Dang, I think I lost my job

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Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 2:02 pm

These guys aren't going to get dollar-chopped as R4y was, are they? I'd love to get K0sch31 to taunt them...

Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 2:20 pm

Yastreb wrote:

These guys aren't going to get dollar-chopped as R4y was, are they? I'd love to get K0sch31 to taunt them...

Why yes, I do believe these mugus will learn the pleasure of being chopped. But first they must learn to address an envelope correctly.

More developments regarding my character Ern@, for whom Fedex's tracking said "Incorrect address - Apartment/Suite number". Clearly Cr!ner wrote my fake address wrong, but Kennedy still insisted it was my problem to fix. Incidentally, the mugus have already forgotten that Ern@ is deaf (my excuse for not taking Cr!ner's call), so they don't raise a fuss when I say I called Fedex.

Kennedy wrote:

This is a simple task,fedex will deliver the package to you as far it is your name that is writen on the envelope, all you need do is show an identification proving you are the one and that is your address.

So once again i ask you to call the fedex office and instruct them to re-deliver the pavkage to you, if you are not willing to do this then i will have to ask Mr. Cr!ner to retrieve the package back from fedex how ever he can and then we will not be needing your service anymore, because if fedex says the address that you gave to me inparticular is the address writen on that envelope and you have confirmed that, is the correct address, which i gave to Mr. Cr!ner, then most definitely the next customer i was going to assign you to will sure have the same problem with your address, so there will be no need for your service.

Let me know if you can get the package delivered to you.

Time to put some fear into this insolent mugu.

I wrote:

Mr. Kennedy, I took a weekend break, hoping that you would have solved this problem, but I see you have not. I resent your implication that I am "not willing" to take care of things. I have already called Fedex twice and I have exchanged way too many emails with Mr. Cr!ner on account of his addressing mistake.

I know that Mr. Cr!ner's mistake is not your fault, but I was hoping you would be more understanding about my plight, rather than putting even more pressure on me. Indeed, you even ignored my simple question. I asked you the name of the Fedex agent you spoke to, so I can clear up this mess. You did not feel the need to give me this easy bit of information that would help me do my work. That is your right, after all you are the boss and you can do as you please. But your lack of support for my efforts mystifies me.

Some people think I am not very smart, but I am loyal. It is not in my nature to give up on a task once it has been assigned to me. Thus, I will continue to do my job to the best of my ability.

I just called Fedex yet again. They say I must come down to their office to pick up the check. You are right, they will require me to bring my ID, but they also say I will have to help them sort out some questions about the shipment. I don't know what they want to know, and I don't know why it is any of their business. I offered to answer any questions immediately, but the Fedex security supervisor needs to speak to me in person.

Kennedy wrote:

I am sorry if you feel I am putting more pressure on you, that was never my intention. I did not speak to any fedex agent, my secretary did and I do not think she got a name of anyone. I spoke to Mr Cr!ner and he said he will authorise a stop payment on that cheque, so I guess you do not really have to stress yourself going there anymore.

What you should do is endeavor to just email Mr. Cr!ner and infor him exactly the way you did to me, so he will be well informed, i have already left a message for him on the reason the payment never got to you, I guess the fedex delibrately held that package and the reason why, I do not know.

But not to go up and down endlessly on this particular issue, you should just contact Mr. Cr!ner and inform him, so we can go on as scheduled, proberbly he should send the payment via regular email this time around.

I'm a good employee, so I contacted Cr!ner as Kennedy asked.

I wrote:

Mr. Kennedy told me you are canceling the payment that was incorrectly addressed, and you will send a replacement check. I look forward to a trouble free delivery.

Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 7:06 pm

I signed up 2 new characters, L3x B3ntl3y and Be@ur3gard Qu!v3rs. I thought Cr!ner might be weary of excuses for avoiding phone calls, so this time both characters gave him a number when asked. They are in different area codes. One is an Aimphoneline number and one is a Grand Central number that forwards to the Aimphoneline number. I can tell them apart because when I answer a Grand Central call, a Grand Central message asks me to press a number to answer the call. However, you can see there is a chance for confusion on my part.

He called one of the numbers but when I didn't answer in time, he hung up without leaving a voice messaage. Next time, I answered but he kept saying "hello" and finally hung up. He called again, same thing. He called again and asked for Mr. Qu!v3rs (actually he pronounced it "Queevers"). I said "Yes, this is Qu!vers". He hung up, and I realized he had called on B3ntl3y's number. I had answered to the wrong name.

