What can I call this thread.....?

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Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:07 pm

Ok, so it was a nice night. I'm a bit sore from laying linoleum in my kitchen and it's not done yet, but being sore, I spent the night in front of the boob tube, which isn't as much fun as it sounds because let's face it, there are few instances of real boobs shown on TV...but I digress...

Off to bed and am sleeping very nicely thank you very much when at approximately 2:00 am I hear the phone ring. Usually, it's some drunk idiot trying to call (read: stalk) his ex girlfriend so I'm not in a good mood. I answer the phone with my usual "This better be good!"

Everyone dreads getting those phone calls at night, the kind with the bad news and when I hear my 20 yr old daughter's stiffled sobs, I realize this may be one of them. Ok, long story short, my daughter is in jail (along with her boyfriend, the father of her 1 yr old baby girl) How much is bail I ask? $5000. Ok, so usually 10% is what, $500? No, she says "That is 10%." (HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??) She won't say.

Well, I can't make bail, my house is too mortgaged, the car isn't worth it, so nothing else to do but talk to her. I ask the usual "Have you called your mom?" (Her mother and I are divorced, and the mom has more money than I do...much more...)

"Well, she's sort of the reason I'm in here..." she says. Ok. Now I'm starting to see...uh what exactly am I starting to see? Ok, I'm rambling and trying to be clever, but let's face facts. It's hard to be clever when your kids in jail. And apparently for the silly little crime of plotting to murder my ex wife. Yeah, that's right. Conspiracy to commit murder - intended Victim: Her mother.

So, any parents out there with wise words? Anyone with something clever to say? How about if I point out we live in Tennessee? Starting to sound like a Springer episode isn't it? Oh and let's point out also that I work for the court system. Fun huh?

Ok, let the calm words begin, let the words of wisdom rain down, because to tell the truth, I'm ready to dig a hole, get in and pull the dirt in on top of me. I can at least come here and get it out, because no one here really knows me and it's not going to make any difference in our relationship.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:18 pm

Marv? can you get your Doc to state your ex has mental probs with a paranoid complex?

Small hopes, but worth a try.

oh man, this is one of those is it really happening things.

You won't get anywhere trying to talk the charge down either the way things are there.

Are the police willing to listen to you?

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:46 pm

Jeez Marv, I'm really sorry to hear that. The best lawyer you can afford is probably the way to go here. I know we have some legal practitioners on the forum so hopefully they can help with some general advice.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:41 pm

Oh my word, Marv!

That's a mell of a hess.

My bro-in-law spent 35 days in the slammer this summer and it took 5 years off my life. Nothing this serious, he's dealing with misdemeanor and now divorce. His Lawyer is charging him $150.00 an hour. Shocked

I hired him in the beginning because bro was in jail and he did get him out of the felony. Now that he is out, the divorce is all his as far as money and he doesn't have any, so he's whipping out the credit card.

This is a whole new ballgame and my heart goes out to you. Sad

You have all of us Ninja's! Wink

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:07 pm

What is happening to the 1 y.o.? Make sure that the little one's needs are being met.

As a parent we dread that call. I like to pretend that I am a model parent but I will tell you that I've received a call like that too. Not this level but its the call none the less. It's a nightmare but let's put it in perspective. No one is hurt. No one has died. The call could have been from the police telling you about a tragic auto accident. Take a deep cleansing breath and time to practice parenting. Have you talked to Momma? It's her daughter too.
There's some great advice already given. There will be more. People want a quick fix. There won't be one.
Listen carefully. Be calm. Be patient. Be the parent.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:08 pm

Irish, it's not the EX who is the problem. After spending time on the phone with her, I now feel that the problem is the erstwhile boyfriend (of the daughter) He's a manipulator.

I have no money for a lawyer. My car isn't worth a thing, and my house is mortgaged to the hilt. I care, but my wallet says no.

right now I"m numb. I dont know what this all means. It's hard to see your kids making stupid mistakes. Harder still when I know i made so many stupid mistakes in my life....

thanks for letting me vent...

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:23 pm

You keep venting, you need it! Wink

Like connie said, they are alive! Very Happy

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:38 pm

I don't even know what to type to that except I'm glad everyone is physically OK. You're definitely in everyone's thought/prayers/good thoughts/etc.

Aren't there bail bonds for something like this?

I'm sure any decent prosecutor is going to be able to point the finger at the boyfriend. Conspiracy doesn't sound like someone's first time offense, and I bet the boyfriend has some background. Sounds like a real *******.

I hope everyone will be OK.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:52 pm

I am speechless Marv.... Shocked

How did this 'plot' get discovered? Was it for real..?

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, can only send you best wishes.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:53 pm

As a parent I can commisserate even if I haven't received any calls quite that shocking. It's clear you're stepping down a dark road but there will be an ending, and hopefully a happy one.

