Music 2 My Ears - Wickedest Evil Safari

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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 2:18 pm

It's time to invite ND to travel to N'Djamena.

Adamu (us) to ND (the real ND)...

Quote:

DEAR ND,
BRODA HOW FAR? WE ARE GREAT HERE. WE COLLECT ANOTHER $210,000 FROM THE UN MAGA. HE HAS GONE BACK TO U.S. WE ARE STAYING FOR 4 MORE WEEKS. CAN U HELP ME WIT SOMETHING? I NEED TO MOVE $350,000 BACK TO NIGERIA AND CAN NOT USE WESTERN UNION DUE TO CHAD LAW. CAN U MEET OUR FRIEND IN NDJAMENA TO COLLECT THE MONEY FROM HIM? I TRUST HIM WIT MY LIFE. HE SAVED MY LIFE ONE TIME BEFORE. WE CAN SHARE THE MONEY BRODA. PLEASE CONTACT ME SOONEST.
OKEY

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:18 pm

I think we need a map showing us who is where. We've got the who's who (Which I think I follow) Now I'm lost as to who is where and which way they are going.

Any chance of it?

I think we've got :
Stinkiboi and Hopalong (and the Driver)
Hamdan
Adamu
ND
Rev Dover
Rev Phystme

To plot the locations of.

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:19 pm

^^^
Gimme a few minutes. I've always had maps in the past called the "Lad Locator". This bait deserves one of those too.

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:28 pm

thanks. I've tried Googleearth and it isn't detailed enough, it does show how dangerous a place Dafur is, Chad doesn't sound much better.

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:45 pm

This is an excellent map. Extremely detailed, quite large. Abeche is far in the west of this map. Al Fashir (there are a couple ways to spell this) is directly east of Abeche. That is where Dover is headed atop him camel.

http://www.lib.utexas.edu/maps/africa/darfur_villages_0802_2004.jpg

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:07 pm

Got it, just below (Northern Dafur) on the right hand side.
El Fasher.

ermmm.. That's rather a long way from the lad's location.....
and there's a lot of 'fires' in between them.

Safe for them to travel is it?

From wikipedia (which you lot must have seeded)

Quote:

Due to the humanitarian aid from the United Nations as a result of the Darfur crisis, the city has experienced a significant economic and population boom. Rents and retail sales increased, including the selling of bottled water and the opening of a pizza parlor to cater to the demand from western aid workers.

Now we know why Rev Dover has gone there!

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:22 pm

It just occurred, if the Leg really does get worse to the point where drastic action needs to be taken, this could become the adventures of Stinky and Stumpy. Has an amusing ring to it. Smile

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:37 pm

Hopefully this will add a bit of clearity to the situation.

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:49 pm

Thanks. Much better.

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:59 pm

Adamu has not answered Hamdan's emails yet. Maybe this letter from Dover will change Adamu's mind.

Quote:

Adamu,

Oh this is horrible. I feel like I am in hell itself. It is so hot here. I make the guides keep my ice bags full but now they are complaining that the ice will not keep from melting in the coolers that they are carrying for me. I cannot believe this. Is it hot where you are too? This is terrible. And my foot is still scratched from the sand the other day. I am really worried that it might leave a scar. Please pray for me brother.

The only thing about this horrible journey so far that has kept me from losing my mind is the camel that I am riding. He is so fun and playful. His name is Scooby. Scooby may not be able to talk but I can tell what he is saying to me. He has quite the appetite. Every time I eat, he is always begging for food. I did not know that camels liked pizza so much. He must eat at least an entire pizza three or four times a day. How funny.

Is there a swimming pool where you guys are staying? I sure hope so. I brought my swim suit with me and some inner tubes to float on once we get there. I can't wait to cool off. Honestly, I cannot understand why people chose to live here. Did you know that there is hardly any food here? You can't grow a darn thing in these hash conditions. Instead of complaining that there is no food here, I think that these people should simply move to where the food is. I mean, what is so hard to understand about that?

