Another GOAT

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Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 11:04 am

Well I think I scared him off with the CITES forms so I'm rebaiting him. I wonder if he's read any Coleridge?

Quote:

Dear P45tor B4lla5,

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Tony Harrison and I am the consulting project manager on the Alph River Pleasuredome project, we are creating a ten square mile recreational facility in Xanadu province, Mongolia for the local ruler Mr Kubla Khan.

Construction is now almost complete and we are looking for a supplier of wild animals for the safari park section of the pleasure dome. If you are able to help me with supplying any large cats (lions, tiger, cheetah,leopard, etc) can you contact me as soon as possible.

Many thanks

4nth0ny J H4rris0n
Project Manager
GD Consulting Limited

Not quite a Newb Joined: 10 Mar 2008 Posts: 34

Well i've just sent him my 8th form.

An awesome one by marvinator (i think i should add)

And he still sounds interested!

I'm really starting to enjoy this now!

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 12:07 pm

<br>He ain't playing ball again. Just received...

Quote:

Dear XXXXX,
I was badly hooked up to these Easter festivites these days,
so please if there's any seriousness about your order just send
the moneys to go for the ones in Rep. of Togo to convey
them to our place.
Sorry, I can't forward you invoice anymore,
we don't have time and money to spend further.
Thanks.
Pastor Ballas.

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:38 pm

Pastor B is feeling grumpy:

Quote:

Just look somewhere.

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:32 pm

I think he's given up on that modality. I'll ASEM him later to feed him more modalities.

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 9:58 pm

HaHAHAHA!
I just found this today, somehow I missed it Sad

. Toooo funny! I love the Trouser Snakes and the billing addresses.

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:11 pm

Quote:

Seems you are not serious for the offer which you
had been hopping to and fro not knowing what
actually in need of.
Pls. act prudently that I'm badly engaged in these
Easter festivities, Thanks.
P4stor B4llas.

To which I replied

Quote:

Past0r Ba11as,it you who are not serious.You have not yet told me how
much for the animals you have.You have not yet provided me with details
on the camel.How am I to pay,or decide what I am doing without knowing
these details?Yes,I may be interested in more animals.When one collects
things,it is never easy to remember what he needs for his collection
when a good source suddenly appears.Please get serious and send the
basic information I request

How dare he accuse me of not being serious!

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:46 am

dr stephen williams wrote:

HaHAHAHA! I just found this today, somehow I missed it Sad

.

Get stuck in! This lad is getting increasingly frustrated and he needs a fresh face to cheer him up.

I haven't heard from him yet today, but with Christmas fast approaching I'm desperate to get my hands on one partridge (for my newly planted pear tree) and two turtle doves.

I get the general impression that this lad is a lazy (aren't they all) novice and a bit out of his depth.

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:19 pm

After struggling to get in on this one, P@st0R B@ll@s decided to play ball with 2 of my baiting characters. Here is the exchange with one:

Quote:

Dear Puss3y,
Truly, I was entangled to the Easter festivities, thus the muteness
to your message.
Exactly is what you got on mail,
we have a lot of them if interested. Monkeys, Dogs,Rabits,and cats of all species, birds like parrots ,doves and eagles, antelopes, crocs, snakes, unicorns, camels, ostritch,chimps etc.
Make a choice to support word of God.
Thanks,
P@stor B@ll@s.

Quote:

P@stor B@ll@s,

I am glad you have untangled yourself from the festivities and are no longer mute.

Please provide me with a quote for 3 Amur Leopards, 3 Unicorns, 3 African Pocket Pythons, and a Partridge in a pear tree.

Please include in your invoice the cost for shipping these animals to Houston, TX.

As soon as I have received this invoice, I will make payment in full.

God's blessings upon you this day,

W1llburn Puss3y

I hope he can find the Partridge for me.

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 4:15 pm

I asked him to send an offer without engagement for the full population of a standard zoo after the terrible burn down last year.

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 4:43 pm

<br>Just in today. He's now very terse and also trying to play the religious holier than thou card.

