CHINESE DARK SPIRITS II (3 years and counting)

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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:17 pm

This is a continuation of my "Chinese Dark Spirits" bait which I originally published 2 1/2 years ago.
It probably doesn't make much sense without reading the first installment (here, please do not necro the original thread).

I've always intended for it to be a very "straight" bait, without much in mind beyond annoying the mugus with my bad English and the resulting communication barriers. But it's developed into quite a saga so far. I've done several foolish things along the way, and if you manage to read all the way to the end, you really deserve a medal, and I would very much appreciate any suggestions about what to do next.

Oh, I've tried to obscure all the names with initials or underscores in case the mugus ever try to google me.

If you haven't read the previous thread, here it starts just after my original baiting character "died", and I took over the account as his brother. My Barrister replied as follows

Dear sir,
In respect of your mail of 19th april 2005, first i am very sorry for the death of your brother and my friend, may his gentle soul rest in peace.

now we can talk, regards to your interest about my business with your brother Mr QI_NG Sheng Zu. you have to keep this business very secret between two of us only, and make sure that no other person or group of person that will enterfere into this our business.

first, you have to send your telephone number and your fax number for easy communication, then your banking informations, and your names so as to make a change of all the documents that is allready having your brothers name for easy claim of this fund from the security company where this money is deposited.

reply as soon as possible, because your brother was the cause of the delay.

and followed up with

Dear sir,

I am still expecting your response, i hope that you have gone through my proposal to your death brother and have been able to understand the whole information of the proposal, before we start this business, you have to comply to all the instructions that is abiding in this business and make sure that no one else will enterfere or try to decieve you through any means by which any body may contact you regards to this business. if you will promise me that you will take my advice do not waste time to write me and let us start this business without wasting time.

Notice how quickly he gets back down to business despite my recent bereavement. I reply,

Dear Sir,
Thank for you reply. I have go through record of my
brother and does not detail the particulars your
arangement with him. Please suply those detail urgent
at you early convenience.
regard,
Q_L_Z

Believe it or not, he still has the original format letter, which he sends to me again (not pasted here). Sure enough, this is the original transaction. He sends it a couple more times with the above mesage pasted in, followed by a demand for my particulars

PLEASE GO AHEAD AND SEND THE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER TOGETHER WITH WHERE YOU WILL LIKE THIS BOXES TO BE DEPOSITED FOR YOU.

I still wasn't quite sure what to do, and may have put baiting on the back burner for a while, because I didn't reply at all. Over a month later, here he is back with a feeler:

you requested for the informations of the business between me and your brother, which i have sent to you for you to go through according to your request, uptill now i have not heard from you, is every thing okay ? i am still expecting your reply.

And again two weeks later

what is really happening since all this while,that i can not hear from you. i hope that what happend to your brother have not also happend.
if you are still interested please send me a reply immediately. i will be happy to hear from you today.

Another month passes before I reply to him (it's now early June 2005).

There have been develop in the case of my brother and
I had travel in to China consult with family. I can
not comunicate with you further but you will be
contact by probate solicitor concern his death will.

My barrister J_B is, of course, interested:

I have nreceived your mail, you should hestin up now because time is not on our side. Tell the lawyer to write me immeadiatly so that we can finish this business once and for all, and start injoying this money

And more interested

IN RESPECT OF YOUR MAIL I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT THIS BUSINESS INVOLVED MONEY TO ENABLE THE SECURITY COMPANY TO RELEASE THIS BOXES TO YOU. AND THAT EVERY THING CONCERING THIS BUSINESS IS NOW BEARING YOUR DEATH BROTHERS NAME. YOU CAN CALL ME ON TELEPHONE NUMBER 234-1-8xxxxxx FOR MORE INFORMAIONS

And more interested
for a long time now i have not heard from you concerning our discution on the business, what exactly is the matter with you , atleast you surpose to send me information to let me to know exactly what the problem is ,iam still awaiting for your reply .

He sent that last message three times, three days in a row. Can you tell I love to sit there silently while the mugus approach the boiling point? But I still don't reply!

I am sorry to reply your letter very late due to the fact that i travelled out of the state for an official duty, i came back ofrecent only to discover that you have writen to me since on the 7th of this june, I am waiting for your lawyers letter before we can commence further business.

I have no idea why he thinks he's replied to my letter very late, since he wrote me every day for a couple of weeks.

And still more begging for a reply.
you should try and give your brothers lawyer my email address to contact me assoon as possible so that i will tell him what to do concerning the claim of this fund,besides i must have to say sorry for the death of your brother, and i pray that God will guide you in all that you are doing.

See how kind and considerate he is? Trying to push the right buttons to get me to reply to him.

Why haven�t I herd from you and the lawyer. I have been expecting your mail, it is very important you write me now so that I can inform the security company in time

I'm sorry for posting all this repetitive nonsense from the mugu, but I wanted to illustrate how you can leave a mugu to do all the work himself for a while. Yes, they're short messages, but he sent me 9 of them without any input from me.

Finally, I send him something which might help to move along the storyline. No, I didn't really think about what I was doing. You could have done better, I'm sure Smile

Dear sir,
We have very upset, my brother have all saving in bank
which from family inheritance, change his Will to
leave it in to you and your partners all strangers in
Africa. The solicitor have send your legal document by
register post to the adress my brother have on record.
If it was not corect I hope the fund never reach you.
This is final word from me as your people have cheat
our family from rightful memory my brother.
Q_l_z

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:18 pm

I thought I'd be all clever and introduce my own lawyer, and my own dead bank customer, and my own fund possibly to be claimed by the mugu. See how I'm turning the scam around on the mugu himself? I don't exactly recall what I had in mind beyond that change of circumstances. I wasn't after a payout for myself, just trying to be clever and move the storyline ahead somehow.

Well, he was definitely interested. And see, he's still being helpful!

I have not received any letter from your brothers lawyer yet, i will like you to give him my email address so that he will write a letter to me and i will tell you what to do to receive this money into your account in your country china, you dont have to be worried about this, i am giving you every promise that your brothers money will reach your hand in china, bear in your mind that i am coming over to china to set up a business with you over their if every thing is settled concerning the transfer of this money into your account.reply me as soon as posible then i will tell you what to do .

And still more about the business itself

hope by now you must have gone through my mail to you, I am still waiting for your response regards this transaction, what we have to do now that your brother is dead is to change his name to your own name so that it will be very easy for you to claim this money, please make sure that you will not delay to reply this my letter as soon as possible together with your phone number and your fax number along with your bank account where this money will be transfered to.

And yet again, he's starting to show some frustration

What is the matter with you that you dont even want to reply my last letter to you,i told you last time in my letter to you that you should try and send to me your phone number, your account number and your fax number for easy communication, the account number is the place where this money will be paid to, and since then you dont want to comply with what i told you, what exactly is the problem with you,kindly get back to me as soon as possible so as for me to tell you what you will do to get this money into your account here in china.

I respond rudely. Talk to the lawyer and not me.

Dear Sir,
You do not under stand as your busness no longer with
me and family but only solicitor who handle probate
for my brother estate. You rude and childish demand
are worth nothing to me.
Q_l_z

And another from him, on a theme that is very familiar by now.
You said that you have handed over every thing to your brothers solicitor, but i have not heard from him since then, could you please give him my email address so that he can write to me and tell me how we are going to transfer this money to china,because my agreement with your brother before he died was that i will come to china for investment after the transfer of this money of which he was preparing for my invitation before he died, i will be very happy if you will try to give his lawyer my email address so that i will go ahead to transfer this money with his effort, i am just trying to help you to receive this money as soon as possible so please do not delay to comply .

The above message was sent five times in three days.
For the past while, all email correspondence has been between my character Q_l_z and my barrister J-B. But now it's time for things to get more confusing again, as the original consignment shipping company sends me a message. Oddly enough, this message is a reply to the most offensive ridiculous message I ever sent any of them.

kc_g wrote:
Dear Sir,
We were made to understand that your brother Q_s_zu is dead, through barrister Jay Barkit,we must have to say sorry for the lost and pray that God will give you the heart to bear it.In this case you have every right to claim your brothers boxes that has been in this office since last year, what you have to do is to give us your name and your bank account including your phone number so that we can be able to reach you at any point in time for us to transfer this boxes to you in china, please do not waste any other time to send all this informations that we have requested from you as soon as possible.
thanks from kc-g (Director).

>Dear Sirs,
>
>Please to eat fuck of your mother as I know your
>business is made from air. You have fool J-B
>but not fool me, I am sure you take consignment and
>replace with some thing else, J-B too stupid to
>figure out but is obvious. I have speak to chinese
>mystic to punish the guilty:
>
>John C-N will be follow by dark spirit.
>John C-N will be follow by dark spirit.
>John C-N will be follow by dark spirit.
>
>KC G will be follow by dark spirit.
>KC G will be follow by dark spirit.
>KC G will be follow by dark spirit.
>
>Dark spirit will swallow the soul of the two cheat and
>criminal of John C-N and KC G, by
>repeat three times we bring the spirit.
>
>Only through admit the truth can the bond of dark
>spirit be remove. It is you choose if you do this.
>
>Q_S_Z

I am hurt and offended as I misinterpret the message above. My reply to kc_g, the man from the consignment company, looks like this:

Please I do not under stand the curse and offend
mesage at the end of your mail. It is difficult time
especialy as my brother have been dupe by barrister
J-B into change his last will testament and our
family have been deny all.
As now the family have no legal right in to our
brother estate although we persue it through legal in
U.K. (Great Britain). We will contact you company when
matter is resolve.

And the guy from the consignment company replies, with a bill no less
We acknowledge the receipt of your mail, and thank you for your response, please we want to inform you that your brothers boxes is intact here with us, but now that he is dead you have every power to claim this boxes since you are the brother of qsz, in this case you have to pay the sum of $520,( five hundred and twenty dollars only) so as for us to change his name and make you the original owner of this boxes, send this money through the companys secretary mr john C-N through western union money transfer lagos as soon as you get this mail so as for us to effect this change of name immediately and send this boxes to you, secondly you have to send your account number, your phone number and your fax number for easy communication.

That name John C-N again, going back to the terrible faked passport they sent me ages ago. And another letter, again from the security company follows on its heels:

This $520 ( five hundred and twenty dollars ) we ask you to pay is for the lawyer that will stand on your behalf to sign some of the documents that you are surpose to sign in our office before this boxes will be removed, since you can not be able to come down in person ,so that is why a lawyer has to stand for you here in nigeria.we understand the problem you are facing concerning your brothers estate their in china but we are giving you the asurance that your brother really has something here that will better your life in future if only you will comply with what ever this office will ask you to do.
thanks and God Bless,

I haven't even asked him for an explanation of things yet, so it's very nice of him to provide me an explanation, right? We must now digress a bit, because there's also this business with my mugu barrister J-B. This has actually been going on at the same time as the above conversation but it would have been too hard to follow.

I write J-B this:

I have give you E-Mail adress to the solicitor but he
have require personal adress for deliver of legal
material which require you signature. Please contact
him direct on his personal E-Mail adress, I do not
need to contact you as this is now legal matter.

But of course I haven't really sent him the email address. This is just another instance of my annoying behavior. His reply is utterly predictable (and I think anyone sensible would reply the same way)

I have not seen any address of the solicitor that you send please kindly give me his email address so that i can write to him, or you can give him my own address so that he can write to me.

And finally I give him the solicitor's info:

Dear Sir,
I have aready give him the E-Mail adress for you but
here is his detail:
Mr. GB
Solicitor: Family and Probate Law
XXXXX Solicitors LLP
XXXXX Street
London XXXX XXXX
He insist upon correspond by postal mail for legal
document but have also give me his personal (Private)
E-Mail adress:
[email protected]

The postal address is a real one where a very large law firm is located, I did not give him a phone number to avoid disturbing third parties. And of course the gmail address is mine. I should mention that my baiting character has always been using a yahoo account.

He's very happy to get the information
I thank you for your mail and the address of the lawyer that you have sent to me, I will write to him as soon as possible to inform him of how this fund will be transfered into your account as soon as possible.I will get back to you soon to let you know what i discuse with him, and please make sure that you keep this business secret just between you alone myself and your lawyer.

But he is really missing the point. He seems to think I've engaged the lawyer to chase down my consignment. But actually this lawyer is sort of my enemy, as he's dealing with my dead brother's last will and testament. Anyway, I write hi

In the meantime the mugu barrister J-B sends an email to the solicitor who is handling the case of my dead brother. As I suggested above, he doesn't have a clue. (I definitely should have taken the time to color-code the different players or something. Sorry about that).

Dear G-B
For along time since i have been disturbing to have your email address so as for us to discuse on how we will transfer the boxes of mr q-s-z which had been with the security company for almost a year now but to no avail, not untill his brother q-l-z sent to me your address, first i must have to inform you that this boxes belong to the late mr q-s-z, andhe was making arrengement for me to come to china for a visit before he died early this year, in this case the brother can equally stand as the orriginal owner of this boxes by changing the name of his brother to his name,by sending to me his banking informations were this fund will be transfered into his account,, i will like us to be freinds from this moment, make sure you dont delay my reply untill when every thing will be settled.
thanks yours faithfully barrister j-b.

OK, time for a digression into the conversation between mugu barrister J-B and my fake solicitor G-B. My character Q-L-Z has refused to talk to mugu barrister J-B for the moment, so we can safely put the other conversations on hold for a moment to deal with the legal mumbo-jumbo.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:18 pm

My solicitor character isn't great at replying to email either, so J-B the mugu barrister has to chase him:
I sent you a mail last time concerning the property of Mr Q-s-z on how the brothers name will be made the original owner of this property, since then i have been expecting to read from you but to no avail, since mr Q-s-z is dead the brother have every right to claim what ever that belong to him as the brother, the security company that is in pocetion of the brothers property has been disturbing for the brother to come for this claim, and i leant that you are the one to act on that before every other thing will be done, could you please reply me as soon as possible so as for me to tell you the things you have to do before this fund will be transfered to the brother as the rightful owner of this fund.

But my solicitor is right down to business. I tried to make him sound haughty and legalistic.

Dear Mr. B
I am only interested in closing this matter of Mr. Q's probate. As
you have been named in his last will and testament I require your
postal address and telephone number so that I can send you the
necessary documents by courier. Please reply immediately as delay may
have severe consequences.
As for this property you mention, I have no specific record of it,
but under the terms of his last will and testament it is likely to
revert to you as the designated benefactor of most of Mr. Q's
assets. Be advised that his family are pursuing legal ends to have
this overturned, in which case the distribution of this property will
be determined by the Crown Court.

