That Championship Season - complete

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:10 pm

First a little background:

This bait started on November 27th. This was 2 days after Eli Manning had his worst game of the year, the 41-17 home loss against the Minnesota Vikings, in which Eli threw four interceptions. 3 of those were returned for touchdowns. I chose to start baiting as "Eli Manning" because I thought it would be fun to pretend to be a sad sack sort of character. As the bait went on, Eli's season improved, right up to winning the Super Bowl on Sunday. Coincidence? Yeah, probably Wink

Anyway, along came a lad by the name of Harrison Ford.

The idea of "Eli Manning" baiting "Harrison Ford" was too fun an idea to pass up, and so I sent him an ASEM.

Eli Manning = Me (with a special voice cameo by Micho Rizo)

Harrison Ford = Lad #1

Morten = Lad #2, a "diplomat" in Brussels

November 27th:
Dear Mr. Ford,

I received your e-mail and, while I was surprised to get it, I think it just might have come to me in my time of need.

You see, I fear for my job. I did not have a very good performance on Saturday and I think a lot of people are unhappy with me. I need the extra cash as a nest egg.

I am in deep trouble and I need the money. My manager said some bad things about me today.

Please respond back and tell me what you need me to do. I am desperate!

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

Dear, Eli Manning

Thank you for your prompt response to my proposal, I contacted you because I want you to assist me in claiming a bequest that have remained unclaimed in my bank since 1999But before we proceed, I need you to assure me that you will adhere to my instructions in order to achieve success. Because, the whole arrangement to put in claim over this fund with you as the bonafide beneficiary and get the required approval for the transfer of this fund to a foreign account has been put in place.

Do not be bothered about the documentation. I will take care of all logistics within our bank to ensure the quick approval for the funds to leave our bank into your nominated Bank Account.

The amount in the account is US$9.5 Million. I have agreed in principles to give to you, on the completion of the transfer, 40%, While 60% will be for me. I will provide you with an account where you are going to wire my share into.

In order to begin the process, you should forward to me the following information which will be used to process the transfer payment in your favor.
1. Your Full Names
2. Your contact Address
3. Your Telephone and fax numbers
4. Your Age and occupation

I await your urgent response for us to proceed with the applications accordingly.

Yours faithfully
Mr. Harrison Ford
HSBC BANK

Dear Mr. Ford,

Thank you for responding. 40% of $9.5 million would really be helpful to me right now.

As I wrote you before, I'm a bit worried about my job security. Today my manager said some things about me that have me worried. My direct boss is almost like a dictator. My brother never has these problems, why me?

Anyway, as you can see, I am very invested in making sure our deal is done right. I will do whatever you say, but please be kind to me, I get rattled easily - or so others tell me.

Here is the information you requested:

Full Name: Elisha Nelson "Eli" Manning
Contact address: Do you mean my e-mail or physical address? Well you already have my e-mail address. As for my physical address, it's best to contact me at work -
1010 Giants Ave.
East Rutherford, NJ 07073 USA
Telephone and fax number: 206-****
Age and Occupation: 26 - Accuracy specialist

Sincerely,
Eli

December 1st:

Dear Mr. Ford,

Sorry to bug you again, but I was wondering how far you've gotten in obtaining the documents you said you were going to get. I sent you my information as you requested.

Sorry if I've written to you too soon, but I'm feeling a little low at the moment. A bunch of my business competitors have a really big meeting tonight [color=black](this was the night of the Packers/Cowboys game), and my company wasn't invited. I think it's because of my failures lately.

Please respond and let me know how you far along you are with the deal at hand.

Sincerely,
Eli
[/color]

The lad who is Harrison Ford is just stupid, or had problems with his e-mail, as he sends me the exact mail he sent before requesting information along with this note at the bottom:

1. Your Full Names
2. Your contact Address
3. Your Telephone and fax numbers
4. Your Age and occupation
this is what i asked you to bring but you havn,t geting any of themI await your urgent response for us to proceed with the applications accordingly.
Yours faithfully
Mr.Harrison Ford
HSBC BANK
LONDON.

Dear Mr. Ford,

I'm a bit confused. You already sent me this e-mail and I replied back with my information on November 27th.

I'm so confused, I feel like I've been blitzed. Was my previous e-mail to you incomplete? Sometime I make a lot incompletions.

Anyway, here is my information again:

Full Name: Elisha Nelson "Eli" Manning
Contact address: Do you mean my e-mail or physical address? Well you already have my e-mail address. As for my physical address, it's best to contact me at work -
1010 Giants Ave. East Rutherford, NJ 07073 USA
Telephone and fax number: 206-***
Age and Occupation: 26 - Accuracy specialist

Please, let's get further along in this transaction. I have a very important meeting at work tomorrow (so important that they'd called everybody in on a Sunday!) and I'm very nervous. If I don't do well tomorrow, it might be it for me. I really need this money.

Sincerely,
Eli

Subject: I WANT TO BE SURE

Dear Eli

How are you today hope you are good. Why I asked you again for that information is that I want to be more sure that you the person handling this transaction with me so that there wouldn�t be any mistake.
the information was forwarded to the lawyer handling the documentation of this transaction immediately I received it and he was at our bank today to file in the claim documents, hopefully by tomorrow our bank will contact you through email.

In the claim document the lawyer stated that they should contact you only through email because you may not be available to answer when they call you on phone and the reason for this is that I don�t want them to ask you any question that you will not be able to give answer to immediately.

Please forward to me any email that you receive from our bank and the lawyer so that I will go through it and tell you what to mail back to them.

Best regards,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Mr. Ford,

I understand. That is very wise of you to take that precaution. I assure you that I am who I say I am. Really, no one else would want to be me at the moment. Well, maybe my brother Cooper, but besides him, no one else would want to be me.

I think that's a good idea that the lawyer only contact me through e-mail. I might be out on the practice field when he calls, so e-mail is better.

I'll let you know when I hear from the lawyer.

Wish me good luck tomorrow, I'll need it.

Sincerely,
Eli

December 2nd:

Dear Eli

We don�t have much time again to spend I want us to conclude this transaction before 8 working days why I am telling you this, is that this transaction will cost us some money but I am going to handle it I don�t intend to ask you. Of any money
I will provide the money that we are going to use for this transaction but you have to follow my instruction so that we can conclude with out any problem.

The bank will use this Account to transfer the money to you after they verify everything; I am going to use this Account too to send you some money that the bank will use for your transferring charges.
So open it before Tuesday and send me all the information

Bellow is the information of the bank where you are to open an account.

www.regionsbank.com

With this link you can find a location near you. http://www.regions.com/Locator.rf

Best regards,
Mr. Harrison Ford

Dear Mr. Ford,

Well, Sunday's meeting went pretty badly for me again in the beginning, but our company managed to pull together and I think it went okay in the end. I still don't think people like me here very much. My boss, Mr. Coughlin, just sits there and gives me the evil eye. Can you give me any advice on how to get through this?

I'm a bit confused about all this talk about a bank account. I don't really trust banks, as I was a victim of a scam not too long ago. My brother, oh he loves banks. He loves anything to do with money. He'll shill for almost anybody and everybody loves him. "Cut that meat!" Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Sorry, I got off on a tangent there. Anyway, I was talking about banks. Don't trust 'em. I like to deal in cash. Is there anyway we can do this with money orders or Western Union, something like that?

Sincerely,
Eli

December 5th:

Dear Eli,

I did called you now because I have a hectic day today at the office, could you please call me on this number as I have urgent and important discursion to have with you. The bank needed you to write a formal application regards your claim so with that I want us to discourse brief on the mode of your drafting the application.
Call me now on this number:+447***
Thanks and have a good evening and I hope you have a good working day today expecting your call soonest

Mr. Harrison Ford.

http://media.putfile.com/harrison-ford-leaves-a-message-for-eli-manning

Dear Harrison,

I'm sorry I did not reply sooner, but I thought we agreed that e-mail was a better way of communication since I might be on the practice field and miss your call (which was what happened this time).

I am currently on the road travelling to Philadephia for a meeting this weekend. I will try to call you later, but my schedule is very hectic too.

Can't you just e-mail me whatever directions you have?

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

I appreciate your response today but actually I needed to discourse with you urgently as the information was a quick one. However I will still be expecting your call while the needed formal application to be submitted to the bank will be drafted and after then I will forward it across to you with the bank address while you will address it to the director in charge of international and foreign transfer.When you get to Philadelphia try and call me because writing always will be difficult as I am having a lot to do on my table this time around.

Thanks and have a nice trip as I expect your call.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Sorry to have to write to you again, but while I'm travelling calling may be a problem. All of our phone calls are billed to the team when we travel, so calls I make have to be job related. This is why I was so happy when you said e-mail would be the main method of communication as well.