We are still a couple of days away from Al Fashir. Camels are fun but they are impossibly slow, even when they are full of pizza a snacks. I wish I could make Scooby run but the guides keep yelling at me everytime I try to make him speed up. Stupid bastards. I am really starting to not like them. How dare they yell at me. I am a priest after all.

I hope that you are doing well. I can't wait to finally meet you in person.

Blessings,

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 5:04 pm

^^^Nice one Laughing

^^^^

That is by far the most annoying Dover 'O' gram yet, I'm sure it will be recieved in the spirit it's ment Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Buck Turgidson wrote:

Dover 'O' gram

I see a new wiki entry soon...
Dover 'O' Gram-any email filled with incessant whining about the hashness of conditions. Usually sent by some unimaginable bastard pig.

Very Happy

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:49 pm

@YW, nice map! Helps to clarify the situation.

Also, nice letter, Brother. I, too, am wrried about the scratch from the sand. Remain bless.

I think that Stinkyboi should be told that the money was received, that a check of the system shows they already got the money, and that this is no way for a TWAT to behave. Tell them exactly what date it got picked up on, and at the same office he went to. Maybe he will go back, enraged, and finally succeed in getting himself arrested.....

Nice work! Thumbs up

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:52 pm

Ok, I am confusing Hamdan and Hamza - - no wonder this was not making sense. Hamdan is your fictional assassin, right? Who is Hamza?

Bruin

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 8:01 pm

Hamza is a real person. He is the "cow seller", the guy who has offered his bank account up as a way for the real ND and CZ to funnel money to Adamu.

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 12 Jun 2007 Posts: 95

Maybe Scooby will break down after a steady diet of pizza and "beefarino" (Seinfeld reference). That should allow for a couple days without progress.

What excuses are the Lagos lads using for not packing up for Chad yet?

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 8:53 pm

We have only asked the real ND to head to Chad today. We (the fake Adamu) has not heard back from ND yet. But I am willing to bet that it will be along the lines of, "I am really busy with my own magas right now."

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 12:08 am

You could always mention to them that you dont get Malaria from bad water, you get typhoid and dysentery from bad water. You get malaria from Anopheles Mosquitos.

They just might be trumping up a fake case of Malaria for sympathys sake Wink

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 2:33 am

Don't forget Cholera! Wink

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Jul 2007 Posts: 100

do you think they are telling the truth?

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 6:56 am

Quote:

do you think they are telling the truth?

They possibly are telling the truth to whom they believe to be their fellow scammers, (adamu to cz etc...) unless they realise what we're doing but are still stupid enough to believe they can get money off T.W.A.T.

I very strongly doubt they are being truthful when emailing members of the T.W.A.T.

P.S When I say we, I refer to the evil people who are running this safari Very Happy

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 7:10 am

What I like most of it, is the fact that the rainy season will start soon in Chad. So the conditions will be even more hash for them. You know, it�s not the heat, it�s the humidity that kills you (or some rebels, a bad leg or whatever) Laughing

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 7:32 am

I have just spent three days reading the most epic of epics. Lurking for months after hearing about this place second hand really.

I have to laugh and tip my hat and also give my two cents because I just cant resist. Beware, I'm noob.

I think Hamdam can get them into Sudan. And not just because the names are similar Smile

What if Hamdam showed up after getting angry with being ignored by them and was looking for stinky and his sidekick. Laughing

Having a rabid killer after them to the west, and salvation (albiet it whiny) just a few hundred kilometers east....

Ps, if anyone is curious about my user name. It is a extremely rough put together of maltese meaning "Banish to . Bankrupt" The two were right next to each other in the translation page I used. So fitting i think....

Edit: I'm into photoshop too so I could be persuaded to provide doctored photos once I get more exposure.