Well, you might have thought this solicitor vs. mugu barrister conversation would be straightforward. But nope, here comes a message to my solicitor from the consignment company.

We were been made to understand that you are the lawyer of the late mr q-s-z who died ofrecent,we must have to say sorry for the surden incidence and pray that God allmighty will console all of you.
Sir, we just want to inform you that mr q-s-z,s property has been here with us for the past one year now awaiting claim, allthough that he was making every arrengement for the claim before he died, in this case we were made to understand that he has a younger brother, for this reason we are appealing to the brother to make effort for the claim of this fund by changing the brothers name to his own name as the original owner of this boxes.there is some documents that he has to sign in our office before the transfer of this boxes will be made,and once this is done we have to send all this documents that will help him to make this claims very easy, we are a security company that is approved by the federal government of nigeria to secure properties for people all over the continent,
please kindly get back to us as soon as posible .
thanks your faithfully for K CG SECURITY COMPANY LTD> DIRECTOR.

In the meantime, greedy greedy mugu barrister has written a nice reply to my own solicitor. Notice his own attempts at puffed-up legal buffoonery.

My Learned Gentleman,

First and foremost,I must apologise for not have replied to your mail since
all these days.I was far away to eastern part of my country where I went for
an important case to defend.However I am back and deem it neceary to give
you response.

You are a colleague in the legal council and you should we should understand
our language better than any other person.I want to entrust every thing
concerning Mr. Q.The family has nothing to do since he has decided to use
me as the beneficiary / next of kin to part of his property / asset.They
have no case to defend as you know because it is on black and white boldly
written.

All I want you to do is to to solicit on my behalf so that what ever that
comes out will be shared between me and you.I want to entrust the properties
in your care pending when I will come over to your side so that we meet and
talk.Hold the document on a mutual trust but be giving me information on
what is going on.MrMr. Q has a consignment in Europe that he told me
about and I have written to security company and they said they need to hear
from any of MrMr. Q relation or lawyer in his country so that they will
acertain or release the consignment of Mr Mr. Q to them.

Since you are a learned gentleman as well I will want you to contact the
security comapny and demand for the consignment in your favour as the
relation to Mr Mr. Q or his local layer / attorney.Mr G_,I need your
urgent response so that I can forward the contact person and address of the
security company ok.

"My Learned Gentleman"... hmmmm, doesn't that sound like a custom forum title to you?
Anyway, my solicitor is all business, and quite clearly sees through the scam for what it is. But don't worry: my original baiting character is not going to hear any of these private opinions of the solicitor who is trying to give his family fortune away to some Nigerian scammer!

Dear Barrister B_,

I am still awaiting your particulars (postal address and contact
telephone number) so that I can courier you documents related to Mr.
Q's probate case on which your (notarized) signature is required.
You need not be concerned about dividing the proceeds in any manner as
my fees are a separate issue handled by the estate, and in any event
such activity would be of questionable legality.

Concerning the mysterious consignment of which you write, please send
me the particulars at once and my team will investigate the details.
Usually in such instances the contents of personal archives of this
nature are of sentimental value only and not worth pursuing through
legal channels. In this case I might suggest authorizing it to be
disposed of through unclaimed property auction, with the proceeds
going to the beneficiaries of Mr. Q's estate (including yourself).

With best wishes,

Of course mugu barrister is quick to reply
this is my phone number,23480xxxxyou can call on me at any time, reply me as soon as posible i will then give you some other informations.

Anyone who knows me is already aware that I don't ever use the phone, so this is not likely to happen. He then tries to lure me back into his own scam:

thank you for recent mail,sir please i have not yet understood the type of document that you want to sent to me, did mr qsz include my name as one of the beneficiaries of his property? do not waste time to reply me so that i will know what to do, i and mr qsz has been friends from the time i visited london were he stays and we have been doing business together, before he died we were surpose to send the sum of $15.3 million u.s.dollars worth of business which we did of which he was making arrengement for my visit to china for my own share of the money, now that he is died we need some one to stand as the brother and let us claim this money very easy. get back to me soon.

Am I tempted? No way! I am here to do one job and one job only: distribute the late Mr. Q's family fortune to the people who least deserve it, in the most professional manner possible:

Dear Barr. B_

Yes, that is correct. Mr. Q has listed you as a beneficiary to
receive one-third of his assets, in a revision of his last will and
testament dated approximately three months before his death. His
family are attempting to overturn this revision in the courts but I
think this is unlikely as the alteration was appropriately witnessed
and notarised.

As a major beneficiary you will simply need to sign a statement of
acknowledgement at this stage; in any event we cannot move forward
until the court case has been completed.

Regarding this sum of $15.3 million, I fear my assistance will not be
possible. First, the sum does not appear in any of Mr. Q's bank
accounts, although it remains possible that the forensic accountants
will discover it in the course of the investigation. Second, it is
likely that these funds, if they exist, have been obtained through
questionable means and therefore I am honour-bound to report them to
the authorities. Third, if these funds are part of an uncompleted
business transaction, the transaction must remain incomplete as Mr.
Q is no longer alive to fulfil any of his contractual obligations
save those legally required after death.

I understand that he and you may have been involved in some
questionable business practices but that is of no interest to me; my
only goal is to settle the matter of Mr. Q's last will and
testament as he intended.

Please reply immediately with your postal address. I have received
your telephone number and noted it, but I require your address for the
aforementioned documents (fees for return courier shipment will be
paid by our office).

Please note that for legal reasons all telephone calls will be recorded.

Guess what? He wants me to send him some kind of modern electronic file thingys that would never stand up in any court of law (and it seems like his friend with professional English is not around at the moment to help him with this message):

please i will like you to send those documents through attachment while repling my mail to me so that i have to go through it,because in nigeria they normally intersept letters or documents.
kindly get back to me soon.

Of course that's not going to happen:

Dear Barr. B___

We must gain your signature on the original documents which have been
issued by the court, so files sent by electronic attachment are not
useful (they do not retain the original imprint and hence are not
acceptable original documents).

We are willing to send the documents by secure courier at our cost. In
the unlikely event that the delivery is tampered with or the documents
intercepted, the courier is responsible for replacement costs. When it
comes to documents of this nature this would simply require
petitioning the Court to re-issue the documents and void the
originals. If it proves impossible to deliver the documents by courier
(a situation I have never experienced in fifteen years' international
probate business) we can appeal through official government channels.
Time is on our side so we should first proceed down the less costly
route.

Please supply your postal address at your convenience.

Well, he finally gives me something, an address along with a name I haven't heard before:

DEAR GAS B_

I HAVE SEEN YOUR REPLY AND I IHOPE BY NOW YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THIS TRANSTIONS IT IS NOT ONLY THE ADDRESS THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS BUSINESS BETWEEN WE AND MR Q-S-Z, IF NOT HIS DELAY THIS FUND COULD HAVE LIVE TO CHINA BEFORE NOW AND SINCE YOU ARE NOW STANDING UNBEHAVE OF THE FAMILY YOU SHOULD TRY AND UNDERSTAND THIS, SO THAT WE CAN FINICH UP THIS BUSINESS IN TIME. ALL ARRENGEMET HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE NOW AND IT IS ONLY TO MOVE THIIS FUND INTO ANY DESTINATED PLACE THAT YOU HAVE TO PROVE FOR US.

ADDRESS YOU ARE REQUISTING: NO XXX XXXXXX STREET LAGOS IRALAND � LAGOS NIGERIA. YOU SHOULD ADDRESS IT TO MY SECATRAY NAME MR SAMSON XXXXX

I ADVICE YOU SEND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR NOW BECAUSE WE CAN NOT ONLY TALK ON EMAIL ONLY WE SURPOSE TO TALK ON PHONE SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW WHOM YOU ARE DELLING WITH,

ONECE YOU SEND THE DOCUMENT YOU SHOULD WRITE AND GIVE ME THE AIRWAY BILL NUMBER.

I HOPE THIS IS WELL WITH YOU.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:19 pm

Once again my solicitor delays so the mugu barrister sends me another note

I AM STELL WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE, IF YOU RECEIVE MY LAST MAIL PLEASE GET BACK TO ME FAST, I HOPE THIS OKEY FOR YOU.

What ever happened to the ultra-professional mugu barrister of "My Learned Gentleman" fame? I miss him already. Oh, there he is:

Sir,

Your mail was received content not quite clear on the type of documents you are trying to send to me before you send the card copies, could you please scan copies and send to me as it is very important. I am sure that Mr. Q did not leave details of the transaction/inheritance of the said for.

Well, I want to quickly remind you that documents for the release of the said fund has not been actualized yest. We where on the process with the beneficiary before his death. Right now, I want you to have a meeting with te family and ask them if they are ready to ptoceed with the documentations so we can actualize the release of the consignment fund from the security company where the consignment is currently deposited upon Mr. Q�s request that the consignment should be moved out from the original security company.

Right now, we have requested for the documentation procedure on getting out the consignment containing the fund to a safe bank for onward transfer. So I will need an urgent response from you and also a proof that you as my fellow learned friend is appointed by the family to act on their behalf. I will also need Mr. Q�s pictures and death certificate to ascertain his death.

Please do not balame me for all this measures, it is because there are some many internet fraud going on now so it is evident that I have to be sure that I am actually dealing with the right person.

I urgently anticipate your maximum cooperation.

Sincerely yours

But my solicitor is not happy at all, and replies to him in a nasty professional manner:
Thank you, sir, for wasting my time with your false pretenses. The information I have uncovered should be enough to permit the assets of Mr. Q to revert to his previous beneficiaries as his latest Will and Testament has been ruled null and void due to its naming of a nonexistent beneficiary. If you can contest this assertion please send details to this office immediately.

As you can imagine, I could have done much better with my solicitor character, but there you go.
Anyway, let me digress for a moment as this response leads to several weeks' silence. During the intellectual intercourse between the two gentlemen of laws outlined above, there have been a couple of messages to my Chinese baiter character Q-L-Z.

From the security company:
We hope that by now you must have been through with your brothers house matter, please kindly get back to us as soon as you are through with them to avoid any delay.

And mugu barrister J-B has to explain the whole deal to Q-L-Z who seems a little slow on the uptake. Full disclosure, anyone?
I think i must have to disclose to you the nature of my business with your late brother mr q-s-z, allready we were making the arrengement of tranfering the sum of $15.3 million us dollars into your bothers account before he finally died, before then he was making plans for me to come to china to have my own share of the money of which he was preparing for my visa and hotel accomodation before his death, i am the lawyer that is handling this things and all the necessary documents is with me, now that your brother is dead you have every chance to stand to make the claim of this money, your brothers lawyer does not know about this transaction while because we kept every thing secret between ourselfs and you which your brother told me you are the only person that knows about it, all you need to do is to comply with this security company that is incharge of this boxes so as for us to make this transaction a succesful one for you and i.even the security company does not know the content of this boxes except me and your senior brother,so please make sure that you comply with whatever the (KC_SECURITY_AND FINANCE COMPANY LIMITED)wil have to ask you to do and let us see this business through.

OK, that little digression will stand for a while because Q-L-Z doesn't reply to any of these messages for a long, long time. We'll return to our old frind Q_L-Z in a bit. But for now there are some repercussions to my solicitor's extended silence, which can be summarized as "nobody is happy".

First, Barr J-B gives us this wonderful example after only six weeks' silence. I don't know about you, but I can sure feel his frustration:
DEAR SIR,

YOU SHOULD NO, HOW YOU TOKE TO ME. I DONT NO WEATHER YOU DID NOT READY THE LATE MR. Q WELL VERY WILL OR WEATHER HE DID NOT EXPLIAN TO HIS BROTHER VERY WILLBEFORE HIS DEATH, CONCERING THIS TRANSTIONS.

LATE MR Q IS THE OWNER OF THIS BOXES OF MONEY THAT IS LORGED IN A SECURITY COMPANY . I AM JUST A LAWYER TO HIM, HIS BROTHER HAS REQUISTED FROM ME A NOTE WERE THIS BUSINESS STARTED WHICH I HAVE FORWORDED TO HIM AND I HOPE HE HAVE SHOWED YOU, THIS NOTE AS HIS FAMILY LAWYER.

PLEASE IF YOU WHAT US TO CONCLUDE THIS BUSINESS YOU SHOULD BRING OUT YOUR TIME SO THAT WE CAN FINISH UP THIS BUSINESS ONCE AND FOR ALL.I SENT YOU A MAIL SINCE FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS, YOU ARE REPLING AND YOU ARE GIVING ME ANY NAME YOU LIKE.

PLEASE YOU SHOULD GO STREATH TO THE POINT OF EEMOVING THIS BOXES FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN HELP THIS FARMILY. YOU ARE EVEN DELAYING THIS BUSINESS THE MORE. THIS IS THERE BROTHERS MONEY AND ALL I CAN DO IS JUST TO GIVE THEM INFORMATIONS ON HOW TO GET THIS FUND THIS IS INSIDE THE BOXES, FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

I HAVE WROTE TO THE SECURITY COMPANY CONCERING YOUR REQUIST AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO WRITE TO THEM BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE THERE INFORMATIONS.

FROM THE BEGING OF THIS BUSINESS THE LATE MR. Q KNOW THAT HE HAVE SOME MONEY TO PAY TO THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR THE SHIPMENT TO CHINA. I HOPE LATE MR. Q TOLD HIS BROTHER THIS BEFORE HIS DEATH.

YOU SHOULD STOP LOOKING ABOUT THE BUSH, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN CONCLUDE THIS BUSINESS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I NO YOU NEXT MAIL WILL BE IN THE NEXT ONE MONTH.

THANKS

BARRISTER J-B

With a closing like that, I'll be damned if I'm going to reply to him in one month! So I don't. One month later, it's the security company who mail my solicitor. But oops, they send the wrong message to him; it appears they meant to email my baiting character Q-S-Z:

WE HAVE BEEN CONTACTED BY YOU LAWYER J-B FOR YOU BROTHERS BOXES THAT IS IN OUR COMPANY. AND WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR INFORNATION ON WHERE YOU WILL LIKE US TO SEND THE BOXES.

