Woo-Hoo - another visit to the doctor...

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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:03 pm

I haven't had a complete physical in quite awhile so I went for one yesterday. As is usually the case with my doctor visits, weirdness ensued...

1) They gave me a questionairre to fill out 2 weeks ago, naturally, I quickly filled it out in the parking lot before the appt. One of the questions was "Do you have 5 or more sexual partners?" I thought it read "Have you had more than 5 sexual partners?" I answered Yes. The doctor and his med student(female) gave me a strange glance when they read my answer and the doctor said "I guess the male equipment is functioning ok, huh stud?" I was confused - we cleared it up.

2) I haven't had the time/desire to have my right shoulder surgery I've needed for 2-3 years so it pops out of joint at least twice a week and I painfully pop it back in - It really grosses my co-workers out - the sound is amazing. The med student is checking my mobility by twisting and turning my limbs and she accidently popped the right shoulder out of socket. It was great, I acted as if it had never happened before and pretended to be in agony. I thought the med student was going to faint. That's when my doctor said "Cut it out, funny man, you're not fooling me, pop it back in". The med student got her revenge later.

3) So they go for the dreaded prostate check - glove, lube, insert fist(or so it feels like). The doctor did this portion and then the medical student gets her revenge by saying she really needs the practice and needs to check it also so I got not one but two different hands in my butt.

4) Off to the treadmill I go, because I'm bigfoot's cousin, they have trouble making the little wire thingies stick to the hair on my chest, I think they finally used super-glue because it hurt like hell when the med student pulled them off, taking the hair with it - now I have a bald polka-dot pattern on my chest.

5) The doctor gave me a kit to send a stool sample - my reply "screw this kit doc, after what you just subjected me to, I'm just going to crap in an envelope and mail it to you"

So, my heart is good, my lungs are clear(quit smoking 5 mo ago), my blood pressure was 101/74, I've lost 25 lbs - still another 15 to go to reach my fighting weight - haven't got the results of the blood test yet.
The med student left the room and my doctor thanked me for allowing a student to participate and being a good sport. I said "Dr. S, if you were really grateful, you'd write me a script for vicodin for no reason whatsoever". SHE DID!!

So I rush to the pharmacy to get the script filled and the girl who filled the script said "What cologne are you wearing, it really smells nice on you?" I said "I really don't know, something my kid gave me for Christmas, I guess". When I got to the car, I realized I had put absolutely no cologne on that day and the pharmacist was probably smelling the lube the doctor uses for the prostate check Laughing

. I wonder if I sould buy a tube and use it as an after shave balm?

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:14 pm

Vicodin and Lube.... now I come to it theres just some things the human mind shouldn't think about Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 12:07 am

8:

I love every single one of your posts. You owe me a new keyboard.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

Truly entertaining. Thanks for sharing.

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:20 am

Its all too funny. As soon as I saw your post, I checked the date to make sure it was not a necro and then went to get coffee so I could have a good spew. The best part was the bit about the girl in the pharmacy. You know she is using only industrial strength lube. She's come to associate good times with the smell. In your honor I may go in for a check up 13 days post bike crash and ask for some Vicodin. I've completely depleted my supply.

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:27 am

Vicodin's old news, y'all.

Hydrocodone's where it's at. Mmm. Yeah. Smile

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:32 am

That is one of the funniest posts I have ever read! Thanks for my guffaw of the week!

By the way, Reprob8, your real name wouldn't happen to be Dave Barry, would it??

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Dec 2007 Posts: 126

A great read, especially the part about the arm socket..that med student must have gotten a few extra gray hairs because of that. Laughing

Your med student reminds me of one I encountered a while ago. I managed to cut myself with a knife at 2 AM..so I needed to go to the ER.
After I got stitched I needed a Tetanus shot. As she was about to put the needle in she said "This is gonna hurt" then started to laugh incontrolably.
Needless to say I felt really comfortable after that Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:12 am

At least you were warned about the butt check. Very Happy

Try it without the warning. Shocked

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:21 am

I sure would hate to be in medical field in your area when you have a problem! Smile

or store clerk, or any other type of service field Wink

Although, you certainly have a knack for getting members here to spend money on computer maintenance and equipment Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:48 am

Reprob8 wrote:

"Have you had more than 5 sexual partners?" I answered Yes.

That probably covers the eyes on your avatar Reprob8. Now the ears are probably the result of one of them lovers holding her liquor.

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:16 am

hey 8,

glad your still enjoying doctors.

i work with a load, (they`re always trying to diagnose everything.)

enjoy the vic and lube.

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:57 pm

Thanks for the laugh, this is the second thread in a row that has made me laugh out loud at the coffee shop I'm at. If I see the owner go to the phone I am going to make a run for it before the transport van shows up to take me away.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

I can't believe you let the prostate exam go by without the classic Fletch quote: "You using the whole fist there, doc?"

Well done as usual Repro! Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:30 pm

You'd think by now I would know not to read one of Reprob8's medical posts while eating, but no, I just carry on shovelling food into my mouth - and I am now cleaning it out of the keyboard! Rice is a bastard to get out from between the keys btw! Glad you're fighting fit tho, m8! Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:59 pm

Funny story, Reprob8!

Something similar, but not quite as funny as R'8 happened to me last week, when i was getting some blood drawn. I was telling a story to the nurse who was in the middle of filling 3 or 4 vials. "My sister gave me a shot in my rear, just after she just graduated from nursing school. Unfortunately, as she was giving it, I teased her about how weird it was sticking your brother in the ass with a needle, and she broke out laughing.
She dropped the syringe, and it was hanging down against my cheek. Well, it only hurt abit, but it was so funny, that I started cracking up, and moving around, and she couldn't grab it for a few moments." Well, when the nurse heard this story, she dropped the syringe or moved it, and blood started gushing out of my arm and dripping down the arm of the chair. I told her, "I guess I shouldn't have told you that story, huh?" hehehe Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:36 pm

Another classic Rep post!!

The only thing missing was someone to piss you off big style!

Nice one dude!! Very Happy

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:47 pm

Good one with the shoulder check.. Laughing

Imagine what would have happened if you had said "mmm grrowr" when the intern did the butt check.

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