Monkey Bread Anyone?

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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 6:13 pm

While dog scams are lot more of my thing (though I am trying desperately to move up the "lad"der into big kid land) I do love the occasional monkey scam as well!

I found an ad for a "Cute Affectionate Capuchine Monkey for Adoption." So I thought I would check it out. I sent a very casual hello to [email protected]:

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Oh I want one! Monkey's are yummy!

I thought I would just see what my response would be. And what a surprise! Classic automatic, "I just want your money, give it to me now" reply:

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hello , i thank you for responding to my advert.really i had two lovely babies the females are called Lina and lino.they are 3 months of age and very brilliant ,respectful,neat and so lovely to kids and caries on well with other pets like cats and dogs in my house.i got an English bull pup Lina and lino will always play with her as if they are of the same specie.at times i wonder how they does play with Lissa the pup and jerry my kitten,again i say it is the way they were trained by me. since you other pets in your home,it will be good to have just Lina and lino baby monkeys to complete your taste of good pets around you.good enough you said you are home,that means babies Lina and lino will get best of love.thats all they needs.when you show them you love them ,they becomes your best friend.they loves when attended to.also i will advice that if you buy Lina and lino ,you should never shout at them for they will be sad all day and may not take their food.try to always correct them when they goes wrong.they can do minor things like closing the door when asked to,then pickup things of lighter weights to give you when you ask them to. yes i can ship them from my location Victoria Cameroon to you in ur location with all ease .when a baby is to be shipped out,they are certain papers that when it moves with,there will be no prob,with the customs.you have have a problem with the custom when papers like health documents,insurance,vaccination,a change of ownership paper,and their traveling permit.babies Lina and lino will come with all these mentioned above.so you should not be worried about the customs.i will take care of everything and your part is only to take her home.about babies care and feeding i made a handbook for babies that carries two parts.1)for their daily care,and the other for their feeding.you will need just to read and follow the babies hand book and that alone will guide you in all you need to know about caring for them.though Lina and lino eats virtually all we eat, they loves bananas,apples,and most especially biscuit soaked in orange juice.i can only let you know this because i did not include it in the handbook.do not peal their bananas when you want to give them to Lina and lino,else they will not eat.always try to cut foods of the apple nature into tiny bits that they can pick up easily to eat.baby Lina and lino will go for $200.00 USD including their shipping.then i will be provide every other document they will be coming with.presently i am on a road construction project,so i can always create time to write you since i have my laptop with me here.i am working a little far from town so i only go home after every three days to look after Lina and lino for my little boy Michael knows only how to feed them.i wait to read from you soon.have a nice day and God bless you.see her pics in attachment.
THANKS

Huh. Don't recall asking for any care or pricing information!

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All I want to know is if the monkey will taste good!? Monkeys are very tasty usually you know.

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Hello thanks for getting back to me,like i said i am now in Victoria Cameroon where i now work as a peace corp,so the weather conditions here are very harsh and where i live i do not have space on which she can play on and so she is very bored and i am also afraid she can die here of these bad weather.So i have decide to give her out to you cos i know you can take care of her.I have an album of her pics so all you need to do now is to get back to me with your email address so i can mail you the pics.So i am given her out for free to any home that will take good care of her like yours,so all you have to do is to pay for the shipping fee which is $90 if we are using Cameroon Airlines to shipped her to you,this is so cos Cameroon Airlines is on special promotion during these X-mas period.So you just promise me you will take very good care of her please that is why i am not asking you any adoption fee cos i do not want to use her to make money but want a good home and not a good house,so if you can do these then mail me with your full shipping details so that i can start preparing her for shipping. That is your Full Names.......... Your home address............... Your state and zip code.......... Your phone numbers both cell and fix....... And the nearest airport to you home........ So if these information is provided with she shipping fees then i can shipped to you as soon as you want. thanks and waiting

She must have been in denial that someone wanted to eat her poor little monkey for I was not getting the response I was looking for. So I send her a very blunt, "BUT CAN I EAT HER?"

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that is left to you ok cos she is fit for eating just get back with your shipping details that and the shipping fee so that i can get her shipped to you as soon as possible before the airport increases the shipping fare That is your Full Names.......... Your home address............... Your state and zip code.......... Your phone numbers both cell and fix....... And the nearest airport to you home........ So if these information is provided with she shipping fees then i can shipped to you as soon as you want. thanks and waiting

Now we are getting somewhere! Fit for eating! Bravo!