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 8:52 am

@ BC - A couple of weeks ago I was reading about the upcoming rainy season in Chad and it sure looks like it's going to make life a little bit more miserable for the boys. I think it's set to kick into gear in early June, so it might be tricky finding a dry place to sleep pretty soon. I'm pretty sure it usually lasts for a few months as well. Smile

Well, he completely ignored both Dover's e-mail, and Hamdan's last threatening e-mail. That's pretty damn rude if you ask me. Here is a quick one he fired off to Phystme:

Quote:

DEAR REV WILLIAM,
DOVER HAS NOT SEND US ANY TIME TABLE IN REGARD AS HE IS COMING HERE IN ABECHE.
PLEASE REV WILLIAM, IN REGARDS TO THE EMAIL WE SEND TO YOU CONCERNING THE DRIVER FEELS AND MY BROTHER ILL HEALTH WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO SEND US THE WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM PLEASE.
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU

This one is pretty funny. It was sent to our fake CZ:

Quote:

DEAR CZ,
WE ARE IN GREAT DANGER NOW ;PLEASE YOU CAN CALL AUNTY TO GO AND BORROW MONEY FOR US BECAUSE BROTHER IS IN DANGER IF HE DIE HERE ALL OF US ARE IN A BIG PROBLEM. PLEASE I DONT KNOW WHAT ND IS WRITING TO US WE TOLD HIM THE PROBLEM AND HE IS SAYING ANOTHER THING WHICH IS NOT GIVING US HOPE THAT WE WILL COME BACK HOME.
PLEASE CZ ASK HIM HOW MUCH HE CAN RISE BEFORE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN TO US HERE PLEASE DO QUICK THIS IS ALMOST TWO WEEKS NOW HIS LEG IS NOT TREATED AND WE ARE IN DANGER.
THANK YOU

And this one is priceless beyond words (sent to our fake ND):

Quote:

DEAR ND,
ND WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR EMAIL YOU SEND TO US .I TOLD YOU THAT WE ARE IN DANGER HERE IN CHAD AND BROTHER BROKE HIS LEG BECAUSE OF THE ATTACK THE REBEL ATTACK US HERE. WE ESCAPE BY GOD HELP AND THERE IS NO ONE TO ASSIST US. OTHERS NIGERIA TRAVELER THAT ARE GOING TO LIBYA TURN BACK BECAUSE THERE FAMILY SEND THEM TRANSPORT MONEY TO GO BACK.
THIS IS OUR LIVE YOU CAN TELL AUNTY PLEASE BECAUSE WE ARE DYING HERE WITHOUT FOOD. THE ACCOUNT NUMBER I GAVE YOU OTHERS USE IT AND THE MAN GAVE THEM MONEY TO GO. WE ARE SLEEPING OUTSIDE SINCE IN THE DESERT PLEASE ND DONT LET US TO DIE HERE BECAUSE OF TRANSPORT MONEY TO COME BACK HOME PLEASE . THE PERSON THAT YOU SAY WE SHOULD COLLECT MONEY FROM HIM WAS WOUNDED AND HIS BROTHER WAS KILLED AND HE WAS FLY TO USA FOR TREATMENT WITH UN PLANE. SINCE THEM WE ARE INSIDE DESERT WITHOUT FOOD. WE LOST EVERYTHING OUR PHONE AND BAG WE ARE WEARING ONLY ONE SHIRT AND TROUSER.PLEASE IT GETTING OUT OF HAND PLEASE ACCEPT YOU WANT US TO DIE HERE PLEASE YOU CAN RISE HALF AND TELL CZ TO RISE HALF OR YOU CALL AUNTY TO GO AND BORROW MONEY SO THAT WE CAN COME BACK HOME I DONT KNOW HOW MAMA WILL FEEL BY NOW BECAUSE I TOLD HER THAT I AM COMING BACK SINCE APRIL BUT MAY IS ALMOST ENDING PLEASE HELP US.
PLEASE TRY TO CALL US BECAUSE WE DONT HAVE ANY MONEY TO SEND EMAIL AGAIN BECAUSE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE HELPING US HAVE GONE BACK HOME.
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU

Whoops!!

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:00 am

Hahahahaha. Laughing

OMG that is pure gold. Should we take bets to what week they'll kick the bucket?

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