TWAT lad:Abidjan-Accra-Lagos-Sokoto-NDjamena Idiot goes home

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Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

This just in:

Quote:

Received: from [196.201.75.108]
Cote d'Ivoire

Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you today? i thank you very much for your email to me and all your comments is appreciative to me and may the peace of the Lord be and Abide with you forever.

Please i will keep you informed as soon as i get to Chad because we are currently on our way to Ghana there we will still inform you as soon as we arrive.

Please i and my Friend can slightly speak french but not much but we speak English very well.

Thanks,

Davis

Well, for the first time, his IP number has changed. They're still in Cote d'Ivoire, but it looks like they have started to move and are emailing me from a different cafe this time.

I'm pretty relieved that the TWATS cannot speak French very well. Being from Cote d'Ivoire you'd think that they'd be fluent. But Davis did say something along the lines that they were Nigerian ex-pats. Well, hopefully 'Barry' will be able to help them out once they get to Chad. Friendly guy, that Barry. Not awfully helpful, but friendly nonetheless!

I'll see if I can't get him to send me a quick email from Ghana when he arrives there to confirm that he's really left the country!

--EDIT--

Okay, I've just sent this off to him:

Quote:

Dear Brother Davis,

You are already on the road? Most excellent. It is surely in God's plan for fortune to favor us! I shall be looking forward to your arrival in Chad.

If you are stopping in Accra, Ghana, then please try your best to send me an email from there with a further update on your status. The missionaries have already left from Adre and are driving toward Abeche today. Since it is a long trip, they will wait in Abeche until your transport is approaching N'Djamena. Once we hear from you with an update that you are nearing Chad, the missionaries will head down to N'Djamena to collect you.

So, you must keep me updated from your side when you are nearing N'Djamena. Please try to contact me from Ghana when you arrive there so that I can update the missionaries on your progress. I trust that you are both wearing the TWAT robes as required?

How much is the transport fare to Chad costing you from Cote d'Ivoire in total?

Bon Voyage,

Pastor Harry

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 68

~ Wright B Hindyou,

OHMIGOSH I almost had to buy a new keyboard after reading that this morning. It's a good thing I didn't actually have coffee my mouth because I would spewed it all over my desk. Very funny stuff.

Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 9:55 am

Keyboard protection is becoming critical for all TWAT threads here.

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

The TWAT is in Ghana!

Quote:

Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you today? hope fine.
I am very happy for your email to me. As i ealier told you, i went to the STC park in Cote D'ivoire to purchase a ticket to Ghana because if you look critically in the Map of Africa, you will see that Chad is very far away from Cote D'ivoire and you have to pass so many countries before you get there.
So the easiest way if you watch the map is that you have to go through Nigeria since they have comon Boundry with them. So as i was saying, i went there thinking that they would move to Ghana that Sunday but they moved today Monday.
Is quite unfuturnate that i did not arived on the Day we agreed in. I am writting to you from Ghana now because we just arived now and i was made to understand that my jurney to Chad may still take me more two or three days to get to chad and i am very sorry for any inconvienece i probably may have caused you.

I would have taken a flight if i had known all this and if i had enough money to do so, But please dont worry i must make a possible sure that i get to Chad Before or by thursday, and please i will like you to understand this fact and keep me updated as i will do in all means as soon as i see a cafe.

I would be traveling to Nigeria tommorow and from there take off to Chad because i have purchased a ticket for it.

Thanks
Yours In the Vainyard.
Davis

Quote:

Received: from [196.44.103.3]
Accra Ghana

Woo! My first confirmed safari. It's such a pity that Davis had to screw the church around like that, though. Did he really think the missionaries were going to wait in Abeche forever? This changes EVERYTHING (but I won't tell him that until after he arrives, of course!)

Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 10:53 pm

Congrats Kryall !! Good job. So where's your helmet? Smile

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:32 am

Kryall, this is GREAT! Think about how shitty of a trip that must be. Compared to going home all that way empty-handed, Abeche will seem like it's right around the corner. Did they confirm only buying one-way tickets?