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Okay well, I was also wondering if you could provide me with local spices and herbs so I could get the full affect of a monkey from Africa meal! I would be willing to pay more. Do you have any yahoo im to talk with?

Then I get the sales pitch:

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okay thanks for getting back to me well,you can't get spices over there so she comes with them any well you cutmangeo,the green spices,trich onion and may more all you need to do is just wait she comes with them all so just get back to me with your shipping details so that i can ship her to you as soon as possible cos since i started asking for it you do answer so get back to me with That is your Full Names.......... Your home address............... Your state and zip code.......... Your phone numbers both cell and fix....... And the nearest airport to you home........ So if these information is provided with she shipping fees then i can shipped to you as soon as you want. thanks and waiting

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Is there a platter of any kind that you could send as well? With traditional African Artwork. I have told my friends that the monkey is coming and they all want to join in. Now I am having an African party at my house and wondered if I could have an authentic platter as well that would be greeeat. Let me know...waiting....would like to have monkey for new years....

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okay just get back to with with the kind of African artwork you will like.can it be a drawing,painting,or carving just let me know what you will like and i will get it for you cos it is easy getting such things over here and also get back to me with your email so that i can mail you the pics of what i have gotten as concerning the platter i just have to do a good search for it here.so let me know what kind of artwork you will like okay and what's you phone number so we can talk .so waiting

Request after request was not throwing Jessica!! So I thought I might be able to throw her with this one:

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Also, I was wondering...One of my friends here was talking about something they saw on the news...A monkey that fights? They use him as a guard dog of sorts and this company has never been robbed...you don't have any monkey's like that do you? So I would need a monkey to eat and a monkey to guard my house. If that really exisits...MAN! I will be sending you a lot of money! ha ha! hopefully I get a lot of Cmas money today!

Yes...I was scamming on Christmas. BUT I WAS SCAMMING FOR JUSTICE! And Justice never takes a holiday...Anyways....

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hello i do not even know your name ,so the monkey which fights is a gorilla .so i am replying late cos i went in search of the gorila,so they said it will cos you $300 for it so all you need to do now is just to send the money so i can get him and also i think you better get one of them cos shipping both of them to you will be very expansive but if you can do it then no problem.the one i saw was 3fit tall and it was trained it Germany as i was told so if you can provide the money i can get him as soon as possible and get her shipped to you as soon as you will want them..so should provide me with an email which i can email you the pictures of the one i just found. wating

My name has been in EVERY email so I choose to ignore that plea for my name, stupid needle noggin. I, in turn, find the perfect picture for my platter!

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Okay I found a picture: http://ww1.prweb.com/prfiles/2004/02/08/103640/african-art-and-craft-40.jpg If you could find something like that it would be perfect!!!

Then I get the email. The big daddy email. The wow thats a big old gorilla bologna email:

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Hello
here are his picture like said it will cost $300 for it so many people wanted it since the guy is a friend of mine he decided to give it to me and for the price which he did so all you need to do now is to send the money to the guy bas soon as possible before he changes his decision and gives it to some one who can pay higher then what we have done so please if you can do fast it will be better so that you do not lose it.so ore pics are attached i just put these one here for a better view.
thanks

Now everyone just BACK OFF! This is my Gorilla for $300.00 and none of you can have him!!! Don't go contacting her for my beast! For he art mine!

HA HA HA HA!

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hello
i do not even know your names not even anything thing so please get back to me with with your full names your phone number so we can talk over the phone

So I just ignore her.

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Jessica,

I am waiting to hear from you...Please email soon! I am so excited!!!! I got
over 1200 dollars for Cmas gifts! So I am ready man!!!

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Hello
thanks for getting back to me so all you need to do now is to send the money so that i can pay and collect the gorilla from the guy before he gives it out to some one,like i said it is $300 so if you can send the money now that will be good cos we fast go and claim him and do the transfer of ownership documents which will show that the gorilla now belongs to you,so you can use the address below to send the money to me as soon as possible via western union cos it is fast and secure so i can immediately pay for your gorilla
Receivers name.....Jean Dawson
Country.................Cameroon
state.....................Victoria
zip code................00237
test question..........who to
answer...................jean
So when you send the money get back to me with the senders full names and the money tracking control number(M.T.C.N).So i can get the money then pay for the baby and get back to you with the full transfer of ownership papers.
thanks and God bless You and your family

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But wait, did you find the platter yet? And how is the monkey for eating doing?

