lose his soul.
Meanwhile I will like you to forward your full contacts, phone number and bank account which will enable me to do the change of ownership with your full name as the new beneficiary of the said fund.After that I will instruct my bank to transfer the fund into your nominated bank immediately. So you are advice to contact the bank with this information bellow.
BANK NAME UNION BANK OF NIGERIA CONACT NAME : PHONE NUMBER: . EMAIL: . Please my dear anything you are doing with the bank try and let me know,so that are we adivce you in what to do. WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE
==============================
Kelvin,
Woah, hold it right there pardner! There's something we have to get clear here. You said originally something about "my share" but you know what? I don't think we ever settled on what "my share" would be. Let's get this settled.
For your information, I'm a former United States Marine Corps Captain living in Central Australia, making my living as a Survival Instructor. I don't count myself as a religious man however – that's not going to be a hassle is it?
Malcolm
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"Ichigo" is another baiter's name.
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26 April 2008
My Dear ,
I receive your email well understood.
Please Ichigo all you have to do for now is to contact the Bank were this money was deposited. This is the information of the bank again.
BANK NAME UNION BANK OF NIGERIA
CONACT NAME :
PHONE NUMBER: .
EMAIL:
Becuase the bank give me only a month to come and cliam the fund,so try and help me and contact the bank today.
==============================
Kelvin,
I'll do that.
I have to ask – what was your mom like as a person? I've only seen her pix and read stuff about her bad times – I'd like to hear about the real Anna Nicole.
And BTW – Ichigo? Is that some Nigerian word?
Malcolm
==============================
Attn:
Sir,
I was advised by Mr to contact you. I assume he's briefed you on this.
==============================
28 April 2008
CONTACT US
UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.
HEAD OFFICE STALLION PLAZA 36 MARINA
P.M.B 2027 LAGOS, NIGERIA
PHONE
u [email protected] RC 6262.
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM THE DESK OF PROF. MARK PHILIP
FOREIGN OPERATION REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
ATTEN:
Mr INSTRUCTED US TO TRANSFER HE INHERITED FUND 12.5 million DOLLARS INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT.WE ARE READY TO REMIT THE SAID FUND INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITHOUT ANY DELAY.
OUR BANK IS REQUESTING FOR SOME NECESSARY LEGAL DOCUMENTS FROM THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT HERE IN NIGERIA SIGNED BY THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE HIGH SUPREME COURT, AS YOU ARE THE NEW BENEFICIARY OF THE FUND.
YOU ARE REQUESTED TO COME HERE FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF THOSE LEGAL DOCMENTS WHERE BY YOU CAN NOT BE ABLE TO COME HERE IN NIGERIA.WE ADVISE YOU TO CONTACT OUR BANK ATTORNEY WHO CAN ASSIST YOU TO OBTAIN THOSE LEGAL DOCEMENTS AND SIGN ON YOUR BEHALF.
THIS IS THE CONTACT OF OUR BANK ATTONERY :
NAME:
TEL :+
EMAIL :ba [email protected]
YOU CAN GET IN TOUCH TO HIM FOR URGENT ASSISTANCE. THESE ARE REQUIRED LEGAL DOCUMENTS AS FOLLOW:
1)AUTHORISATION OF TRANSFER FROM MINISTRY OF FINANCE AND ECONOMIC HERE IN NIGERIA.TO PROTECT THE FUND DURING TRANSFERRING INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT
2)COURT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE (C.C.C) FROM MINISTRY OF JUSTICE AND APROVAL BY CHIEF JUSTICE OF FEDERAL HIGH COURT HERE IN NIGERIA.TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE THE NEW BENEFICIARY OF THE SAID FUND.
3)KINDLY FORWARD YOUR FULL ADDRESS,RECONFIRM YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND BANK INFORMATIONS WHERE THE SAID FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED. REST ASSURE,OUR BANK WILL TRANSFER THE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS THE ATTONERY OBTAIN THOSE LEGAL DOCUMENTS ON YOUR BEHALF.TAKE NOTE THAT THIS FUND WAS DEPOSITED IN SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AND NO AMOUNT OF MONEY SHALL BE DEDUCTED BEFORE TRANSFERRING. WE ARE WAITING FOR THOSE LEGAL DOCUMENTS TO BE LEGALISED AND AUTHORISED FOR ONWARDS TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.THANKS FOR YOUR MUTUAL BENEFIT. BEST REGARDS DR MARK PHILIP EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC. PHONE NUMBER +234-8055853338. THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND YOUR MAXIMUM CO- OPERATION. YOUR IN SERVICE DR MARK PHILIP EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR : +2348055853338 FOREIGN OPERATION REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT UNION BANK PLC **********Disclaimer********* ***
