Ladname of the week - Mr Brown Essence

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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:40 am

He signs himself Kevin Johnson, but the header gives the sender as 'Brown Essence', so that's who I'm replying to, I won't talk to anyone else.

Quote:

Brown Essence <[email protected]>
to me

Goodday ,
I am looking for your cooperation in building a Tourist Hotel or Real Estate in your country. I am sorry if this is not in line with your business.I need an experienced person like you to assist me to set up , develop the project and assume responsibility of ownership as chairman
but will be bringing

in profit /distribute profit monthly or nnually.However ,I got your email information on your Hotel contact list. your immediate reply will be highly appreciated and I shall give you more information on this project.

Mr Kevin Johnson

Lord N0rris is your man, after all, he does own Somerset....

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown Essence,

I may be able to help you build a real estate, as I own hundreds of
acres of land, here and in Africa. Do you want to buy some? Or I could
give you the land and we share the profits.
--

And off script we jolly well go, hopefully...

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:12 am

And as time goes on his name will become Brown Effluence won't it?

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 1:18 pm

I recently received a cry for help from a "Brown Johnson", could they perhaps be related??

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 2:44 pm

well, maybe some of his 'essence' leaked out on the other guys 'johnson'....

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:46 pm

When does next week's competition begin?
I have two Senegal lads that must surely be contenders for silly name of the week... Laughing

Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:58 pm

Roy; please teach Mr Brown Essence that it's not all gravy...

Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:03 pm

Just got this today

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:44 pm

Emma Sexy knows how to get round Father Jack - 'girls!', though Johnny walker or Jack Daniels would have got his attention, I'm sure.

As predicted, my lad is now answering to 'Brown Essence', and has dropped 'Kevin Johnson'.

Quote:

Dear Lord N0rris Cole

Thank you for your response to my mail, I want to apologies for my late in response to your E-mail I have been very ill and had been in the hospital ever since, Well thank God I am feeling better now, So I decided to write to you about our Project Plan.

I am full of joy that you are willing to assist me set up a Exclusive 5 star hotel there in your country, I must let you know that I deposited the sum of $150 Million United States Dollars which I made off the sales of my Real Estate here in England due to the high rates of taxes and I was not really making enough benefits so I sold of my property and made deposit of the funds with The Financial Company for this project.

I have this believe that with your Partnership as a citizen of your country, It will profit us a lot to set up an Real Estate, or what do you think, I will send you more details concerning the project plan as soon as I gain your response to this mail.

Yes your PERCENTAGE 20% kindly confirm the receipt of this mail to enable me furnish you with more details concerning this project.

I hope and want to believe that it is well with you.

I will be expecting your urgent response on the above arrangement ,
My London contact
Mob+447045xxxxxxx
Thank You and
Mr Brown Essence

Lad sys he is in London, however his IP is in Nigeria... Rolling Eyes

I will try and keep him off-script, and see how he is fixed for a meet in London...

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown Essence,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been ill.

This all looks very promising. Unfortunately I am deaf, following an
explosion aboard HMS Eater, when I was her captain, during the war.
However my butler, Geez3r acts as interpreter for me.

I understand that you already have a lot of money, so what do you need
from me, land?

Let me know where and when we could meet in London, or you could come up to Quimf1ngers, and visit the castle.

--
Lord N0rris of Cole
B0nneville Castle,
Quimf1ngers,
Lancashire

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 4:27 pm

being stuck in Ladland, Mr Essence has a problem meeting me in England, where he pretends to be...

Quote:

Dear Lord N0rris

Thanks very much for your response. I appreciate your effort for this hotel project, Actually I am very impressed on you based on your credibility to handle this project appropriately.

For this reason, I want you to arrange for an urgent face-to-face meeting with my representative so as to discuss the modus operandi of this transaction and commence on this transaction immediately without delay.

I do hope you understand, let me know if you are capable of handling the Funds. as soon I got your reply I will send you more details,My representative can meet you this week in Spain?

Get back to me

I will be expecting your urgent response on the above arrangement,
My London contact
Mob:+447xxxxxxxx

Thanks god bless you

Mr Brown Essence

He also sent a very long winded contract, I shall have fun picking the bones out of it. Apologies in advance if you've not read one of Lord N0rris' letters before, he doesn't do politically correct, he is 87....

Quote:

Dear Mr Essence,

What the bloody blue blazes?

I live in Northern England, you live in London, why on earth would I want to go to Spain to meet your representative?

I can meet you in London, or Lancashire, what more do you want? If this project is just too much trouble for you, please say so.

My wife's cousin, The Queen, confiscated my passport after the unfortunate incident in Ghana, when I accidentally bumped off some darkies after a few brandies. Not my fault, it was dark, I had an elephant gun, and they weren't smiling.