Quote:

....be faithful, truthful and obedient to a Pastor.

followed two minutes later by...

Quote:

It is in your court, act wisely.

Part of my reply...

Quote:

There is only one thing that I have to be faithful, truthful and obedient to and that is my Lord God above. Pastors are mere mortals, with weaknesses and failings like the rest of us, so don't get all high and might (sic) with me okey. I'm simply trying to do business with you here, but you don't seem very helpful as a so called Christian Pastor.
Remember, it was you that approached me to help you.

I wait to receive the two outstanding invoices and may god shine on you
and your precious flockers over there

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 6:18 pm

I think because all you horrible people have not been paying for your animals he's still got some exotic ones left...

Quote:

Dear 4nth0ny,

Luckily, we are having big cats like panthers, leopards, lions
jaguars, cheetahs, tigers etc.
Make a date immediately, thanks.
Pastor B4ll45.

Make a date... well I guess so. Would it be OK to take a tiger out for dinner and a movie?

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 7:11 pm

sunshine wrote:

Make a date... well I guess so. Would it be OK to take a tiger out for dinner and a movie?

Make sure you have sex with it first. Tigers tend to be very picky about that.

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 7:24 pm

I didn't want those lions because I am supposed to be eaten by one of 'em soon... Laughing

Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 7:34 pm

That's lions .. not tigers ... Lions are more into food fetish things ..

Not quite a Newb Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 25

Pasta Balls ( I change his name every time I reply to him) included his CC list with his original message , it was all addresses starting with M . If you have a name that doesn't start with M please check your original mail for a CC list and pass it onto a Mod if you find one.

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:37 am

<br>I got my invoice for the special Daili Llama yesterday. My Chinese customer will be one velly happy chappy. Didn't realise I'd got it until I re-read my emails from the good Pastor Ballsack this morning....

Quote:

MAILING ADDRESS. 03 BP 1037 COTONOU.
Tel. +229 93 92 38 94. Republic of Benin.
25th March,2008
P/I.No.A/0019-08

PROFORMA INVOICE

Quantity Description Unit Price Amount
1 Daili Liama $4,900 $4,900

All includes feeding, vaccination, shipment and miscellaneous
Charges.

TOTAL. 1 Animal $4,900

PAYMENT: By Western Union to Kwaku Amponsah prior to shpt.
ATTENTION. CANDY STRAP0N
CEO - HENS0N & BEDGES ANIMAL LABORATORY INC.
419 FUDGEPACKERS LANE
LOWER EXTREMITIES
RIMMING
MUCH BINDING IN THE MARSH
LONDON
W99 49XX
ENGLAND .
Pls sign and send this P/I duly signed, as final confirmation of this order.

Accepted by: Truly yours,
Candy STRAP0N Pastor BALLA5 Walas

---------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------
Mr. Adjovi Abel Edward Lin, Export Manager

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:03 pm

He responded to my reverand character.

Quote:

Dear Pastor B4774s,

A good friend of mine recommended you as a good supplier for those with animal sanctuaries.
My name is Rev. xxx and my town is currently developing an animal sanctuary.
We have a �50,000 budget and are looking for flightless birds that are docile.
The main one we're after is a Peacock but I am open to your suggestions.

Yours in Christ,
Rev. xxx.

His reply:

Quote:

Dear Pastor,

Your message's well timed that we have in our sanctuary
birds ostritchs,owls, doves, peacocks, dodos,pigeons, turkeys,
ducks etc.
Make a date, thank you in the God almighty.
Pastor B4774s.

I like how he suggested dodos..

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 61

if he is looking for funding for his animal sanctuary, this place is just giving out money:
http://hookairsink.webs.com

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:27 pm

I guess P@stor B@ll@s found my partridge in a pear tree:

Quote:

Dear Puss3y,

Please, let's have your full address to complete the invoice, thanks.

Sure thing, one fake address coming right up.

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:44 pm

<br>He is one lazy and pissed mugu...I've got up to 15 'REs' in the subject heading because he can't be bothered to edit when he posts. Laughing

[Neither can I]

This lad is really starting to annoy me now.