This email is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify Union Bank Plc. (International Remittance Department Abuja Nigeria) This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named.
==============================
The Lad seems to have mixed his modalities.
==============================
Kelvin buddy,
This is what the bank just sent me.
Something confused me - what you said and what they said about me as "THE NEW BENEFICIARY OF THE FUND". Why are we doing this? You're not dead! You inherited this money fair and square from your Mom, so why put it in my name? It's fair making my head hurt!
Please clear this up.
And please, tell me about life with Mom! What was it like sharing the house with a real-life honest to God sex symbol?
Malcolm
==============================
Mr Philip,
I'm clearing a couple of matters up. I'll get back to you!
Just one question – what was Anna Nicole Smith like as a customer?
==============================
29 April 2008
My Dear,
I receive your mail well understoos,so all you have to do is to follow any instruction that the bank will give you ,so that the fund we transfer into your account. I wish good luck Regards Ken Smart
Smith
==============================
29 April 2008
My Dear,
So how far have you gone with the bank?
==============================
Kelvin,
Just hang on there a moment buddy - that's not an answer. It's the equivalent of "Why?" "Because!"
Bear with me, OK? I'd just like an explanation of how this works. And you never answered my other question - the important one!
BTW - don't call me "my dear" - it makes you sound like a faggot.
Malcolm
==============================
Mr Philip,
I'm awaiting a clarification from Mr Smith.
In the meantime, my details follow.
Address - 2/33 Stuart Drive, Alice Springs, Northern Territory, Australia
Bank Details
- National Bank of Australia
- Account name Malcolm P. Reynolds
- Account number G937641424A
==============================
Mr Aku,
Mr Mark Philip of the Union Bank directed me to contact you. This is purely a courtesy call at present. I'll contact you with more details presently.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
==============================
Kelvin,
For the love of Pete, stop waffling and answer my questions! I've submitted my info to the bank, but I still need some feedback.
It's not too much to ask, is it?
Malcolm
==============================
01 May 2008
CONTACT US UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC. HEAD OFFICE STALLION PLAZA 36 MARINA P.M.B 2027 LAGOS, NIGERIA PHONE 234-8055853338 [email protected] RC 6262.
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM THE DESK OF PROF. MARK PHILIP FOREIGN OPERATION REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
ATTEN: Malcolm Reynolds
All your information is well received here in our bank , i want to let know as soon as you obtains those document that we needed here in our bank your fund will transfer to you immediately without any delay. Will are still waiting for those document that will needed here.
BEST REGARDS
DR MARK PHILIP
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.
PHONE NUMBER +234-8055853338.
THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND YOUR MAXIMUM CO- OPERATION. YOUR IN SERVICE
DR MARK PHILIP
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR :
+2348055853338
FOREIGN OPERATION REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT UNION BANK PLC **********Disclaimer********* ***
This email is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify Union Bank Plc. (International Remittance Department Abuja Nigeria) This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named.
==============================
01 May 2008
FROM THE CHAMBER OF BARRISTER FELIX AKU.
YOU CAN RICH ME THROUGH THIS NUMBER +2347035079344.
Dear Malcolm Reynolds
DR MARK PHILIP From Union Bank of Nigeria instructed me to assist you to obtain some important legal documents from the miinistry of finance and economic including the court clearence certificate from the ministry of Justice.For my chamber to obtain this kind of documents, Do not fail to reconfirm your phone number, house address enable me to start process your transfer file at the high supreme court. I want to let you know that to obtain those document will cost you sum money. So you are adivse to fill this information
FULL NAME:........................................
FULL ADDRESS:...................................
COMPANY NAME:..............................
AGE:......................................................
PHONE NUMBER:..................................
Awaiting to hear from you soon,so that i can start working on those document that needed from the Bank. May grant you divine favours Amen.
