Teach Your Lad To Speak English Real Good

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Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:55 pm

One of the most annoying things about 419 scammers if their horrible English, idiosyncratic punctuation, and truely horrible spelling. I'm thinking we could do them a favor and teach them and new and exiting vocabulary, such as:

I'm pulling your leg- you may be suprised to hear from me

Bull- honest truth

Halitosis- good character/reputation

Confidence man- trusted official

Extraterrestial- foreigner (but with better connotations)

Nitwit- gender-neutral version of Mr/Mrs

Just imagine, a day where we will be getting letters like this:

Dear Nitwit,
I'm pulling your leg, but I have heard about your great halitosis. I am an extraterrestial confidence man...

Whadaya say?

Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:18 pm

On the subject of petty taunting of lads, just for a bit of fun, see if you can't engineer a 'fee' (or a balance or whatever) to be GBP357 or better still GBP356.60 (maybe it's what you can get in cash, or includes WU fees, whatever fits your scenario), then enquire if UK VAT is payable too? Should you send extra to cover the 17.5% VAT? Of course your lad will be overjoyed to take more of your money, but strangely unnerved by the total it comes to- oh go on, you can guess without working it out I'm sure!!
What an amazing coincidence hem hem...

Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:38 pm

I'm sorry- I don't understand what you're talking about.

If it's computer related stuff, don't bother- I'm a complete tech-mugu.

Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:48 pm

I THINK some people have had a bit of luck teaching the lads "proper english" in the past. However, there is always room for improvement. Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 12:17 am

My character Ludmi||a K0s0kal0v says

Quote:

I am always much liking to be talking with mugu persons and I even told one one time how I was liking so much his fotografic and my parakeet was looking from his cage and was fall down on his back with his foots up in air when I showed him. I am thinking I must be giving him much bad seeds.

Do you be knowing anything about parakeets ?

The moral being - if their writing makes your brain hurt - retaliate with a ditzy model who speaks bad English. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 12:24 am

My Dad was reading the scam emails in his inbox aloud the other night and was laughing until he cried at the poor english. Much room for "improvment" in those.

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 12:31 am

Shouldn't it be "Learn Your Lads to Speak English Real Good"?

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 12:51 am

I stand corrected.

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 81

Being relatively new, I'm not quite sure how to start a "teach my lad some english" conversation with them. If anyone finds a good way, please share. It does sound fun. Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 1:00 am

I'm thinking of mentioning how attrocious the lad's English is, then offer to teach him the Queen's English if he'll teach me Togo/Yoruba/whatever. You know, in a friendly sort of way.

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 1:00 am

I would "correct" his grammar in email.

"NO! NO! NO! It's skid mark, not SIR! Americans aren't using SIR anymore these days."

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:17 am

I like to introduce security phrases such as 'I felch my granny' to ensure that the transaction is 100% risky free secure, in the hope that lads might assimilate such into their own scripts. I also stop using the spell checker in my replies.

I like to sign off my relies with "I await your urgent repose", which I do...permanently if possible.

419Eater is my life Joined: 21 Nov 2005 Posts: 264

ChainYanker wrote:

I'm sorry- I don't understand what you're talking about.

It comes out to 419 GBP.

Lads probably wouldn't catch it either. I've found that subtle jokes like that go right over their heads. Sometimes even not so subtle jokes do also. They spend very little time reading anything that isn't a MTCN#.

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 8:57 pm

I was kinda hoping people would share their suggestions for vocab lessons here...

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:06 pm

Hmm..

You could correct him and tell him that the words he is using are out-dated and he should use other words instead...

For example:

Broad instead of M'am
Swine instead of Sir
Shark or Ambulance Chaser instead of Lawyer or Barrister

Question

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:07 pm

ChainYanker, I think you chose a bad time to put that idea forward, what with the Festive season and all.

I think the concept has promise, but it would take care and effort.

Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:52 pm

I've been telling lads for some time that 'next-of-kin' means 'gay partner' in North America, and offering them various 'correct' expressions for 'nearest living relative' such as 'ponce' or 'second-rate farquit'. Most times they just completely ignore all that, but some lads come back with the newspeak expressions, even modifying their certificates accordingly.

Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 1:06 am

I might just start introducing some of these words. Sounds like fun.

As for possible modalities used to push this dictionary, maybe an English teacher who can't stand them butchering the language? Or maybe a Spanish teacher...

Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:03 am

I've always been an enabler of poor grammar and spelling.
Howevery, the idear of been a edumucator sowns grate to!

Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:00 pm

419weasel wrote:

I would "correct" his grammar in email.

"NO! NO! NO! It's skid mark, not SIR! Americans aren't using SIR anymore these days."

Even better, "It's not 'Sir or Madam', it's "Pimp or Madam' ".

And I have got to find a way to work "sphincter" in there.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 23 Dec 2007 Posts: 76

[/quote]And I have got to find a way to work "sphincter" in there.[/quote]
"Sincerely or regards any more either, its sphincter.... Your sphincter I-bin Had Smile

Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:16 pm

It's a little easier to get a lad who speaks reasonably good English to butcher some common idioms rather than try to correct their grammar.

I wouldn't want them to miss out on a "dunce in a lifetime opportunity"; it might "set them back to square nine".

I urge them to respond by "dropping me a lime".

Any official seals on documents should be referred to as a "seal of truth".

Not quite a Newb Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 35

ChainYanker wrote:

I was kinda hoping people would share their suggestions for vocab lessons here...

I'm pretty new too, so anything I have to say strictly for what it's worth, but trying with heary endeavor to learn the lads propitious English as possible has become my angle. Here aren some of my observations to date:

-Little tweaks to the language are good. I ask my lads to advice me on matters, and thank them for their excellent advise. I ask for clarification regrading confused matters. I request specific delamination of charges outlying in the affadavits. If the lad's English is shaky, he's probably reading at least semi-phonetically, so a real word that sounds close (doesn't have to be a straight-up homophone) seems to slip by. Try to find a little stable that can realistically be used frequently, and be consistent with them. The more times it appears, the more likely it is to be picked up, especially if it's subtle and coming in under the radar.

-Words can be mistrabulated when desired. The English Language is wonderfully convollient that way. Just be careful not to superenduplify it, or you might overshunt yourself.

-Typos can be both your fiend and your fore.

-Positively reinforce grammar, spelling, and syntax errors the lad already makes by using them yourself.

-If you have any familiarity with topic-comment languages (Chinese and American Sign Language are the two I'm most familiar with), I've found thinking in that mode really helpful. Basically, instead of sentences where Subject Verbs Object, you get sentences that are more "As regards such-and-such, it thus-and-so." Ex.: The payment I went to WU to send to you already. This transaction I think it is too complicated.

-Idioms, as @LaBrea mentions, are a good way to go. One of my lads is cock-sure the transaction will go well (he didn't learn that one from me, but it's awesome). Another was happy to hear that the possibility of a business deal with him "really tinkled my ovaries."

Me personally I've never corrected a lad's English or made suggestions. I try to just work things into the conversation. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of offering a helpful "hey pal, just so you know, here in Ontario we call that 'pulling onesef up by his jockstraps," or whatever, but generally I like to let the lad think he's doing a great job all on his own, and just steer him along. Subtlety's my bit, I guess. Or attempts at conversion thereto.

@LHM

Elite Baiter Joined: 02 Jul 2006 Posts: 1702

But lads also write in german/french/spanish/italian/russian and a whole host of otther languages too, if we really do teach them some really good phrases we have to have "world coinage" and multi-lingual phrases are few and far between.

Even UK and US have some funny translations of wording - slang is used in every language, and sometimes the results are what we need.

But where to begin finding phrases in english that will have europe/us/eurasia and deepest asia all laugh there cotton socks off? We have a lot of work to do lol

Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:47 pm

ChainYanker wrote:

And I have got to find a way to work "sphincter" in there.

Hmmm... "I crave to indulge your sphincter" Laughing

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