Quote:

i am very sorry for any inconvienece i probably may have caused you.

Wow, he really just set himself up there. What a moron.

When you said the missionaries couldn't wait around Abeche forever, did you mean they couldn't wait around N'Djamena forever? 'Cause that's exactly the card I'd be playing. I mean, they are baiting themselves to Abeche.

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

^^^^ Yeah, those were my thoughts exactly, Prof. I try to put myself in the lad's mindset every time I email him back and think about which option would be more appealing to him.

Quote:

When you said the missionaries couldn't wait around Abeche forever, did you mean they couldn't wait around N'Djamena forever?

I meant that the missionaries could not wait around in Abeche for him, as I told the lad that they'd be traveling halfway to Abeche, and once he had emailed us that he was approaching Chad's border, the missionaries would travel further down to N'Djamena to get him. But since the lad SCREWED UP his arrival date, the missionaries can't wait in Abeche until Thursday so they now have to return back to Adre. This means when the lad arrives in N'Djamena at the later date of Thursday, there will be no missionaries available in either N'Djamena or Abeche to collect him since he gave the wrong date. He'll have to wait there for misjudging his arrival date. Of course, if he's willing to meet the missionaries in Abeche, then that would help speed things up!

I'm still not 100% clear whether he's purchased a one-way ticket to Chad or not. Every time I've asked him, the douchebag forgets to answer the question. But he says that he has $600 USD in total and there are two of them traveling. It's simply great that the trip is taking him longer than expected, though, because that means he's probably burning money on unforeseen expenses (food and accommodation) in Ghana and Nigeria. So by the time he reaches Chad, his budget will hopefully be shot.

I have been thinking that making them wait too long in N'Djamena is probably the most risky part of any Chad bait. Because they may still have enough money remaining to go back home at that point. Even if returning empty-handed isn't the most appealing option, they may still do so if they twig or turn into big pussies.

I know that we don't want my lads to reach Abeche with money, and then run into Adamu and help him flee Chad, so I have been thinking of perhaps immediately trying to move my lads onward from N'Djamena in case they still have money. That way, the sense of urgency is increased and the temptation to travel back home is reduced. However, instead of getting him to travel directly Abeche, I'd move him to Kach Kach and have him potter around there for a while. That trip is still a fair distance and should eat up all of his remaining dollars. Then, once he's destitute, I'd give him the push toward Abeche to meet up with Adamu (if Adamu's still alive at that time!)

Do you know if there are any Internet cafes and WU's in Kach Kach? Laughing

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 7:31 am

I wouldn't bother with Khach Khach. For us, it helped trying to move him there, because we were able to pretend we waited for days for them to get there. We also sent a driver to pick them up from there, but eventually we got called back to Abeche by Dover. Khach Khach ended up being more or less a staging point for blaming the lads for taking so long. After we were called back to Abeche, the onus was on them to get there because they missed the driver we sent.

I would go with your gut and send them straight to Abeche. Even if they still have a couple of hundred dollars when they get there, I don't see them giving it to the road-weary stinkbags we have sitting there. I think your guys are going to be totally freaked the hell out, and will want to keep whatever they have on them for personal survival.

I have no clue if there are cafes or WUs in Khach Khach. This was something we all worried about when it came to getting them there. We were most afraid of losing contact with them. We picked that town because of a cellular coverage map we found online, and also because it was basically dead center between the two cities. In the end, a direct push to Abeche was best, and that's what I would recommend.

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

Alright, Abeche AND bust it is then!

The only other concern would be if my lads have some family/friends back in Cote d'Ivoire who are willing to wire them additional funds through WU which they could (but most likely would NOT) give to stinky and co. But I doubt that, since he had a hard enough time scraping together the $600 to get him to Chad in the first place and couldn't even afford extra cash for a plane ticket.