Yours Man of God
BARRISTER FELIX AKU
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01 May 2008
My Dear Malcolm
I am soon much happy that you have contacted the bank. Please Malcolm all you have to do for now is for to follow any instruction the give to you ,so that the fund will transferrd into your account. Please Malcolm try and help me to get this money.
==============================
Dr Philip,
You're out of line, mister! I still have issues to settle and you're not helping by giving orders you don't have the right to give. Are we clear on this?
==============================
Kelvin - or Ken (whatever),
Don't keep on ignoring me! I'm serious - and all I'm getting from you is this constant refrain. Just focus on something.
[1] What's my share? You never answered that question.
[2] What's the deal with the beneficiary? Can't you just send the money? It's yours, after all!
[3] What was your Mom really like? Come on, Ken, we're buddies. We can talk about things like this. Anna Nicole was bigger than Pammy and totally pwned Paris!
Don't keep repeating yourself - talk to me, man to man.
Malcolm
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01 May 2008
I am the anthony of Union Bank of Nigeria they told me to help you to obtain the necessnary that needed in our Bank ok. So you are adivse to fill this information FULL NAME:........................................
FULL ADDRESS:...................................
COMPANY NAME:..............................
AGE:......................................................
STATUS............
PHONE NUMBER:..................................
Awaiting to hear from you soon,so that i can start working on those document that needed from the Bank.
Regards
BARRISTER FELIX 4KU
==============================
Mr Aku,
I have told you - twice now - that when I need your gorram help, I'll tell you! Until then, stop writing just for the sake of writing!
==============================
Kelvin my main man,
Don't freeze me out, good buddy - we can work this out between us.
I'm sorry if I spoke like that about your Mom, but I was only expressing my true feelings. She was hot, man, the top MILF ever. Don't let that fact mess us up.
I just need you to explain this beneficiary thing. I'd have thought it would be simple to transfer the money - but then I started thinking what could be wrong. Are you too young to take charge of the money? From what you wrote you might be only 16 or 17, and that's maybe too young based on the law over there in Nigeria (dunno what it is). Please clear this up and we can move on.
Take care,
Malcolm
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07 May 2008
Dear sir iam very sorry for the late respond, shortly i will quickly answer what you question me. iam 22 yrs old so give me your infurmation then i will reach the bank
Thanks
From
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Kelvin,
What's this "Dear sir" crap? C'mon, we're buddies! Call me Malcolm.
You didn't clear much up. I'm still confused about the beneficiary business. It makes it sound like the money's not yours - if it was, why can't you just arrange a transfer? That's what's been bugging me!
I've sent my details to the bank - I just want to know why things are being done this way. We don't need a lawyer if we can just arrange a simple transfer. Just clear up this beneficiary biz and we're good to go.
==============================
15 May 2008
Malcolm Dear sir,do you know why i use my lawyer it's because i do not want to loss my money,please sir send me your I.D /Passport.And want you to corperate with the manager so that we are not going to have problem or confusion in the transaction.God must surely help us out in this transaction Thanks for your kindness to me
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Kelvin my main man,
We are getting nowhere here because you haven't told me a gorram thing. So far you haven't told me why I have to be a beneficiary or why you might lose your money. On the other hand, I sent my details to the bank some days ago.
Look, I'll write to the gorram lawyer, OK? But answer me this - are you a US citizen? I thought you might be British from what you said in your first message.
And you never told me about life with Mom. Shame on you!
Malcolm
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Mr Aku,
For Kelvin Smith's peace of mind, here I am again.
Please explain what you have to do on his behalf.
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But that was all...
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Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 2:44 pm

lol, what an idiot!

Quote:

Malcolm Dear sir

This would have to be the most illogical grab for cash ever (prove me wrong!)

Good work mate, it gave me a good chuckle Razz