AS SOON AS WE HERE FROM YOU WE WILL DO AS YOU HAVE COMANDED

My solicitor is a smart man, and he's having none of it:
Dear Sir,
You have sent your message to the wrong recipient and clearly this is a matter of fraud. Please do not continue to contact me.

Would you believe the security company isn't happy with this?!
YOU ARE BEHAVING LIKE A THEIF, WE WILL NOT ALLOW THIS CONSIGIMWNT TO MOVE AN INCH BECOUSE OF YOU CHARACTER TOWORDS THIS TRANSITIONS, YOU LOOK SUSPECUS ON THIS BUSINESS.
YOURS FACTFULL,

And my solicitor fires back:
You and I both know there is no consignment and Mr. Q was a victim of fraud in your name. Fortunately justice has prevailed and no more of the family's funds will be diverted to you disgusting thieves. Please limit your future correspondence with me to legal matters only.

I thought this would be the final word from my solicitor. To be honest I was having some trouble playing the part of the solicitor; I couldn't think of any great ideas, and I thought this final message would let him bow out of the business gracefully. But it was not going to happen, not yet anyway.

I will continue posting this bait in a little while. If you're keeping score we're now up to November 2005. But don't worry, 2006 will go by like a blur.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:37 pm

So here's 2006, and with the new year comes a new message to my solicitor's gmail account (I must add an editorial comment here: it really sucks trying to publish a multiple-character, masses-of-mails bait out of Gmail. So much easier in yahoo where it's easy to sort all my sent and received messages chronologically no matter who they were to or from.).

Anyway, as I was saying, my solicitor got a new message. It all gets a bit confusing so I should explain a few things that may have slipped past you, especially since I've been using initials. The sending account name is "Ali D..." but the person writing from that account has always claimed to be "Barr. Jay B...." (you'll note that I haven't made a big deal of this after asking about it early on). Now he's slipped up and is signing with one of the other names "Mba... Nj...", still writing from the "Ali D..." yahoo account. With me now?

THIS IS A NEW YEAR AND YOUR FILE HAVE RETURN TO MY OFFICE AGAIN FOR PAYMENT, FOR THIS REASON YOU ARE REQUISTED TO CO ORPREATE WITH US FOR QUIK PAYMENT, YOU HAVE REQUISTED TO SEND TO US YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER WHERE THIS FUND WILL BE DIRECTED
AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE THIS ACCOUNT NUMBER, WE WILL THEN MAKE THIS PAYMENT INTO YOU ACCOUNT WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY.
THANKS

My solicitor sticks with the theme of "professional and difficult":
I fail to understand what you are talking about. As far as I recall, our correspondence did not involve account numbers; please clarify this matter.

Instead I get a very odd message, with a new signature that actually matches the email address to some extent:

IS A PITY YOU CAN NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WANT TO PAY THIS FUND.

THE OFFICE OF THE PRESDENCY HAVE DECIDED TO PAY OFF ALL THE OLD OUTSTANDING CONTRACT ARRIERS DIRECTLY TO THERE ACCOUNT FOR THIS REASON YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER WHERE THIS PAYMENT WILL BE TRANSFERED SECURELY.
SO YOU ARE REQUESTED TO SEND THIS ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY AND YOUR
MOBILE PHONE NUMBER TO REACH YOU FOR MORE TALKS.

THANKS
A_D IBEH

Did I mention professional and difficult?

Dear Sir,
Perhaps you should check your correspondence with me. I have gone through my email records and found nothing specific regarding this fund. Please reply most urgently with the details.
As I have said before I will not provide my personal telephone number as email correspondence provides a straightforward record of the details.
Best wishes,

He replies to my solicitor, still trying to hook him into this slightly new twist on the same old scam.
YOUR FILE IS WITH US AND I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SHOULD NOT
RECOGNISE THIS OFFICE , WE WORK DIRECTLY WITH PRESDENCIAL OFFICE.

YOU HAVE TO SEND ALL THE INFORMATIONS REGARDING THIS PAYMENT,
BECAUSE YOU ARE NO LONGER COMING TO ANY WHERE OR SEND ANY ATTORNEY FOR THIS FUND. YOU NAME HAS BEEN PESTE ON OUR PAYMENT BOARD.

My solicitor is not at all happy with this:

Dear Sir,
I believe you are an impostor as you are contacting me with only the vaguest of information. If you cannot provide me with the details of this transaction, I will have to assume you are a fraudster and will cease communicating with you immediately.

Do you think they cease communicating with my solicitor? No chance. Instead they try to provide some evidence that they do actually have the details of the transaction, supplying me with a previous email I sent and a little bit of explanation (subject line WE ARE NOT IMPOSTORS):

{snipped my old message "I am still awaiting your particulars....."}

NOTE; THIS IS THE COPY OF WHAT YOU SENT, WE ARE NOT IMPOSTER AS YOU THINK. YOUR FUND WAS RETURNED FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY TO OUR APEX BANK WHICH IS THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA. WHILE WE CONTACTED YOU IS THAT THE BOXES CONTAINING THE MONEY WAS BEARING YOUR NAME AND WITH YOUR INFORMATION IN LONDON AS A CHINA
CITIZEN. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO CLAIM THIS FUND AS YOUR NAME IS PESTED AMONG THE PEOPLE THAT THE GOVERNMENT WANT TO PAY, YOU HAVE TO SEND YOUR BNAKING PARTICULAR IF YOU ARE CLEARED NOW.

AND RECEIVE THIS FUND BY KTT.
THANKS
ALID_ IBEH

He has quite clearly lost track of a few details along the way. My solicitor is not a china citizen, the fund is not bearing his name, etc. So I reply in an appropriate manner, at least for this solicitor character:

Thank you for your note. Please re-read the rest of our correspondence and you will recall that the Chinese citizen you mention is one Mr. Q-S_Z, now deceased. I was retained in connection with the probate of his last will and testament. Due to a lack of assistance and non-compliance on your part, the probate was rendered extremely difficult and was eventually settled in favour of the family. Discussion of any other fund is neither here nor there unless you wish to reopen the case in a formal manner. If so, please advise.

Their very last reply to my solicitor character was mid January 2006 with this whimper:

YOU ARE TO BE INFORMED THAT THE BOXES WAS SEND BACK TO CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA DUE TO DELAY FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY, SO FOR
THIS REASON THIS FUND IS IN CASH AND LONGER IN THE BOXES.

SO YOU SHOULD INFORM THE FAMILY OF MR Q-S THAT THE MONEY IS STILL INTACT AND STILL BEARING MR Q-S'S PROPERTY.
AS A FAMILY LAWYER I ADVICE YOU TO SEND TO US THE BANKING OF THE FAMILY WERE THIS MONEY WILL BE TRASNFERED.

AND YOU SHOULD REMBER THAT THERE WILL SOME SIGNING OF THE PAYMENT CERTIFICATE HERE IN NIGERIA FOR THE REALISE OF THIS FUND.
I WILL ALSO LIKE YOU TO SEND ME YOUR MOBILE NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN
TALK IN DETAILS BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN PROLONG BUSSNIESS
THANKS

Would you believe that my solicitor never, ever replied to this message?
So the bait is done, right?
Not a chance.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:07 pm

Now we can fast forward 11 months to the very end of 2006, when Ali D sends my character Q-L-Z a shot in the dark. From the Ali D account, signed Ali D. Frankly I'm happy to be done with this different-name-from-email-account business:

Sir, For a long time now i have not hear from you, i am still expecting your response which i believe that you must have been able to settle with the other man,
Reply me soon

A few weeks later I send him this broken message:
Do you arange detrail matter with AttorneLi Zhi

Another month and here he is again

If you are ready to receive your fund do not waste time to informe me as soon as you read this mail .
Thanks

{Sometimes I've been snipping the ends of his letters, but he almost always uses "Thanks" to sign off}.
At the same time I received a different format (dead bank customer, plane crash, Bank of Africa, Ouagadougou, blah blah blah) from the same IP address but unfortunately by the time I replied the catcher account to this one had been killed. It's probably a good thing, I have enough trouble juggling this bait on its own without the whole I-know-but-he-doesn't-know-even-though-he-thinks-he-does or whatever. There's only a certain amount of complexity on the mindf**k scale I can handle.

End of May, 2007, Ali_D writes me again.
I will like you to send me the email address of your attorney so that i can communicate with him on mails regards to this transfer, i believe that you must have finished with mr will_iams by now ,so with this you can be able to tell between me and will_iams who is truelly in position of your fund, please do not waste any bit of time to reply me with the information of the attorney so that i can write to him.

Mr. will_iams is totally a blast from the past. I introduced him way back when, in the original phase of the bait, where he was some sort of intruding mugu who tried to disrupt the business. Of course he was a complete invention but the mugus went wild trying to convince me he was a criminal and I shouldn't be dealing with him at all. He was last mentioned in January 2005. Now more than two years later they are playing on this whole Mr. will_iams business to convince me that their own deal is the real one!

What else is there to do but hang my head in shame and admit that I've been scammed by Mr. will_iams?

Dear Sir,

Thank for the E-Mail you have send. You have correct
and I must apology. Mr Will_iams have scam, convince me
into pay them whithout access into the fund. I am
fortunate as scam fund recovery will proceed soon.

One of the attorney have involved and working with Mr
Will_iams, is being search by Police.

I am very sory for trouble and problem, can only
apology to you.

best wish,
mr. Q_

Ali is happy with this turn of events but wants me to keep my mouth shut to prevent problems like this from arising in the future:

Thank you for realizing your mistakes and pray that such will not repeat itself again, for now please make sure that you did not disclose this matter to any other person to avoid what happen in the past, even your lawyer should not know anything regards to this fund and transfer any more untill i am through with what i am about to start up by now, as soon as i am through i will tell you the next thing to do, for now do not respond to any man or woman that will send you any mail regards to this transfer again, please be warned.

Oh yeah, there's one other thing. He wants me to write a groveling letter to the security company!

I hope by now you must have received my mail to you, and you have not replyed me, i hope there is no problem with you, what i want you to do as soon as you receive this mail is to write a letter of appology to the security company that is in posetion of your consignment and tell the director that you are sorry for what happen so as for them to investigate mr will_iams immediately, so that by monday i will go to there office to see the director myself and settle this matter with him, as soon as you do this i will then start to make arrengment for the transfer of this fund into your account as soon as possible, and make sure you comply to my advice that will also help me to proceed for the movement of this money into your account as soon as possible. the email address of the security company is [email protected] ,that is [email protected]. and please make sure you dont reply any letter to any man or woman that will contact you for any reason as long as this fund is concerned.

I thought I would reply to let him know I got the message loud and clear. I also thought I'd drop a clue that I was getting emails from the "police" to see if he was willing to take that bait:

yes, thankyou for that message. the advice you give is
the same of the police, who send regular up date on investigation.

By the way, it's early June 2007 now, and for the moment I am replying to him every day. Unpredictability is very annoying. And it's time for me to write the letter of apology to the security company:

To the Director:

Dear sir,

please acept my formal appology in the problems I have
cause regard the consignment held in your company. I
am lead astray by the former employee Mr Will_iams who
is common thief and scam agent. Together with my
attorney Mr Will_iams was convince me that he is
holding the consignment. By this I was lead into make
many negative statement toward your company, and
refuse to remove consignment.

Now I know he is thief and is not holding consignment
although I have pay several month of attorney fees.
I like to give my full co-operation, assist you in
investigate Mr Will_iams, perhaps other can be protect
from this thief who cause your company such bad name.

Again i am teribly sory in cause such inconvenience.

humble servant, Q_

How's that for a groveling, sniveling apology? Quite fine, I think. The security company replied (subject line THANK YOU FOR REALISING YOUR MISTAKES)

Thank you for your letter of appology which you have written to this office, and i want to tell you that your consignment has been in this office since 2004 and still bearing the name that is tagged qsz as the owner of this boxes, thank God that you have some one like barrister ali-d as your patner, from now till hence forth do not respond to any other man or woman that will write you any letter as regards to this boxes eccept Bar Ali-D alone so that you will not enter into any other problem, but i promise you that i will arrest mr will_iams as soon as work resume in the morning tomorrow for questioning. bear in mind that you dont have any other time to waste for the clearing of this consignment from this office as long as you have now known it that your boxes are in the safe hands of this office, as long as you comply with the policy of the company your boxes will not remain here for the next two weeks to get to you, the only thing it will take you is just the dumorage that you will pay to this company and your boxes will get to you as soon as possible,

do not waste time to reply this mail.

He sent this email three times so I think it must be important. But there's something in this message that frightens poor Q-L-Z, and he writes to Barr Ali_D with great urgent [sic (but there's a lot of [sic] coming)]:

I receive e-mail from consignment company who say he
arrest Mr Will_iams. IS HE POLICE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
I know there police investigate of Mr Will_iams of
fraud, the Interpol Agent initiate recovery operation
for payments I make to Mr Will_iams and my atorney. I
can not get involve in Police matter, will deport me
from U.K.
I am very fright of this matter.

I guess I'd been reading some of those "FBI" and "Interpol" and "Hitman" baits and I was hoping the long, strong arm of the mugu law would reach in my direction with a little bit of help from me. Sadly, no. Barr Ali-D's aim was to reassure me.

I have received your mail today the 5th day of june 2007, i want to let you to know that you dont have to be affraid of any thing, if the security company have arrested mr will_iams that is to investigate him about what he did, so you dont have any problem with any body at all, so you dont need to be affraid of any thing, what i will do is to make sure i will go to the security company to know the position of every thing, please i will like you to reconfirm your account number to me and then your private phone number for easy communication, as soon as posible, and please make proper arrengement for my coming to your country as we discuss ealier. please do not fail to inform me about your latest development with the security company as soon as possible,

Hoping to read from you soonest.

I didn't reply for a couple of days, and he's quite eager to get going again:

i have been expecting your response before now, i hope there is no problem, i have told you that the matter with mr will_iams an the security company does not concern you in any way at all so you dont have any problem, please re confirm your account number to me you know that this is where this money will be sent to and then your phone number, please you know that we dont have much time to waste again regard to this transfer of this fund, so make every thing in a haste.

Thanks expecting your response.

Another week or so passes, so it's time for the security company to give me a nudge. Maybe arranging delivery will get me excited about the consignment again?

Sir,

We have been waiting your reply since your first mail to this company stating your readiness to claim your consignments, hope you are alright? However, I would like to hear from you asap to enable me forward to you the documents that will cover the consignments in your favour.

