What part of 'Shutup or I'll fork you' don't you understand?

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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:04 am

I've been trying to keep my baiting activities secret from my parents. Just don't want them to get too worried or anything. You know how parents are.

And then my big-mouth little-brother has to go ruin it for me.

We were at a restaurant for dinner, and somehow the topic of my emailing habits came up. My dad started ribbing me about who I was writing to.

{Some background info here: my dad highly enjoys annoying people. If there is something you are doing that he feels is teaseable, he will rag you about it incessantly. For years. He's caught me a few times writing letters to my lads, and he's been bugging me for some time about "Susan" and "Peter".}

Anyway, my dad brings up the fact that, whenever he comes within ten feet of my computer, I minimize all windows. (Well, wouldn't you?) He asked who I was emailing that I needed to keep secret.

"She's emailing spammers", says Little Bro.

The eternal dillemma when someone is spilling secrets: do you send urgent signals to shut up, or do you pretend that you have no idea what they're talking about? I opted in this case to send him a Look and brandish my fork in a meaningful manner.

Too late. My dad is on the case.

"I am not emailing spammers", I responded in perfect truth. After all, we don't go after the Viagra merchants here.

"She's talking to Nigerians", says Little Bro. I attempted to stab him with my fork, but my mother was in the way.

"You're talking to Nigerian scammers?" My dad is really in his stride now. "Nigerian scammers? Who would have thought? I'm shocked." He's really enjoying doing this.

I escape to the bathroom. Maybe the whole sistuation is still salvageable. Maybe I can sorta pretend the whole thing is a joke between me and my brother. Maybe I can just be quiet, and he'll forget about it in a few months.

I came out of the bathroom. Dad was smiling. Uh oh.

"Unicorns? You've been buying unicorns from Nigeria?"

Oh, #%&.

"Little Bro has been telling me so many things. About your unicorns, about how you're emailing Nigerian scammers..."

"All I said was "unicorns"!" protested Bro.

"He's been telling me everything..."

Oh. I see. So Bro probably thought he was throwing my dad off track by saying something ridiculous but true like "Chain's buying a unicorn". Didn't work, of course.

"So, Little Bro, she isn't using her real name, is she?"

"No, I don't think so."

I make more threatning gestures with the fork, and though hard about revenge. Painting his toenails while he slept would be a good one, maybe.

"What name does she use, then? What's her codename?"

I attempt to get Bro in a chokehold. It doesn't work.

"I don't remember what name she uses."

Dad is smirking. "It will come back to you tonight, when I do your medication."

"She goes on a site called 419eater."

I glare at Bro. "What part of 'shut up or I'll stab you with a fork' don't you understand?"

He continues on undeterred. "It's a lot of other people who email Nigerian scammers."

I think of a good revenge. "I'll draw a mustache on you with a permenant marker if you don't stop talking."

"419reader, did you say? Oh, 419eater. My daughter's on a website for people who send scams, I'm so shocked."

And so forth for the whole evening.
Gah! I am furious! And my good-for-nothing blabbermouth brother, who's unsuspectingly surfing his e-mail two feet away, is going to be in for a nasty suprise. A mustache and a goatee, I think.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:06 am

Well, this is really simple to deal with. Blackmail him then snitch on him anyway. As the oldest in my trio of siblings, this has saved my ass plenty of times.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:09 am

I read your whole saga, and after all that, there's only one thing I can say:

You're a GIRL???? Shocked

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

A marriage made in heaven?

+

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

If you could take the opportunity to explain to your brother (before you kill him) and your father that its just not lads from Nigeria that we mess before that would be pretty swell.

edit: edited.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:16 am

@ Frank

......................... Cool

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:38 am

CY, young brothers should be treated like lads... and as such, feel free to bait him and get a trophy... Wink

You have a PM.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:40 am

Err...how old is your brother? I'm surprised that he's not better trained than this. Telling on you, indeed. Have you not been beating him into submission for ratting on you? I'm disappointed. We big sisters have a reputation to uphold, you know. Very Happy

Steal all of the vowel keys from his keyboard. You can usually get either cash, or a promise to never rat you out again, if you steal the really important letters. Smile

419Eater is my life Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 428

Hmm... my brothers don't know about my activities... I know better than that. They'd get you in trouble even if they didn't get anything out of it.

