The fifth annual Eater Valentine thread

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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:21 am

Chibuike wrote:

.....come to bed Papa!

Sweetie, I don't believe there is anything you could wear that would actually improve the way you look. You already are the most beautiful woman on earth. But if you were to twist my arm (or other body part), I would have to choose #1. It really doesn't matter which one you wear. It will be laying on the bedroom floor soon. I will follow the trail of beauty you left down the hallway. Here comes Papa! Get ready Mama!

Oh yeah......I picked something up for you on the way home.

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 26 Mar 2005 Posts: 1267

Why are you giving out things that you found in someone elses garbage, Harry?

I think the "smell of love" from that diamond would smell like old ramen noodles and rotted toilet paper.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:54 am

Oh Bawls, you bring tears to my eyes. A zirconia ring. Did you get that from the Home Shopping Network? I can't wait for the wedding. And, I have some more surprises for you.....

I bought us a trailer....

I got it cheap from a small fire sale...

The trailer park is real friendly. They have games on Saturday night....like bite the sausage.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:04 am

Chibuike wrote:

... A zirconia ring. Did you get that from the Home Shopping Network? ...

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:13 am

Sweet Chi, since you went all out and bought an estate for us, I decided there would probably be a lot of grass to mow so I went ahead and bought you a riding mower. I would hate to think you had to push mow all that grass while I was sitting on the custom 4' X 6' deck ( that I made out of wooden pallets I found laying in the ditch) drinking ice cold Milwaukee's Best Ice beer.

And, that picture of you bobbing for wieners really turned me on!

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Sep 2004 Posts: 1269

Reaper...I teach you how to bait, and what do I get...you want to go hang with Persie. Crying or Very sad

Ex, yes, I accept. I will call my university tomorrow, tell them I completely withdraw, and transfer to your college.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:34 am

It seems you have made the decision for me Special Sad

You are still the greatest mentor Smile

Have fun with the sociopath!

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:39 am

Ah Special k, a real woman, not some two-bit tramp who changes men like socks day-to-day. I am glad you accept my request to become my Valentine. Tomorrow when I pick you up, be prepared to be wooed to the greatest lengths. First, I reserved a table at Cholla Prime Steakhouse & Lounge over in Scottsdale. Be prepared to dine on chicken parmigiana with an alfredo sauce marinade and red wine to wash it all down. Next, we will head over to a theater hall and watch a pilot production of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream by the worlds greatest theater actors. Afterwards we will wander the streets at midnight and talk about memories past right before I drop you off at home. Of course, I won't be trying anything on the first date.

EDIT: I made this for you

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:46 am

Ex. wrote:

... red wine to wash it all down. ...

Gee, what a shame you've only just turned 18. No red wine for you, minor.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:50 am

As long as I say I'm Catholic, I can buy the stuff in caseloads.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:53 am

@ Irishmigrant

Glad to see you came out of the closet.

You are showing your true colors. Where is rainbow flag ?

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Sep 2004 Posts: 1269

kleindoofy wrote:

Ex. wrote:

... red wine to wash it all down. ...

Gee, what a shame you've only just turned 18. No red wine for you, minor.

You're just jealous that I'm taken now. Razz

Aww, Ex, you looked up local spots here? Embarassed

You shouldn't have. I know some other cool spots to go visit as well. Wink

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:15 am

Anywhere you want to go Special. The world is yours, I am just the chauffeur.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:19 am

Since you got me the riding mower I thought I would get you something to use while you sit on the deck watching me. Just in case you need to scratch the harry ones....

Oh, yes, and I will be wearing this when I mow the lawn....

Thanks Corona!

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Sep 2004 Posts: 1269

/me is researching houses that are close to a Valley college

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:22 am

Be careful of what Ex might slip into your dinner, Special. He seems to be the type of person who would do that, what with tying up Corona and all...

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:36 am

jojobean wrote:

Obi doesn't even listen.

Good point. I am, after all, a guy! I've been defeated before. Never by someone who licks themselves clean, wears flea-collars and buries their crap in the sand, but who am I to judge!

To BC, congratulations and condolences.

To jojobean, you were a worthy opponent and I salute you. Some day we will get marvelously stupefied together, jam until the cops show up and pick up a 747-load of groupies. No that wasn't a pass. I was kidding about turning gay. Drunk we can negotiate however!

To PRS, I only wanted to play with your gittar anyway. You California girls are way too unpredictable. When you're divorced from BC, let me know and I'll give you Tommy Lee's phone number.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:51 am

Chibuike wrote:

The trailer park is real friendly. They have games on Saturday night....like bite the sausage.

