Another GOAT

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:37 pm

sweet. he still has animals...

i would like to play, but unlike some of you, i will only ask the pastor for a cow...

but, the cow must meet certain criteria (not originally explained in the opening message i send)..

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:44 pm

^^^^Is it a Holy Cow, given that he is a Pastor and all? If he hasn't got a holy one then maybe he might have a Sacred Cow instead?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 61

Quote:

Holy Cow

can I use that?

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:29 pm

I'll order the holy mackerels (for my private pond)

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 9:25 pm

My latest order just sent, but I ain't holding my breath.

Quote:

Dear Pastor

I have a couple of wealthy brothers as clients who are immensely rich
and stupid to boot and they are very keen to get their hands on a couple
(2) of Mad Ferrets for their new Oasis concept album entitled 'Don't
Look Back In Anger'. Do you have any in stock? If so can you please
invoice me as follows:

Mr Liam Gallagher
Patsy Kensit Boulevard
Supernova Heights
Champagne Towers
Burden
Manchester
Lancashire(Near Yorkshire)
England
MN99 76TH

They will pay top dollar especially for ones in top tip condition. Up to
$3,000 for both.

Yours.

xxxx[CEO]

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 6:54 am

^^ Lancashire (Near Yorkshire) lol! I think you might just have restarted the Wars of the Roses.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 25

@Sunshine
Plasta Balls just sent me the same health certificates , could you tell me please if you supplied the idea of Feline Influenza and Leukemia or was it some madness he came up with?
I assume we will all get a copy of these documents. Could be fun if we came up with some other really crazy vaccination and we all asked him for proof of this vaccination to give it credibility.
I can't wait to see the box he made for my Receding Hairline Eagle , which must be transported with it's wings extended to prevent creasing. The boxes I normally use look very much like a wooden airplane.

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 12:53 pm

if anyone needs a cow, it appears the good pastor has 3000 of them.

Dear Pastor Bollocks

i am curious if you might have a cow you would like to sell? I would need the cow immunized, crated and shipped to any port in Canada.

Thank you

Jack Smehoffik

Dear J s,
We have 3000 cows and are ready to be given out anyone anywhere, therefore
make your order now, can you come down for them?
Thanks,
Pastor Ballas.

Dear Pastor Balls

3000 cows? that's alot of flatus. thank you for your offer but i only need 1 cow. I have contact with a company who can ship the cow to any location in the world. a few questions about your cow.

does your cow have current immunization records? will the cow be pregnant at the time of sale? do cows have sharp talons? if not can the cow's talons be sharpened? does the cow have a tail? if yes, how long is the tail? does the cow have horns? i do not wish to own a horny cow!! has your cow ever flown?

please reply as soon as possible

Jack

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:27 pm

I asked:

Quote:

Sir,

Please give me the price on your holy mackerel, I need 2 dozen of these, so I want a small discount obviously.
They're needed for my private pond.

Thanks in advance,

.

His reply:

Quote:

Dear Aart,
Sorry we don't have mackerels but tilapia and one is only $19.
Pls make an order now, thanks.
Pastor Ballas.

Have to find out if these are holy tilapia before I order some.

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:31 pm

@MG - I think you forgot to ask if the cow had been baptized. Of course you will need photographic evidence of the pastor in the river, pond, cesspool etc. baptizing the cow before you can send payment.

@DB - No Holy Mackerel? That's a shame. Do you think the pastor has Batmen or Robins? How about a Holy Moly?

Meanwhile, P@stor B@ll@s to me:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

The invoice has been edited.

We confirm to you that we are sending pink p#ssies.

You can send the money to enable us commence the shipping process, we advice you splint the money in two part and send via Western Union Money Transfer with the names below.

Receiver Kw@ku @mpons@h {I believe I will undertake the mistaken name modality with this one after I delay some more about why the payment isn't going to the good pastor}Second receiver: S@ngar� Soul3yman3
Address: 03 BP 1037 COTONOU
Destination Benin Republic.

Endeavour to scan the transfer form.

Thanks

P@stor B@ll@s.

Edit: Added latest email to one of my chars
Second Edit: fixed comment to DB

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:37 pm

<br>I got my invoice for the two mad ferrets for the Brothers Gallagher...

I also got the standard vaccination certificate which I won't post.

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:50 pm

^^ It's got 'FAKE' written all over it Laughing

Besides that: good looking invoice. Hope he sends me a nice one for my new order of killer ducklings.

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 3:07 pm

Dear J S,

They are 3000 cows, so just indicate which you want so it will enable us prepare
for shipment, (hornless, sharped talons, 0.7 to 1.4 metres tail available in black, black & white,
white and brown colours) thanks.

does he think i'm stupid? i know cows don't have 1.4 meter tails Smile

Yousa_Sakashite wrote:

@MG - I think you forgot to ask if the cow had been baptized.

that's just evil, i like it..

"Dearest Pastor ballsak

the cow you are selling me, is it a religious cow? if so, what religion? i hope it is a Rastafarian. Has the cow been baptised for it's beliefs or branded in any way? does the cow have dreadlocks? does the cow enjoy reggae music? do you think the cow would be interested in a spliff?"

jump_4_joy

i truly think i have issues..