Even though we were in London earlier this year, my boss would know that I have no job related calls to make to the UK now. So you see, I can not make any calls out of the country until we get back to New York next week. My boss Mr. Coughlin is really strict like that. He's on my case all the time and I don't need one more thing to give him an excuse to put me on suspension or worse.

Sincerely,
Eli

December 7th: I've never come across a scammer who does not want to use a money order before.

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your response today, I do understand all your content but will have to wait on your return. There are some comments which you made on your previous letter which goes wrong with my kind of prospects which I will like to inform you that if we must concluded this transfer there should trust and respect towards each other. You must understand that this is a transfer being done through banking method and also it is a huge sum of money I wonder why you should initiate another mode of transfer on the project which if you initially read from my proposal it was stated clearly.
As a matter of fact the region bank account you are asked to secure will belong to you but that is the bank which I want the money to be transferred into, there are no doubt regarding to that offer. Therefore you should find it fit to carry out this assignment as it comes so we can dully clear these funds and allow the transfer to take place.
I will be expecting your call as soon as you are back home because the telephone number which you gave me a fax telephone number which does not work good to this magnitude nature of this transfer. Therefore I demand you forward your mobile telephone so I can be calling and getting you although that I early mention that we will be working through email writing but due to work force on my table it will be difficult to be doing that. I plead that you understand my meaningful concern on this transfer. Expecting to read from you as soon as you are back home.
Thanks and have a wonderful working day.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

After the Giants vs. Eagles game, Eli writes back:
Dear Harrison,

I am home now from Philadelphia, but it was a long trip and I am tired. My meeting was tense, but Mr. Buress (one of my co-workers) really helped me out a lot. Teamwork is great, isn't it?

I explained to you before that I didn't trust banks because of my brother. I don't know what is hard to understand about that. But if you insist on using a bank, why can't I use a bank of my choosing, why does it have to be a regions bank? There's actually a regions bank across from my workplace, but I'm curious why you insist on that bank.

Also, I did not give you a fax number. If it had been a fax number, how could you have left a message? Sometimes, I don't understand you at all, Harrison.

And I don't have a mobile phone. Jeremey Shockey busted it when I lent it to him. He's very aggressive.

Sincerely,
Eli

How many hints can I drop before Harrison Ford figures it out?

I decided that was what I was going to do with this bait. In every e-mail, I'll include more and more information to see how long it takes until Mr. Ford figures out who Eli Manning really is (Answer = about 2 months, but we'll get to that part later Smile

)

December 10th:

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your response again today I thank God for his mercy towards your journey home, as I previously mention on my letter to you there is no method like what you have requested because the magnitude of the fund we are talking about can not be done through such means.

However you can choose a bank of your choice but my reason why I requested that a region bank account should be secured is to easy facilitate the remitting and clearing of the fund for easy assess by you. However now that you have seen a location of the bank I will advice that you open one as directed so we can forge ahead in completing the necessary primary verification. Meanwhile on your next response I will forward a drafted letter of application which will be formally submitted to the payment department of the bank through you.
Concerning your telephone number I did call it turns me to a fax voice which I am confused.
Meanwhile I will read from you first before going ahead as I am in the office being busy with work but as soon as you response towards my opinion today then we move ahead from there.

Thanks and have a nice day at work.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford

I can use a bank of my choosing? Great!

Dear Harrison,

Oh, I think I understand the problem about the phone number. It's a combo phone/fax for the office. But you should still be able to leave a message.

That's great that you said I can choose my own bank! There's actually a credit union that lots of the guys here at work use. It's the National Federal Location credit union (or the N.F.L. credit union for short). I've heard a lot of good things about it. I'll open an account there and send you that information, okay?

I've got to go back to work now, so I'll check back later to see if you've sent that paperwork you were talking about.

Thanks,
Eli

December 11th:
Dear Eli,

Sequel to last letter yesterday here is the application which I have drafted to suite with your claim. As I did directed you print it and place it on your letter headed paper if you have any and sign your signature on the space where you are directed to do.
Here also is the address of the payment department where you will direct the formal application to. The director in charge is Mr. David Mark with this address: payments@hsbcon***ank.euro.tm

As I have advised, fill where your name and address will be and underneath put in your signature a forward to the address I have provided above.
Thanks and have a good day.
Yours sincerely
Mr. Harrison Ford.

The application:

YOU�RE NAME

CONTACT ADDRESS TEL/FAX NUMBER

SUBJECT: APPLICATION FOR THE CLAIM AND TRANSFER OF US$9.5 MILLION DOLLARS FROM ACCOUNT NO.18463464711.

Sir,

I humbly apply for the release and subsequent transfer of sum of US$9.5 Million from account number: 18463464711, with your esteemed bank which belongs to my cousin Late Mr. Fred Manning, who was your customer. Late Mr. Fred Manning died as a result of heart failure due to asma and I am his next of kin.
Could you please transfer these funds direct into my nominated receiving bank account?
As I solemnly promise to abide by all your transactional rules and regulations due transfer.
I shall appreciate your prompt attention to this request.

Yours faithfully,

Your name/signature

Fred Manning? I realize you just made that up Harrison, but that's not very imaginative.

Dear Harrison,

I got your e-mail and I have one question.

There is no Fred Manning in my family. My dad's name is Archie and he's still alive. Won't this cause a problem? (There not really being a Fred, not my dad being alive).

Maybe you can put the account in the name of my brother Cooper? No one ever remembers him.

Sincerely,
Eli

December 12th:
Subject: Did your send The drafted application.?

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your response to my letter and will like to advice you to go ahead forward the application because there will be no problem with what you have asked.
Concerning your question Manning was your last name therefore I used it for that purpose. Your account information has nothing to do with the name and as it stands now there is no need changing name because if the bank funds out the whole claim will be suspected.
I believe your question has been answered. Therefore I am expecting to read that the bank has reached you back.
Have a wonderful evening.
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Thank you, but I'm still a bit confused. Why are we using a fake name? Won't that get us in trouble?

I think I'm in enough trouble as it is with the New York media. It's seems nothing I do is good enough for them. Not like my brother. Everybody loooooooves him. But me no.

So please explain to me that this is risk free. If you can assure me that this is legit, I'll go ahead and do what you say with the bank.

Sincerely,
Eli

December 13th: Parts of "Eli's" response below have been copied (with admiration) from Kissing Suzy Kolber's brilliant blog entry from last year. Now that is how you write as Eli Manning!

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your mail once again, as I do previously said this project is free from whatever you thought for. It is 100% legal and legit, it will never or let you into trouble. Further go ahead to forward the application to the bank if you have not because time is not favorable to us. This project has a little time therefore we must work fast to meet all the banks demands to enable the transfer process begin.
Concerning the fake name, we are not using any fake name because Manning is assumed to be your last name and with the submission of that name is directly or indirectly become the claimers name. There my being inside the bank will cover all the paper work safely to avoid any linkage. I believe I have cleared your view.

Thanks and have a good day.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Well, if you say so, I guess it's okay. I can just e-mail the form to the bank, right?

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,
Thanks for your letter today, before sending the application to the bank make sure that the application is printed out and duely sign as instructed before sending to the bank. I am writing to avoid any mistake at this initial time.

Thanks and have a good day.
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Oh no, I already e-mailed it to the bank. I just copied it and edited it to include my information. I didn't know that I actually had to print it out and sign it! I've screwed everything up now, just like I always do.

My boss Mr. Coughlin says I would be a lot happier if I just accepted my lousiness and moved on to something else. My rating is lower this season than it had been the last two seasons. I suck. I've heard people say that I only have my job because of my brother. God, I wish people would stop reminding me that he is better than me. I know that! Don't they realize I know that! I grew up with him for God's sake!

I wish everyone had listened when I said my favorite sport was squash!

Oh Mr. Ford, what do I do now?!?!

-Eli

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:29 pm

December 14th:
Dear Eli,

How are you doing today, after reading your mail yesterday I was not happy because you did not follow up with my instruction and you went and mention my name in your application which this morning my attention was called to know why. Eli why must you make such a mistake does that mean your incapability in handling this project or what, you should understand my position in the bank which does not warrant me indicted towards this claim but as an inside I will guide you which was what I did explain to you.
Well the mistake has been done already but will advice that you should be working with my instruction before you screw all things up.
However you did not inform me if the account was secured or not rather what you do write is what happens in your office and I believe you are focus in this transfer and remember that you spent to get what you want and on my side I will handle every aspect of documentation verification which whatever comes around that I will handle will be done without bothering to ask for your assistance but you must be up in doing things right than making mistakes. I do understand that such mistakes are done due to carelessness from your side. Always look focus and understanding where things are coming from so that you can reap the fruit.
Therefore I will be looking for your response as soon as the bank gets back to you and this time around do not include my name in any letter you are writing to the bank.

Thanks and have a very good working day today.