Cr!ner wrote:

Got ya

Cr!ner wrote:

I did know you have alot of names.HA AHAHAHA

Oh well, that's only 2 characters I've wasted. I have many more. But still it annoys me to be caught by my own slipup, so I tried to recover. It was a long shot but worth a try. First I wrote to Cr!ner:

I wrote:

What on earth is that supposed to mean?

Then I wrote to Kennedy:

I wrote:

I know you said Mr. Cr!ner has been a customer for a long time, but how well do you really know him? I ask because he acted very strange today. First he lied to you about calling me, as you know. Then he acted like a little boy playing tricks. He emailed that he called me, but he didn't leave a voice message. Then he called again and when I answered he hung up. He emailed claiming that he called and nobody answered, which was another lie. He said I should call him back, even though he didn't leave his number. He called again and asked me if I was queer. When I asked what he meant by queer, he hung up. Then he sent an email and all he said was "Got ya." It's like he was playing a child's game of tag. Then he emailed "I did know you have a lot of names, HA AHAHAHA".

This guy sounds mentally unbalanced, if you ask me. I don't mean to discriminate against people who have mental illness. I feel sorry for him. But can he be a reliable customer?

After playing all those games, he didn't call back again, so I don't know what he is up to.

Kennedy didn't reply, but Cr!ner did.

Cr!ner wrote:

Mr Q

I wrote:

You are talking in riddles. Are you capable of conversing as an adult?

Cr!ner wrote:

Dont act like you do not know what am talking about

I wrote:

I don't know if this is some sort of child's guessing game, or perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else. Either way, take it up with Mr. Kennedy, because I am getting bored trying to humor your incoherent babbling.

I wrote again to Kennedy.

I wrote:

Cr!ner is getting weirder and weirder. He is continuing to spew cryptic sayings at me. In one email, he said "Mr Q". Then he said "Dont act like you do not know what am talking about." It's as if he dreams he's a tough guy in a spy movie. Has he ever gone off the deep end like this? I hope he can get medical help.

Cr!ner wrote:

How did i guess when you answered the phone as Mr Q.dont be dumb my friend!!!!!!!!

I wrote:

Amazing. You really are living in an infant's land of make believe. I don't answer my phone as "Mr Q". English doesn't seem to be your native language. Or more likely, you're just plain stupid. Either way, stop wasting my time.

Cr!ner wrote:

FUCK OFF

Cr!ner wrote:

MR QU1V3RS.AND YOU SAID THAT IS YOU.IDIOT

I wrote:

Oh no, little boy. Are you going to take your toys and run home in tears? There's no need to cry just because you don't know how to play with grownups.

Cr!ner wrote:

THERE YOU GO AGAIN JOBLESS MAN

Cr!ner wrote:

We both know am smarter than you in all ways.i have proven how stupid and foolish you are already

I wrote:

Damn, little boy, you owe me a new keyboard. I spit my coffee on it from laughing so hard. Don't worry, I'll give you a break this time. I can afford a new keyboard but a small child like you can't. You're too busy trying to convince yourself that you're smart. Maybe you're stupid enough to believe your own lies, but nobody else does.

Cr!ner wrote:

Go fuck ur mother.

Cr!ner wrote:

So you also go by the name Mr S0lak right.IDIOT

This made my day. I never used the name of S0lak. Does anyone here use that name? The bastard is so paranoid, now he thinks I'm everywhere. I have to thank whoever has baited him before for turning him into a snarling bundle of nerves.

Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 8:12 pm

Dog, that was such a fun read!!! Thanks for posting.

S0lak? Nope, it's not one of mine. Pore ol' Cr!ner or Cr!nger as I like to call him to his face. He's too paranoid and cranky for this job. Laughing

I like this email from from Mr. Kennedy:

Quote:

Thank you Annie Oakley for assuring me that we both can trust one another and have a successful business partnership.

Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 11:18 pm

I just received this gem from Cr!ner. It's not long. It's not original. It's not even very well thought out, but in my book it's a classic. Laughing

The raving lunatic wrote:

Go suck a DICK

ROBERT CR!NER
CHIEF ACCOUNTS OFFICER

Honesty is the key to a longlasting business relationship.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 3:47 am

hahaha! Fantastic stuff, guys! What a joke this Criner guy is! Laughing

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 6:33 am

2 mails I got from Criner this morning:

Quote:

ASSHOLE BITCH

Quote:

DICKHEAD

He's so articulate!

Was it something I said Laughing

Does anyone have a working phone number for Criner at the moment? He's stopped using his last one, for some reason Cool

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 6:37 am

FiveForces wrote:

Does anyone have a working phone number for Criner at the moment?

