Safari time! - Well, it was fun while it lasted

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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:48 pm

@Juan - I haven't heard anything from Jimbo since about 7:00pm yesterday, when he told me that he was on his way to Parakou.

I hope that he hasn't been eaten by a crocodile, that would spoil our fun.... Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:51 am

Simba and Juan, I really hope that our two mugus meet in the lobby. They will hate each other on site! Maybe they will both have that moment, when they both twig, and they can share that special embarrassed shame of the realization they have been had.... or, they can figure out how to get to Natitingou together, which is much closer to the camp...

T'is 4;42AM in Benin, now. Soon they will both be looking for internet cafes...... Twisted Evil

and a new day will dawn...

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:29 am

REPOSTED FROM OTHER THREAD:
Simba and Juan. Maybe we wait until 2 PM, and then send emails to the two saying the pickup is now in Natitingou at the Hotel Tata Somba. This is much closer to the park, and by the time they arrive, well, dang, they will have missed the shuttle again, giving us an extra night for them, plus more miles, maybe soome feathers for the pith helmets.

Then the next day we tell them to go to the Hotel Campement de la Pendjari, where the boat will meet them..... and at this point, the jig is up, and we can all stop answering emails.....

Do you think this might work? I like the idea of them moving a bit further, though they may be completely broke, already. Most certainly they will be after they arrive in Pendjari! Hahaaha!

_________________

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:00 am

Oh my lordie..... Shocked

Congratulations Juan. Your mugu has finally reached Parakou... beers!

It looks like we might have a mugu jamboree in Parakou afterall. Laughing

These 2 Emails just in this morning from Jimbo & K3lvin.

Firstly Jimbo,

Quote:

Dear Mr and Mrs Rhoxxs,

I arrived parakou at 1am this morning, i wanted to lodge into the hotel, i was told there is no more room left, so i lodged into another hotel.

When will your shuttle van be coming to the Le Magestic hotel today? Let me know because i am stranded here and i dont have anymore money on me to pay for accommodation.
get back asap before noon
I am sure Mrs Susan will be angry at me now

And this one from Lord K3lvin... Rolling Eyes

Quote:

I write to inform you that i am in Parakou now, let me know the time when your van will be coming to the hotel to pick me, Your van must pick me today, if the van does not pick me today, i dont have anymore money to pay for hotel accommodation.

So get back to me with time when your van will be at the hotel.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:04 am

hahahaha!!!!!!!!! You guys are hilarious. I really can't believe this bait. It has been so fun to follow. What a great image.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:48 am

OK, as I don't know the name of Juan's "dolla choppa" I have popped off the same Email that I sent to Hendick yesterday, with a few additional sentences which I have highlighted.

Hopefully the mere mention of another guest from Cotonou will get Jimbo agitated, and also he comes backs with some good desciptions of his safari yesterday.

I'd also love to see his receipts, so fingers crossed he might get those scanned...... Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mister Calkxxs,

I am sorry that you have encountered such a delay on your journey to Parakou.
Unfortunately you arrived long after the shuttle bus had already left on
its daily run to the 5imba Safari Camp, and as you failed to confirm
that your were indeed en-route to Parakou, our driver/guide had no good
reason to delay his departure.

Under the circumstances, we would advise you to remain at your Parakou hotel for
the time being, as fortunately we do have a 5imba shuttle bus
service collecting another guest that was delayed on his journey from Cotonou yesterday.

I believe this guest is actually staying at the Majestic Hotel, so perhaps it would be nice to introduce yourself to him, and ensure that you are together when the 5imba shuttle bus arrives to collect you both later today.

I assume that there must have been some sort of problem on the road from Cotonou yesterday?
I would appreciate your comments about this, as its always useful for our records on the Benin roads.

Once again I remind you that 5imba shuttle bus collection will depart at
4pm local time outside of The Majestic Hotel, Parakou.
Of course I must remind you, that the 5imba safari group will hold good
its promise of reimbursement for all of your unexpected travel and
accommodation expenses. So please do keep all of your receipts or forward them to me in advance if that is at all possible.