Yours sincerely
Mr. Jeffrey Friedman

At that point in the season, Giants fans were probably thinking, "Yeah, consistent focus from Eli Manning would be nice."

And wait a minute! Who the hell is Jeffrey Friedman???? Talk about lack of focus!

Oh well, as Eli has a problem focusing, he doesn't notice that Harrison Ford suddenly turned into Jeffrey Friedman. Not yet, anyway.

Dear Harrison,

I know I have a problem with losing my focus. I seem to have had it all of my professional career. Things seem to be going well and then, boom, I totally lose focus.

I understand not to use your name anymore in my communications with the bank. I won't do anything until I hear from you and you tell me what you want me to do. I have to stay focused on what our goals are and what we need to improve on. I know I hardly radiate leadership qualities. The sleepy eyes. The goofy smile. The sagging shoulders. The voice forever free of emotion and purpose. I suck at focusing.

I haven't heard back from the bank yet, but I will let you know when I do before I do anything else.

Sincerely,
Eli

^Certain phrases from Eli's response have been taken from sports articles and an interview with Eli Manning (the real one).

December 17th:
Dear Eli,

Thanks for you mail today and how are you doing; actually I believe the bank will contact you when the time comes remember that you are not the only client the bank will be attending to.
How was your Sunday work hope that you are changing for better well this time around a better focus and good effort into your assignment.

Have a wonderful pleasant working week.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

My Sunday work was absolutely horrible! It was cold and icy. Jeremy broke his leg! Things couldn't have gone worse. Mr. Barber, one of my former co-workers, tried to make nice but it's too late. Screw 'em!

Sorry, I just had a really bad day yesterday. I was focused and everything. My co-workers just kept dropping the ball. (Literally!)

Thanks for the explanation about the bank. I hope they come through soon. I really need the money.

Sincerely,
Eli

December 20th:
Dear Harrison,

I still have not heard from the bank. What is the delay?

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your mail today; however you should understand that you screw all up by first not following my instruction, second by mentioning my name during your application to the bank. After all this while the bank has being investigating my position in the whole thing that has made it difficult on my part and the part of the bank to write you again.
Therefore as it stands now I am trying to work hard to see if there is another way that I can work out for this transfer as you have screw up the entire whole thing. Whatever happens I will write you back with my finding because all my arrangements now is to pave way for an easy means where this funds can be made available for clearance.
Thanks and have a nice day.
Mr. Harrison Ford.

December 27th:
Dear Mr. Ford,

Well, what are your findings? What did the bank say?

Sincerely,
Eli

Subject: Re: Still Working out a plan.

Dear Eli,

How are you doing; thanks for writing me once again as you may understand I am working to make sure that we do not have problem as in getting the funds been paid through another clearing house.
As with the present bank due to what you write and the query I received they are not willing to address the issue rather nullify your application but with my new arrangement the fund will be transferred through another means which is what I am working out the modalities.
When the time come I will let you know but will advice that you set ready for the new arrangement.
I will write you again as soon as it is done and I hope you did celebrate your Christmas holiday in peace.

Thanks and have a good day.
Mr. Harrison Ford

Dear Harrison,

Thanks for getting back to me. My Christmas was good. My company did well. It's not over yet though. We still have a difficult season ahead.

Sincerely,
Eli

January 4th:
Dear Harrison,

I'm kind of getting impatient. I don't think you are going to help me after all. Just like my brother. He always talks nice about me, but when it comes to crunch time it's all about him!

-Eli

Subject: COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON.

Dear Eli,

Compliment of the season and how are you, we are just entering into the new banking year and all this while I am trying to work out modalities on how to transfer this morning to you.
The latest arrangement which I will advice you is to try as much you can to have an account with the region bank as previously said to you which will be very easy to work with as to clear these funds to your account. Secondly another option is bring this funds through a diplomat to meet with you on their location of arrival thirdly I will request to know if you can be able to travel out from your country as to meet with out foreign agent who has our right to attend to foreign clients.

All this points I will like you to consider and get back to me as I am working my best to make things happens as after what you did last time with my bank. So this options I know will be the best as I am taken my time to cover parts needed for the smoothness of the transfer.
I will be waiting to read from you as soon as possible.

Thanks for your consideration and patience.

Yours sincerely
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Yes I can travel. Depending on how my meeting goes on Sunday, I may be available to travel as soon as next week. Where would I meet this diplomat? I have a passport. I even went to London in the fall. We got to go to Wembley and see a football game. It was very exciting.

I've been looking for an excuse to get away for a while on a trip, so depending on where I have to go this could even be sort of a vacation for me!

Get back to me about this, and I'll let you know after Sunday how soon I can travel.

Sincerely,
Eli

January 7th:
Hi Harrison,

Well I finished my meeting and everything went very well, despite some of my co-workers dropping the ball again. Anyway, I am happy. I learned I should be able to travel the week after next. Have you heard from the diplomat yet?

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your urgent response to furnish me with your traveling arrangement but I am yet to know where you are traveling to or are you coming to London? I have make arrangement with help of some senior staffs in the bank to see the funds clear to our agent clearing house where the funds which is inside boxes will be deposited to the diplomat who will meet with you on their location point.
Let me know actually where you are going to as to enable me perfect my plans and be aware that this arrangement involve finance therefore be ready to assist in making this successful
Thanks as I wait to read from you as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford

Dear Harrison,

I was hoping you would help me with the travel arrangements. Yes, I can go to London, if that is where you want me to meet this diplomat. I can not leave before January 14th, but any date after that should be fine.
Last time I went to London, I stayed in the Shepherd's Bush area, so I was thinking of staying there again if that's okay with you.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Harrison,

I went ahead and booked a flight to London. This is the flight that I will be on:

Continental Airlines flight CO 8224 arriving at Heathrow Airport on January 16th at 6:20 a.m. It is operated by Virgin Atlantic, so I don't know if my arriving gate will be Continental or Virgin Atlantic. I will be flying overnight from JFK airport.

I'll let you know if anything changes, but I'm pretty confident that I'll be done with my work obligation by that time.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

Harrison, realizing that Eli is pretty serious about coming to London, begins to back peddle.

Subject: Re: Call me or i will not write you again.

Dear Eli,

Thank with all this information, but with all my effort arranging this funds transfer i am in doubt with your possible position to handle this whole project when i have not spoken with you all this while. Therefore if i may continue i will advice that you call me or give me a correct valid telephone which i will reach as soon as possible or i will stop this arrangement with you. i do not have such sum of amount transferred or release on such condition of yours.

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Eli, having just made a hugely expensive plane reservation, freaks out.

Dear Harrison,

What are you talking about? You have my phone number, why don't you call me? Geez, I just made a plane reservation and now you're acting all difficult. What gives?

Were you just waiting for me to make a reservation that you know will cost me money if I change it now? You're just acting like a big ol' jerk now for no good reason! Just like my big brother. He acts all nice to me, I think things have been worked out, then whamo! Take down!

I had a pretty good Sunday and now you're just ruining it for me. I was all happy, thinking things were going along great and now you give me this attitude.

I'm not calling anybody until you apologize to me! I'm tired of being the little guy, always kicked around. There's going to be a new Eli in town! I'm on a roll and in control. Everbody thinks I'm not a fiery guy, well watch out, I'm on fire now!

I'm a lot like a duck. My friend Howie always says, "Eli is a lot like a duck." There's not a lot going on above the water, but below the surface my feet are just churning constantly.

So apologize to me before those duck feet come over and kick your ass!

-Eli

^ Apologies to Howie Long for stealing his quote about Eli.

Dear Harrison,

I'm sorry for my outburst yesterday. I was so happy that this was almost over and that I was going to London, and then I got your e-mail which upset me greatly.

I have a new number if you are still willing to talk to me.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

Thank for your mail and apology accepted but I insist that we must discourse comprehensively if we must move on. In that case can I have the telephone number?

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Enter baiter Micho Rizo, who generously agrees to let his number be Eli's number Smile

. I needed his help greatly because there's no way I could pose as Eli over the telephone - I'm a woman.

Dear Harrison,

This is a better number where you can reach me *****.

I should be available in the afternoon or evening GMT +5. Please try to call during this time. Don't yell at me if you get voicemail.

I want to get this matter straightened out very soon as my flight leaves in less than a week.

Sincerely,
Eli

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:45 pm

The "i'm so blue" acting is pretty good, as it enables to whine a lot, and not go on with the transaction, but there were several places where a GOOD ole' slap would have been fit.
You didn't date the last emails, so I don't know if this is all you got ATM Smile

Until now, it's been a nice timewaster.