Hey, I recognize those mountains... Shocked

I am just a reader of Valentines threads, but I couldn't resist... Cool

Long's Peak, Thunder in the Rockies

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:04 am

Oh Harry, my love for you deepens since you bought me the zirconia ring. It looks so lovely on my finger. I truly wanted to get you something special. I know, I know, the trailer was a good present as well as the bawl scratcher, however, you deserve something extra special. So I thought and I thought and then came the radio ad to buy your love a star. Well since I put all my money into the down payment of the trailer (only $15,000 more on our loan at 29% interest) I can't afford a star.....but I can afford an assteroid. So I bought one. It reminds me of our first night in the Pinto when you goosed yourself on the gear shift. We giggled so at the words that came out of your mouth...truly I thought only a drunken sailor knew those words.

Anyway in Galaxy 27 there is an assteroid named Harry Bawls. It must be true love.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:29 am

Eliza - Can you please stop changing lipstick colors, sweetheart? I'm starting to get a rainbow-like situation going on over here.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:51 am

After some thought, I feel it is only fair to provide brief explanations to the fine gentlemen who asked to be my valentine, but were rebuffed. Facing potential rejection in a public forum took tremendous courage, and perhaps, stupidity. Regardless, I feel bad about it and want to put your minds at ease, but I can not do anything about shattered hearts.

Obi-Wan Knievel wrote:

I've already given my heart to PRS, and Lotta pretty much owns the rest of me.
I only wanted to play with your gittar anyway. You California girls are way too unpredictable.
...I'll give you Tommy Lee's phone number.

@Obi. I needed all of you. I'm too shallow and greedy to share with Lotta. Your professed affinity for glam metal fashions made me worry that you would raid my wardobe and makeup resulting in my best clothes getting stretched out and my favorite mascara being used up. No one touches my guitar.

"I been all around this great big world and I've seen all kinds of girls
Yeah, but I couldn't wait to get back in the states, Back to the cutest girls in the world
I wish they all could be California girls"

BTW, Tommy Lee wants nothing to do with me. I'm too wild for him.

@Rodus. I almost threw myself at you after seeing the picture of the kitten with the guitar. Unfortunately for you, I had a little too much wine with lunch, tripped on my cat and got tangled in my ficus tree. The cute fireman that rescued me made me forget what I was doing before my incident. I was concerned about your self-proclaimed manliness. I wanted a man to sweep me off of my feet and not knock me off of my feet.

@Jojbean, last, but not least. Your words, gifts and effort were unsurpassed. Normally, I would have easily succumbed, but one word kept creeping into my head.....Heidi. I know how you feel about her. A mere mortal such as myself could never compete with a goddess like Heidi. I know I would always be second in your heart. Also, your inability to recognize and embrace the genius of the Beatles was a black cloud constantly floating over your head. Hello Goodbye.

Finally, my beloved BC. I can't wait to see what you have in store for me.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:16 am

I didn't want to post this, you guys all were trying so hard to get PRS as your Valentine, but I think now that she already explained to you that you have no chance, I think can reveal the truth: PRS will be my Valentine!

The funny part is that she asked me, check this out:

PRS wrote:

Hey rootuser,
I think you're so super-cool with your ninja-avatar, and all your wise comments and stuff that I really would be happy if you'd honor me by being my Valentine.

Love,
PRS

As for the other ladies of the Eater, I am sorry. I would have loved every single one of you as my Valentine, but with her PM PRS just came in first, before I could actually make up my mind who of you wonderful ladies to ask.

Now shoot if you must...

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:38 am

@PRS: Naturally I understand and respect your decision. My earlier post was the result of a drunken rage at yet another rejection by a beautiful girl. May the mighty Lotta forgive me for such an outburst! And yes, you would have had to share me with her.

Then I found out that you're too wild for the likes of Tommy Lee. Couple that with the fact that even as your valentine I wouldn't have touched your gittar, well no amount of Captain Morgan can cure them blues.

I'll be fine. Really.

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:03 pm

WELL here i am back to work and i see i have a lot to catch up on now... i think in going to have to make a scorecard to keep straght whos whos valentine.... hmmmm maybe that would be a bad think ..next to my name would be irish... and that cuz i have a fridge full of fine inported beers and a big block. oh oh im getting depressed now Sad

DAMN MY TROLL LIKE LOOKS I AM UNLOVED DAMN ME ALL TO HELL Crying or Very sad

(goes back to hallway broomcloset office and curl up into a ball)

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:20 pm

Special K, I was stopping over in Milan tonight and I just saw this on display in a window.

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