When he called me yesterday, caller ID said 289-395-0002.

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 6:44 am

^^^^^Seems to work! (I guess he aint up yet). Cheers Dog Dine! Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 1:55 pm

To continue with my character Ern@... She is one of only two of my characters who have received checks from Cr!ner. Fedex couldn't deliver because my address is fake, but I made it sound like Fedex is investigating because they are suspicious of something. That must have scared Kennedy, and he told me to forget about that check and Cr!ner would send another, this time by USPS.

I wrote to Kennedy.

I wrote:

With all the confusion caused by Mr. Cr!ner, I forgot you had promised that Mr. Moore was sending a check as well. However, his check has not arrived either. Do you know what is happening with that?

Kennedy wrote:

Well it is obvious Mr. Moore has not been able to make payment because I think he is financially down and he is not brave enough to say it, we are still with his invoice. But that is secondary now since he has proven to be incompetent, have you informed Mr. Cr!ner as informed?

Cr!ner finally replied to my inquiry about the new check Kennedy said C would send.

Cr!ner wrote:

Why are you now contacting me after you told me previously that Mr Kennedy asked you to stop communicating with me?

I wrote:

Please Mr. Cr!ner, I don't want any trouble. I am contacting you because Mr. Kennedy asked me to bring you up to date. If you object to further communication with me, please settle the issue with Mr. Kennedy. I can only do what he asks me to.

I wrote to Kennedy:

I wrote:

I understand what you are saying about Mr. Moore being incompetent, and I won't expect anything from him. Unfortunately, Mr. Cr!ner seems to be no better. Actually, he is worse. At least Mr. Moore is silently incompetent. Mr. Cr!ner is belligerent as well. You promised me you would assign a new customer to me, and Mr. Cr!ner is confirming once again the wisdom of your promise. I hope you are as good as your word.

I didn't hear from Kennedy for 2 days, so I wrote him again.

I wrote:

I haven't heard from you since the disaster with Mr. Cr!ner. You said you would assign me a new customer. Is that in the works? Your silence makes me worry that you have fired me. Even if you have chosen to fire me, I hope you will at least have the courtesy to notify me rather than subject me to the silent treatment.

I hope to hear from you soon about where we stand.

Kennedy wrote:

Sorry for the silence, but as Mr. Cr!ner's payment could not get to you, I do not want to risk any further payments like that, hope you understand.

I wrote:

I understand your aversion to taking risks, but I'm not sure I understand the action you are taking. Are you saying you will assign me to a new customer in order to avoid the risk from dealing with Mr. Cr!ner? Or are you firing me entirely?

Kennedy wrote:

We will not be dealing with you anymore. Thank You.

I wrote:

I'm disappointed to hear that. However I respect your right as an employer to hire and fire as you please. I will not miss Mr. Cr!ner in the least, but I will miss working with you. I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 2:35 pm

Ern@ has been fired, so I have to sign up a new character.

I wrote:

i saw that you have some job openings and i hope they are still available, im a very reliable worker. you will be very happy with my performance, please send more information if the jobs are still available.

Kennedy was suspicious as ever.

Kennedy wrote:

Hoe did you you hear about this offer? Kindly inform, and forward to us any previous notifcation you received from us.

I didn't have a copy of Kennedy's opening spam email at the time (Slootie since sent it to me, thanks Slootie!). So I had to make something up.

I wrote:

a guy at a party over the weekend told me that your company is hiring, and gave me your address.

Kennedy wrote:

A guy at a party told you that this company all the way in Europe and China is hiring, at a party??? What guy? who is this guy? because we know all of whom we contact. So stop been silly and get something better to do with you time.

I wrote:

whoa, dude, chill out man, no need to get bent out of shape and call me silly, i'm just lookin for work. if your not really hiring just say so, its cool, i'm easy. his name was steve or sam i think, i wasn't paying too much attention to him to tell you the truth, i was lookin at the extremely hot babe he was with. damn she was righteously bodilicious and friendly too. i know her name for sure, she was ashley. dude you should have been there, she was easy on the eyes in a major way. keeerist, she smelled good too.

anyway the dude didn't say where your company is located, i have know idea if you're in europe or china or peru, he just said he saw you on the net, maybe he got an email or saw your ad, i dont know exactly, like i say he wasn't exactly the center of my focus if you know what i mean.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 6:53 pm

Dog! Dude! You're killin' me ovah heah!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I was getting bored with my Frank character playing so straight, so I told Kennedy I had received an unmarked envelope and wondered if it was from his customer; I wasn't sure how to proceed so I asked his permission to open it. I replied back that it was not his; it was from ANOTHER client. I got this:

Quote:

Uhmmm, I thought you said you were only dealing with me and you have never had or done this kind of transaction before??? LOL, you are so silly Mr Scarlette or whoever you are, just tooooooo darm silly.....