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:04 pm

January 10th:
Dear Eli,

How are you doing today, severally yesterday i called on the telephone number according to the GMT time zone given to me still I was not able to get hold of you why? Eli all I wanted is to have a comprehensive word with you it will be wrong on my part to make all this arrangement to move this fund and later find out that you are not capable to handle it what will I then do. I have spent money and time so far working with this new arrangement after you screw up with my bank.
I should advice you to know that having your personal telephone number will help us achieve our aim as to enable me and the diplomat get hold of you whenever the need your attention. I hope you know the magnitude of the project and how can we handle it like this. Try and get yourself a telephone or call me my line +4*** we can talk things over if actually you are ready and confident of your self to carry along with this project.
Remember that if you are coming to London to get this funds do have it in mind that the clearing house is based in Belgium while the affiliate company is in London in that case I will like you to know that if you are eligible to meet with they will request you to move to their company headquarter where the boxes of the fund will be handed over to you.
I can not continue if things are not perfected this time. Do call me or stay close on your telephone.

Thanks.
Mr. Harrison Ford

Harrison got Micho's voicemail a lot, because he kept calling in the middle of the night.

Subject: I suggest you call me.

Dear Eli,

Your altitude towards this project is assumed not reasonable therefore you should not instruct me to call you whereby I am not chanced to do. I demand that you go and get yourself a mobile telephone that is yours and stop acting childish.

Besides you have my mobile number you can as well call me too, please if you know that this project is not important to you I should therefore suggest that you make it known to me now before making my final conclusion and contact with the clearance house in Belgium.
Thanks.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Eli doesn't have time for these shenanigans, what with the big playoff game with Dallas looming. Eli, as we've come to expect in this bait, does not react well to stress.

Dear Harrison,

Don't take that tone with me. First you say London, now you say Belgium. Why didn't you just say Belgium in the first place and I would have booked a flight to Belgium!

I tell you when to call me and you don't follow directions. I'm not going to call you when you can't even call me during the right times. I checked my phone and I saw all the times you called, so don't say you called during the right times.

I gave you my old number and that wasn't good enough. Now I give you a new number and that still isn't good enough. The new number is my cell phone number, but I can't keep it on all the time! I have to work you know. I have a big meeting coming up in Dallas this weekend and you are stressing me out!!! I don't have time to call you right now. You better call me tonight around 9:30 p.m. my time or I quit!

Sincerely,
Eli

January 11th:
Subject: Do not instruct me because i am also working like you.

Dear Eli,

For your information in my previous letter I told you that the apex office of the clearing house is here in London but their head quarter is in Belgium.
Let us not complicate issue at this time remember the time limit that your 9:30pm is our 2:30 am in my morning hours do remember that I always go work if I should keep watch till such your time I wonder what will happen. In that case I will try or you then wait on my call tomorrow.

However when do you think to be possible on your side to travel out or do you need any other arrangement in regards of the one already in place.

Do not instruct me that I should call you by your own given time all you understand is that I am working to perfect this project not playing games.

Thanks

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Well shoot, Harrison - Eli doesn't control the time change. That's what you get for picking a victim who lives in eastern standard time.

Dear Eli,
Did you get my last mail? i have to keep wake till this time to call, are you at home now?
Thanks
Mr Ford,

Poor Harrison. Well his hard work in staying up late finally paid off.

He finally gets to talk to Eli (played brilliantly by Micho).

http://media.putfile.com/H3rrison-F0rd

Hey Harrison,

Thanks for staying up late to talk to me last night. I really appreciate it. As I said, I talked to my boss Mr. Coughlin about getting some extra vacation time so I can go to Belgium. He said he could not give me an answer until Saturday or Sunday, depending on what happens.

I know that's cutting it kind of close since I was going to leave for London Tuesday night, so I've decided to go ahead and change my plane reservation and go directly to Belgium instead to pick up those trunk boxes. What city in Belgium are the headquarters in?

As soon as I hear from you, I'll contact the airlines and see if I can change my flight. I'm getting ready to head out to Dallas now for a meeting, so please don't try to call me today. E-mail is better when I'm travelling.

It was good talking to ya last night.

Sincerely,
Eli

January 12th:

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your response to my mail and also appreciate your time listening to my conversation yesterday. Although it was terrible wakening up by such time coupled with the type of weather we are into but thank for making it possible.

However in regards to your question and changing of the schedule of your traveling plan I really appreciate that and will like to know more of the traveling time of yours as the our clearance house is in Belgium is located at Brussels the capital.

Therefore I have made the contact today through telephone and have finalize the arrangement but I will request that you forward to me your international traveling passport number which will be used to tag on the boxes for identification on the day of the clearing and collection.
As I wait to receive your traveling utensils also endeavor to forward the passport number.

Thanks and have a good journey to Dallas today as I expect your response.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Mr. Ford,

Hey, how are you doing?

I arrived in Dallas today and we have our big meeting here tomorrow. I'm really nervous, this is a very important meeting. After that, I'll talk to Mr. Coughlin and see what he says. Then I can try to change my reservation to Belgium.

About the passport, I don't have that with me right now, so I'm going to have to wait until Monday when I get home to give that to you. Don't worry, I know where it is. I set it out on my dresser drawer, because I knew I would need it on this upcoming Tuesday when I fly.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

And then, The Giants started winning . . . a lot. So Eli had to keep putting off his travel plans (because I decided as The Giants's season went, so went the bait Wink

).

Dear Mr. Ford,

Well, we just finished out meeting in Dallas this evening and it well extremely well. So well in fact that Mr. Coughlin wants me to meet with the company higher ups in Wisconsin next Sunday. This was really a team victory for us. I'm really happy. I finally did better than my brother too. He's always so good at his job, but this time I was better than him. Peyton can suck it.

I know you must be disappointed that I can not go to Belgium this Tuesday, but I should be able to re-schedule my trip for Monday the 21st. I will contact the airline tomorrow morning to reschedule my so that I arrive in Brussels on the 21st or 22nd. I'm sorry to have to postpone my trip, but I have to do what my boss wants me to do. This should be the last time I have to reschedule. I will send you my revised flight details tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

January 14th:
Dear Eli,

Thanks for your mail and good to hear that your meeting yesterday went on well this time around.
As I did wrote on my last mail remember to forward to me your traveling passport which will be tagged on the boxes for your identification during the collection time from the diplomat.
Concerning your re-scheduling your trip which have widen the time but whatever happens I have concluded all my arrangement and waits on the needed information requested.
However I will endeavor to call on your morning hours to have a word with you regards my final arrangement and concluding with you about your date of leaving to Belgium. Write as soon as possible to confirm if you will be chanced to pick up my call this morning.
Have a pleasant day today and God bless.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Thanks for your congratulations. I do appreciate it.

I will be available pretty much all day today if you want to call me. If I don't pick up, it's because I'm on the phone with my travel agent. He's trying to help me transfer my flight reservation so I can make it to Brussels on the 21st or 22nd.

About my passport - well, I'm travelling to Wisconsin right now, so I don't have access to a scanner. Can it wait until we arrive in Wisconsin? I'll see if the conference center there has a scanner, okay?

Sincerely,
Eli

And so "Eli" goes, to take on The Green Bay Packer for the NFC Championship.

January 15th:
Subject: I called all through yestarday.

Dear Eli,

I called all through yesterday after reading your mail hoping to have a word with you, what actually happen that you did not pick my call or write me back to inform me that you will not be around as specified on your mail.

However I am looking forward to receive the scanned copy of your passport to enable my arrangement complete before your departure to meet with the diplomat, and be reminded that there will be a fee for administrative and clearing documentation, therefore prepare your state of mind towards that.

If I will be around in the office today then expect my call.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Harrison Ford

Dear Harrison,

Sorry, I was really busy yesterday. Mr. Coughlin has us really preparing for the big meeting on Sunday. He says it's our most important meeting of the year.

Harrison, I asked around the conference center today and they didn't have a scanner. In your e-mail before, you said you wanted my passport number. Can't I just e-mail you the number?

Also, no you didn't tell me there would be any fees to before I meet with the diplomat. Can I just bring the extra fee money to Brussels and give it to the diplomat? I really don't have time to wire it to you before I go. I have to go by Mr. Barber's house before I leave. Mr. Barber said my leadership skills are laughable, but I've proved him wrong with this Wisconsin deal. Mr. Coughlin wants me to deliver something to Mr. Barber's house before I go and I'd like to spend some time with Mr. Barber to tell him how wrong he was. He's a jerk. No one at our company likes him anymore, not even Mr. Strahan.

Anyway, I got off track there. My travel agent is supposed to be calling me back today with the flight info for Brussels.

Thanks,
Eli

Dear Eli,

I just called you now but why is it difficult to get hold of you on the telephone however listen to my voice message on the answering machine of your phone.

