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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:20 pm

I've been running an excess contract payment bait on Mr. Will1ams B0sman for just about a month now, and recently decided to kill off my ex-wife to buy more time before needing to address paying the bank's fees. My message to him:

Quote:

Mr. Bosm@n;

Please accept my sincere apologies, my friend. I had barely gotten to bed on my return Tuesday when the phone rang. It was my lawyer, informing me that my ex-wife had died in a hang-gliding accident while vacationing in Miami. Thus I had to go right back to the airport, fly to Miami and identify the body (the slut had her boobs done on my alimony money!), arrange for transportation of the body back to her home of Dripping Snatch, Louisiana and set up the funeral, which is Saturday. Right now I'm sitting in some fleabitten motel using a bloody dial-up modem to try and answer the rediculous amount of email I have. They can't get the whore in the ground fast emough for me, after which I'll drive to New Orleans and fly back to Philadelphia Saturday night. So that is what is happening here.

Regarding our business, I finally got a look at the attachment Tony Soprano sent me, and I could not read it either. I am assuming from your messages the quality was as bad as what you received, as you also said you couldn't read it . I left him several messages, telling him I needed the information on the receipt quite urgently, only to find out from his wife Wednesday night he had to go to Las Vegas on important family business. He's supposed to be back this weekend, but at this point he is not answering his cellular phone, so I'm not sure what's going on.

Finally, I have received several messages from various personages at Barclay's other than yourself. While most were professional and expressed concern about time (despite the fact I have done everything possible to keep you current on my activities), one from a Rosewater Wilson was abrupt and rude, and rather irritated me. I don't appreciate being addressed by my surname, nor the tone of her message. I hope you will notify her superior (or are in fact her chief) and will discipline her appropriately. While I certainly can understand the perspective of the bank, I have a life to live. I have done everything I could to keep you posted on when I could do things, and you were well aware that I would require some adjustments concerning time due to the blizzards in Canada, and now this death in the family. I must say that I am a bit upset by this, as I am sure that any of you, being God-fearing men and women, would instantly put your family before money, no matter how great the sum. There. Now I have said my piece.

In closing, I will continue to try to reach Tony and get the information from the Western Union receipt. You can try to call me on my private mobile phone at 206-XXX-0428 (please do NOT give this number to anyone else!), but I don't seem to be able to get it to work in this purgatory. As soon as I know more I will be in touch.

Regards,
R0land
--
R0land D. H@ye
Ink & P@int Cre2tions

I guess in hindsight, I shouldn't hve mentioned God, because he promptly whipped out his Bible and began beating it with a vengeance. Had he sent his response in Swahili it might have made more sense....my snarky comments are in blue.

Quote:

I AM VERY VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU TOLD ME CONSIGNING YOU EX-WIFE THAT DIED (Dang, why didn't I think of selling her body to recoup the alimony?)
Mr. Williams Bosman to me

INTERNATIONAL REMITANCE DEPARTMENT
BARCLAYS BANK PLC,
MEDIA BANKING1CHURCHILL,
PLACE LONDON E14, 5HP ,
LONDON UK,

ATTENTION

I AM VERY VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU TOLD ME CONSIGNING YOU EX-WIFE THAT DIED ,MAY HIS SOUL (his soul!?! Shocked

I never knew, honest!) REST IN PREFECT PEACE .I WILL ADVISE YOU ASK A GOOD BROTHER THAT YOU HAVE TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT THAT THE ALMIGHTY GOD WILL TAKE EVERY CONTROL (God is my copilot...) JUST BELIVE THAT THE ALMIGHTY GOD IS WITH YOU . (Oh, I do. His name is Cyr1c, and he is my mentor Very Happy

I WILL CALL YOU TODAY BECAUSE I AM NOT HAPPY FOR WHAT YOU TOLD ME CONSIGNING YOUR EX- WIFE BECAUSE IF I REMEMBER IT I WILL REMEMBER MY WIFE THAT DIED SINCE 5 YEARS AGO BUT MY PRAYER ASK A CHILD OF GOD IS TO CONTINOUS TO GUIDE THEM ANY WERE THEY ARE . (Ummm, oookkkaaayyy...I think. WWJD?)
MR. WILL1AMS F. BOSM@N
HEAD INTL REM!TTANCE DEPARTMENT
BARCLAYS BANK PLC, LONDON UK.

Maybe now I should tell him I'm Jewish just to mess with him a bit more? Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:04 am

Quote:

JUST BELIVE THAT THE ALMIGHTY GOD IS WITH YOU . (Oh, I do. His name is Cyr1c, and he is my mentor Very Happy

Flattery will not make you pass your next exam about safe baiting. But it sure helps. Something actually meaninful to follow in PM Wink

.

Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 5:43 pm

Hehe - nice work there.

Oh - and I still have the answer key from Cyric's safe-baiting exam. I'll PM it to you for three MTCNs Smile

Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:32 am

@C - Thanks much, got the PM. BTW, exam? What exam? I thought this was all open book!

@RF - Sorry, I don't like electronic transfers, it interferes with the aliens communicating with the fillings in my teeth. How about I send a nice big cheque, and you take your share and send the rest back to me with the key? 100% risky free, of course! Twisted Evil

And thanks for the kind words.

Eddie