A friend of mine talks his siblings out of their money. I usually try to make everything look legitimate, because my other siblings have gotten in trouble for trying to scam each other. As long as I'm legit, I don't get in trouble. Otherwise I'd be the only one in the house with cash.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:43 am

Brothers were brought into this world to die! I got my two brothers ages ago for burying me alive in a snowbank and making me eat a live grasshopper.

When they were in high school (the 1960s) they took my Mother's best white sheet and made a swastika flag out of it and ran it up the flag pole at the post office. It caused quite a stir in our small town but they never found out who did it. Every ten years they would run an article in the local newspaper about the hidden Nazi group in small town South Dakota. I think they suspected the nearby Hutterites.

But I got them back for all the torture they put me through as a child. At our family reunion this past Fall, I had talked to the Chief of Police and told him who actually did the flag. I asked him to come to the family picnic and arrest "the boys" which he graciously did. Laughing

My Mother laughed until she cried. You should have seen the look on their faces when they were handcuffed. We let them sit in jail for two hours before telling them it was a joke. When the Chief of Police let them out he gave my Mother the Nazi flag. Laughing

Revenge is best when eaten cold. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:55 am

Girl.

Anyway my parents still call it "Scamming the Nigerians again", but as long as school work stays on top and other stuff then its ok. They're not completely anti baiting but think I should not spend a whole heap of time on it. My sister is younger and doesn't see what I do on the Internet as I use a laptop (Gee that sounded suss..) so maybe do that or explain calmly to your parents what its actually all about. Smile

Master Baiter Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 233 Location: USA

Grin...I used to feel the same way about my kid sister! Some things NEVER change! Laughing

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:20 am

I was the only one who knew CY is a girl? Shocked

I guess reading ALL of the PWTs word for word "pays off"... Laughing

CY, what you really want to do is keep the little guy guessing about what you MIGHT to do him. Let his imagination be the torture. Have him leve in fear of the unknown. It is much more effective than a marker trick. Those things will just escalate and "some one" will get grounded for life.

Use the "evil eye" on him. Leave little clues that you are knowledgeable about his secrets... Don't tell him which ones, just drop little hints that you KNOW! Tell him that you will reveal them "when the time is right". He will be begging you for mercy. Then he will be your pet!

<strike>Bait</strike> Be safe and have fun!

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:46 am

ParaNoid has a most outstanding point.

One nice trick that I used to FULL advantage when I was growing up was to just casually look over at the offending brother and, with a satisfied smile, say, "I know your secret."

Hey...we all have secrets. Just because I didn't necessarily have anything specific on that brother didn't mean that I couldn't make him think that I was five seconds away from busting him. Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

CY, don't worry about your father. It sounds like he would really enjoy reading your baits.

The unicorns are a good idea. Here are a few links to send to the lads:

http://www.novareinna.com/guard/unicorn.html
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/view_cause/585?recruiter_id=2895418
http://www.lair2000.net/Unicorn_Dreams/Unicorn_History/modern_unicorns.html
http://www.lair2000.net/Unicorn_Dreams/Unicorn_Watching/Unicorn_Watching.html

I especially like the advice for hunters in the last one.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:31 pm

"A girl?"

Jojobean's elf-like ears perk up. He runs in the thread with his hooves clicking, cape blowing in the wind behind him, pitchfork in hand and pointy tail fo.... oops, I have revealed too much.

Anyway, I'd definitely find out something about your little brother that you can use against him. What are the ages here? Are you close in age? I recommend using a tape recorder. I remember one time my friend and I got some great blackmail evidence on his older sister one time. We had a servant for one weekend. Then we told anyway.