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Hello
thanks for getting back to me,so i have seen just one platter with one picture so i do not know if you will like it also i have seen an African traditional stool the pics are attached below.So get back to me first with the money for the gorilla so that i can pay for it at once using the address send the money so that no one pays for it before us.so i saw some platters but they are made out of clay so i do not know if you will like is too it has every thing the spoons,jars,fruit bowls,milk jug,flow jug,gorlick loaf platter,cake plate,round salt and pepper, Cups and saucers large breakfast in fact every thing so you just take a look at the pics below but first let us complete the part of the gorilla as for the monkey for eating you will get it at once with the gorilla.
thanks

So although she didn't find the picture I wanted for my platter, she didn't just find me a platter she found me a set! And on top of that...she found me a stool!!! I didn't even ask for a stool! It's like "And if you act now, we will even throw in this African Stool, FREE OF CHARGE!"

She then sends me over 30 pictures of my new plate ware set and my stool! (I'd post the pictures, but I'm having some computer difficulty at the moment! Perhaps later...but then I would not want to cause you all to covet my plates) Try not to be jealous folks. Maybe when the monkey gets here I will invite you all over for monkey bread and we will be watched over by the mighty gorilla.

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Okay! I will go ahead and pay the 300 now. I would like a copy of your id though first before we continue. My friend suggested I do that as a guarantee that you are who you say you are or that there really is a Jean Dawson. So please get
back to me on that and I will send the funds ASAP! Smile

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Hello
thanks for the ,mail i understand why you need asking my id,these because you had contacted other people and the gave the same name using my id card so what they are using is my id card which got missing and was reported by the police so they went up and took it saying it was that of their mother i do not know how i only got it when i was accused of scam which means they used my id to scam people of their money so they are now in the police station waiting for trail so that means their accomplices still have i copy of my id so can you plz send me their email so that i can report them again to the carps.so when these is done before we can go on with the deal if not so then i can give you the gorilla or the monkey nether the platters.
so get back thanks

OH! The poor dear. So I send her another puppy scammers id (a real dork of a scammer) and see what she says....

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OH!!! I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS HAPPENED TO YOU!!! Sad

This is the email address
claiming to be you: [email protected]. Listen I want to just pay for
everything right now, today so I can get my monkey for eating, my plate set, my
stool and my guarding gorilla asap. But my accountant when I talked to her over
the phone said I need to get some proof of ID. I trust you but she has control
over my estate...and she wants me to give her something as proof. It is a pain
in my ass let me tell you. But that's what happens when you are the daughter of
a wealthy bank owner. AH! So annoying, so if you could help me out so I could
get my monkey's I would be so eternally grateful!!!

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Hello
you know what if you can't trust my words then i do not know what to do now cos i have no profs now only if you can trust me that's all.so all these time we have been working you can't trust me when i have gone far and near searching for the things you need like the platter and the gorilla so you can't trust me.......,so i have gotten information that you are working with an african the carps gave me that as the have been searching through the guys mails and he had given you that same id of mine and he tells you to go around scamming people is that true?these was given to me by the carps cos i just reported that email to them so they got that information when searching.
so get back to me with the truth if you are serious about getting any thing from me .cos i hate people who go about tempting others cos i have relly wasted time which some one else could have taken my baby monkey going around thinking i am helping you when you have your game which you are playing.

Quite a bit on the pissed off side wouldn't you say? WELL! Tit for Tat!

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Where do you get off! All I did was tell you my ACCOUNTANT wanted the informtion
because they hold my money! Forget it! Its a lot of money to spend and if you
don't want my money I have found a lot of other ad's on the internet for
monkey's. So I guess this transaction is at an end. I do not have to deal with
your attitude because there are PLENTY of other people interested in my money!
GOOD DAY.

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you can go to hell with your money not every thing is money okay i just want to satisfy you and satisfy my self okay so go ahead and give those who want your money go ahead and give them and never get what you want.
bye bye bye

OH! I had no idea I was actually speaking with a "Backstreet Boy!" I even got a free performance there at the end!

So there ya have it! Very Happy

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

What?! ...you got a gorilla for 300.00 ??? Sonuvabitch! I always miss out on the good deals!

Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:04 pm

Dude I know, but don't be jealous. I am constantly asking him to guard my big piles of jewels and all he does is pick his nose. So maybe that is why he was so cheap...Sigh...I will never learn....

Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 2:01 am

I think I've seen that big monkey before. He looks just like my Uncle Harry.....you know, the one who ran off to marry an Orangutan because she was better looking than my Aunt Elfrida. Smile