In all likelihood, if my lads reach Abeche then these four idiots will be stredded there together and it will be every mugu for himself!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

Quote:

it will be every mugu for himself!

LOL, Good job on your safari.

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 3:17 pm

Maybe you could play them off against the other guys.
Tell them that the Church only has 250K grants available for the whole of Nigeria / Ghana / Chad (etc) and that only the first Bishop of TWAT will get the money to "invest".

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 3:25 pm

Do you know if your lad has money?

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

^^^^ I'll let the TWAT to answer your question for himself. Keep reading...

The Pastor sent this off to them yesterday:

Quote:

Greetings Brother,

It is wonderful to hear from you once more and I am delighted to have received your timely email update from Ghana. The Lord's will is strong in you, Brother. Know ye that the Holy Spirit guides your path to eternal salvation. Happy is he whose way to enlightenment is illuminated by heavenly favor.

Brother, as you well know, I had already sent the two missionaries down to Abeche to meet with you in N'Djamena, but I previously told them that you would be arriving on Monday at the very latest. The missionaries needed to return to Adre to work at the border on Wednesday so I have told them to turn around and come back to Adre, since you will not arrive in N'Djamena for several more days. As I'm sure you will understand, there is no sense in the missionaries waiting around Abeche for days doing nothing, when they have important work to do here in Adre.

No matter. I will figure something out and send more missionaries down to collect you when you're due to arrive in Chad. Remember, when you reach N'Djamena, you must email me from an Internet cafe and then wait there until the missionaries arrive. Please DO NOT GO ANYWHERE, just wait for my signal until we have collected you.

How much has the transportation fare cost you and your friend? When you arrive in Chad, how much money will you have remaining in your pockets? You mentioned that you had a total budget of $600 USD for this trip. How much money will you have remaining once you arrive in Chad?

Please try to email me from Nigeria with another update, so that I will know exactly when you are moving towards Chad.

Many thanks,

Pastor Harry

This reply came in from the TWATS about an hour ago:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

How are you and your work in Chad.
We want to inform you that we have reached Lagos and about to enter a vehicle to Sokoto northern Part of Nigeria were we can Boud a vehicle to Chad and that may take us 2 more days.

As we are currently in Lagos Now, we are in need of money because our money can nolonger be enough to arrive in Chad but we shall make sure we arrive there.

We will have no single Kobo or balance when we arrive.

give us a Local number of chad to call you.

Thanks

Davis

Quote:

Received: from [80.89.176.35]
Lebanon

Okay, so it's not confirmed as a Lagos IP, but I guess it's one of those satellite-based ones. I have no doubts that the mugus are currently in Nigeria though, due to the delay it took for them to reply.

Jeez, talk about digging themselves into a hole. These idiots have pretty much stredded themselves in Lagos and yet they're still determined to go the extra mile and reach Chad because they think they'll be gettting 200K out of this. I find it so funny to imagine what their current mindset must be like. They must be on such a high right now, believing that so much money awaits them in Chad. I bet they already have big expectations about all the good things that will be coming their way soon. New cars, mobile phones, expensive laptops, not to mention an additional $1,500 USD paid to them per month by the TWAT church for assistance running their own branch. If you thought you were getting all that stuff, wouldn't you go to Chad too? Laughing

But, knowing what's really in store for them is the best part! I guess greed can make a lad go above and beyond the call of duty, which is exactly what I'll be banking on when they're in N'Djamena. The good Pastor will be certain to mail them something inspirational, giving them that final motivational push to reach that pot at the end of the rainbow. Then everything will start going to hell in a handbasket...

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 12:37 pm

I hear that there are many driver's hands who will willingly take them to Abeche for next to nothing.

I would love for those two to be in the same cafe as our lads, without knowing it.

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 12:48 pm

WOOOOW!!!!
Holy heaven, this is beyond everything I could had dreamed even in 1,000 years of scambaiting!!!!
Please update for every step those idiots will give signs of life!!!!
Thanks for your job, you are a genius!
Manfred

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

Naw, I'm merely a copycat. Smile

The real credit for innovating this excellent modality goes to YW, jojobean, Big Worm, and Professor So and So.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 57

Kryall wrote:

Yours In the Vainyard.