I want you to also send your mailing address (house address) where you would want the consignments delivered to and your direct phone number for communication as the diplomat would need it.

I hope to hear from you as soon as possible and if you have any question regarding the delivery or any other option you would like to receive the consignments, do let me know.

Waiting,

The Director, Kc_Security

Another week and the intensity really increases from the security company (subject line BREAK THE SILENCE: NEED URGENT RESPONSE FROM YOU). And Mr Will_iams is on the lam!

Once again I write to know the situation of things from your side, It is barely two weeks and some days now that you wrote and since then I have not heard from you, what is really happening? We have have reported the case of Mr Will_iams to the Police and right now, they are investigating him on the issue, he ran away and the police is in search of him seriously. He must face the court of law for scandalizing the name of company which has its reputaion and regard of excellence i their services to people.

However, I am writing to still remind you the need for the claim of your consignment.I do not know what might have been delaying you but what ever that is the case, let me know so that I can help you with the little way I can. Very important, pls do not reveal the secret that police is looking for Mr Will_iams to any body so that they will not let him know ok. You know if he knows about this, he will be hiding and more so, stop any further transactions with him or any other person as they may be doing more harm than good to you. All I need from you is get back to me as soon as possible so that we can arrange on a possible way of delivering your consignment.

I awits your urgent response as soon as possible.

And from Barrister Ali-D ("BREAK THIS SILENCE")

What is hapening , that uptill now you have not been able to reply my mail to you? i have the mind that before now we might have been able to pull out this consignment from the security company, write to me as soon as possible and let me know your latest development with the security company so as for me to know my part to play as to assist you. have you heard from the security company?.

And again ("DO NOT ALLOW THIS FUND TO BE LOST")

I am surprise that uptill now you never want to reply any of my mails to you, I want you to bear in mind that we have surfered enough in this transaction since 2004 not only that, we have spent money on this fund while because you refuse to listen to my advice so i have to give you the chance to finish with mr will_iams, now that you have found the root of which we can receive this money i dont know why you dont want to be serious again, do you want this money to lost in the hand of the security company? if that is what you want do not waste time to let me know so that i will try to endure it, but remember that you have spent money on this.this is not the time you should abandon this money.

I am still waiting for your response before any other thing.

I think this message is a really great example of the way scammers work on real victims: he's pointing out that I've spent money on this transaction already (far be it from me to correct him on this minor inaccuracy). So he's simultaneously playing on two different kinds of potential loss - wasting the money I've spent already, as well as wasting the opportunity to gain the giant windfall of the mysterious consignment itself. Plus playing on my own guilt because he, too, has spent money. I wore part of this message as a .sig for a while.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:32 pm

Anyway, back to the business. Barr Ali-D warns me of a disturbing development. The police may indeed be knocking at my door soon and the only answer is to finish the business soon. Take the money and run, if you will:

I am writing once again to inform you that the case with mr will_iams and the security company is getting worst now,the security company have handed mr will_iams to the E.F.C.C.for proper investigation and any moment from now he will hand over all your information to them ( the E.F.C.C) and you know that this people works hand in hand with F.B.I.
he is presently in the custody of the e.f.c.c.for questioning. even i was invited in their office for questioning which cost me much money,the only thing for you to do now is to hasten up for me to settle this matter before you will get involve, because i dont want you to be repatriated from u.k. i my self that is here now i am not save, i am doing all this because i dont want you to be sent back to your country while because i still beleive that we have business that worth millions of dollars to do such such as zincore,coppercore and ledcore,so you have to do something immediately so as for us to get this matter settled before you will be involved into this matter,

I have no idea about zincore, coppercore and ledcore but I'm partial to dirty, dirty hardcore. But never mind that. Instead I am going to keep my head down and hope the cops don't come a-knockin'. But instead of the cops, I wait a couple of weeks to get some great news from Barr Ali-D (subject "MONEY IN THE BANK").

Dear Sir,
I thank God that we have been able to succeed at last, i have been able to transfer this money into I_L_LIOT T.L.C.BANK in uk. and i hope that this will interest you, i told you ealier that you dont have any problem as long as i know my job, i will like you to reply me soon then i will tell you the next thing to do.
Thanks

Hooray, hooray! Time to celebrate as our money is finally in the UK. Practically on my front door if you've been paying close attention. That particular bank isn't in the phone book but I'm sure that won't cause any problems. But instead, a couple more weeks pass before I send him a message offering a lame, lame excuse:

Dear Sir,
I am terrible sorry but had to return in China for
another family business, the chinese goverment are
block acess to UK Yahoo! E-Mail so I have unable to
read my mesage.
I am just now return in U.K. but the E-mail box is
full of junk mesage and hard to find any thing. I just
find you mesage about transfer to U.K. bank and if I
can help.
good day,

He's very happy to get this message and would like me to call him asap (Liberia mobile number, I believe):

Really i have been very much worried about you since you did not reply my letter again, since you normaly have problem to check your mail i will like you to give me your private phone number so that i can communicate with you very easy,my own phone number is 231803xxxxxxx incase you willl want to call me at any time, please i will not want us to waste any other time for this transfer now that i have been able to shift this money down to I_L_LIOT T.L.C.BANK now in uk that is very close to you, reply me or you can call me so as for me to tell you the next thing to do.
Thanks

Two weeks later no reply from me, so he tries again
I hope there is no problem with you since, i have been expecting to read from you ever before now so that we can arrange on how this money will be transfered in your account, please i still need your private phone number for easy communication as soon as possible i will tell you the next thing to do as soon as this this done.
expecting your urgent reply.

And again!
you know that we have delayed this transfer for a long time, this is the time we have to do all the necessary thing to make sure that we enjoy the thing that we have been labouring for so long now that i have been able to shift this money to a place that is near to you,i am still expecting to read from you soonest,
Thanks

And still again!
I have been expecting to read from you ever before now, i hope there is no problem with you, you know that we have delayed this transfer for a long time, i think this the time we have to do something to make sure that we enjoy the fruit of our labour now that this money have been sent to the bank nearest to you, i dont know exactly why you keep delaying this money from getting to our hands, i am still expecting to read from you so as for us to know how we can enjoy this money that we have been labouring for.
reply soon.

I love to send them an encouraging message and then just wait for ages. Speaking of encouraging, at this stage I broke my long-standing silence and let him talk to me. Thanks to user williamnorris for this one, he was willing to do some incomprehensible faux Chinese on his pimped number on my behalf. I wrote

Please to forgive my unforgive silence, the illness
have keep me off work for some days. I have use a
friend mobile telephone which can call at this number
+447723xxxxxx call from out side of U.K.
07723xxxxxx call from in side of U.K.
I have not improve my English in speak, I will try for
succeed of this business.

He wanted my own number:
Thank you for the phone number which you sent to me, but i would have love you to give me your own private phone number because you know that this business we are doing is surposed to be kept secret to avoid any other person to know about it, please there is one important document which i have to collect from the chief justice that will enable us to remove this money from the bank of i-l-l-iot t,l.c in uk which will take only1500 dollars only so please i will need your assistance because i have spent alot of money to make sure that this money will get to this extend, reply me on time so that i will give you information how you will send the money.

And he wanted me to move quickly:
I am writing once again to ask you about your health which i believe you are getting better now, i pray that you will get well fast. please try to see that i will get this money as soon as possible so that i will be able to get this document from the chief justice, i will send it to you as soon as i collect it then tell you what to do next to move this money immediately. reply me soon so that i will tell you how you will send the money. if i can receive this money before this weekend , by next week every thing will be ok. then you have to start to make arrengement for my coming as soon as possible. the invitation letter you have to send as well, forget about your english, i use to understand it very well.

But I was steadfast, I wrote him:

my health OK thank you for ask. Please tell me how I
am proceed. I will check on the E-Mail today also
tomorrow.

I will try to comunicate if you call, please day time
today or tomorrow. I can be very sorry for do it
without Private Telephone, my chinese sim is too
expansive and it needs to provide personal detail now
for UK phones. But I can assure you will speak in
private so nothing to be over heard. This is total
secret and I have use my friend number with out worry.

Please tell more about Letter of Invitation. I can
write good letter for Republic of China (PRC) as
chinese citizen. UK is problem when I have only
Tourist visa now.

I thought maybe I was too difficult so I thought I would send another, more enthusiastic message:

Another message, sir, I wish to aplogise for all the
trouble I cause you. this money is very important to
me as I can bring my family to UK. Any thing I can do.

Sure enough, it's time to get going on the money again:
I am happy that you are recoverying very fast from your sickness, i promise you that after this transfer you will invite your familly to come and stay with you here in uk, all what i want you to do is to cooperate with me so that we make this journey succesful for our own good,please try to send this money through John C-Nthrough western union money transfer lagos nigeria.
1)your name as the sender.
2)the control number.
3) test question and answer
4)then the receivers name which is john c-n
as soon as i receive the money i will get the document from the chief justice and then send it to you through the branch office of the security company in spain that will help you to collect this money from the i-l-l-iot t.l.c bank here in uk. i will be happy if this money will reach me from saturday and monday next week so as for me to do every thing immediately. do it fast because this money has overstayed in this bank. mean while i will call you since you know that every thing will be kept secret from any other person to know this deal.

and finally he decided he should try and call the pimped number, not having any other choice:

How is your health, i hope by now you are ok, since today i have been trying the number that you gave to me, actually the line is ringing but no body is picking the phone, i hope you have red my mail, use the information that i have given you in that mail to send the money so that by monday i will go to collect this document and send to you immediately.
the name i have given to you is my secretary. i will still be trying your number if i can speak with you. hoping to hear from you,

He finally got through (twice!) staying on for 5-6 minutes despite being jabbered at in faux Chinese. It's safe to say there was a little bit of a communication gap there. Thanks william!

Without good phone communication, it's time to get back to the email business:

i hope you have recoverd very well from your sickness,
Sir, please try to make sure that this money will get to me by today been monday so that i can get this document immediately and send to you, because the security company wants to return back this consignment back to their office in affrica since no body is coming to claim it, this is the reason why you must do every thing fast for us to move this money from this i-l-l-iot t.l.c bank to your own account as soon as possible.the money is 1500 dollars only and i have given you the information how you will send the money, i hope to receive it today.

And the WU details yet again:

How is your health, i hope there is improvement in your health now, sir please the security company want this consignment to return back to their office since no body has come to claim it, this is why i am making every effort to make sure that we will move this money from the bank into your account immediately because we have delayed this consignment for too long since 2004, that is why i try to make sure that i will do every thing to move this boxes from the security company so try as much as you can to assist me with this little money so that we can move this money out of the bank before the end of this week,send the money through western union money transfer lagos nigeria, through my secretary,
John C-N
Send your name as the sender
The control number
Test question and answer
Then the receivers name which is john c-n
I will be happy if i will receive this money as soon as possible so as for me to collect the document from the chief justice that will enable you to move this money immediately.

Frankly I'm getting very tired of him sounding like a broken record, so it's time for me to snap. Besides, we've now reached the point where 419eater and various other sites were down due to the DDOS and I was feeling cranky.

Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:53 pm

It's usually a good idea not to tell a scammer that he's made a mistake. After all, if he corrects the mistake, it might help him be more convincing with some other victim down the line. But here, I've saved one of his mistakes for ages and ages, and I just can't help myself. Besides, he's been sounding like a broken record with this constant request to send a payment to Mr. John C-N. I get cross:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for call me, I have try to explain you but
is beter only when can plan and write before speak in
English. my E-Mail is better when have time to
translate all words from dicionary in avoid confusion.

But there is GREAT PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU MUST EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I carefully examine all message kept by my brother in
his papers, this from the beginging of transaction,
for knowing exact what has been done.

He have received your international pass port some
time ago for write letter of invite. Can you explain
me why it appears JOHN C-N on that pass
port.

Always this same name, who williams warn me about. my
secretary name do not appear on my own pass port!
this must explain before I conduct
further!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is also second matter, fund of UK�600 send by my
brother in early of 2005. what was this payment of? I
can not see record in E-Mail print out, need to known
what the payment is of.

Please answer now.

This kind of message always gets a quick response from the scammers, and this is no exception.

Thank you for your letter to me, before we started this deal in 2004 i have allways told you that mr john c-n has been my secretary, i am happy that you have all the information with you from the bigining of this transaction, the 600 pounds you said that you sent before was not sent to me, you sent it to mr will_iams, if you can remember that i warn you seriously about mr will_iams that he does not know any thing about this consignment and even the document of this boxes is not with him but you think that i was lying to you untill you try him and find out that he can not give you any thing, i am happy that you tryed mr will_iams and he did not give you what you want, i tryed my best to make sure that this boxes will leave the security company to uk where you are staying and i did not ask you to give me any money, i paid for the dumorage from 2004 till the time the boxes was moved to uk and also i did not ask you any money so i think from all this you will know that i have tryed my best, i did everything on your behalf without asking you for any money, so i think you need to know exactly between me and will_iams who is the real owner of the documents that covers this consignments. i think you have to start now to make arrengement for my coming because we have no other time to waste for this transaction any longer.
Thank you and God bless you for your understanding.

It's Mr Will_iams, over and over and over again. I'm so proud, he's really taken on a life of his own. And finally we know for sure it was mr will_iams who chopped the nonexistent #600 payment. Also note that Barr Ali-D is making a big deal of how *he* has never asked me for any money -- I've always been asked to pay someone else. Not him!!

Of course I am somewhat offended:

It is only my right to inspect the detail. In special
because you not recall most important problem of whole
transaction. All original comunication is between my
honor brother Q_ing S-Z who past away in april of
2005, it have remain to me (Q-L-Z, Q is
family name) to finish his business.

I only ask this question, why your secretary name on
your own pass port. what is this meaning.

You might have been wondering about the passport too. The answer comes from Barrister Ali:

Thank you for your understanding,
The name you see on that passport is my secretarys name and he is the owner of the passport, the reason why i use his name is that i allways travel out side the state for meeting and other important jobs, so i am not allways arround, this is the reason why i am using his name for any thing because he is my secretary, i have my own passport which i have allready made for my travelling,he is the person that will receive any information that is coming for me as the secretary,by the time i will start business with you in your country you know that we must have a secretary that will take care of every thing we are doing.you and me have many business to do immediately this transaction is settled. so do not delay because we have spent a lot in this transaction. as soon as i receive this money i will meet with the chief justice and collect this document that i will send to you together with the contact address of the security company in parish that will help you to transfer this money into your account without any problem.
Thanks, Expecting your response.