Just tell your parents that they should be far less worried about you communicating with the scammers in Nigeria than the creepy old men on this forum. (I am not a creepy old man. I am only 24.)

My keyboard has a nice lil' trick on it. In between the ctl and alt key is the windows key. Hit the windows key + d and that minimizes everything. It's a much quicker procedure than minimizing every tab. I learned that from a friend, not because I ever need to minimize anything. Embarassed

Again, I've revealed too much.

419Eater is my life Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 428

@jojobean: Win + M does the same thing. It's not like Microsoft to be redundant...

Oh, and CY, if you need any help with ideas for bugging your little brother (meaning bug as in spy tool, not pester), I've got some experience in that area... but I'm not posting it in the open. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:37 pm

What kind of little brother is this?? Confused

He needs to be made to understand snitching is for little bitches.

He should smarten up, use his status as the youngest to his greater advantage, blackmail is waaaaay better than snitching. Basically Royal Flush's advice in reverse w/ the requirement of a *small* cash payment, payment plans accepted. Always worked for me.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:06 pm

Hi, CY checking in.

For all those concerned people who PM'd me: I realize that I sounded about twelve in the above post, but I'm actually a very immature 18. Legal majority and all that.

And yes, I belong to the female gender. I think I'm going to have to put that in my siggy somewhere.

The situation isn't looking as bad as it did last night (aside from one minor snitch, "She's called ChainYanker!"). My mom doesn't seem to be worried- in fact, she hasn't said anything about my baiting at all. My dad's probably going to be teasing me for the next six months, but he hasn't actually said, "My God, Chain, that's too dangerous, never do it again", or anything like that.

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:21 pm

^ Dad will probably turn out to be a baiter as well!
(Does he spend a lot of time on the PC?, furtively smiling and talking about 'trophies'?)

Are there any women here?
<chorus of "no, no,no" in squeaky, going down to husky voices>

Right, I want to get one thing quite clear
No one is to stone anyone, not even, and I want to make this quite clear, even if they do say "I'm a baiter"

[/Monty Python]

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:20 pm

If being a baiter is your darkest secret, your parents should consider themselves lucky. Laughing

My parents would have killed for a kid like you. I still have a few secrets I may never them. Confused

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:23 pm

ChainYanker wrote:

I realize that I sounded about twelve in the above post, but I'm actually a very immature 18. Legal majority and all that.

Well, I'm a really immature 24. See, I hide my baiting activities from my mom. Well, not my mom, but my wife. You'd really be surprised at the similarities. Confused

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:34 am

If your Dad's not freaking out over the baiting thing, then he might be persuaded to join. Or at least read some of your funniest baits and laugh along with you.

Either way, I think that getting him fully on your side is worth considering. It removes your brother's ability to toy with you...AND it demonstrates that you are obviously smarter than your brother if you've managed to take away his source of fun. (Be sure to taunt him with this fact every now and then. Keep him in his place.)

Oh...and naturally, it reassures your Dad that baiting isn't dangerous if done properly. That's always good too, of course. Smile

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 2:07 am

Tie the rat up and sell him on ebay! If you must torture him with implements though... use a spork (spoon fork apparatus that can be commonly found at McDonald's) just to sho dat U dey oga he dey mugu oooooooooooo Laughing

Sounds like your dad is a natural joker at heart. Might be that he's read a few of Shiver's scripts (my dad has and when he found out I bait he just said be careful not to expose yourself). I bet if you show him the tale of the painted red breast he'd probably want to hop right in with you and go for some trophies.

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I am well past 40 and my elderly mother lives with me. I detest my brother, who my mother favors even though he's a bum, an ex convict and druggie)! He calls my mother (who I support and am caretaker for) and whines that he's broke and needs help. My mother turns around and bashes me for not working hard enough so that we can send my poor brother a little something. "You're always wasting time on the computer with your Nigerian friends," she says.

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