What's a vainyard? Laughing

The place where pride goes before the Chad?

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

This was sent off from the Pastor to the lad's last email:

Quote:

Hello Brother,

I must say that I am very impressed with your progress so far. You have performed admirably and everyone at the TWAT church is very pleased with your efforts. Stay strong, Brother. Continue your journey toward Chad and before you know it, we will be face to face with each other. Bear in mind that good things in life are not always within easy reach and God rewards those who struggle to overcome adversity and hardship. With your strong faith, Brother, I am sure that very soon you will be deep inside the TWAT and unable to stop your membership from coming. This is known as the climax and it is often very intense. After this stage you may feel like quickly withdrawing, but it is actually quite acceptable to introduce even more members to the TWAT (sometimes even two or more members at a time) and watch it expand.

Thank you for the update on your finances. I am sorry to hear that you are running low on funds. Listen, because of your commendable effort, I will speak with one of the TWAT accountants back in the United States to see if they will do me a personal favor. I will ask them if they can bend the church rules this one time and provide you with some money when you arrive in Chad to cover your balance while waiting for the missionaries to collect you . You will have to reach Chad first though, since that's the only country the church committee will agree to send it.

So please continue your final push towards Chad. Let me know exactly when you are leaving Sokoto to head for Chad's border. When I hear that you're underway, I will inform the missionaries that you'll be arriving shorty, and I will also contact the church committee in the US to see if they will put $3000 USD through Western Union which you can collect upon your arrival in Chad. It will be waiting for you. So please send me the receiver's name.

Once in Chad, you can call me or the missionaries on the same satellite phone numbers that I sent you previously. Will I be able to call your same mobile phone number in Chad, and is your phone on roaming? Please confirm how I can contact you by phone to stay in contact.

God bless,

Pastor Harry

...to which this reply was received from the mugu:

Quote:

Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you this day? hope fine.
I got your email to me and it was well understood.
i want to inform you that we have arrived Sokoto and heading to Chad's Border now.

I also want to thank you for your efforts so far to help us cover our expenditures.

Please as you requested, these are the sender's Name

Name ; Davis ***** *******

I will like you to ask the missionaries to come fort as soon as they receive our mails of arrival to Chad. because we are currently trying to gey a vehicle that wouls take us to Nigel Rep. then we would get a vehicle also from there to Chad.

Thanks
Davis
The Watchtower Apocalyptic Testament Church

Yes, you read it correctly. The sucky little brown-nosing lad has started appending the TWAT church URL to the end of all his own emails. Haha he freely admits to being a TWAT.

I didn't reply to the above email as I wanted to make sure they were moving first. But before I could write back, this new reply came in the next day. Oh dear, what's this? Unforeseen troubles. Can't we ever have a day in lad land where someone isn't robbed and mugged? It wouldn't be a safari without some complaining and advance fee requests, now would it *Sigh*:

Quote:

Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you again today.
There is a problem, we are having a seriouse problem that my friend and brother in the Lord is currently in the Helth center and in a stage of Comma.

As we ealier told you, we departed to Nigel after writting to you the last mail before this today and getting to the Nigel border, while in the vehicle we saw some boys coming out of a near by bush and shouted for our driver to stop or ealse there would be a problem.

When our driver stopped, they surrendered us and instructed every body to get down from the vehicle, before we could no what was happening they started beating every body messlessly and seriously injured many passengers including my friend as the beating they gave me also. at this point, they were all interested in searching and collecting every bit of money and phones the passengers have including us they also collected our cell phone.

As i am talking to you right now, he is in the Health center and it was the Nigerian Immigration that came to our rescue when they got the informations that had to carry us in their van to the health center for treatment.

Currently, all our efforts were charted when the immigration told us that this is not the right route to Chad and that we have to go back and follow Calabar or at best enter a flight for security reasons.