I read the contract you sent with interest, who is the investor and who is the principal partner? It's not very clear. Can I draw your attention to this paragraph:

INVESTOR inherits 70% of the shares whereby PRINCIPAL PARTNER has 20% and 10% will be for the maintenance of the Hotel. It is in mathematical ratio of 6:3:1.

Your grasp of basic mathematics does not fill me with confidence. I will sign the contract when I know where the hotel is being built, location is everything these days.

--
Lord N0rris of C0le

Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:11 am

I had a lad named Bimbo Jack. Laughing

Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:06 am

The dumbest name ive heard is Wood Wood! Ive also had John John, Richmond Richmond, Alexander Alexander etc.. They obviously dont realise how dumb it sounds.

Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 11:20 am

My alltime favourite is Mr. KASH MONEY. Laughing

Eniac

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 766

@Roy

Hilarious!!

I think I found an old picture of the Lord from his service during "the Raj":

--J.D.

Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 10:13 am

/\/\ That might well be him, running his curry mine in India.

Brown essence has annoyed Lord N0rris, mainly by sending him a format reply, and not going off script at all. That will never do, I don't do straight bait.

Quote:

Listen Essence,

I cant go to Spain, have no f*cking passport. read my bloody emails you muppet.

If you want to go to Dubai to get a sun tan, that's not my problem, if you were more interested in this project you wouldn't want to go on holiday. Where is this bloody hotel going to be anyway, you don't answer my questions.

your $150 Million Dollars have been for cash payment in the Bank Payment Center in Spain,

Please explain what this gibberish means.

--
Lord N0rris of Cole

Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 6:53 pm

I've had a rash of celebrity lad names lately - Harrison Ford, Patrick Duffy, and Alf! Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Aug 2004 Posts: 23

Just had end up in my mail box.

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:28 pm

Quote:

Dear Winner,
Compliment of the day to you.
YOU have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of 2,000.000.00
(GBP)
To file for your claim, contact our fiduciary agent:

Mr BUN WASH.
Email: [email protected]
Phone: +234 803 927 1858
Online coordinator

Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 2:28 pm

Bun Wash? Isn't that a pr0n website?

I once had a win in the Irish Lottery, the coordinator was a Mr Brain Hunt. Sounds more like a gameshow.

Poor Brown Essence is wriggling around the fact that he isn't really in London, which is why I'm so keen to meet him there. (He's really in Lagos, surprise surprise)

Quote:

Dear N0rris,

I thank you for feed back though it were little insultive, but that is transaction relationship for you, that is by the way. Please forget about bringing your international passport let us establish the a good relationship first, then we can know each other more.

If i may sugest, can we meet in africa?.

Let me have your feed back.

Regards

Brown Essence

Quote:

Dear Essence,

I'm sorry that you find me insultive, but what part of 'No Passport'
do you not understand? How am I supposed to travel without one?

Why on earth do you want to meet me in Africa?, it's a God forsaken
bloody awful hellhole, believe me, I've been there. As you and I shall
both be in London, we shall meet there.

I shall meet you this Friday, at 2pm, at the Inn The Park Restaurant,
St James Park, London. http://www.innthepark.com/index.asp

If you or your representative are not there, I shall know that you are
not serious. As a sign of good faith I shall instruct my manservant to
bring �50,000 cash, to get things started.

I shall be the good looking elderly gentleman in a shooting jacket,
shouting at the clueless lackeys, my manservant shall be in a morning
suit, carrying a briefcase.

Please bring some written proposals, or send them to my lawyer,
Barrister Les Batt3rsby, at [email protected]

--
Lord N0rris of C0le
Bonn3ville Castle,
Quimf1ngers,
Lancashire

EDIT: I just noticed an older email, from Essence's bank:

Quote:

Attn:Lord Norris of Cole

We are in inform you, dated on the 1stth of December 2007
I was unable to reach Mr. Brown Essence as I was made to understand by the Doctor that he had a very serious Heart attack, At this very minute I ahev no chioce but to proceed with arrangement as instructed by him to effect the release of the funds to you.
I need you to confim to me if I should proceed with all necessary arrangement as regards the release of the Funds to you.
Regards,

The consultancy firm managing the Vault is Ashmores Payment Centre Bank PLC. The director is Payment Centre Bank vault at 1 Churchi Place , Spain , Payment Centre Bank PLC,
Name: Ash mores Consultancy Firm.
Phone: + Tel.+34 96 xxx xxxxx or. 34 65 202 xxxxx
Fax: +34 8704xxxxxx

Mr. Fred Lambel

A quick reply:

Quote:

Dear Mr Lambel,

I have no idea what you are talikng about.

Brown Essence emailed me this morning, he didn't mention a heart attack.

What fund, and what vault are you talking about? We are building a
hotel together.

Get a grip, man.

Lord N0rris of C0le

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