But I am not happy at all with that kind of answer:

I acept why you can use name of your secretary Mr John
for some busines and travel. may be I should
comunicate direct with him or does he reading your
E-Mail?
If you send to me copy of your own passport it make me
very calm.

Instead, Barrister Ali-D takes a different direction. Instead of directing the payment to John, I should direct it to him (I guess he decided not to take the high ground of "without asking you for money" after all):

I received your letter and i thank you for what you told me, send this money through my name, Mr Ali D- through western union money transfer lagos Nigeria,with the following information. as soon as i receive it from today i will proceed for the document immediately from the chief justice and then send it to you with the branch office of the security company in paris that will help you to receive this money into your account immediately.
1)your name as the sender.
2)the control number.
3) test question and answer
4)then the receivers name as Mr Ali D-.

Paris? Paris? where did that come from? My reply to him is short and sweet:

What you say, I thought you send money into U.K. not
into Paris. Also you forget to answer my question
about your pass port.

(How could I resist an "All Your Base" reference?)
Of course there is a totally sensible explanation.

I told you that the money is in I-L-L-IOT T.L.C. Bank in U.K.but the branch office of the security office that will help you to receive this money is in paris,
you told me that you will like to send the money with my name, and i have given you my name to send the money ,ali D- is the name that is in my passport and that is the name i have given to you, my own name is Ali while my fathers name is D-, i hope you are now cleared, this is also the name that you will use to prepare my invitation letter any moment from now, thank you and God Bless, expecting your response.

Glad he cleared things up. BTW I didn't ask about where his name came from, this is just bonus information! Oh yeah, he sent the above message four times in four days. At least I had something to read while the eater was down (I was really late in arriving at the temporary sites).

Finally I reply to his comment about the passport, and I am not friendly about it. I also start dropping hints that I am somewhat involved in the fake document trade....

ali_ writes,
> my passport photo is with you
> since we started this business so check your files
> very well you will see it.

This not answer my question do you think I
stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is the pass port you send ago. You can buy fake
like it in U.K for �20 but only good for joke. I
know, many china people come in to U.K, fake pass port
and visa, some time I working this business. So i see
many false pass port.

I not care, if you use false pass port. most china
people in uk do this. If you come UK or china with
that pass port you will arrest, now are always look
for terrorist so must have perfect pass port!!!!

i can get your pass port, good to get in U.K. or even
USA but will expensive. may be we can exchange, i get
you pass port with full visa, you pay fee of the fund
transfer.

What you say, many detail to discuss.

He replies, sending me a crappy photo that could have come from anywhere (I'm sure I've seen it on the eater at some point). But it's not really important, unless the photo will convince me he is a genuine person at this point:
I dont want us to start to delay this business any longer, this is my passport photo i have send to you for you to know that i am a genuine person, as a lawyer i dont want any thing that will stain my name, i hope that with this my photo your mind will be relaxed, so i will also like you to send to me your own photo so that i will know my patner in this business we are doing, so i hope that with this my passport you will be free to send this money so that we will settle this business and then start our own business immediately, we still have a lot of business to do after we have finished with this transaction. i have given you my name to send the money and also my passport photo to asure you of myself.
expecting your response. this is the passport you will use to prepare the invitation letter for me if every thing is settled.

A couple more days:
I hope that you have seen my passport picture which i have sent to you, i want to let you to know that i am sincere and genuine in every thing that i am doing with you, so you have to be sincere with me as well, if you have received the picture write to me to let me to know,

Sent three times (UGH!), followed by a new message:
I have been expecting to read from you before now, i hope there is no problem with you,
i want to inform you that i have been able to pay for the document from the chief justice and have forwarded it to the Branch office of the security Company in paris, i will give you there contact address so that you will contact them to assist you to transfer this money into your account, they will help you to transfer this money to your account very easily, i think i will do this by tomorrow evening. and please make sure that you will always give me information about your contact with them.

Things are moving right along now! I still don't respond, and finally he introduces a new player in the game:

i want to inform you that i have paid the 1500 dollars to the chief justice and i have collected the document from him and have sent it to the branch office of the security company in paris that will help you to receive this money so contact the security company with this address i am sending to you as soon as you read this mail,XXXXX SECURITE ENVOYS
WEB MAIL:[email protected]
WEB MAIL:[email protected], you can still visit their site for more information about them.
(http/www.XXXXXXXXX.com/default.htm), write to me to inform me as soon as you have contacted them,
Thanks

Now I'd become completely fed up with juggling different correspondents over the life of this bait, so I decided that I would pretend any messages from this new French security company just wouldn't ever reach me. But the website provided was a fake bank (after writing an abuse letter I now wear its flag proudly in my signature).

I have to pause for the day, but there's still quite a bit to come. If you've made it this far & have any comments or suggestions please feel free to add them at this point.

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 1:53 pm

I am still replying to barrister Ali-D, since he didn't actually send me a passport. (But I'm not going to insist on it forever):

hello,
You do not sent me pass port only photograph. Did you
atach the wrong file to E-Mail?
thank you,
Q

But I am still cooperative, sending him this about the same time:

Dear Sir,
Thank for pay the sum, do you wish in obtain pass port
for travel into U.K or china. i can suply with sure if
can be used by you.
I am receive you informtation about ''MAC____ SECURITE
ENVOYS'', but the web site you send not working. I am
confuse what about I-l-l-iot T.L.C. bank in U.K.? What
is MAC____ SECURITE ENVOYS are they part of I-l-l-iot
T.L.C. Bank?
thank you,
QLZ

He is quick to reply with yet another convoluted mugu message "explaining" things:

Thank you for your response, the mac---- security is the branch office of the security company that will help you to receive this money from I-L-L-IOT T.L.C bank in uk, they are not part of the bank,any place that you will sugest for me for the passport is ok by me,either in uk or china is ok, so you have to make choice where we are goning to invest this money.contact the security company as soon as possible and allways inform me your development with them, and also start making a proper arrengement where this money will be invested that is the reason why i have paid this money to avoid any further delay in this business, as soon as this money is transfered into your account let me to know in time so as for me to start making arrengement for my coming to uk or china immediately.

Oh yeah, back to making travel arrangements (this is how certain he is that the funds will be released very soon!). But first, I am very worried about the new security company (after all, he told me not to reply to any man or woman who write to me):

dear sir,
I am not yet contact the security ofice, I do not know
what I tell them, do i identify your name? or my name?
or do have reference number?
I do not want make mistake now!
The company web site still is not work, can you check
self?
http/www.euroXXXXXXXXXX.com/default.htm

Note that I haven't actually mentioned that the web site is really dead yet (killed by a very responsive host within a couple of hours after I sent the abuse letter). Actually it's just that he's given me a malformed URL, and I'm too dense to insert the /: missing from above.

I am not only compliant (but dense) but also eager and helpful with travel arrangements -- don't forget that I am involved with some sort of questionable document business myself. So I also send him this:

Dear sir,

My other mesage about the security company, this about
your investment and other personal mater.

you write to me,
> any
> place that you will sugest for me for the passport
> is ok by me,either in uk or china is ok, so you have
> to make choice where we are goning to invest this
> money.

I have own plan for invest my part. i can not advice
your part with out more infomation. what is your goal,
prefer life style, favourite place.

And all talk of pass port, I don know what you want.
you send me photo which not suitable for pass port or
visa. If you want pass port or visa, need real
photograph of pass port requirements for now
biometric. china photo requirement is different from
some other country too (also visa not just pass port).

china photo must in colour
photo must exact 48mm x 33mm.
height head must between 28mm - 33mm,
width head must between 21mm - 24mm.
back ground must only white or light blue.

requirement in U.K. is this
photo must exact 45mm x 35mm.
head hight must between 29mm - 34mm.
back ground must off-white, cream, light grey.
eyes must look direct at camera
mouth must closed

if you want me to help on pass port I also need high
quality photograph. you can sent digital photo and i
will print.

also please suply personal detail: name, adress, birth
date, place of birth, national country, any current
visa for other country, list of crime conviction, job
title, company name, company adress, lenth of time
with company (if less than 2 yrs providing all details
of previous company too). if we aply for goverment
Visa will require information of two reference people:

name, adress, telephone number or E-Mail, how long
they know you, capacity of which they know you (eg
family, business, school et/c).

this information necesary to get your situation,
please send as possible.

thank you
q-L-Z

Don't worry, I would never make him any sort of quality documents. The above are really the standard requirements for passport photos (copied from some photo website, with english slightly broken by me). I was hoping he'd take the time to provide me some personal information even if it turned out to be entirely invented.

Unfortunately for me his response was quite curt and to the point, answering both emails at once. And no surprise, a passport and visa for the UK is a better prize than one to China:

tell the security company that you are from bar, ali-d, i have given them all the information they need to help you to receive this money, i will like you to do the passport and visa for me for uk, so that i will start coming immediately.

But I need the passport photo to get started on it:

dear sir,
thank for your mesage I will write the security
company today. please reply my other mesage about
pass port photo, can not proceed with out.

He gives me a bit more information about what I should say to the security company:

Contact the security company with the address i have given to you, tell them that you are from barrister ali-d, that you have consignment to claim from their office which came through KC-SECXXX NIGERIA LIMITED which their branch office is in spain, and that barrister ALI D- is the one in charge, they will assist you to receive this consignment immediately, just comply with them and make sure that every thing will be done smoothly,
because this is the last stage of this transaction, i will prefare you to do this visa and passport for me in uk because that is where i will like to invest my money, or what do you surgest about that, please we dont have time to waste now for this trasaction so do not delay any thing at all so that before the end of this month every thing will be over.

It's so encouraging to realize that the end is in sight! Now I write the recommended letter to the new security company:

Hello,
My name is QLZ of china now stay in London
U.K.

I am E-Mail in concern consignment to claim from their
office which came through K.C.SEC--- NIGERIA LIMITED
which their branch office is in spain, and that
barrister ALI-D is the one in charge.

Barr Alid send me the Web Site of
http/www.euroXXXXXXXXXXX.com/default.htm
but this do not open for me.

Can please help with this?

Thank you,

And I reply to barrister Ali-D: a lot of work is needed to make a good quality passport in this age of biometric quality, etc:

hello,
thank for you E-Mail I just send them now.
Please read E-Mail from me on yesterday, i need you
Pass port Quality Photo for pass port into U.K.
Before could use all most any photograph, many western
people not recognise chinese face. But now is use
Biometric photo must match the person very close. So
your photo must match you face, or the pass port will
not work at imigration.
i do not spend money on shit pass port, this is proud
work.
Please reply soon the pass port can not be over night,
you should have it when fund is release.
Best wish
QLZ

And oh yes, one more message because one tiny detail doesn't make sense:

sir,
why did use security compay in france you know I am in U.k. it does not make sense?

Meanwhile the new security company replies to me (all professional with BOLD CAPITALS and various fonts. Sadly no colored text):

MAC---- SECURITE ENVOYS
WEBMAIL: ([email protected])
OFFICIAL ATTENTION:MR L-Z-Q-S-Z
TIME:13:12
we recieved your mail , and we are using this opportunity to inform you that it a mistake from Barister Alikda---- he wanted to write france not spain, kindly bear with him .
Therefore , libero internationale service is diplomatic company that brought your consignments to paris such type of your consignment was carrying with diplomatic tag which does not authorise any law agent to inspect it we all work hand in hand .we are all sister company to KC-SECxxxxxx LTD NIGERIA.
We gurrantee you 100% assurance for your consignments
and we are here to assist all our customer that demanded for help.
Try and get back to us immdiately
Thanks
BEST REGARD
MRS JANET Pxxxxxxx

Funny thing, I hadn't even mentioned the mistake with Spain instead of France. I like the way the security company can read Barrister Ali-D's mind. And Ali is quick to answer my question about France.

I am not the one that choose france, it is the branch office of K.C-SECxxxxx NIGERIA LIMITED, atleast from uk to france is not far to get their for this business, i will send the passport as soon as possible, i am happy that you have contacted them, just beleive it that we are at the close of this transaction.
reply soon.

This is good news for me, in fact I could even travel to France if I needed to, especially with all the Eurostar hype lately. To Ali-D:

Dear sir,
thank for your mesage. I can travel in to france if
necesary, is easy by Euro Star train from london.
Clearify: If you want me arange pass port for you,
only I need photo as describe, not whole pass port.
If you have pass port want only visa for U.K. i need
see that pass port with no joking. Visa photo must
match 1000%.

I was really hoping to get him excited about a maga who could do fake papers of high enough quality to pass UK immigration (although I had no idea where I was going with it). I don't think he was convinced, though. In the meantime I send a confused message to the new security company:

Hello,
i receive your E-Mail, for imediate reply. but I do
not what to do. Bar ali-d give me the Web Site in
E-Mail but I can not make it to show. May be he make
a mistake in the Web Site? Sadly Bar ali-d have
many error so please be caution and check every thing.

Ali-D thinks it's a good idea for me to go to France! But he doesn't want to mess about with my dodgy documents, come to think of it.

Thank you for your response and the decission you have taken to travel to france, i will like you to be their so as to sign this documents, it is very important before we can get this money cleared from the bank of i-l-l-iot t.l.c. in uk, in other not to disturb you i have decided to do the passport here in my country while you settle with the security company in france paris so as to make every thing fast.

Thanks while i expect your response, allways get intouch with me your development with the security company.

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:19 pm

Time for a little delay while I wait to hear from the security company:

dear sir,
I do not receive response from securty company yet. i
can not acess their Web Site and they do not reply my
E-Mail. So I am still wait for them.
If you do pass port in your country is fine. I know is
chalenge to do from far away.

Ali-D will arrange things, no problem. Oh, there is just one small thing I can do to help...

i have red your mail and all that you said i understand, in case if my passport and visa will be delayed in my country i will contact you immediately so that you do it here in uk and send to me so that i will start coming immediately, i will contact the security company as soon as possible so that they will contact you immediately.
are you not going to send some gift for my boys in the office, you know that very soon i will be living them to uk.

I am not 100% sure the boys in his office deserve gifts, given the whole sordid business with Mr. Will_iams and so on. But we'll see where this goes.