Please i hereby plead you help save the life of my brother and friend in Christ because as it is now, all hope has finished and we are completely stranded here as we have not even tested anything since morning till now but the Lord is our Strienght.

Please, i would like you to do us this help as a matter of urgency by asking the US to send to us the Money to this Nigeria Sokoto by the below informations;

Name ; Davis ****** *******
Address : Sokoto
Country : Nigeria

Then you are to remind them to scan and forward to us the payment slip and the informations to enable us pick the money,

Or please even if the US did not send the money as a matter of urgency, can you in anyway make sure that this money get to us here because i dont want to loose any body expecially my help and friend in the Lord.

To Save a life is a biggest thing to do before the Site of God.

Please do this as a matter of urgency as i will be waiting to receive the money by tommorow. so that they can coommence the treatment and enable us continue our journey as a matter of urgency.

Thanks
Davis

Quote:

Received: from [196.207.1.82]
Nigeria

He sounds pretty distraught, doesn't he? I'd really love to believe that all of this was all true. But sadly, lads lie. I do believe they are standed and went the wrong way, but I think they threw the beatdown stuff in there for dramatic effect and to try and increase the chances of a pity payout. I do enjoy the fact that they are zig-zagging up and down Nigeria, clocking up all these unnecessary extra miles though!

Well, the Pastor isn't going to entertain these delay tactics. If this TWAT wants his money, then he'll just have to reach Chad to claim it:

Quote:

Greetings Brother Davis,

We have a problem here. You had already told me that you were heading towards Chad's border so I sent the missionaries down again so they could collect you from N'Djamena tomorrow. But now you are telling me that you're not going to be there on time again due to these unfortunate circumstances. Do I have to again call the missionaries back again to Adre? Please tell me what to do before they drive too far. It costs them a lot of money and fuel to get all the way to N'DJamena and the missionaries can't keep driving back and forth like this. You said you would arrive on Monday.

I have already put the Western Union transfer request through yesterday to the TWAT accounts department and I really had to convince them to do this big favor for me. Brother, I have tried and tried very hard to get the committee to change the money to Nigeria, but they refuse because they said they will not send it to that country. They said that the only place they will put it through is Chad so that you can settle transport expenditures at your destination point. I have already bent church protocol to send you this money, and I do not want to keep pushing the committee on this very sensitive matter as they might get angry and cancel your WU transfer altogether. I am very sorry for your situation Brother, but there is very little I can do for you in Nigeria. I can only assist you from Chad, as you know. My hands are completely tied.

You absolutely MUST make it to Chad quickly and then you can collect the WU money. Please find any way you can get here as quickly as possible so that our plans are not broken. The $3000 USD will be waiting for you when you arrive in Chad and it can be collected immediately. I will have the accounts department send you the details as soon as they are available.

I will also pray for your friend and ask that the Lord grant him a swift recovery.

God bless,

Pastor Harry

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:33 am

Congrats on a fantastic safari! Sounds like your lad is in a terrible state. Pity he lost the cell phone.

Great job!

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 11:19 am

By Jove, what if 'tis true and the poor lad dies? Confused

Looks like we are getting really effective...
Anyway, the pastor's letter in response to the money request is absolutely perfect. Laughing

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:08 pm

Wow, Chad is becoming the new Abuja. This is very good, because Chad is much more hash than Abuja. It's very easy to get stredded there too.

This is great Kryall.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

These lads are a bit overly dramatic with their wild stories, but perhaps it is the spirit of TWAT that moves them so...

Great reading K! Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

Lad throws a little hissy-fit:

Quote:

Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

I got your email and it did not please me at all.
I told you that my brother is at a state of comma and you are telling me that the church committe refused to change the country the money would be received in.
At this stage my brother is in a very seriouse pain and the illness is getting more critical.
i wounder the kind of Church that cannot consider things even if the person is dieing.
what kind of committe is this that will stay and watch sombody die only to say that they would not brake a rule.
Is a rule better than Life?
You have to forward this email to them and ask them to send this money to Nigeria because we are currently Stranded and have no money to continue this journey any longer.
You said i should try a way to gey to Chad, how do i do that?

