Just trying to stock my petting zoo.

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Clara is my newest and bestest friend.

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 12:19:49 -0800 clara reeds
> wrote:

Quote:

hello Ashley, thanks for your interest in my capuchin monkey .she is vaccinated and vet checked.They are in the best of health
>>conditions,and very healthy.They come with all registration
>>papers,adoption papers,health records,one year health
>>guarantee,toys,diapers and bottles and a care and feeding
>>manual.They are all home raised and hand fed in my home.They are
>>very friendly and get along with other pets.They are well tamed
>>and trained for diapers and bottles.They are non aggressive and
>>love children.They are friendly with people and are very playful
>>babies.This baby is 11weeks old an she is a female.They are
>>wonderful playmates and companions,who are very sociable.The
>>adoption fee for them is $300 while the shipping fee will depend
>>on your location.We are located in London Catford Road
>>Tel:00447031899277 and will ship from here.I ship with the best
>>pet shipping company:air france.please send to me your full names and your complete home address for home delivery or the
>> closest airport to your locality for pick up.
>> The monkey will arrive the very day i ship.Do you
>>have any kids?I just want to know the kind of home my baby is
>>going into and whether the parents and kids are pet lovers.
>>waiting to read from you
>>Merry Christmas
>>regards
>>Clara

Ashley wrote:
"oh hi, thank you for getting back 2
>me. do you have ne pictures of
>monkies? I really want a monkey, i really really really want a
>baby
>giraffe but i cant find ne for sale. I have the money for it
>because my dad is super rich and gives me all the money i want,
>and
>he said i could buy whatever pet i want. since i can't find a baby giraffe i'll think about getting a monkey. I guess they r cute?
>Thank you,
>ashley"

On Wed, 02 Jan 2008 00:14:02 -0800 clara reeds wrote:

Quote:

Hello there,thanks for your mail.I wish to say i am sorry for the
>late reply because my computer crashed.hope you understand.its
>only now that i succeeded to arrange things.
> I am attaching the pictures of the baby kelly.she is so cute and
>i want her to go to any lovely home where she would be spoiled.
>please where are you located.send to me your full names and
>complete home address for home delivery or the closest airport to
>your locality for pick up.
> please waiting to read from you
>Happy New Year 2008
>regards
>Clara

Ashley wrote:"Hi Clara,
I'm sorry 4 not getting back 2 you sooner. been really bizzy trying
to get things up and going. I'm sure you know exactly what i mean.
Neways, I still want a monkey, but my most pressing need is for a
fully grown bigfoot, a female baby cyclops and a dozen French
gnomes, for I am opening a petting zoo and I don't want the regular
petting zoo animals like wild boars and alligators, I want my
petting zoo 2 b unique. Any help would be appreciated. Money is no
object, I have over 2000 dollars. Thank you,
Ashley "

Clara wrote:

Quote:

Hello Ashely,thanks for your mail.okay i can give you my little randy.he is a Lemurs.these are the smallest primates on earth.i didnt first intend to sell him.but if you can offer $400 for him then i will ship him together with kelly.what do you think?okay thats all i can get for now.but with time i will go around searching for some other little primate specie.
please get back so as to let me know your decision.i will attach little randys picture.he is also very ^playfull and sociable with other pets.
waiting to read from you
regards
Clara

Hmm...a lemur is sorta like a tiny bigfoot I guess. Let's see what else Clara comes up with though. I hope she pulls through for me, I simply must have a dozen french gnomes. ...none of those larger, meaner russian gnomes.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Quote:

Oh hi clara, that little turd is cute. What kind of a turd was that
again? A reamer? Neways, I'm thinking that I would like to purchase
12 french gnomes from u for 400.00 and have that little turd thrown
in for free!!!!! Holy cow! Did U notice that Randy has no penis? Do
U sell them that way so we can't breed the little turds when we get
them? That's not nice. How much would a full grown male bigfoot
cost? Looking forward to hearing back from you,
Ashley

Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 1:30 am

That's quite a start Dew. Maybe someone should let you in a secret though. That thing the reamer is playing with IS his penis. They are the only primates on earth that can unscrew their....ummmmm....playthings..... to play with them. Trust me......I'm a Doctor. Wink

I must say that you are learning fast in the baiting world. Not sure how long you'll be able to keep this one going though. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 1:34 am

Ask Clara for a dragon. My unicorn is lonely.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Quote:

Hi,thanks for your mail.please i will be giving you the lemurs for free.his specie is the smallest primate that exist on earth.I can assure you not many in the states have ever seen one cos its not in the states.well i can make it only for $550.if you agree.i think i am very rational and not expensive.well get back to me with what you think.so we can conclude and make shipping arrangements,for monday or tomorrow if you wish.the time here is about 9:45 pm.so untill tomorrow.
have a niceday and waiting to read from you
regards
Clara

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Oh hi, Clara.just checking to see if you were able to locate a source for french gnomes yet? or better yet, how is the search for the worlds largest primate species, Bigfoot? Or how about the female baby cyclops? I understand that they are native to Narnia. Is that anywhere near you? Thanks,
Ashley

ps: Thank you for throwing in that little turd for free.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Quote:

Hi again,thanks for your male.they search is a little hard due to financial constraints.i have to travel about 60km then get a local native inhabitant to locate them for me.its possible all the same.I also hear there are baby cyclops available.As for that and the Bigfoot monday will do.if you can first send me $150 on monday to journey for that purpose i can assure you about results that same day by evening.you know we have all primate species available.the only problem is for me to journey there.i hope ypu are very serious if you decide that we proceed.i think you can better discuss this with my husband over the phone.please leave a contact number.so that we can trash out some issues better.i will get back to you soon as i am still waiting for some replies.please also send to me thier exact scientific names so that i get just the right specie.you cant believe that we have uncountable primate species here.Also i need to know your names.so i can use it to call you than always saying hello there.hope you understand.please waiting to read from you
regards
Clara

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Oh yes, Clara! I understand the financial restraint you are talking about. Sometimes I like to be put into restraints as well. Please feel free to call phone number 2095854698. If you have access to a fax machine, I could fax you a check post haste. As far as the exact scientific names of the items I am in need of are as follows:

1)Bigfoot (areyoufriggenkiddinme iguessyoureanidiot)

2)Cyclops (Nosuchthingsexist youmoron)

3)French Gnomes (French Gnomes)

Anyway, I hope that helps. Please get back to me with that fax number so I can get that money to you.

Ashley

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Oh my gosh, I did not expect to hear back from Clara. This woman is undaunting. She found the list of scienticic names very helpful. Unfortunately they have no fax machine so I will have to find another way to get the money to them.

Quote:

Hello Ashley, Thanks for your mail.Well i just came back from Church this morning and i have since then spoken with my husband and he is willing to help you archieve your ambition.So he will call you soon today.His still at church since they have a little meeting.It will be good if we stay really very good freinds you know.Since i dont have a fax machine i prefer you can send the money through and money transfer shop such as western union or money gram.
Its going to be pretty earsier for us to collect the money that way.We intend to ship these primates to you before this mid coming week.hope that will be okay for you.because my husband has decided to hasten things since he will personally travel to order for your requested species.Also we hope you these animals shall be loved and taken proper care of.you know its much easier to look for these animals with thier scientific names.you can count on us for that.
well my husband has accepted to ring you as soon as he is back from church.okay have a nice sunday and stay Blessed
regards
Clara

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Hi Clara,
I'm glad to hear that you are religious. I too am religious. I think our friendship is definitely off on the right foot. I am so glad to hear that you attend church. I too attend church. I belong to the "First Church of St. Noodle". I am the official noodle washer on our church council. (Amazing how much we have in common, isn't it? It's almost as if our meeting was divinely orchestrated.) I'm sure we have a few slight differences in our worship services, as would be expected since we are divided by so many miles and cultural differences. The important thing is that we worship the same noodle. As my pasteurizer always says, "It's not the size of the noodle that counts, it's how you use it." I try to live by that.

Anyway, thank you for getting back to me so soon, I really appreciate it. This next week would be beautiful to receive my creatures if you can locate them. I sincerely hope that the scientific names will prove helpful in your search.

I'm sorry that you don't have a fax machine...it would be much easier to get a check directly to you that way. Shoot, I could just fax you cash if you had one. I don't have a western onion in the town I live in, so I will have to come up with some other method of payment. Perhaps a "Homing pidgeon-a-gram" or "Helium Balloon-a-gram". I'll be working on that so I can get that money to you as soon as possible. Thank you Clara, I look forward to your reply and your husband's call. "May the almighty noodle smile upon you and lay limply in your bowl." 1st Pasta 3:2

Ashley

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:33 pm

*snickers*

You're delightfully evil, you know that? Smile

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

I have been told that before. Teehee! "Behold the Noodle, the creator and sustainer of all." Ramen 1:4

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:00 pm

You're not a Pastafarian, are you?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Nope, Epastapalian. Very similar, only completely different. I understand the confusion.
I cannot believe that "Sister Clara" actually wrote me again! May the Great Noodle shine down upon her.

Quote:

Hello Ashley,thanks for your mail.well my husband tried calling you today.but he coudnt get you.so we intend to phone you again tomorrow since the time here is already 10:00pm.its late.i have alot to write to you but will do so tomorrow.I know its Gods wish that we met this way cos i know we shall get to know many other things about ourselves and oneday visit each other.though we are far we can be close in spirit.please permit that i stop here for today since i am very tired.had a busy day with my nice since i had to prepare her for school.
Stay Blessed
regards
clara

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Good morning Clara,
(I know it will be morning when you read this, so I thought that greeting appropriate.)And greetings in the name of our Lord Beans And Rice! Yes, I am a "trinitarian" I worship the Almighty Pasta, Beans and Rice. Three in One.

I am so glad to meet you, Clara, I already feel a deep bond with you. It's neat to meet other worshippers of the Great Noodle. People who do not know Him just don't understand how wonderful He is, do they?
My favorite scripture is "For one noodle strained, thousands more need straining, but there is one who sticks when thrown at your brother." AlDente' 2:3

What is your favorite scripture?

Yours truly,

Ashley

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