Security company mails me again (but oddly, without the URL to their fake website in the message):

MACxxxxx SECURITE ENVOYS
WEBMAIL([email protected])
WEBMAIL([email protected])
TELEPHONE :+33-61-xxx-xxxx
FAX:+33-172-xxxxxxx
OFFICIAL ATTENTION:MR L-Z-Q-S-Z
TIME:19:32
We are hereby to contacted you in respect of your consignments in our company , we have being expecting your response toward our previous mail.
According to our verification , your warrant Certificate and Deposited Certificate has yet to be issued and endorse(signed) which is very necessary.
For your own benefits and quick releasements try and get back to us
your consignment will be release after you comply to normal protocol and procedure.
Thanks for your usual co-operation
BEST REGARD
MR A----
MRS S----- JU--(clients service manager)

Oho! All we need is the tiny simple step of the warrant Certificate and Deposited Certificate to be issued and endorse(signed). But I have no idea what they are talking about... a quick reply should get the answer. As usual I am eager to comply:

Hello,
I have reply you all ready, do not notify me of your
protocol and procedure! If please tell me how proceed
I do right away!
Best wish,
Q-L-Z

And a friendly compliant message goes to Barrister Ali-D as well:

Hello,
thank for your mesage. The security company keep write
me, ask me to comply their request. But they never
make request just ask me to comply! I reply their
mesage every time but may be they are not read them?
I am hapy to send gift for your boys in office, please
tell me when your last day, may be you have leaving
celebration? tradition in china is for office to give
gifts to leaving person! but i know is diferent other
place.
thank for all you help in this businss, now the
security company is last thing to do?

I am still replying several times a day at this point to give the impression that I am very excited and really think the business will be concluded soon.

The security company mails again:

MACxxxxx SECURITE ENVOYS
WEBMAIL([email protected])
WEBMAIL([email protected])
TELEPHONE:3361xxxxxxxx
FAX:3317xxxxx
OFFICIAL ATTENTION:L-Z-Q-SH.
TIME:19:30
This is to acknowledge you our present procedure, any consignment came our company after JULY month of this year all the certificates used for claiming must be re-issue.
Therefore, your condition of your consignment needs to be re-issue of this warrant certificate and Deposited certicate which will cost you the sum of 13,600euro.
The payment must be made before the certificate will be issued and the releasement will be lmmdiately.
Thanks for your usual co-operation
we are expecting your reply to know how will you collected the certificate .
BEST REGARD
MR A-M
MRS SABxxxxx JUxx(clients service manager)
FOR THE MANAGEMENTS

How lame! Such a scripted response after so long. I guess the French security company is a new player, though, and strictly down to business. This is so annoying I decide to ignore their emails. Actually one or more of them did make its way into my bulk mail folder at some point, so I just decided to pretend this was happening with them all. (I hope the same thing happens to any real victims they might be mailing).

Barr Ali-D has a great idea of the perfect present for the boys in his office. Any guesses? Of course it's hand sets...

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your reply and all that you have said, i will like you to buy hand set for my boys because i will be leaving them as soon as you settle with the security company, my boys are only three in number, so that means that you have to buy three hand sets for them, camera phones, infact i am happy that at the end we are able to succeed in this transaction, all you have to do is to comply with the security company so that every thing will be done as soon as possible, if you are ready to send the phones just let me to know so that i will give you information how you will send it to them.
Thanks and God Bless.

I think this is a great idea, although I still have to complain about the security company and hope for a quick end to all this:

dear sir,
thank you for you message, there is no problem for
hand sets for your boys. please tell me what kind of
hand set is working in your country and details.
I hope will setle with security company soon, is end
of month and just be payed. the company very bad
about E-Mail to me, never give the informations. is
the way doing business in france? if you can speed
them anyway it will be very good, i want to finish it!

Look at all those eager, compliant messages from me. Time to do something a little bit annoying just to see what might happen (and to make this bait even more difficult to write up). Way back in the very early days of my conversation with these mugus, back in the original days of the "Chinese Dark Spirits" curse, I had also been in contact with one Mba___ Njo___ who was a barrister involved in the transaction. Out of the blue, I decided to write him an email to see if he had anything to say about the matter:

dear sir,
I am write you concern you involve in transcation with
Q-S-Z, also Barr Ali-D. Mr Q is my
brother who unfortunately decease, I am follow through
in this matter. As it is near finish I contact you,
are you still in partner with Barr Ali-d. If yes
please reply your convenience.
Thank you,
QLZ

My email looks very much like an ASEM (business just about ready to conclude, do you have anything to add) except here I was actually in contact with him before. At the same time I grumble to Ali-D about the security company:

hello I stil wait for confirm of details. please reply urgent,

Security company sends me another urgent message which I am going to ignore as usual:

MACxxxxx SECURITE ENVOYS
WEBMAIL([email protected] )
OFFICIAL ATTENTION:MR LZQ
TIME:18:10
Kindly explaning yourself very well about you are waiting for the details?
Pls we can not understand your question , and lets us know your plan toward your consignment before enter demurrage.
Get back to us very quickly.
Thanks
BEST REGARD
MR A-M
MRS SABxxxx JUxx(clients service manager)

And Ali replies to me as well with the shopping list for his boys in the office:

Dear sir,
I thank you for your response. i will write to the security company to make haste of this business, the type of hand set you will buy is nokia 700 it has mp3, i think that that will be okay for them, when i get to the office i will get the information from one of them so that you will use his name to send it to them through D.H.L.
Thanks and God bless

And the next day a much more detailed message, complete with some important notes about the transaction just in case I am completely daft. And also all the info I need for the hand sets:

How are you today, i hope all is well with you, i have conacted the security company in paris france and they told me that they have contacted you, and that they have also given you their conditions, but you have not told me the condition they gave to you, allways give me information about your dealings with the security company that will also help to make this transaction fast, because if you give me information about your dealings with them that will make me to disturb them so as to make haste of this business, please for your information the security company does not know the content of this consignment ecept only you and your late brother Mr Q-S-Z so you have to keep it secret, you and your brother are the people who knew that this boxes contain money. the type of hand set you will send to my office boys is either nokia N70 or nokia N93 it has mp3 and 4. you can send it through my manager ,
Miss Blessing O___ A___. O. through DHL INTERNATIONAL NIGERIA LIMITED.
DHL HOUSE , NEW AIRPORTROAD JUNCTION , OSHODI ISOLOEXPRESSWAY ISOLO LAGOS, i will be happy if you can send it to them by next week because i have allready told them that my very good friend is sending them a hand set from uk. i will also like you to send me your photo as well so as for me to easily identify you the day i will visit uk. send me the details if you send it through my mail box.
Thanks and God bless.

Well, that seems like all the information I need. Keep quiet about the contents of the consignment, move fast with the security company, and get some nice handsets to send to the boys. But I am still worried about the security company:

Hello sir,
I am mystify, still recieve no E-Mail from security
company! I reply to their first mesages again but
still, no respond! I can not reach their Web Site and
my reply to the two E-Mail address never reach
response. Can you check again?
I will get nokia hand set, should i get same model for
your boys? also please send telephone number of
manager this will be require by delivery company.
best wish,

In the next 24 hours I send him three messages with the only content being

"???????????????????????????"

Ali-D finally replies, just curiously wondering whether the security company has presented me with a bill yet. They have, but I'm pretending I haven't seen it:

i am soorry for replying you late, send the hand set through the address that i have given to you, did the security company ask you to pay any money, if so how much, and what is your response for that, let me to know on time.

I complain that I haven't heard from the security company in ages:

dear sir,
thank for your mesage, please reply haste.
I order hand set on line but not receive yet. I buy
one for my self too, will sent others to you adress
when it arive.
I do not receive any E-Mail from security company, I
am paste last one at botom of mesage, send on Wed, 26
Sep 2007 19:43:57 +0200.
i know is urgent, why they do not send E-Mail?

{snipped email from mac***** company which was pasted here}

Ali D is getting impatient, and he doesn't seem to realize I have not been getting the messages from the security company even though my messages about it seem to be right to the point!

Dear Friend,
You dont need any phone number to send the hand set, all you will do is just send it through the address that i have given to you , as soon as you tell me that you have sent it i will print out your letter that will enable my manager to go to receive the phone at the D,H.L branch office which i have given you the address that is all, they dont need any phone number. have the security company contacted you, and what is their condition, write me as soon as possible and let me to know, if it is what we will team up to do then i will know, you know that very soon all the offices will be closing for the christmas season and i will not be happy if this transaction will be extended to next year again because you know that we have spent money for this business, now that the security company is the final of everything we have to make sure that we do something fast to get this bussiness settled once and for all.
i am expecting your response fast.

He's worrying about the offices being closed for the christmas season? It's only October 4 at the time of this message. Yes, I know lots of the lads go to their home villages for the holidays, but still....
I reply

hello,
sory, i was planing to send by federal express, who
all ways want a telephone number incase of delivery
problem. if the send adress is D.H.L. i will use them
in stead.
As i told you in last mesage I do not hear from
security company in long time. How soon does ofice
close for christmas, is more than two month away.

The french security company mails me a couple more times, sending me copies of their previously-sent messages which I duly ignore yet again. I'm not bothering to paste them here because it's the same old format as before for the most part.

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:42 pm

Ali-D finally seems to have the message. He'll look into the problems with the security company, and he wants to re-confirm the shipping details for the handsets. But I haven't even bought them yet.

Dear Friend,
Thank you for your mail, i will contact the security company as soon as possible to know what is delaying them, please incase they give you any condition try and inform me so that we can put head together to make sure that we settle it immediately so as for me to start coming to uk, for the hand set just send it through the address which i gave to you my manager will receive it, the company does not need any phone number for that, if you send it i will print out your mail that shows that you have sent it and then take it to the company for confirmation that is all. send it to my manager,
Miss BLESSING O-A- .O.
D.H.L. INTERNATIONAL NIGERIA LIMITED,
D.H.L. HOUSE ,NEWAIRPORTROAD JUNCTION,
OSHODI ISOLOEXPRESSWAY ISOLO LAGOS NIGERIA.
as soon as you settle with the security company just let me to know immediately so that i will start making arrengement for my coming to uk.

And the boneheads from Mac**** Securite Envoys keep sending me their stupid format with a demand for 13,600euro. Four more times in the next day or two. And I just keep ignoring it. But fortunately barrister ali-D is on top of things now.

dear Sir,
I have been expecting to read from you before now, have you heard from the security company. i spoke with mr And--- on saturday as soon as i finish writing your reply and he told me that he has just sent a letter to you and that he has told you their condition on what you are expected to do before this money will be released into your account, please i will like you to give me a reply as soon as possible and tell me the condition that they have given to you, i will assist you to settle any of their conditions, my boys in the office is still expecting the hand set, i await to read from you soonest.
thanks

Well, it's too bad I haven't received any such message from Mac**** Securite Envoys, so I don't know what he's talking about. Then Mac**** Security Envoys send me the same message as before (I must be near 10 copies by now) only in a very large font. Sadly not in color, or with flashing text. I ignore it as usual, and reply to Barr Ali-D to complain yet again:

Dear Sir,
i do still not receive any mesage from the security
company as you said. I have E-Mail to them many time
but do not receive any thing from them! Last mesage
from mr and---- reseived Wed 26 September 2007
{snipped a copy of their early message to me}
I am still wait in reseive the hand set, there is
postal stricke in U.K. affect delivery. It is surpose
to end soon I hope. I will send it D.H.L. to you, will
not be affect by stricke.

Yes, there really was a postal strike in the UK at this time, and it did affect all sorts of things I was supposed to receive in real life. Anyway, Barrister Ali-D is getting a little irritated again:

Dear Sir,
Infact i am surprise if the security company have not writen to you any letter uptill now because i called their director Mr A----- on phone and i spoke with him, he told me that they have sent you an email concerning what you should do before this money will be transfered to your account so i dont see why you continue to tell me that they have not writen to you uptill now, write to them and ask them why they have not writen to you uptill now then you will hear fom them what they will tell you, when do you want to send the hand set to this boys, infact you are delaying the whole thing, when your senior brother was alive he promised to take care of this business before he died, now i am the one doing the whole expences about this transaction, tell me your decission about the whole thing if we will continue or not so that i can look for another seriouse person in uk that will assist me to receive this money into his account since the money is allready in uk.
expecting your response,
Bar AliD

In response to this, my first act is to dash off a quick letter to the security company:

Dear Mr An-----,
I am write your E-Mail again at request of attorney
ali-d. What is happen, I never receive any mesage?
Please sent E-Mail as soon you get this mesage!

But my letter to Ali D has a very different tone. He's gone over the line by bringing up my dead brother and suggesting I am not seriouse about this transaction. I am extremely angry... yet still compliant!

Dear sir,
FIRST: DO NOT INSULT NAME OF MY BROTHER. HOW YOU FEEL
IF I INSULT OF YOUR DEAD ANCESTRY. I DONOT KNOW WHAT
IS IN YOUR CULTURE BUT FOR CHINA INSULT OF ANCESTRY IS
WORST THEN MURDER OR RAPE. I DEMAND APPOLOGY.
If you can appology then here is the rest of E-Mail.
The hand set have arived today.
I am very confuse in your E-Mail. You ask me write to
security company ask them why they do not respond. I
write them four time and never response! I send
another E-Mail today.
You tell me money is already in uk, but last mails you
say in france with security company. what is right?
May be i should visit the ofice.
Q

Ali-D is very quick with his apology

Dear Friend,
I am sorry if i have insulted you about your late brother, i dont ever know that it meant alot in china, if the hand set has arrived do not waste time to send it to my boys as soon as possible because they ask me about it every time i go to the office, i will still find out why the security company has not yet writen to you, but i will like you to write to them to know what is happening since your consignment is with them. i will be expecting to see the hand set and to read from you from next week,

The next day he has some more news: the fund has been withdrawn from the UK bank, which is really good news as it lets me dodge the UK government or something:

Dear Friend,
I hope this will be an opportunity for both of us, because of the delay of claiming this consignment the security company in france paris have decided to withdraw the consignment back to thier office in france, really it will be good like that while because they will escort you with the consignment to your country china or any other place you feel is ok for you, why i said that it is an opportunity for you is to avoid the uk government to investigate the huge amount incase if it is transacted in uk.it will be ok like this so that the security company will take the consignment to any place you want it either in china or any other place you want it to be delivered for you, so that means that you have to make arrengement to go to france and sign those documents and allow them to deliver it to your door step, and please what ever that is your agreement with the security company try and inform me as soon as possible and also comply with them to avoid any other delay.
i await to read from you soonest.
Thanks
Ali D

A few more days pass without any response from me (I'm still offended about the comment he made), so he replies again:

Dear Sir,
I have been expecting to read from you before now, and to hear about the security company with you, how are you doing with them, have they contacted you about your going to sign those document in france, i am happy that the consignment have been transfered to france so that it will be easy for this money to be shifted to china your country or any other place you wish while you still remain in uk doing your business if you like to be in uk.i hope that the hand sets will get to my boys from this week, if so i will be expecting to receive it for my boys in the office.
reply me soon, i am sorry for the insult about your brother, i dont mean to hurt your feeling,
Thanks

And a couple days later, more of the same

Dear Friend,
I have been expecting to hear from you before thi time but could not, i hope there is no problem, and i also hope that i have not offended you in any way, have you heard from the security company, please write to inform me about your way about with them. i told you in my last mail that because of the delay to claim this consignment the security company have decided to transfer alll the consignment to france which i beleive it will be more better for both of us because they will assist to transfer this boxes even to your country china while you will still remain in uk doing your business if you wish,that means that you have to make arrengement with the security company how you will go to france as soon as possible to sign those documents. any amount they may ask you to pay just let me to know so as for me to assist you.