Thank you very much for your continued understanding in this matter

Best regards,
Gloria Rhxxes.
Guest Relations Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

EDIT: And an immediate response from Lord K3lvin. Which is odd because I only Emailed the above message to Jimbo.
So maybe they really are only one person. Rolling Eyes

Quote:

My name is K3lvin Ifeanxi, i am writing in respect of the shuttle van which you say is going to come pick me this afternoon at Le Majestic Hotel, i did not find a room at Le Majestic Hotel this morning whn i arrived, so i was direct to a hotel at the backstreet of Le Majestic Hotel which name is Hotel Les Canaris, that is where i am right now. I asked from the reception in Le Majestic Hotel and they told me they dont know about 5imba Sarafi Camp.

I want you to infrom your driver to come pick me at Hotel Les Canaris (B.P. 217 - PARAKOU) this afternoon, my room number is 109 and the hotel phone number is (229) - 95846684.

I dont have anymore money here with me, i have been in Bene Republic for 4days now trying to find the camp.

Mrs Susan will be angry at me if i dont arrive the camp today, so please make sure your driver comes to pick me at Hotel Les Canaris (B.P. 217 - PARAKOU) this afternoon, my room number is 109 and the hotel phone number is (229) - 95846684

Oooooh what to do with this information.... Twisted Evil

Quote:

It would be most appreciated if your friend and yourself would adhere to
the original schedule of meeting the 5imba shuttle bus.
We do not want to run the risk of our driver getting lost and delaying
your journey still further.

We have also arranged to collect one other guest from this location, so
it would be perfect if the three of you could wait together as planned
at the Majestic.
Once again I remind you that the 5imba shuttle bus collection will
depart at 4.00pm local time outside of The Majestic Hotel, Parakou.

Thank you very much for your continued understanding in this matter

Best regards,
Gloria Rhoxxs.
Guest Relations Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 1:50 pm

Hahahahaha! Juan! Thumbs up

Simba!

I am sorry I pushed my mugu on further, since the chance of a misery fest with possible fisticuffs is eliminated. You can, of course, suggest they go to the park and go to Hotel Campement de la Pendjari which is only a very short boat ride from 5imb@ $@4@ri camp... only a few hours away.....

Good work on this! clapping

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 1:52 pm

@Doc - the hilarious thing is I have just had a rant at your mugu and told him to come back to Parakou for the shuttle bus.... Laughing

Its all descending into mugu mayhem... Laughing

But at least juan's mugu can obey a simple instruction... Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Mrs Rhodxx,

I am going to do just that, i will wait there for the Van, has the Van left the camp for Le Majestic Hotel? Is the Van on its way now? I will be in front of the hotel Gate.
I will be waiting

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:04 pm

Well, if the bus has a problem, and I think it will, this guy needs to get to Natitingou, and then up to the camp through the Campement Pendjari! They have come so far, and they are so close, it would really be a shame, though, perhaps, un avoidable, if they got stuck for the night, again, without reaching. Th biggest shame would be if they only spent 1 more night. I think Hendick is flat broke! Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:39 pm

Just received from Jimbo a few minutes ago...

Quote:

Dear Mrs Gloria Rhoxxs,

You have asked i and my friend K3lvin to wait for your shuttle at The Majestic Hotel, we have been at The Majestic Hotel since 12.00noon, this is 04.30pm, no shuttle has arrived the hotel.

We are fed up of all this stress, it cost us a lot of money to get to Cotonou from Nigeria, another whole lot of money to get to Parakou, moreover, we have spent a lot on Hotel bills.

We are going back to Nigeria once it is 5.00pm and the shuttle did not come. When we get to Nigeria, i will calculate all the expenses and let you know the total which you shall repay.