What I did explain to your understanding is that the administrative and clearing charges are to be paid in Belgium when you meet with the diplomat during the signing and endorsement of the papers for the release of the boxes to you. Therefore I am informing you about that because if going to Belgium to sign and collect this boxes which contain the money without having any financial provision will be wrong. I have taken care of all necessary expenses here in the bank to make sure we are at the right track and now I am almost done with that but as soon as I receive your passport number either by scanning or email it by writing it out to me I will conclude with the Belgium diplomat before your traveling date.
Well make sure that your arrangement is well organize because I am not expecting any disappointment again. I am writing this letter by the time 9:00am your time and I expected you to be at home by this time but wondering why you are not picking my calls.

Thanks and have a good day.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

I'm really sorry, but this Wisconsin meeting is taking up a lot of my time and I can't be by the phone as much as I would like. I'm real sorry about that, but it's my job.

I'll make sure and have enough money with me when I go to Belgium. Thanks for the heads up. I don't really know when I'll be available on the phone today. Maybe this evening. I really have a lot of work to do before Sunday.

Sincerely,
Eli

January 16th:
Subject: My discursion today with the diplomat.

Dear Eli,

In the process of finalizing with the diplomat today on their response to me they are demanding for a copy of power of attorney which empowers you as the bonifide beneficiary of the boxes which was deposited into their care.

However as in line of perfecting the whole arrangement I have consulted our bank attorney who will go by tomorrow to procure the document from his royal majesty court here in London; although I did not take complaisant of it but according to the diplomat who has already left the shore of United Kingdom he said that with out that document presented the boxes will not be released to you. I am working to have that done by tomorrow and will forward your copy and also send a copy to the diplomat for their office use.

They diplomat also demanded for the copy of your traveling passport which is very important at the point of collection. He demanded for a scan copy therefore I am pleading that you should try locating a place to scan that passport as demanded by the diplomat. Although I have requested previously a written copy but after my discursion today with the diplomat he revise the case as it is important that you scan it. Sorry for the inconveniences but all is for the success of the project.

Also I will like to inform you that when contacted by the diplomat even in the verge of your claim of the boxes you should in know means reveal to the diplomat the content of the boxes, this will remain personal and secret between you and I until you claim the boxes. Also I will forward to you the code which you will use to access the boxes after clearing it from the diplomat. You should understand that we have no more time at hand and I have already made your given date available to them which mean that any moment from now the diplomat will contact you to know your traveling schedule. I will like you to make the traveling arrangement to meet up with the time before the boxes start accruing demurrages.

Furthermore in all your correspondence with the diplomat I will advice that you show commitment and seriousness toward your claim, I will not like you at this point screw up any thing again either by your mode of writing with what happens in your place of work which is not demanded by the diplomat. In another case I will advice also that when the diplomat contacted you do not make any mistake by revealing what the boxes contain to avoid seizure and cancellation of the release. All this points must be remembered to avoid mistake. Write me if you are confused but will like to have a word with you as soon as I read that you are available or you call me.
Thanks and have a wonderful evening.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Mr. Ford,

Don't worry, I think I got the gist of what you are saying. I'm focused and on the ball now.

1) You need a scan of my passport - Well, like I said, that's might difficult at the moment as I'm in Wisconsin right now, but I'll keep trying to find a scanner. I've found lots of cheese and cows, no scanner though (little joke, ha ha).

2) Don't tell the diplomat what's in the boxes - Okay. I mean, it's none of his business anyway right.

3) Don't talk about my work with the diplomat - Um, okay. Sorry if I like to go off on tangents. It's just my style. I'm a country boy at heart, so I like to talk. Like the time I won the Manning family tractor pull. That's a great story. But I won't tell you that right now. By the way, it's freezing here in Wisconsin. 7 degrees. I wonder why the cows aren't frozen by now, heh.

4) Tell the diplomat my travels arrangements - Well, okay. I was going to e-mail them to you, but I'll just wait until I hear from the diplomat.

I think that's it right? Gosh, this is kind of exciting. I've never been to Belgium before. What language do they speak there? French I reckon.

Sincerely,
Eli

Subject: I need the passport now

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your response but I wonder why you are avoiding picking up my calls even calling you at the appropriate time. As you can listen from your voice message through your telephone I am not pleased with none picking of my call. With this character by not picking my calls I hope you will pick the diplomat call as well. Do not let yourself down during that time.

Therefore I am writing to remind you once again to find a means of scanning or you copy the passport number while I forward it to the diplomat to avoid any more delays.
I am expecting your urgent response as I wait on the attorney to forward the documents which is bearing your name while I will forward it to you as well.
I am expecting that now.

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison Ford

Dear Harrison,

At the very beginning, I told you it would be difficult to reach me by phone because of the nature of my job. It is even more so now that I am travelling. I told you before that e-mail was better. If you didn't like that fact, then you shouldn't have pursued this deal with me. But you did and here we are.

Also, I told you that I don't have a scanner where I am at right now. I'm getting a little tired of repeating myself to you over and over again. I told you that I am very busy preparing for my meeting on Sunday. I am trying to do all that I can for you, but I have a job to do to.

How would Mr. Buress like it if I did not have the presentation ready for him by Sunday? Not very much, I reckon.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

I do understand your position at your work place but will that stop you writing out your passport number? You should also understand my position towards realizing our goal in this project. Yes you are preparing for your meeting I am not stopping you as well but with that you can answer to my needs too.
You should understand that I am as well working here handling two things like you do is not easy but giving attention to both of them will ease out the work. Now I should wait on you till you are ready but I must forward those needed documents to the diplomat as soon as possible.
Today is Wednesday I am yet to receive your traveling schedule and you are to be in Belgium on 21st to 22nd as you said, if we did not conclude now when then will that be. Remember that the diplomat has left with the boxes awaits your arrival in Belgium. I know that you are busy preparing your work but at list attend to this project as well writing without not following the procedure is nothing.
I plead that you should consider the position we are now and works towards the need to conclude.

Thanks
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Wait a minute. Just the last e-mail you yelled at me because you needed a scan of my passport. I've been running all around this frozen town in Wisconsin looking for a scanner (unsuccessfully) and now you say you just need a number after all!

It's just like when my brothers Payton and Cooper used to send me on a snipe hunt. You know what a snipe is? Neither do I and it's twenty years later!

I'll send you my flight and passport number later because I have to go.

Now please excuse me because we have a team meeting now and Mr. Strahan has brought hot wings.

Sincerely,
Eli

January 18th:
Dear Eli,

I will be waiting to receive the needed information as to pass it to the diplomat, but I should be frank to you that using words on me I will not tolerate.

Thanks and have a good day.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Eli,

What is happening that I did not read from you is everything alright? In any case am still expecting the information�s and remember the urgency of them all.

Thanks

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

Yes, everything is fine. I'm just very busy and very cold. We had meetings all day yesterday. This is really a big deal.

Also, it's 4 degrees here. 4 degrees! I'm from Mississippi originally and we never get those kind of temperatures! Sunday, it's supposed to be below zero. I don't know how these Cheeseheads can stand it.

Anyway, here's my flight info. I have to change planes twice, but the flight into Brussels is Continental flight #CO 9699 arriving in Brussels at 3:20 p.m. on Tuesday, January 22nd.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your mail but the information are yet complete because you did not include the traveling passport number as agreed and previously written.
I will be expecting that today as to enable me forward your information to the diplomat so that he will contact you.
Expecting your urgent response as soon as possible and also remember that your arrangement must maintain accuracy to avoid any disappointment. If any other details I will get you informed after I have finished calling him concerning the final arrangement. Later today I will forward the power of attorney to you.

Thanks and has a pleasant day.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

That's because you never got back to me regarding whether you wanted to wait for a scan or just get the number.

Are you for sure the number is all you need? (Insert fake passport number in the totally wrong format here).

Now excuse me while I go eat my Oreos in peace.

Sincerely,
Eli

January 21st:
Dear Eli,
Thanks for your response, as you can understand I am a straight forward person, when I demanded for the scan copy of your passport you never took it serious to know the importance of it.
I considered your time as you did explain, as it is now I will forward this information to the diplomat for his update hoping that the passport number which you have forwarded is valid and will tally with what you will present to the diplomat on the day of collection.
Attached is the power of attorney which authorizes you as the beneficiary to clear the two trunk boxes which you and I know that it worth USD$9.5million dollars which was tagged as an art felts(which is like a family treasure) inside the boxes which the diplomat will handed over to you at the point of clearance.
In due of this I will like to have a telephone conversation with you today write me back with your time detail today so that I could be able to stay awake to get hold of you.
We are on the final stage on this project and will be optimistic to have words of memorandum with you. Do spear me that time to express some vital important information with you.
Thanks and have a good evening.
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Eli,

After waiting on your response today I have concluded with the diplomat and have already forwarded your information with a copy of the power of attorney to the diplomat. Although that the passport number which I requested for reconfirmation which I waited before writing this letter.