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 6:38 pm

Oh Noes! Disaster strikes the Living Proof Wildlife Centre

Quote:

Dear Anthony

We are having serious issued in our hand, who is signatory to the account in Financial bank had a very fatal auto accident a about 3.30pm this afternoon on his way to get some animals. The accident led to spinal cord injury and he will be unable to work for at least eight months according to his Doctor.

We request you to re-direct the wire the account details below.

We are very sorry for the inconveniences that might have occurred, we therefore want you to do as directed in order to see smooth shipment of the animals.

Thanks for your understanding.

Best regards

Truly they are strong with the Lord that they can have a fatal accident and be back at work within the year. Either that or they employ zombies Smile

(Bank a/c details passed to Alan)

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 6:42 pm

@Mucs Remmacs

Yes it was me. I'm doing this as a fairly straight bait and asked him for "Feline Infectious Leukaemia" and it came back garbled as only Pastor Ballsup can do!

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 7:09 pm

Quote:

a very fatal auto accident a about 3.30pm this afternoon on his way to get some animals. The accident led to spinal cord injury and he will be unable to work for at least eight months

@sunshine: I understand your confusion. You missed that it was only a very fatal accident. Now if it had been completely fatal, that's a different story and we'd be talking zombie signatories.

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 107

I contacted the lad today and ordered some "questionable bugs": an0phth4lmus h1tl3r1. He even googled them and came up with a picture of one, stating he'd sell me one, and only one, at a bargain price of $3400. He ignored all following requests for other bugs and sent me the vaccination certificate (vaccination agains leukemia...) and invoice. I replied with the CITES-form... .

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 9:18 pm

Oh,my-the first account is no longer good?And I just put several thousand dollars there.Take a while to get it back I'm certain.
I wonder if he has a killer rabbit?

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:16 pm

doc holliday wrote:

Oh,my-the first account is no longer good?And I just put several thousand dollars there.Take a while to get it back I'm certain.
I wonder if he has a killer rabbit?

I applied for killer ducklings this afternoon for my pond. Together whith some holy phucks (since the hole mackerel wasn't available)

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:12 am

Quote:

Dear Dana
You said you sent the money ok
where's the information of Western Union?
Don't play game with me I'm a pastor please.
Tkanks,
Pastor Ballas

oh, have I been playing games with a pastor?
shame on me! Laughing

EDIT: oops! I think I put in the wrong name. I hope he doesn't notice.

Quote:

Dear Pastor Balls,

What are you talking about, playing games? I am certainly not.
I sent it to to Kwacky Ampoobah, just like you asked me to.
Regards,
Dana

Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 9:40 am

Quote:

Howdy, Pastor,

I am sorry about you not selling Holy Mackerel, because I do own a Christian pond.
Can you please look again, otherwise Holy Phucks would be an option.

Furthermore I would be interested in killer ducklings, if you have those.

Thanks in advance.

Quote:

Dear Aart,

My tilapias are not holy, I have ducks, guinea fowls, a holy dove etc. if intersted, thanks.

.

Edited: posting in wrong topic Embarassed

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:57 am

I sure hope he likes this name better. (the bunnyrabbit modality) Laughing

Quote:

Pastor Ballas to me

If you have sent money on the given name where is the transfer information? the ten digit number MTCN text question and answe, sender name and amount sent?

Here is the name below if you have made any miskate.

Mr. Kwaku Amponsah
Cotonou. Rep. Of Benin. W. Africa.
+229 93 92 38 94

Pastor Ballas
----
Dana Scully to Pastor

Dear Pastor Ballas,

I have no idea what a ten digit number MTCN text question and answer
is. Is it very important? I sent the money, I told you. You should
know my name is Dana Scully by now. Are you sure you are a pastor?
Pastors are usually smarter than this. And for God's sakes, i already
told you I sent it to Wacky Grand Poobah.

Regards,
Dana

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 107

He sent me the completed CITES-form about an hour ago but I'm afraid he left out pages 3,4 and 5 which is of course unacceptable...

Images:
http://img20.imageshack.us/my.php?image=uneprt4.jpg
http://img353.imageshack.us/my.php?image=unep1kn6.jpg
http://img170.imageshack.us/my.php?image=unep2qx3.jpg

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:16 pm

Pastor Ballas admits to me that he is not smart. Nooo! Who would have known? Laughing

Quote:

Pastor Ballas to me

Dear Dana
Send me the transfer coupon to verify it, thanks.

Just send the money to this name/address that I don't know
your Wacky Grand Poobah, maybe, I'm not smart. Thanks.

Mr. Kwaku Amponsah
Cotonou. Rep. Of Benin. W. Africa.
+229 93 92 38 94

Pastor Ballas

EDIT: My response:

Quote:

Dana Scully to Pastor

Dear Pastor Ballas,
Ok, then. I will send the transfer coupon to you. I'm going to the
post office later, and I'll drop it in the mail to you. I'm sorry
that you aren't that smart, but at least you get back to me right
away, and that's something to be proud of. Most people I've dealt
with will ignore you, unless you scream at them. You are a very
polite, and nice Pastor. Not too bright, but everbody wasn't in the
room when God gave out brains. You were probably in the bathroom at
the time.
Be looking in the mail for it, and when will my crocodiles and doves be shipped?
Do you have any idea? Thanks,
Dana

Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 6:52 pm

Quote:

Just send your address to me for us to proceed to the shipment
and stop that your language.

I am a pastor not a MONKEY.

Thanks,
Pastor Ballas