Two more days pass:

Dear Friend,
My boys in the office have been expecting to receive the hand sets from you according to your promise and uptill now i have not seen any one yet,you told me in your last mail that i should appologize to you for insulting your late brother which i have appologized to you for two times in my variouse mails to you and i will still make another appology again that i am sorry if i have offended you, try and let us finish every thing about this consignment with the security company now that they are the last stage of this business.
still expecting to read from you.

Once again he's written a bunch of emails while I sit there and do nothing. Eventually I decided to let him off the hook - the handsets are moving along.

Dear Sir,
You appology has been note and accept.
I am still never hear nothing from security company,
what is go on? I fear the company are not deppendable.
The hand set have arrive, i order one more for you be
cause I take one for my self. they are very good hand
set. it will arive tomorow and I send imediately.

And hey, I receive a slightly modified new version of the format from the French security company. They're trying to add a sense of urgency by naming a deadline only three days from the sending date. Too bad I don't ever receive these messages:

MAxxxx SECURITE ENVOYS
WEBMAIL([email protected])
TELEPHONE:33-61-48xxxxxxxx
FAX:33-3-xxxxxxxxxx
OFFICIAL ATTENTION:MR L-Z-Q-S-Z-Q
TIME:15:06
we are hereby to inform you the present condition of your consignment transfer from KC-SECxxxxx COMPANY LTD Nigerian.
Through your negligency, the demurrage counting will commence on 25th octomber 2007, which must be paid before the delivery of the consignment to you, we send a series of letter to you but you are still asking question, we told you that all your certificate for claiming the money has expired.
Therefore, it needs re-issue and it will cost 13,600euro, but you neglect the information, without reason.
so try and get back to us for more detail .
Thanks
BEST REGARD
MR ANxxxx M
MRS S---J--- (clients service manager)
FOR THE MANAGEMENTS

I mail barrister ali-d... the handsets are one step closer to him:

dear sir,
I have package the hand sets and is ready to sent. But
I still never hear nothing from security company. Not
one word in past weeks, after mesage i sent you! i
know you are speak with them can you check the detail?
I sent them E-Mail again and again but still never
nothing.
best wish

And hey, remember that email I sent to the other barrister Mba___ Nj____ a month or so ago? He's finally noticed and replied to it:

Q-S-Z
I HAVE RECEIVED YOU MAIL, AND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET
TO Barr Ali-D AND NOW THAT I HAVE COME TO SEE
HIM, I WILL LIKE YOU TO SEND TO US YOUR TELEPHONE
NUMBER IF YOU WILL LIKE US TO DO THIS BUSINESS.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN DO THIS BUSINESS.
I AWAIT YOUR REPLY
THANKS
BARR.MBA___

It's nice that he's writing in ALL CAPS because I'm too lazy to format these messages any more than placing scammer messages in italics. At the same time Ali-D is writing me, still mystified about my problems getting messages from the security company.

Dear Friend,
I am still surprise that the security company have not writen to you uptill now, i will still call their office to know what is exactly the matter with them, write to them and copy the letter to me so that i will send it to them myself, i think that is what we will do, try and send the hand sets because my boys are thinking that i am lying to them. as soon as you are ok with the security company i will start coming to uk immediately.
thanks expecting your quick response.
Ali D

Three days pass, and Ali writes again

Dear Sir,
Try and send the hand sets as soon as possible, i will ask the security company to write to you through me so that i will send the letter to you, because i dont know actually what is happening why they have not writen to you uptill now, try and send the hand sets this week before i travel out of the state on appointment, as soon as the security company write me i will let you to know about there arrengement.
thanks,

I tell him I've sent the handsets!!!

Dear sir,
I send the hand sets on monday, include parcel
insurance. they advice 5-7 working day for receive.
Please confirm you have receive the parcel, i also
include some good-luck charm from china, this is for
you good fortune in businss and success.
i still do not hear no thing from the securinty
company. please confirm with them and if necesary to
send mesage through your self. i can not reach the Web
Site www.euroxxxxxxxxxxxx.com and never reply into my
E-Mail. Please help other wise our fund is stick with
them.
best wish

Oh yes, there is one other thing. I pretend that Mba___ Nj___ contacted me first, rather than the other way around, and so I ask Ali what's going on:

Dear sir,
are you still work with a fore mention Mba___ Nj___.
my brother corespond with him long ago, now he have
reply to old mesage about the transaction. I thought i
check you first, before respond. Because of the
problem with other employe before. please tell me if
he is sound man in league with you.
thank you

And stirring the pot, I write to Mba___ Nj___ as well:

hello sir,
thank for your mesage. in recent have try to speak
barr.D by telephone and poor sucess, my english
in hear and speak is very bad. we did not comunicate
in anyway and he hang telephone off. i can try give me
you number and best time for calling, please be warn
it is hard to understand unless you are speaking
mandrin china!
best wish,

Uh-oh, Ali doesn't like this turn of events (subject line BECAREFUL OF ANY OTHER PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH THIS TIME):

Dear Friend,
I Will confirm from D.H.L office to know if the parcel has reached their office by tomorrow morning because it is just today i am able to check my box, if i confirm it i will give you an urgent information about it, i have told you before not to responde to any other person to avoid what happen before not to repeat it self again, any other person who write you any letter regard to this business tell him you are no longer interested on this business simple as that, even the security company in my country,K.C.SECxxxxx NIGERIA LIMITED have warn you not to communicate with any other person apart from barrister Ali-D so becareful this time, i will get back with you as soon as i am through with the security company in france.
reply soon and God Bless.

I want confirmation, and I'm *still* griping about the security company.

Dear sir,
thank for your respond, this mean Mba___ Nj___ is no
longer in this transaction? when did you depart?
If you go to D.H.L. to morrow it is too soon I think,
shippment time was said 5-7 busines days. so is not
worry for tomorrow.
please investigate with security company in france
right away, they still never sent me mesage.

Ali has started chasing the parcel, and he wants me to steer clear of Mba___ Nj____

Dear sir,
I have gone to D.H.L. office but could not receive the parcel, you did not send me the tracking number, this number is the number that i will use to claim the parcel, is it your name you write as the sender, incase if they ask me about the sender, please do this as soon as you read this mail so that i will have to go tommorow morning to claim it for my boys, send me the tracking number that i will use to claim the parcel because they ask me about it in the D.H.l office, do not reply any mail to mba___ nj___, he is not included in this business so becareful so that we will not have problem from any body again, i have contacted the security company in france and i told them to forward any mail to me so that i will send it to you according to what you told me in your mail so as soon as they forward the mail i will send it to you immediately. please do not waste time to send this tracking number as soon as you read this mail you know that tommorow will make 5 days you send the parcel so that i will collect it tommorow morning.
thanks and God Bless.

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:31 pm

With this latest development, it's time for a blast from the past. The original security company (K-C-etc.) sends me a message warning me about dastardly no-gooders and bad eggs:

FROM THE KC-SECxxxx COMPANY DIRECTOR
TO MR Q
DATE' 1st NOVEMBER 2007.

ATT.
Dear Q,
We have received information from Barrister Ali-D that some of this bad eggs is still writing letters to you about your consignment, please sir, for your own good do not respond to any other man or woman that will ever write you any mail regarding to this consignment appart from Barrister Ali-D, he is the only person we know that is incharge of every document regards to your consignment, he is trusth worthy and an honest person and a christian, so appat from him do not respond to any other person and do not reply any of their mail if you receive any mail that is not from Barrister Ali-D please do not reply and make sure that you will delete such letter from your file, this company does not want any other thing that will spoil or tarnish the image of this office, your consignment have been transfered to our branch office in france paris, there you will sing all the neccesary document and then claim your goods, thank you and we wish you the best of luck.

THE DIRECTOR ( KC,SECxxxx NIGERIA LIMITED)

And Ali is also mailing me with the same old song and dance:

Dear sir,
I have gone to D.H.L. office but could not receive the parcel, you did not send me the tracking number, this number is the number that i will use to claim the parcel, is it your name you write as the sender, incase if they ask me about the sender, please do this as soon as you read this mail so that i will have to go tommorow morning to claim it for my boys, send me the tracking number that i will use to claim the parcel because they ask me about it in the D.H.l office, do not reply any mail to mba___ nj___, he is not included in this business so becareful so that we will not have problem from any body again, i have contacted the security company in france and i told them to forward any mail to me so that i will send it to you according to what you told me in your mail so as soon as they forward the mail i will send it to you immediately. please do not waste time to send this tracking number as soon as you read this mail you know that tommorow will make 5 days you send the parcel so that i will collect it tommorow morning.
thanks and God Bless.

A couple days pass and Ali finally decides to serve as intermediary, forwarding me that same tired old message from Macxxxxx securite envoys that I've been ignoring for the past month or two.

Dear Friend,
Read below the letter that the macxxxxx security company sent to you through by box as you told me, go through and tell me your decission. i am still expecting the tracking number for the collection of the hand set.

I am shocked to see this message demanding payment of 13,600euro after spending a heap on the hand sets! I do not mince my words.

dear sir,
this crazy, charge of 13,600 yeuro this is totall
problem, nearly 10000 pound. i spend all most 1500
pound on hand set and ship cost and insure, now you
give this bill i can not pay! what to do?

Ali hopes there is some kind of solution, feeling me out for my current budget:

Dear sir,
i know that the amount is somehow much, how much can you be able to afford so that i will have to assist you for us to release this consignment on time to avoid another dumorage, because the more the consignment continue to stay with the security company the more the dumorage will go high, i have not received the hand set yet, i told you that you should send the tracking number which i will use to claim the hand sets from D.H.L office, so get back to me as soon as possible so that we know the way we can settle the security company and release this consignments.
expecting your response.

I don't give him the answer he's looking for, but I do finally provide him with a made-up tracking number for the parcel. By the way, I didn't send it by DHL. I did "send" it to the DHL address, but I used a different courier. He doesn't know that yet. Nor that it's been held up in customs or something.

Dear sir,
Thank you for mesage, I will go into my fund and check
the ammount I can reach. For you information the
parcel tracking number is UK5518SAtpjy550XXXXXX, it is
due arrive yesterday. Sorry to reply so late with it,
I left my record at the office. Please let me know you
recieve the parcel ok.
best,

Oh good, it's time for Ali to collect the parcel:

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your information about the parcel, i will go to D.H.L. office to confirm the parcel, as soon as i receive it i will get back to you immediately, as soon as you check your fund please do not waste time to inform me so that we have to put heads together to settle this amount.we have to be fast because this is november and very soon offices will close for xmas season,
i will be expecting your response.

Or not (two days later)

Dear sir,
the parcel have not yet arrive, i went to D.H.L. office yesterday and was told that the parcel is yet to arrive, i will still go back their on saturday morning to check it again. have you been able to check your fund, please let me to know how much you can afford so that we have to team up to settle the security company, i await to read from you, as soon as i receive the parcel i will let you to know.
Thanks

And the same story two more days later

dear sir,
i am still expecting the parcel to arrive, i have gone to D.H.L. office on saturday morning but it has not arrive yet, i beleive it will arrive by this week since you send it on shipment, please if you have confirm your account let me to know how much you can be able to reach so that i will ballance it for us to settle the security people before the end of this month, you know that very soon all the office will close for the season.
thanks and God Bless.

Three more days pass, and would you believe still no parcel?

Dear Sir,
I hope there is no problem with you, i have been expecting to read from you before now to know if you have been able to check your fund let me to know how much you can reach so that i will look for means to ballance up the money for the security company, i am yet to receive the parcel, i will still go back to D.H.l. office once more tomorrow morning to check if the parcel has arrived, expecting your urgent response.

At the same time I finally get a response back from Mba___ Nj___ who seems to have been promoted to Reverend. He wants a call.

Sorry for delay in reply. its because of my type of
work. I will advise you to send me your telephone
number. But you prefer to have mine, you can call me
on 234-805-xxxxxxx. I hope this is ok for you. you
can call me any time any day.
Thanks,
Rev Mba____

I decided it would be useful to give him an incomprehensible phone call, and kind forum member GomerPyle offered to do so on my behalf. Sadly this number was not in service, so I'd have to complain later on.

In the meantime, I've checked my finances for Barr Ali-D. I have hardly anything in my British account, but loads and loads in my Chinese account. Too bad there are barriers. And oh yes, I must mention my contact with Mba___ Nj___ again:

dear sir,
I have examine my bank-account, I can tell you have
only near �500 access in UK bank-account, far from the
euro 13000 require of transaction. I have more in
china bank probaly RMB300.000 (= about �20.000) but it
is efort to get out due to bank relation in U.K. and
china.
May be I can arange bank transfer, my relative in
china can do it?
I am very sory about the parcel with hand set. Parcel
track site say "CLEARING CUSTOMS" with expect deliver
date on friday, 16 november. I don know why the delay
but hope is there right away for you and boys in
office.
One last!! I continue recieve E-Mail from Rev Mba___
Nj___. He provide telephone, 234-805-xxxxxxxx. May be
you talk him and see why his involve.
best wish and very sory for trouble,

Ali really doesn't want me talking to him:

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your letter of 14th november 2005 [sic], first i must have to warn you once more about any other person that you are dealing with regards to this transfer, mba___ nj___ have no hand in this transaction, i first invited him to assist me for a little job in the first place because i was very buzy that time and after which i have settled him, so he dont have any thing to do for you as long as this business is concerned so becareful of mba___ nj___, i have reported this matter to the K.C.SECxxxx COMPANY which i beleive that they must have writen a letter to you about any other person that you may deal with as long as this business is concerned, i dont want you to fall victim to any other person like mr will_iams again, i will inform the security company to tell them how much you can afford any thing they tell me i will let you to know about it, please make sure that this business will be settled this month ending so as for me to start coming to uk immediately, because my travelling document has been settled so you are the one that i am waiting for now. as soon as we settle with the security company i will start coming as soon as possible.
thank and God Bless,

Hooray, he's still worried about persons like mr will_iams. And he still hasn't forgotten the parcel.