So I answered with this:

Quote:

Yes, I did indeed tell you I had never done this before. That is absolutely true. However, I did apply for a position with another firm at the same time I applied with you. You did not mention a "no compete" clause so I didn't think it mattered to you. For what it's worth, I have not been happy with my other employer. His customer just sent me a check and my name was so misspelled that I can't deposit it. I do not think this other company is the quality of yours. He certainly does not have your professionalism, that's for sure. I am not going to accept any more work from him because I think he is a little "non compos mentis." In the mean time, I have located my security settings that did not allow me to accept attachments. I'm proud that I found it by myself! Could you please send me your application one last time? It is very good of you to be so patient.

I pretended that Kennedy sent another introduction letter to Martha (who is incredibly stupid) and she asked if she could work for him again (after being fired for insulting Cr!ner over and over and over - FUN!!!! Laughing

).

Kennedy sent this:

Quote:

are you tired of horing around???? why dont you change location? i guess you will get more customers to fuck your filthy vagina, for $5 an hour. LOL.

Martha replies:

Quote:

Are you flirting with me??? I have to admit, I like you too.

I've given up on Mr. Cringer. He prefers having intimacy with dogs rather than humans anyway. At least that's what he told me. He said you were gay, but I didn't believe it for a minute. He's just jealous of you. Laugh!

Please write back soon. I would love to hear from you!

Love,

Martha
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 7:05 pm

Martha wrote:

He prefers having intimacy with dogs

Intimacy! That's funny as hell. Damn I hope this is the kind of thing Kennedy and Cr!nger spend their whole day answering, rather than real vics.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 7:30 pm

Hey, Cr!ner DOES prefer dogs...he told me a bunch of stuff about what he'd do to me and it all involved his DOG. HAH!

Okay, I lied when I said Cr!ner told me that Kennedy was gay. Since I haven't slept with either of them, I can't really say for sure one way or another. Razz

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 8:55 pm

I haven't heard from either one of them in two days.

I think they are on to us. Sad

Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 5:17 pm

They are on to us, but there may still be hope. Here's what I've learned about Kennedy and Cr!nger:

1. Kennedy won't accept job applications out of the blue. He has to know you're replying to a spam he sent.

2. He wants his whole application filled out.

3. If he sends a contract as an attachment for you to sign, you can ignore it, provided you give him all the info in the application.

4. They know about the Oregon drop box, so don't use that.

5. They could easily check for fake mailing addresses on the USPS web site, but they don't. So you can give a fake address and they'll waste a check. But if the check can't be delivered, they won't send another and the bait will be over.

6. Cr!nger wants to talk on the phone once. You can get around this, but it takes a lot of convincing. I used the deaf excuse once, so I don't know if that will work again. If you don't have a safe incoming number he can call you on, you can give him a fake number. Use a nonexistent area code to avoid him calling an innocent person. When he complains he couldn't call you, you can call him using Skype. He'll question why he can't see your caller ID, but play dumb or give an excuse and he'll move on. Other than his caller ID suspicion, the call is easy. He confirms your address and tells you the amount of the check he'll send.

With all these lessons in mind, my 8th character contacted Kennedy:

Quote:

Dear Mr. John Kennedy,
Thanks a lot, I think I meet the qualifications you set out in your e-mail. I wonder if this job is still open, I realize I am a little late in responding. If it is still open, I will like to apply.

John Kennedy wrote:
[I quoted Kennedy's opening spam, provided by Slootie, to make it look like I was replying to it.]

Kennedy replied:

Kennedy wrote:

In my previous email I stated all the details and requirements, I guess you mistakenly skipped that part,I have provided the requirements below again, so we can proceed ahead ASAP.

REQUIREMENTS:
Names in full:
[etc - his whole application]

His reply was a little snappy, but not as rude as in the past. Perhaps he's mellowing because he realizes he's keeping away real vics as well as baiters.

I replied by giving him all the information he requested. My address is a post office, so the check will probably be delivered. My phone number is a freedigits number with an area code in the same city as the address. When Cr!nger calls, I hope I can disguise my voice so he doesn't recognize me from the last time. Embarassed

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