With what I find out after discoursing with the diplomat I was told that the charges for administrative and clearing charges is $9,000dollars which you are expected to travel with. With the information attached you should contact him as soon as possible either by email or telephone to have word with him. In any case do not fail to correspond back with any information from the diplomat. Here is the address: Mr. Morten Ije; tele: +324***6533 email: i.***@yahoo.com.

I hope that your schedule meeting tomorrow will hold and I wish you a very good outing on that meeting but do not fail to correspond back to me. I will be expecting to read your positive response today.

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison Ford.
HSBC BANK LONDON

Dear Harrison,

Thank you for your message and I understand that I have to bring $9,000 with me when I travel. That is no problem.

I will e-mail the diplomat.

Sorry if I don't respond to my e-mails right away but as the meeting gets closer I will be away from my computer all day tomorrow.

Thanks,
Eli

Eli writes to the diplomat:
Dear Sir:

My name is Eli Manning and Mr. Ford wanted me to write to you. I understand that you will be the diplomat I will be meeting in Brussels on Tuesday afternoon.

Will you be picking me up at the airport?

It is better if you e-mail me the information as I will be at a meeting all day tomorrow and will not be able to take any messages on the phone.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

However:
Dear Mr. Ford,

You asked me to e-mail the diplomat. I did and his e-mail bounced back to me. I do not have time for this right now. Please get back to me with a working e-mail for him.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

It is a typographical error from my side now sees the correct one: i.mor***o.com or you can call him I believe that will be better, probably after your meeting today.

I wish you a happy meeting day today; there shall be no mistakes from your side.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

No problem. Morten wrote me and I wrote him back. I may have Sheila, our company's secretary call him tomorrow because my meeting just wrapped up, it's very late, and I'm going to hit the sack.

We did have a really good meeting today. Very nerve wracking, but a good meeting nonetheless.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

In no doubt I know that your meet went on successfully and I really congratulate you once more for perfecting your strategy once again and none of your team mate lay any blame on your side. It is 3:48AM morning here with a very cool weather which I know might be the same there as well, the content of your letter makes me to understand that the diplomat has contacted you and you will ask your company sectary(Sheila) call Mr. Morten on Monday do you think such is advisable? Your company sectary does not know the beginning of this project therefore I suggest that you do not instruct any third party to get involve in other to avoid mistake.

Previously on my letters I mention about that all corresponding with the diplomat will be forwarded to me for record purpose but I am surprise that you did not acted a such or it escape your memory. If you have written to the diplomat and he has responded back could you forward the both letters to me?
However I will be calling on your morning hours to have words with you before you take off to Belgium, Remember that keeping a date accurate will help to stop screwing up things but if you can call or write on details concerning traveling today I will appreciate and I hope cooper your brother is doing pretty good.
Thanks and have a lovely day today.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford
HSBC BANK LONDON.

Dear Eli,

I have tried calling to have a word with you before your departure to Belgium but I will like to read from you or call me to know if you have arrived there. And I have called the diplomat to know if you have contacted him before departing to Belgium but I could not have a concrete answer could you call the diplomat with such clarification.

It is necessary that I know when you arrived Belgium in other to forward to you the code number which you will use to access the trunk boxes when you have clear them from the diplomat. Remember that with out the code number you might not have access to the boxes that is why I must know your arrival time.

I am expecting your mail soonest.

Thanks.
Mr. Harrison Ford

Dear Harrision,

I just woke up and am about to leave for JFK airport now. I took my PDA with me, so I'll e-mail you once I arrive tomorrow. I have not heard back from the diplomat since I e-mailed him yesterday.

I expect to arrive in Brussels around 3:30 p.m. tomorrow. You have my flight number.

Please know that whatever business we have in Brussels must be concluded by the end of the month. I have to be in Arizona by Feb. 3rd for business

Sincerely,
Eli

Sir,

Thank you for your mail. Your secretary can call me but i would prefer to deal directly with you as you are the only person that I shall deliver the consignment to.

You will be required to present on arrival a copy of your passport and the sum of USD9,000 for clearance, administrative and storage charges.

Please give me your flight schedule. You can always call me on: +3***86 216 533 overseas or from Belgium ***86 216 533.

I look forward to meeting you in Brussels.

Regards,
Morten IJE

Dear Sir,

I am at the airport right now. My flight details are Continental flight #CO 9699 arriving in Brussels at 3:20 p.m. on Tuesday, January 22nd.

I have to change planes in the Netherlands later before I get to Brussels.

Sincerely,
Eli

However, things in the Netherlands don't go according to the plan . . .

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:16 pm

January 22nd:
Dear Sir,

Thank you for the information and safe journey. As soon as you arrive Zaventem Airport, Brussels, take a cab (taxi) and get to the center of Brussels. Sheraton and Hilton Hotels are at the Centre of Brussels. Sheraton Hotel's address is: Place Rogier 3, Brussels 1210. Tel: 02/2243111 or Hilton Hotel: 38 Boulevard de Waterloo,1000 Brussels. Alternatively, you can tell the cab driver from the airport to take you to Le Chatelain All Suites Hotel. Address: Rue Du Chatelain 17, Brussels 1000.

Call me as soon as you are checked into your room. I look forward to meeting you.

Regards,
Morten

Dear Eli,

I know you have a wonderful trip to Belgium being your first time to travel down there, however when you get into your hotel Room do not forget to email me with your hotel room number and telephone number to reach you.

However during your meeting with the diplomat endeavor remember all that I mention to you as to avoid making mistake and also inform the diplomat to call me.

Thanks as I expect to hear from you.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford
HSBC LONDON.

Subject: Thank God for your flight journey mercy / important information

Dear Eli,

I hoped you are now in Brussels. I want to give you an import message so that there will be no conflict as you�re claiming the consignment. Note that I repackaged the money into one silver trunk box to avoid bulkiness in carrying. Therefore Mr. Morten will present to you one silver truck box which contain arts felt which you and I know that it contains money.

Ask Mr. Morten to call in regards to the box code number which I will give you after clearing the consignment from him. That box code number is very important without it you will not have access to the trunk box.

I will be expecting your urgent mail as you reach Belgium.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Harrison Ford.
HSBC BANK LONDON

Dear Eli,

What is happening that I have not heard from you, the diplomat has called me to know the situation and if actually you make the trip as agreed, could you write back now to know your where about.

Thanks,
Mr. Harrison Ford

Harrison,

Please call me. I'm still in Amsterdam. I think I'm in trouble. I need your help. I can't write much. At least they haven't confiscated my PDA yet.

Sincerely,
Eli

Uh-oh.

January 23rd: 6 e-mails from Harrison and the diplomat overnight.
Eli,
Just reading your mail now, on which number can i get you.
Thanks.
Mr. Harrison Ford.
HSBC BANK LONDON.

Hello Eli,

I am wondering if you have arrived Brussels or are you still in transit in Amsterdam? Could you please contact me on: +32 4***.

Thank you,
Morten

Dear Eli,

I have called your telephone number it is on voice mail could you read this mail and forward a telephone number i can reach you with and try keep word confidential.

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison ford.

Hi Eli,

Please call me on +32 ***733 or send me a mail. I understand that you are still in Amsterdam. What is the problem?

Regards,
Morten

Dear Eli,

I could not figure out what actually is happening, after reading your mail immediately I responded requesting for your current valid telephone number but till now there is no answer from you. Does that mean you did not read my mail or you decided not to? I am wondering why you suddenly changed your flight schedule through Amsterdam which I did not know.
Any way as it is now i will like to know the situation with you there it is very important you reach me or the diplomat who has been worried over your condition as I have to call him to know if you are there in Belgium.

Your urgent response to this mail will help me to know what is happening with you.

Thanks

Mr. Harrison ford

Eli finally turns up.

Dear Harrison,

I didn't change my flight schedule. I was supposed to change planes in Amsterdam to get to Brussels when the Dutch airport authorities detained me.

Please call me. I don't know what is going on. I have to go to Arizona soon. I can't be stuck in Amsterdam! Help!

Sincerely,
Eli

Shocked

Dear Eli,

I have previously send you a mail this morning and honestly I feels bad since I have read your mail last night and could not figure out the kind of trouble you endangered into? You should make your possible best to be in control of the problem and be free to meet-up with our transaction in Brussels. Also you should go to a phone shop there in Netherlands and buy a GSM (mobile) phone, which you will be use there and in Belgium to make our communication easier because most of the mobile phones in Netherlands works in Belgium too and it�s very essential you do that.
Call me or you call Mr. Morten.

Thanks

Mr. Harrison Ford

Harrison,

I still have my cell phone with me, but I can't use it very much to call you. Please call me at 1-***.

The Dutch authorities have detained me here in Amsterdam. They think it is suspicious that I was carrying $9,000 worth of cash with me. They keep asking me questions and I don't know what to do.