I am so disappointed

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:43 pm

I got up this morning to find seven emails from Jim and K3lvin. No need to post them all, but here are my favorite parts:

Quote:

If the van does not come, i will be stranded here and will not have any money to lodge into any hotel.

. . .

this morning, i woke up naked thinking about you, i decided to come to the camp all by myself, but no one arond seems to know where the camp is,
. . .
I am sure you will be happy to hear that i am in Parakou, today, i will be with you.

. . .
Please wait for us and dont suck any mans cock.

. . .
I arrived parakou at 1am this morning, i wanted to lodge into the hotel, i was told there is no more room left, so i lodged into another hotel.

. .
Please ask Mr Rhodes for the time the vehicle will be coming, Let me know because i am stranded here and i dont have anymore money on me to pay for accommodation.

Get back to me before noon,
I cant stand it anymore

. . .

I love you so much thats why i have to come down to this far distance.

. . . .

I am so surprised and disappointed not to find any mail from you since morning, i have been checking my mail to see if i can find any message from you.

I hope you have not gone out with Reginald? I have waited for you all along, please dont betray me,

. . .
You did not even bother to send me an email to know how i am doing, i have waited for the shuttle to come, we did not find any: You have caused me a whole lot of trouble and expenses, Nevertheless, I love you till death,

I just wrote to tell him how excited I am that I'll see him tonight, and told him I couldn't write earlier because I was on a "very private" tour of the region with my new paramour, Reginald. But he doesn't need to worry about Reginald, I'm going to lose all interest in him as soon as the dolla chopper gets there. Laughing

@Simba: the chopper is Mr. Chin3du. Be sure to include that in your next email, it will really wind this lad up big time! Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:47 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

:@Simba: the chopper is Mr. Chin3du. Be sure to include that in your next email, it will really wind this lad up big time! Twisted Evil

Ahhhh thats what I have been waiting for.....
Email will be popped off to Jimbo in a couple fo minutes.... Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mister Calkxxs,

Please let me assure you that the 5imba shuttle bus departed for Parakou
as planned earlier today.
I can only assume that there has been a slight delay as is sometimes the
case when on safari in Africa.
After your disrupted journey yesterday, I am sure that you can
appreciate that?

May I please ask for your patience for just a little while longer until
the 5imba shuttle bus arrives to collect yourselves and a Mister Chinedu
who will also be travelling on the shuttle bus today.

Perhaps you could introduce yourself to Mister Chinedu and share a drink
or two whilst the 5imba shuttle bus completes its journey.
You will be perfectly welcome to charge your drinks to the 5imba safari
Group and our driver will pick up the bill upon his arrival.

Thank you so very much for your continued understanding in this matter
and we look forward to giving you a warm welcome when you finally arrive at the 5imba safari camp - Benin.

Best regards,

Gloria Rhoxxs.
Guest Relations Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 4:01 pm

The

emoticon just doesn't begin to express how hard I'm laughing after reading your email, Simba! Ohmygod, I wish I could see the lad's face when he reads that! I hope to hell Doc's lad comes back to Parakou and goes to the hotel to find Mr. C****s.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 29

I am loving this. Absolutely awesome stuff!

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 4:14 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

I hope to hell Doc's lad comes back to Parakou and goes to the hotel to find Mr. C****s.

@Juan - Well apparently he IS on his way back to Parakou..
Message from Doc's laddie:

Quote:

I wuill respect your instruction and order but from here natitingou to parakou is 276km but it's 4:45pm now,did you think the driver will wait for me at Le majestic Hotel for more 5-6hours ,pls consider my calculation am not a fool or block-headed person,it's circumstances that make it to be so.

we shall meet and you will understand the difficilties I passed through since the journey from Cotonou.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 4:30 pm

Once we know he is on his way, we should write him an email saying that we understand he went to trhe hotel in the park, and that the shuttle did not wait for him. If he arrives and meets your laddie, Juan, the sparks will fly. I am sure both of thses guys have a serious temper by now.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 4:45 pm

Pure genius. This needs to be made into a movie or a cartoon at least.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 4:58 pm

I think you ask your lads to go on to Natitingou, with apologies. This fucks them in a bit further, and makes another night spent in Benin, at least.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:15 pm

There is a webcam in front of the hotel, right?