I am very tired and fed up at all this.
If you cannot tell and try to convince them to send this money to us here in Nigeria.
Or better still try to tell the Missionaries as they have already gone to N'jamena to cross to a neighbouring country and send some money to us maybe with the bank account i gave to you the last time or through western union money transfer.

Failure to do this, i do not think i can continue this mvement because i have no other means to do so.

Hear fro; you soonest..

Thanks
Davis

Well, boo-fucking-hoo. Cry me a river. The Pastor returns fire with fire:

Quote:

Greetings Brother Davis,

May I ask, why did you travel to Chad by road? You will recall that I told you from the very beginning to take a flight and that this would be the best way to get here fast and to avoid any delays. I told you quite clearly that we could not send money outside of Chad before you departed from Cote d'Ivoire, and you know this. I asked you to heed my advice about the travel arrangements but you ignored by words and went by road anyway. And now you are asking me to send money when I told you very clearly in the beginning that we are only able to send money within Chad. We are in Chad for humanitarian work. We cannot leave Chad. We are not able to run all over Africa. You will need to reach us as we already discussed, so that we can give you what you are entitled to. You know this. I am not sure what you expect me to do? The missionaries are back in Adre and they are working. They have already traveled over 200km for you and both times you weren't on time. They cannot go to Nigeria, as that would involve even more fuel and time taken away from their work. You will need to arrive in N'DJamena as I have said all along.

I have put the money through Western Union for you. There is $3000 USD and it can be used to reimburse your creditor and also pay your travel expenses. Do not disappoint me when we are this close, Brother Davis. Why come all this way only to give up when everything is so close? You need to remain strong in the Lord and collect the funding. I am doing everything I can to help you, but I do not know what else you expect from me? You may contact the church committee yourself if you want but I expect that they will tell you the same thing. I am not the person in control of the funding and they have already done a big favour by putting an extra $3000 dollars for you.

You will need to get to Chad as planned and then you will have the money for your Brother and also to repay your creditor and your travel expenses. But I cannot do anything when you are still not in Chad. I told you before that is why I needed you to come here. I do not understand why you would travel all this way, only to give up when we are so close. In God's vineyard, we must stand together, but I must stress that you need to get to Chad quickly so that I can help you.

I can ask the church committee again about this, but I believe that they have already given me their final word. As for how you can get here, when you receive the WU receipt you may print it out and show it to the person who transports you to Chad to show them that the money is waiting.

God bless,

Pastor Harry

Pansy lad backs down and learns his place:

Quote:

Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you this day? i got your email to me and i understand every bit of what you said and is like your idea is welcomed and ok by me.

I will like you to send the details to me so that i can see if i will use it to borrow any amount from any body because people here do not belive me at all the story i tell and they needed prove that i will pay back the money.

So i will like you to tell the Us to forward the details to me here so that i can be able to reach you.

I am currently fedup but i know my redeemer liveth, even the time i use to write to you in a cafe now is provided to me by one able.

Please i await your prompt response as a matter of urgency because time is runing out.

Thanks
Davis

Man, he hasn't even arrived in Chad yet and already there are premonitions of another Driver's hand menacing the remainder of the poor lad's trip. Laughing

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:35 pm

Does he know that he is going to Abeche, or just Ndjamena?

Master Baiter Joined: 22 Dec 2005 Posts: 211

^^^^So far he thinks he's just going to N'Djamena. But since he's screwed the missionaries around not once, but TWICE now, they'll insist that they're not driving all that way down there for him a third time. They'll insist that the lad will have to meet them halfway in Abeche.

And of course, the TWAT church will have troubles transferring the money to the N'Djamena WU branch, so it'll have to be transferred to the Abeche one instead.

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