Sincerely,
Eli

And this is where things start to really go wrong between Eli and Harrison, Laughing

Subject: You have never be serious for one day. proof yourself now.

Dear Eli,

I can understand that you are not serious with me, how could you ask me to be calling you on a number that is in a voice mail. I believe that you are not in Amsterdam because by right you should have called Mr. Morten from there or you purchase a mobile phone that can be used to call you from there. I have seen while cooper is better than you in all angle.

If you are in Amsterdam call Mr.Morten the diplomat.

Thanks and have a good day Mr. Eli.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Harrison,

Screw you buddy! Here I am in big trouble, I don't know if I am arrested or not and it's all because of you! Don't take that attitude with me! I'm stuck in this hotel room in Amsterdam, they have confiscated my passport and I'm really scared!

You got me into this mess!

-Eli

P.S.

And how dare you say that Cooper is better than me! Cooper is nothing! No one even knows Cooper! He's just some cripple now because of his back and he sits doing nothing. I'm way better than Cooper!

You suck and you better get me out of this mess! I'm going to give your number to the Dutch police. I've tried to protect you but now I'm going to let them know who is behind all of this!

^ Apologies to Cooper Manning. I'm sure you are very successful and I'm sure you are not crippled, etc. The views of "Eli" do not necessarily reflect the truth Wink

Dear Eli,
I don't care if you give my number to Dutch police or not rather what I am saying is that you proof yourself that you are in Amsterdam in a hotel which you claim to be by giving me the telephone number I should reach you with.
Stop playing pranks with this project which I have suffered so much. why not call the diplomat if you are in Netherlands.
Yes you are still in America claiming that you are in Netherlands what a mess! If you are scared on what is happening and you do not know how to overcome it then show them that you are a man. As much I know you are in America not in Amsterdam
I will be expecting the telephone number or you then pick my call on the number you gave me. That reminds me why you can�t call me if you are with my number.
Thanks.
Mr.Harrison.

Subject: This Is ABSURD
Dear Eli,

Harrison told me that you are being detained because you have 9000 $. If this is true, then the Dutch authorities erred in their duty. You are supposed to have up to 10000 $ and no questions will be asked you. It is only when you have an undeclared more than 10000 $ that they can seize the money until you provide prove to show that it is not money laundering.

You as a tourist has every right in every meaning of the word to come to Europe with up to 10000$. That is a fact. Anybody telling you otherwise is a lying. Also, I find it hard to believe that you are being detained because what they can do (assuming you are saying the truth about your incasseration) is to seize the money (if the money is more than 10000 $) until you provide a proof of what you are going to do with the money.

This is the same law in the U.S. A. and you know it. If the U.S. the authorities allowed you to go out of the country with 9000 $, then who are the Dutch authorities to question an American citizen for 9000 $? Don't you know your right again? Ask them to provide you with the American Embassy's telephone number in Holland and call them and tell them that you are coming to Belgium for sight-seeing as a tourist. Either you are lying or you are not telling the truth here, buddy.

Kindly give me the telephone number and the name of the officer that arrested you and I will contact a lawyer to get you out assuming that you are saying the truth. Do not be afraid because they cannot do what you said they are doing. This is a free country/continent. Your number is not going through. Please send me a Holland number to call you.

Sincerely,
Morten

Why thank you Morton, for educating me about dutch law. This might be useful information.

Hey, it looks like Harrison knows all about Dutch law too!

Subject: Dear Eli, You can see that there is no proof coming from you.

Dear Eli,

It is unbelievable that you are being arrested for USD$9,000 by the Dutch authorities. This amount is a little bit more than 6,000 euros and nobody can detain you for that.

That you are visiting Europe as a tourist and the USD$9,000 is not too much money for a grown man to use.

You need to have more than USD$10,000 and undeclared before the Dutch or European authorities can detain you. You are an American citizen for Christ�s sake. Call American embassy and tell them that you came here for tourism. Do not mention any other thing.

In fact, I do not believe this! This is absurd. Please give me the telephone number and the name and address of officer who detained you and I will call a lawyer to get you out immediately.

Your telephone number is not going through. Please give me the requested details. I will have Morten call you.

Thanks,
Harrison

$9,000? Oh Harrison, Eli thought you meant 9,000 Euros!

Dear Harrison,

I owe you an apology. I think I made a big mistake. When I went to the bank to withdraw the money and told the lady I needed $9,000 for my trip to Europe, she said I needed to take $9,000 Euros. I didn't know there was a difference. It's the same amount.

What the hell do I know, I'm just someone who grew up in Mississippi. We don't know the difference between Europe and Euros. Why didn't you explain this to me? Now what do I do? How can I get out of this mess and get back home? I need to get back home before the end of this month so I can go to Arizona

Should I tell the Dutch authority lady to call you or Morton?

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

Thanks for your mail as I have mentioned before as a citizen of America the Dutch government has no right to withheld you or stop you in all ramification therefore you should call your embassy concerning that if actually what you are saying is the truth.
Secondly, on my previous mail I did instruct you to forward the Dutch lady number so that I will give my lawyer to call those to know why you should be detain over there.
Is it difficult on you to forward their telephone number and address? With what is happening I am not sure that you are in Amsterdam I wonder on earth how you can not read my content and understand it.
Meanwhile if you are there what of the hotel name and address what of their operating telephone number. Remember you are not dealing with a kid, it will better you say the truth so that God in heaven will forgive you.

Expecting to read more of your content as soon as possible, how I wish some will pick my call.

Thanks.

Mr. Harrison.

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:35 pm

January 25th:
Dear Eli,

I hope by now the truth has come open that you are in America claiming being detained by the Dutch lady and also I believe by now the diplomat has instructed you over what to do.
It sounds clear to me that you a just a little boy or that you claim to be what you are not, I can not believe that you Elisha Nelson ��Eli Manning�� can do this after pardoning you with what happen last time with HSBC BANK. However I am waiting to know your situation but for your information I have already know that you did not travel to any where because a normal human being, a citizen of united state of America can be with held in any country with out no reason, even a British citizen can not be grouted like that.
Therefore you have failed the entire assignment and will request your attention to face what comes out of it.
Write me as soon as possible because I am making plans on the next step of action and will know from the diplomat by tomorrow.

Thanks and be cool in Mississippi town.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

So he thinks I've been lying to him the whole time, but he's still trying to scam me. Brilliant job there Harrison.

Dear Harrison,

I don't understand. The Dutch authorities were supposed to call you and the diplomat.

I gave them your number.

Please, this is a very stressful time for me and you are not helping!

I am not in Mississippi, I only grew up there. I don't think you are reading my e-mails very well.

Sincerely,
Eli

I decided it was time to spring Eli. He needed to be back in Arizona ASAP.

January 30th:
Dear Mr. Ford,

Well I am finally on my way home from Amsterdam. I went to the embassy as you said and they were a great deal of help. If the dutch police do ever call you, don't tell them anything.

I am on my way to Arizona now. I have another big meeting on Sunday. This whole thing has been such a horrible experience and I do not appreciate you calling me a liar. That just adds salt to the wounds.

-Eli

Dear Eli,

I believe you are getting on fine after much disappointment over the project you agreed to assist me to handle. It occurs to me after the first screw up but you pleaded to cover that, I should have stopped dealing with you at that time. Any way disappointment is a father to experience, now that your incapability over handle such delicate project has shown I will now formally to informing you to forward to me a power of attorney to enable me re arrange the smooth takeover of the project . I will advice that you make out time to forward that as soon as possible because the diplomat and the security company handling the consignment has been informed about that.

I do not want to count on my losses after spending all I have from my salary only to know that you are not serious to handle the project, but I should have known that when the early event happen.

Whatever you have done I have taken it by faith and hope that we will meet one day.

Thanks and have a good day.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

First of all, I'll let you know if I'm fine or not after my meeting in Sunday in Arizona. I arrived in Glendale today, and boy are there a lot of people here for the meeting! It is a zoo, really.

Second, don't bring my father into this, you know I have father issues. It's not easy being Archie's son. It's his fault that I feel all of this pressure to do well.

Thirdly, are you asking me to get an attorney and have him contact you. Because our family does have an attorney on retainer, Tom Brady. I can have Mr. Brady contact you if you like, but he's busy dealing with the Dutch authorities right now so I won't be extradited back to Amsterdam. You've gotten me into a big legal mess and thank God that the American Embassy could help me get my passport back so I could get to Arizona in time.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

Dear Eli,

This is to inform you that I am through with this your nonsense and will not tolerate it again from you. I demand that you forward a power of attorney to me notifying me that your hands are off from this project. That will give me opportunity to look for a new replacement to move on the project.
What do you think of this project a joke or what, look I have invested money into this project and will like you to act accordingly and stop detailing me with what is happening with because you did not travel out side your city I wonder in your life time you will see the shore of Amsterdam. Therefore make it possible and get the needed documents and forward it to me, if you don�t have any attorney I will advice that you run into one and has that done.
What I am expecting from you is the power of attorney nothing more than that because I am not ready to read your bullshit stories any longer.
Have a good day Eli.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

That's what I was asking you, do you want me to tell my attorney to e-mail you?