Quote:

...t's unfortunate that you are been acting in such way...

My reply...

Quote:

Attn ; Pastor Ballsack

Listen up...I must admit that as a men of the clothe I find your
attitude porpoise and arrogant to say the least. Why is that? Do you
think you are above our Lord Jesus Christ? You are supposed to be
helping people not making mole hills out of mountains.

Don't you read my previous emails properly? I told you that my
accountant has sent a check for $75,000 to your headquarters by post and
you should get it by Monday, if you are lucky. What is the problem? I
just need an invoice for our outstanding order so we can settle our
business so far.

If you are serious in this business, pull your lazy finger out of your
arse and get back to me quick because your laziness is not very
conductive to doing good business, okey. I have the money here for the
balance of my order but without the invoice we cannot pay it.

Have a great day!

C Strap0n
[CEO]

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:38 pm

He only replied to 5 of my 23 questions about the eagle I'm buying. Very lazy.

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:48 pm

Well the good reverend finally got back to me,seems he had a busy easter,

Quote:

The easter festivities have taken all my time these days
and even don't much time eat, by the way here's the cost.
Each Camel is $4,800 and the chimp is $ 1,970 with shipping.
Send by Western Union Money Transfer to our Mission's
secretary Mr. Kw4ku 4mponsah (Evangelist) with all the informations
to Cotonou, Republic of Benin.
Thanks,
Past0r Ba11as.

@T0mmo-Ithink you are being overcharged for the llama,my much larger camel is $100 cheaper.You would think with an order as large as yours,some discount could be provided.Well,now I must get an invoice from him,to ship them to my ranch in Butte,Mont-he certainly must know what an invoice is by now.Might be a problem with the Western Union though,the nearest one is over 100 miles away.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 61

Is there a character out there who I could use as a reference? I my company would like to invest in his animal sanctuary.

Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 9:56 am

The good Reverand could refer you to him.
Anyways, small update for me:

Quote:

Dear Pastor,

Thank you so much for your reply, I was getting worried that you wouldn't get back to me.
How was your easter? I hope you had a great one, here on Craggy Isle we put an emphasis on the resurrection of Jesus to try and cast away the sheer materialisticness that this holiday has recently manifested.
Back to the matter at hand, I'm not sure if Ostriches would be applicable as they're not usually docile however if you can convince me they're tamed I would like to buy some. Also owls, doves and pigeons are out of the question due to their ability to fly, I am however interested in ducks as we are building a perfect habitat inwhich I see no reason for them to leave.
Could you give me more information about dodo birds? I have never heard of them before.

To re-itterate, here are the birds I'm mainly interested in:
Peacock
Ducks

Thank you for your time.

Yours in Christ

Reply:

Quote:

Dear Pastor,

Thanks for your prompt reaction too, I would like you to take
1 ostritch which is well tamed and dodo is ducklike bird which
can't fly and is harmless like duck.
We have taken in stock 14 peacocks, which we can only offer
8 of them due to a serious demand.
Thanks.

Quote:

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for your email, I know you have a short supply of Peacocks, but if I was to make a donation to your church would you be able to supply me with all 14?
Also, how many dodos and ducks do you have?

Regards.
(P.S. Please call me Robert, I'm just a Reverand not a Pastor.)

Bribery..

*edit*
He bit my ASEM.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for doing the stock check for me, I would like to confirm my order at the agreed price of $17,500.

20x Fonz-AYY sander
20x Ant & Dec orbital drill with detachable grease nipples
5x AN-AL rear one way passage lubricant
2x 69 positional slit and shaft (inc. tongue and mouth add-ons)

Please let me know how to send you the payment.

Yours Sincerely,

Bob Dole.
Zhang Construction LTD,
123 Fake Street,
Ovathar,
Soryimenthere.

Quote:

dear Bob,
Send by Western Union to Mr. Kwaku Amponsah of
Cotonou, Republic of Benin with all the informations.

Greedy sod, nice to know he'll have a go at anything that looks profitable though.