Goofy stuff that YOU wrote

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Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Yastreb wrote:

I wasn't joking. I really want you to kill yourself. But don't shoot yourself in the head, you'll miss your brains every time. Just shove the gun up your ass and pull the trigger. You'll hit your brains dead-on AND die smiling. Ain't that a nice thought?

May i use that one if the occasion merits it???
Laughing

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:14 pm

J3rry's got competition !

Quote:

Alf needs his nipple cream applying at noon so I'd better wash up and hide my lingerie, the old goat likes to perv at my smalls.

Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:23 am

My poor dead friend Mrs Fl0r3nce W1ls0n, widow of a cocoa merchant, died before she could see the $5million in my account. Crying or Very sad

But the process must continue...

The Lad lawyer received some questions about the source of the money - the cocoa business, it turned out to be.

So the Lad gets this:

Quote:

There's a problem. I don't think that I can accept Mrs Wilson's money now. It's tainted. Have a look at this article and you'll understand.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labor_exploitation_in_the_chocolate_industry

Giving this money to charity would be as bad as handing over money made from drugs. I can't take poor Mrs Wilson's money if it turns out to have come from the sweat and blood of child slaves.

Master Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2005 Posts: 129

Quote:

Pursuant to this email I will also duly note that your suspicious refusal to accept what is an international standard means of wire transferring, that is, bank-to-bank has further broadened the gap of mistrust that your veiled and prolifically scandalous actions have already beguiled us to.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 55

Quote:

I am a fish

I'm having a random day Laughing

. Thought I'd test whether the lads actually bothered reading the first reply to their mass emails Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 428

Quote:

One of the interns just blew up the telephone exchange box. I'll have to wait until I can get to a phone.

Stupid intern... Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:59 pm

^^^

Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:15 pm

hacker9 wrote:

Quote:

One of the interns just blew up the telephone exchange box. I'll have to wait until I can get to a phone.

Stupid intern... Laughing

That's what happens when you get an intern that used to work for Mythbusters.

419Eater is my life Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 428

No, actually he's from the local community college. We take on their interns in exchange for any scientific breakthroughs they make.

Oh, and did I mention we specialize in toxic and explosive chemicals?

Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 11:11 am

One Lad asked for:

Quote:

Need to hear from you. L4wr3nc3 just asked skilfully How is My Friend Reyn0ld. Please say a word to him because he will ask again and i will show him your email.

Now this Lawrence is the four-year-old who's passed his exams (I joke not). So I replied:

Quote:

[A]re you there? Just a few words from Uncle Ma1c01m - tell the school bully that if he harms you in any way, there's a US Marine who'll bust a cap in his sorry ass.

Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:13 am

In an attempt to turn around the bait in my favor I asked my lad, :

Quote:

Dear ,

please excuse me, but I would like to ask you a personal question. Is there a ?

Trophy Videos · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:29 pm

To irritate a lotto lad in GomerPyle's Lotto Lad Mass-Caper Bait, and to promote misinformation about the legend, Mr Gomer,

Quote:

The true head of
all European based lotteries is a man called Mr. Gomer. He is the bonified and sanctified
verifier of all these lotteries, and is a man to be trusted impecably. Mr. Gomer has a spotless
record of performance and is highly regarded by all the trustees of said lotteries. You should
only deal with Mr. Gomer, Miss Scully, and you can't possibly go wrong.

Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:44 pm

A guy from the UN had some interesting things to say (see the Goofy Lad stuff thread) and I commented:

Quote:

Also - you work for the UN - hell, you should be used to insults by now. A whole lot of Americans think you serve the Antichrist.

Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:01 pm

A Ladette finally came through with the pix - not bad ones I suppose - but was I fully satisfied?

Quote:

do me a favour - do you have a pic that showcases your ass? I'd love a sneak preview.

Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:24 pm

Quote:

Please forgive my absence but I was involved in a horrible parachuting accident on my trip in New Zealand. It left me hospitalized for over a week and my treatment is still continuing at home. You see after I deployed my parachute, I entered into a cloud of thick fog and I lost my bearings completely. I thought I would come out of the cloud above the designated landing field, but there was also a strong wind and I emerged above a densely populated city. I desperately tried to redirect my flight but the winds were just too powerful. I ended up landing anus first on a church spire, thankfully my strong rectum muscles coupled with the parachutes effect stopped the spire from protruding any further into my body. All those years of working my rectum muscles in the gym paid off! The fire service got me down after a few hours but it was a very unpleasant experiance. I'm going to be fine although I must still put gel inserts and cream inside my anus daily.

Thats probably one of the funniest things I've ever written.

Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 11:20 am

From a 'sick, lung cancer, need money for surgery' bait the lad tells me:

Quote:

She need a surgery so that the affected lungs will be completely removed said by the doctor and he said that it is going to cost $15,000

So I offered my assistance:

Quote:

I know of 2 medical specialists in our community. One of them is a lung specialist in the Sugma Dig Memorial hospital here in Luxembourg. I have talked to him, he is willing to fly over to your country and perform the extraction of both lungs of your mother

... that should put her back on her feet before she knows it ...

Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:53 am

From my loan shark: I asked him to send some leaflets on his various loan products:

Quote:

We give out home loans
Auto Loans
Car loans
Mortgage loans
Business Loans
International Loans
Personal Loans

So I asked him:

Quote:

Sir,

Would it be possible to get a different kind of loan?
I already have all these.

Thanks,

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:06 pm

My Lad wrote:

Quote:

You have to get to the bridge first then you can think of on how to cross the bridge

So I had to ask:

Quote:

Are you a Scientologist?

Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:39 pm

The 'Angels' are angles of the night who help Father X4via M4ss wax his candles occassionally. Shocked

Latin - "shit happens"

Father Cr0wley, I am sure needs no introduction

FyreWyrm wrote:

My dearest sister Victoria,

Stercus accidit and may the heavens rain on all your parades.

Oh dear! I am so embarrassed and upset. I have just received the email from your contact Dr Johans and I have been two minds whether to speak to them directly on your behalf, or to throw myself upon your ever sweet and tender mercy.

I cannot engage in any business transactions with non-members of the church. It is my job to distrubute funds to our various missions around the world. I am so very sorry and it pains me to let a sister in distress go into the dark alone, but I must be clear on this fact. If anyone found out, I might be excommunicated! The only thing I can do at this point is put you in touch with my good friend Father Alistair Crowley who is in charge of memberships.

I am so unhappy. I will be busy tonight with the Angels who will be able to console me I am sure for I am utterly heartbroken.

If you would like to speak to Father Crowley, I would be more than willing to make the introductions.

Essentially, the whole bait is along these lines...

Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:36 am

My lad wants an update and asks how the family is doing...

Quote:

Yes, everything is fine. Thank you.
We've been in the mountains over the weekend and I shot a bear which we then had for BBQ.
After that we made sweet love all night long after which she was quite a bit exhausted and even had a little trouble walking.
I also had big trouble walking, but that probably was because of the two bottles of Johnny Walker that I had that night. Yeah, keep walking my ass...

Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:56 am

Malcolm Reynolds took time off from discussing business matters to reminisce about - well, better things:

Quote:

I don't have too many pics I could send... certainly not from my time in the Corps; those snaps ain't scanned in. I do have one taken in Sydney last year... there were these twins from New York, Justine and Candace, and they took my survival class - well, after that they were going to Sydney, and invited me along. Well, I'm smiling, with reason; that was a week that things were going on that most men only dream about; and I guess I should be ashamed of myself.

Later, the Lad(ette) wrote:

Quote:

Oh! dear, I saw your beautiful photo.
You are such a lively person and a handsome young man still full of tomorrow.

I replied:

Quote:

BTW - "young man"? I'm 40! Mind you, if the old line about "You're only as young as the women you feel" is true, maybe you're right...

Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:28 am

I have started to write to my Lad in Romance Vladettish, which is created by running my mail through an English->Russian translator and back again. It's quite poetic sometimes. And it confuses the Lad.

Quote:

It is a pity, what you start to release jokes about this business and to tell, what you require money independently, why??? But I shall not be annoyed on you, only, that you should grow up a little, I think!!!!!

Quote:

I am authorized to pay the sum 15 000 $ to the person to whom trust which can help with formal delivery of Mister the Gomere to my country where it will appear before a death penalty for a sea piracy.

Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:43 am

Quote:

God is great - abide by him, and remember that glistening too closely is of the underbelly of the adder at large.

If it's of any consolation, I have no idea what I was trying to say either...... Confused

Message Animal Joined: 26 Mar 2008 Posts: 88

I sent this a couple of days ago to one of my mass insult bait lad victims, Mrs L1z. She was very offended with what I said to her, so I tried some nice wording, most of it illegally plagiarized from L@rry Flynt Twisted Evil

Quote:

Awwwwwwww!! Come on baby!!!! Me love you soo looonggg!! My monstrous manhood will ram your innards so hard, you will be on wheelchair for a week. You will c*m so hard, I will need an umbrella. Then I'll do your mother. She will c*m so hard, neighbors downstairs will have to change their bedsheets. Guaranteed!!!

She has not responded so far, I wonder why??

Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:39 pm

To my current Lad(ette):

Quote:

All I know is that I'm getting tetchy waiting to get you and Kylie together, along with the video gear, the lubricant, and the maple syrup...

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