You don't have to get so defensive about it.

I don't know what else you mean by power of attorney other than having my attorney e-mail you.

And I really don't care if you think I was in Amsterdam or not. I'm sure you'll be hearing all about it very soon.

Now forgive me, but I have to go prepare.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

January 31st:
Dear Eli,

Do not kid me because I know what you know, I did not want any lawyer to email me rather I need you to ask your lawyer prepare a power of attorney based that you are no more eligible to carry on with this project and forward the signed and sealed from any of your high court forward it to me.
How many times will I repeat myself concerning this issue, this project must go on because I have invested my money towards it there fore do not thought of joke on this case and work towards my requirement.
It will be honorable that we work out this modalities amicable than exchanging words like people that are not intellectual in field of business.
You started failing me by giving me a voice message telephone number and also failing to concentrate and be serious with the project therefore I have to call it a quite from you and look for a better client who can diligently handle the project with seal and perfection not a kid like you.
I understand that Juvenal delinquency is part of your kid character because if you are grown to a stage I don�t think you can be handling project of this nature like a baby. Proof you�re intelligent by securing this power of attorney then I will call you a man, however I will be expecting the needed document as you respond to this mail otherwise do not write again.

Have a nice day Mr.Eli.

Thanks

Mr. Harrison Ford.

I think Harrison wants Eli declared mentally incompetent.

Dear Harrison,
Oh okay, I understand you now. I'll contact Mr. Brady and have him prepare the document.
I really don't like you insulting me though.
Sincerely,
Eli Manning

February 1st:
Dear Mr. Ford,

I called Mr. Brady today and he said he wouldn't give me a form because he said I was still in my right mind. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he called my boss Mr. Coughlin who said I'm still able to work. Especially Sunday.

Do you know of an attorney who can get this form done for me? I'm getting really nervous about Sunday and would like to take care of it before then.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

Eli,

I am curios about my demand it is not a child�s play, I do not understand what your request is all about rather act according to my request. Whoever is gingering you about being on your right sense is none of my business.
The power of attorney must be done by your attorney not by your requesting for any attorney from me. Look stop using my time in this issue, instruct your attorney if you have any to prepare for you the power of attorney and stop acting childish.
I could understand through my investigation that you are claiming what you not, is that true? Why couldn�t you have a valid telephone number rather using an attached telephone, there is no right minded human being who does not have a valid telephone number this is my first time seeing that. Oh I did not know that it was Cooper I spoke with last time I called that voice message telephone number.
Look Eli, be serious and forward to me the requested documents because I do not have time to be wasted for me any longer. I need that document as urgent as you need your life.
Act on that as soon as possible because I resume with another action against you.

Call me now.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

When did you talk to Cooper? You spoke to me that one time. I have no idea why you think you spoke to Cooper.

I guess I can see if there's any lawyers out here in Arizona who can do the document for me real quick. But I don't have a lot of time between now and Sunday. It might have to waiting until after the meeting on Sunday. I really need to help Mr. Buress prepare for that. He's been running his mouth off lately and it has the boss a little worried.

Sincerely,
Eli

P.S. You really though I was Cooper? Now that's just insulting, Harrison.

Dear Eli,
Now if you are Eli as you claim; when convenient can I have a word with you because I want to know if Cooper was the gentleman I spoke with last time or you. Therefore pick a date and time and get back to me. Let us be sincere of ourselves now before your lawyer prepare the power of attorney.
Thanks and have a good day.
Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

This is ridiculous. You spoke with me already.

If I find an attorney, do you want the attorney to call you. I am too busy right now. I can't believe you are doing this to me right before the most important meeting of the year. I really need to concentrate on that.

Of course I am Eli. Why would I pretend to be my brother?

I should ask you, are you the real Harrison Ford?

Sincerely,
Eli

It's almost time for kickoff

February 2nd:
Subject: Agree with this

Dear Eli,

That is not ridiculous at all, I did not request any lawyer of yours to call me rather I demanded that you should call me and proof all that I have said. No matter how busy you know the situation you have put this project into. Just make a call or give me time again I will call you that will re arrange things once again.

Thanks and have a good day if actually you are having any important meeting to attend as you said.

Waiting.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

Dear Harrison,

You already talked to me. I am way to busy this weekend to call anyone.

If I have a meeting on Sunday? Well, it's only the biggest, most important event in my field for the entire year. It's so important. The deal I have with you is dwarfed in comparison. My boss, Mr. Coughlin, has us preparing like mad and we are all really psyched up for it. If it goes well, I'll finally get to tell my brother Payton, "Look dude, I'm just as good as you, so there!"

I may not be available to write to you until this meeting is over, so I'll get back with you about the attorney thing on Monday. I'm really worried about Mr. Burress. He had a sprained ankle and swelling in his knee. Hopefully he will be able to make the meeting tomorrow. Mr. Osi also has some health problems. Our team is really going to have to rally for tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Eli Manning

Alas, the bait now comes to an end. 2 hours before the Super Bowl is supposed to start, Harrison finally learns how to use wikipedia.

February 3rd, 4 p.m. EST:

Dear Eli,

Yes I am happy that your team will win today�s game not minding the injury of your important player. I know that your boss Mr. Coughlin has a high technical ability and your team will win.
I will appeal that you play well to get victory that is my wish and that will make your boss take you more serious. Write me back with good news while I will wait till Monday on your call. Despite all that you did towards the project I handed to you I will still want to have a word with you I need conviction about you, with my verification so far you are a player with new York Giants. Who is this Peyton Manning?

Can you confirm this?

Full Name: Elisha Nelson Manning
Born: January 3, 1981
New Orleans, LA
Height: 6-4
Weight: 225 lbs. Age: 27
Pos: QB
Experience: 4 years
College: Mississippi
Drafted: Year:2004 Round:1 Pick:1, Chargers

Good luck and have a good day.

Mr. Harrison Ford.

I hate to burns lads. Don't do it. I don't recommend doing it, but as you see it was either go "Yeah, I'm the real Eli" or burn him. As I didn't want to take the chance that Harrision would start e-mailing the Giants, I knew the jig was up. It was a risk I took when I started that he would find out eventually.

I'd like to think he found out sitting in the internet cafe, talking to a fellow lad about this really nutty maga named Eli Manning. Fellow lad does a double take and says, "You mean the guy playing in the Super Bowl today?", but I don't think that's how it happened Laughing

.

I was really hoping for it to last until after the game, but oh well. All good things . . .

Sunday, February 3rd, 10:45 p.m. -

Quote:

Subject: Last but not least . . .

Dear Harrison,

No, I'm not Eli.

However, "Not me" won, by the way.

Sincerely,
Not Eli Manning, but I'm sure the real Eli Manning is very happy right now.

The End

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:09 pm

Excellent saga... And GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:50 pm

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:57 pm

I'll say it again...fantastic!
Choosing names of famous people is like a filter which sieves out the "more intelligent" ones.
I don't know what would happen if my lad would try to google my current "name":
H. P. L0v3cr@ft Cool

Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:15 pm

Good job there Worf - totally cracked me up Laughing

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 5:49 am

Ha ha ha, nice to know these kind of baits can still work, great entertainment! Straight baits are important, but it is so amusing and enjoyable to read one like this.

Your lad seemed experienced IMO, so I am especially happy you burned him so well!

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 1:25 pm

Just as a postscript, I decided to e-mail Harrison from another account. He's back on the hook. This time no famous football player names will be used.

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:04 pm

Worf wrote:

Just as a postscript, I decided to e-mail Harrison from another account. He's back on the hook. This time no famous football player names will be used.

Good job, I was kinda hoping you would do that :*

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:48 pm

Quote:

I'd like to think he found out sitting in the internet cafe, talking to a fellow lad about this really nutty maga named Eli Manning. Fellow lad does a double take and says, "You mean the guy playing in the Super Bowl today?", but I don't think that's how it happened .

Yeah, probably not, but in my heart of hearts I HOPE that is what happened and that's what I'm imagining DID happen Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:45 am

As someone who regularly baits as "J4ck L0rd", I offer you a "job well done"!

Imagine if the NYG's had lost the NFC championship, your bait would still be running!
clapping

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 18

All I can say is WOW!!! clapping

That was one of the more interesting and entertaining baits I have read.

I like the self contained format of a season as the length of a bait. I can't wait for football to start to try it with one of my Cleveland Browns.

WELL DONE!!!!

That Championship Season - complete	View next topic View previous topic