I'm almost willing to send them Western Union so they can install one.

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:17 pm

@ Doc: I've had no reply from my lad since I wrote an hour or two ago. To be honest I'm getting confused now; did Mrs. Rhodes tell my lad to sit tight and wait for the delayed shuttle, or was that sent to your lad? Very Happy

I really hope my guy doesn't turn around and head to Nigeria. Anyway, as long as your lad is heading to Parakou again, the key is to keep mine there. But now that he knows Chin3du is going to be riding the same van, who knows how he'll react???

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:26 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

I've had no reply from my lad since I wrote an hour or two ago. To be honest I'm getting confused now; did Mrs. Rhodes tell my lad to sit tight and wait for the delayed shuttle, or was that sent to your lad?

I think we have descended into the realms of anarchy and farce now so it doesnt really matter..... Laughing

But to recap.
Jimbo & K3lvin have been told to wait in Parakou until the shuttle arrives for them.

Hendick-head has been told to return to Parakou and meet the other two guests before being collected in the shuttle bus.

But, Connie has also told Hendick-head to ignore that advise, and instead travel directly to the National Park. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:27 pm

Q@Juan: Your lad sits still. My lad goes back. There is no ride, so they will all be asked to head to Natitingou, and then we should try to get them to go on to the park.

Edited to add: yes, I did tell Hen Dick to continue north, while Bernie told him to go back. It's a free for all cluster fork all the way! Twisted Evil

I think there is a good chance your lad will wait for mine, and think my lad is Mr Chin-dooo. If they don't beat the shit out of each other, they will be waiting for their ride. However, what we need to do is have an accident, so that they all go back to Natitingou together and then on to this hotel in the park. Entry to the park costs 10,000 whatever it is the spend in Benin, so an additional expense! Nice! I like! Then, when they reach the hotel, Campemente Pendjari, they find noone knows jack squiddle about any 5imb@ $@faris �amp! Realization will then, most likely, set in..... Cool

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:43 pm

After re-reading my lad's note to Bernie, I really want to be sure he doesn't turn tail and head back to Lagos yet. I just sent him another email, I hope he reads it before giving up:

my character wrote:

You poor thing! I can't believe you've been put through so much trouble! I just ran into Mr. Rhodes in the bar. Reginald insisted we have a pre-dinner drink after our sauna, Mr. Rhodes was there and talked with us for a while. He told me the van was delayed and didn't get to the pickup point on time, but that it will still be arriving soon and that you should be here this evening. He also said that you wrote to him saying that you might go back to Nigeria. NO!!! PLEASE DON'T GO BACK!!!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME STRANDED!!!

Darling, you've come so far to be with me! Don't give up now!! I would be devastated if you gave up!!

Mr. Rhodes was really sad when he saw how upset I was. He really is a wonderful man and the camp is superbly managed, but sometimes things come up that are just out of human control -- like when the van got a flat tire. Don't think badly of him, he plans to make it up to you when you're here.

Please, my love, don't just leave me when we're so close!

I love telling him that I'm worried about being stranded, as I live a life of luxury! Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:44 pm

Dang, I so wish I'd started recruiting drivers weeks ago! No nibbles yet btw. You guys are evil geniuses and should find an underground lair to work from, bwahahaha.

Quote:

There is a webcam in front of the hotel, right?

Sadly, as far as I can tell the nearest public webcam is 850 km away in Cameroon at Lake Nyos, which occasionally spews deadly toxic fumes that kill every oxygen-breathing creature in the vicinity. . Does Simba Safari have an outpost there?

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:46 pm

bohigal wrote:

Does Simba Safari have an outpost there?

As a matter of fact......

YES..!!

We do... Laughing

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