Dear Sir,
Note Before, i will send my manager to D.H.l office on saturday to check if the parcel has arrived.

Oh, and still one more thing, a bit more explanation about Mba___ nj____ and why I should not deal with him.

Dear Friend,
how are you today, i hope you are very fine,
Once again i want to tell you to becareful with mr mba___ nj___, he joined hand with mr will_iams to collect the sum of 600 pounds from you last time, so because of that he is no longer in my company so any thing you are doing with him is not from me, any document or what ever he will give to you about this transfer is fake, do not responde to any of his mail and do not reply his letter, he is a thief and i dont have any other thing to do with him again as regards to this transfer, so becareful with him, if he ask for any money from you tell him you are not interested in this business again, so do not say that i did not inform you.he joined with mr will_iams to collect 600 pounds from you before, if you see his mail in your box please dellet it in your file dont reply, this is the last time i will warn you about mba___ nj____.
thanks

So I mail Mba___ Nj___ to get his side of the story:

Dear Sir,
I recieve E-Mail from Barr Ali-d, say that you are
thief and all for no good. I am sory did not know he
had dis agreement with you. can you tell me you side
of story, I do not know who is tell the truth in this
matter.
thank you

And just in case my mail is working properly again, the French security company sends me the same old drivel (blah blah blah 13,600euro blah blah blah), this time from a fresh new deliveryman.com address).

Mba_Nj_ gives me an answer, exactly how he is involved in the business.

THANKS FOR YOUE EMAIL, FROM MY UNDERSTADING THAT YOU
DONT REALLY NO MUCH ABOUT THIS BUSINESS. I AM ONE OF
THE LAWYERS THAT NO CONCERING THIS BUSINESS.

IF YOU SHOULD AS BARR.ALI-D HE WILL TELL YOU ABOUT
ME. MAY BE YOU DID NOT ASK HIM CONERING ME. YOU ARE
FREE TO ASK HIM. YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE GOING TO CALL
ME UPTIL NOW I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU.I WOULD HAVE
LIKE TO TOOK WITH YOU ON PHONE.

IF IT IS POSSABLE FOR YOU, YOU CAN SEND ME YOUR
TELEPHONE NUMBER TO ENABLE ME CALL YOU.

I WILL LIKE YOU TO CALL ME ON TEL NO:234-xxxxxxxx
IF YOU NO THAT YOU ARE STILL INTRESTED TO DO THIS
BUSINESS YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP VERY WELL,AND GIVE US
EVERY INFORMATION YOU NO CONCERING THIS BUSINESS.

AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE US A GO AHEAD TO MOVE THIS
CONSIGNMENTS TO YOUR HOME.

I AWAITS YOU REPLY,

Clearly Mba_Nj__ doesn't realize I have already asked Barrister Ali-D outright about him, and i have been told quite clearly that he is a thief. Time to put my cards on the table:

dear sir,
this is why i am confuse, I ask barr ali d and he
write this:
-----------------------------------------------
Once again i want to tell you to becareful with mr
mba_nj__, he joined hand with mr will_iams to
collect the sum of 600 pounds from you last time, so
because of that he is no longer in my company so any
thing you are doing with him is not from me, any
document or what ever he will give to you about this
transfer is fake, do not responde to any of his mail
and do not reply his letter, he is a thief and i dont
have any other thing to do with him again as regards
to this transfer, so becareful with him, if he ask for
any money from you tell him you are not interested in
this business again, so do not say that i did not
inform you.he joined with mr will_iams to collect 600
pounds from you before, if you see his mail in your
box please dellet it in your file dont reply, this is
the last time i will warn you about mba__ nj___.
-----------------------------------------------
I know you have involved this transaction, it
complicate with death of my brother who pay fee for
release of fund but not collect.
I prefer conduct in write, I trouble under stand
English in speaking, in write can use dictionary and
record of communication.
Please tell very soon as the business must conclusion.

And at the same time, there's a new development from the French security company. They've obviously received the message that I have a big heap of money in my Chinese bank account, and conveniently they happen to have a Chinese account where I can make the payment. This message is sent to me by Barrister Ali D, who wants to be sure I get it.

MACxxxxx SECURITE ENVOYS
WEBMAIL([email protected])
ATTENTION:MR L-Z-Q-S-Z
TIME:17:25
This is to inform you that it is better to make the payment through bank transfer in our china Account company transfer for the easiest way , then after we cleared the money we give you date of coming to paris for the signing of your Document releasement of your funds.
Therefore, for your own benefit keep the secret of your fund,this is the information below
Please find below our non-taxable receiving bank account with bank of China to make the payment
BANK OF CHINA
xxxxxxxxxxxx LUQIAO TAIZHOU
xxxxxxxxxxxx, ZHEJIANG CHINA
SWIFT CODE: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
A/C NO: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
BENEF: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
REF: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Immediately the payment is made, please provide us with the transfer slip for record perusal
We await your urgent response
Thanks .
BEST REGARD
MR a----- M
MRS S------- JU.

The above actually appears to be a real bank account located in China, and I immediately reported it through the appropriate channels. Ali is quick to follow this message with one of his own:

Dear Friend,
I have sent to you the banking information from the security company in france on how you will pay the money through china your country, please as soon as you make this payment try and inform me immediately so that i will start coming to meet you in uk, we can go to france together to sign this documents, please try to be keeping record of every of your expences starting from the hand set and every other expences that you are making regards to this business so that as soon as this fund is released you will take all your expences after which we will share the remaining amount, i want you to be happy because this is the end of this business, i am still expecting the parcel to arrive, check the shipping office where you sent the parcel and know what is delaying it from arriving uptill now.please try to make this payment as soon as possible before the security company will bigin to count the dumorage.
Thanks and God Bless.

This is great news from him! The whole thing is over, and I should figure out my expenses which will all be paid back once the fund is released. I send him a happy confirmation:

dear sir,
thank for you mesage. i have recive china bank detail
and is O.K.:
BANK OF CHINA
xxxxxxxxxxxx LUQIAO TAIZHOU
xxxxxxxxxxxx, ZHEJIANG CHINA
SWIFT CODE: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
A/C NO: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
BENEF: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
REF: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i know zhejiang (in china, ??) verry
well can arange payment made there in person by friend
of uncle. can confirm ammount of Euro 13,000 is
corect?
also you former associate nj___ mba___ still sent
E-Mail often. he demand to speak telephone no matter
problem with english. I do not call, fear to speak
english miss understanding. how can i stop him to
E-Mail?
thank-you

Barrister Ali-D doesn't want me to reply to the meddlesome Mb___ Nj___, and wants me to move fast

Dear Friend,
Do not reply any letter from mba____ nj___, any time he write to you do not reply his mail just dellete it in your file when he get tired of writing to you he will stop to write, please try to make the payment before this end of the month so as for me to start coming immediately, we will go to france together to sign the document if you like to go with me, because my travelling document has been ready since, as soon as you make the payment just inform me as soon as possible let me start to come to uk.have you confirm about the delay to the parcel, you have to try before the security company will bigin to count dumorage for the consignment please.
expecting your response.

For his troubles, I check the "shipping details" for the handsets and provide him the exact information. Surprise! it appears the parcel has been collected.

dear sir,
I check the parcel track site and shows parcel have
been collect yesterday. I hope the ofice boys enjoy
the gift, it is well deserve after all of the trouble.
Tracking Number: UK5518SAtpjy55xxxxxxxxxx
Item: Nokia Handsets
Destination Address1: DHL HOUSE , NEWAIRPORTROAD
JUNCTION , OSHODIISOLOEXPRESSWAY
Destination Address2: ISOLO LAGOS NIGERIA
Origin Location: XXXXXXXX House, London N17, United
Kingdom
Origin Date: 30-October-2007
Estimated Delivery Date: 20-November-2007
Status: Collected (Signature Obtained)

the bank transfer should aprove, i still need to make
arangement in china but this will be O.K. soon.
For you infomation I try and try again, sent E-Mail to
the shipment company but never reply. i hope you
continue passing the mesage from them.
best wish,

About now I get another mail from Mba___ Nj____. I am a little bothered that he is signing the email "Thanks" as this has been a Barrister Ali-D trademark. But never mind. Here's his side of the story.

Dear Q-L-Z

You have come to understand my positions in the
business. And you have come to understand this
business since your brothers death, since that very
time every thing was standstill. we could not move the
consiginments to china again.We just come to across
him as we are delling with you late brother.

Now, what is your advice towords this transtions, are
you still intrested to carry this bussines along from
were your brother stoped.

If you are still intrested to do this business with us
you have to come forword and tell us the way and maner
you will like us to transfer this consiginments to
your country, or if you will come to nigeria to
receive this consiginments from the security company
were this money is logged as matels.

Please you should release you telephone number so that
we well no if you are in london or in china.

You should remenber that you brother did not pay any
money to any body expect there is another business he
hard with Mr Will_iam which my company did not no about
it.

MY telephone number is 234-xxxxxxxxxxxx you are free to
call me any time any day.

I await you reply.

Thanks

Rev.Mba____.

infact i dont no much about Mr Will_iams and he is not
in the business.

So I decide I am going to give him a call:

dear sir,
I try ring you soon, please patience as my english not
confident.
best wish,

followed by:

dear sir please mail immediate. i try call number you
provide: 234-xxxxxxxx but there is problem on line
and can not get through. please check number or suply
diferent one.
Barr ali-d is rush with business and i must speak
you first if can.

and then:

Dear Sir,
I need speak you immediate. Please reply your corect
telephone number

About the same time Ali D replies, no parcel for him!

Dear Freind,
My boys have not yet received the parcel, though that they have not yet check D,H.L office again since two days now, i will send my manager to check by today to know if it has arrived, try to make the payment very soon to avoid dumorage from the security company,you know that this is end of the month and very soon the offices will close for the season, as soon as you make the payment let me to know on time so as for me to start coming to uk.
Thanks

I am not happy, it seems all sorts of evildoers are working behind Ali-D's back:

Dear sir,
please confirm your boys and you manager, someone has
collect the parcel on 20 november, it was adress
exactly as you ask your secretary's name. please do
not tell me you have snake in your midst again just at
this last hurtle before business is complete.

I do not here from Mrwill_iams in long time but now rev
mba____ nj___ keep E-Mail. I ignore as your instruct,
but I worried. It seem you have stream of never do
well to sneak behind you back as soon you remove one
another appear in the place. how can so many person
know our business?

in china we say there two ways: keep in family or tell
world. I despair how many are creep in to your pocket
eat your bread. how can our fund be safe.
please repply with urgent.

And one more to Mba___ Nj___

I require you corect telephone number immediate!
Our fund must move before end of month or risk
confiscate!!!! This business urgent and need your
assist.

Back to Ali, who replies with some answers to me. I love it when he explains things in detail:

Dear Sir,
thank you for your mail, i want to let you to know that you are a man of your own decission, someone can not decide for you what you will do to help your self out, i am the person that introduce mr mba___ nj___ to you from the bigining of this business since 2004 and now i have told you that he is no longer with my company atleast you have to take my intruction if you want to receive your consignment without any problem, remember i told you about mr will_iams in the first time of this business that mr will_iams has nothing to give to you but you refuse to take my advice untill you try him and fail, now i have setteled everything about this consignment here in my country by paying for the accumulated dumorage since 2004 uptill this time that the consignment is in france i think you have to follow my simple instructions so that we will settle this matter once and for all, for your information my travelling documents will expire on the 31st of december 2007, so you dont have to delay this business any longer, this is now bank to bank business, pay this money to the security company and inform me so that i will start coming to uk as soon as possible do not allow any body to deceive you this last time of the business, i have gone to D.H.L. office myself with this tracking number that you gave to me uk551855xxxx, i met the customer manager that check it for me but the information is not there, reconfirm the tracking number if there is any mistake and resend it back to me so that i will go back and check, i beleive that the parcel has arrive may be there is mistake somwhere,try to make this payment this week and inform me let me start coming, i will like to spend this hollidays with my familly in shengzen city china also with you and your familly aswell. you know that is where your brother booked a hotel for me last time.
thanks and God Bless.

Stupid Ali, didn't even get the tracking number right. But I am still enthusiastic:

Dear sir,
Please check the parcel tracking reference number,
should be UK5518SAtpjyxxxxxxxxx you have leave some
letters off. It apear the parcel already colected from
tracking Web Site.
do not wory I am not go on with you former partner.
But I am verry concern when I still recieve message
from them, again again again. they are out of business
and can not give me any thing. But I am wory they have
sillent partner listen in your door. can you trust
others work with you - you secretery, boys in office,
and on?
we are pay company in france this week by china bank
deposit, i know am bad in english but try call them
and be sure. it complicate the business if can only
reach them by your E-Mail.
Thank for your patient, i know you pay the fee for
many time and much sacrifice. But i become concern
when thing of unusual are happen, some time my E-Mail
become abrubt, apology for that. this business will
finish soon and then will calm our minds!!
best wishes,

And finally, Mba___ Njo___ gives me a working phone number (subject line URGENT MUST TELEPHONE 234 8059-xxxxxxx):

Thanks for your mail, I will like to re-mind you, to
send to us a particuler place you will like us to send
this consignments.
Now that every thing is ready, please call me on phone
so that we will take.
Thanks

At this stage, I called him! Thanks again to GomerPyle who actually made the call and recorded it:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/518199217d2608/
I hope this call is a one-off, it sure wasn't very useful to the mugu.

Anyway, we have now reached the present date, those last two messages arrived yesterday (27 Nov 2007).
My first thought is that my Chinese relatives should be interrogated or arrested when they go to the bank to make the money transfer. And maybe Mr. Will_iams should be revealed as intercepting the handsets.... Clearly there's plenty more to be done. For now I think it's time for me to go quiet for a week or two.

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