Obviously no one has the simple answer to offer, things are what they are. So all I can suggest is that you take it one day at a time and stay focused on those things you can do, don't let yourself drown in all the uncertainties. Let it flow, roll with the punches. Yeah, I know, those are lame clich�s but they really do have underlying meaning. My mantra in hard times has always been "this too shall pass." If you keep reminding yourself of that fundamental truth you'll be surprised at how much less stressful the day-to-day problems will feel.

Good luck, we're all behind you.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:04 pm

Marv, you have PM.

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 19 Sep 2007 Posts: 262

hang in there dude...i got 4.5 Kids...i dread that call

The .5 kid is my ex brother in law who is 2 years older then my oldest...and i had that call because of him...

Police called at 3am to inform me that he had been arrested for armed robbery, he had a fake gun, and he used it to rob a 7 months pregnant woman for 70 Euros to buy drugs... which we did not even realized he was using...he got 6 months in the slammer and 5 years suspended he grew up on my house...i was devastated, the most difficult thing i ever had to explain to my kids.
his reason was that he could not steal from me Shocked

there was no bail for him tho...

you hang in there mate...

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:57 pm

Marv, my prayers are with you. If there is anything I can do, I am a couple hours North, you just PM me and let me know.

I got a phone call from my daughters 1st grade teacher this morning about her not staying on task and I have been waiting for her to get home so I can chew her butt. Then I read this, she will still get a butt chewing but it will be a gentle one.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:59 pm

Bail is not an option, I just can't afford even small paments. (I'm coming off of a bad divorce and too many max'd out credit cards)

The ex wife (yeah, the intended "victim") wants to get custody of the 1 yr old. BUT being that she may still be "in danger" from who knows what, they won't allow it as it would then endanger the child. SO (and get ready for this) she has asked ME to petition the courts for custody and SHE will pay for the lawyer.

I still have heard nothing from the daughter today.....

All your good thoughts are great. Without any local support group, well, you guys are it. LOL

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 7:11 pm

justicebdone wrote:

Marv, my prayers are with you. If there is anything I can do, I am a couple hours North, you just PM me and let me know.

I got a phone call from my daughters 1st grade teacher this morning about her not staying on task and I have been waiting for her to get home so I can chew her butt. Then I read this, she will still get a butt chewing but it will be a gentle one.

Personally I would not soften things up. Kids NEED boundaries. They need to know when they've gone 'off track'. They don't need parents to be their friends, that's what those other 30 kids in their class are for.

LOL Although, I remember the one time my Mother made quite an impression on me. I had done something REALLY Bad, and instead of yelling, she got real quiet. Spoke softly and sternly. I was never more scared.....

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 7:20 pm

I was just ranting about the not being my daughters friend a couple days ago. Her mom, my ex-wife a great woman but just the same, does the friend thing and leaves disipline to me. It is hard sometimes cause lil JBD tries hard to make me feel guilty for setting limits. Doesnt work, and I know someday when it really hits the fan it will be dad she runs to to help her because all I ever tell her is the truth. Even if she doesnt want to hear it.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:16 pm

Marv: Take the ex up on the lawyer. Taking care of that child is the most important thing right now as he/she is the only one without a voice in this mess and the one that needs one the most.

JBD: Your daughter is lucky to have you.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:24 pm

OK. Correct me if I'm wrong here...

Your daughter has been caught conspiring with her commonlaw husband to murder your ex-wife (her mother)?

How? Who told?

More to the point, the intended victim being her mother, surely she can just bowl on down to the police station, refuse to press charges, make a statement and tell the police that this was all a terrible mistake. The police cant proceed without evidence and if no-one is providing the evidence, surely there's no proceedings?

Your daughter could stand a few nights in jail - selfish little brat. If I were her mother, I'd make her pay, but not for the rest of her life. Time for you two to work together and get the girl out of this mess. As for the boyfriend(?), I'd seriously council your daughter to sever all ties. Tell her it's you or him. Threaten to take custody of the child if your daughter refuses to sever all ties to the father.

Honestly, I dont see the problem. She deserves a fright but surely it wont even get to court? Even if it does, if no-one presses charges, how can the case proceed? It'll get thrown out for lack of evidence?

Hang in there...dont panic. Keep your wits about you and take a very deep breath before you say a single word to anyone.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:39 pm

With any luck, the boy friend goes down and your daughter walks. If I was a prosecutor, that's what I would be working on. For you, this would take care of two birds with one stone.

I wish I had more advice, but I am thinking of you. Don't "stay strong", go find friends to lean on. I have not been there, but I have been someplace just as messed up, and it was my friends that got me through it.

Chuck Norris Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1369

Quote:

More to the point, the intended victim being her mother, surely she can just bowl on down to the police station, refuse to press charges, make a statement and tell the police that this was all a terrible mistake. The police cant proceed without evidence and if no-one is providing the evidence, surely there's no proceedings?

Honestly, I dont see the problem. She deserves a fright but surely it wont even get to court? Even if it does, if no-one presses charges, how can the case proceed? It'll get thrown out for lack of evidence?

The state gets to decide to press charges, not the intended victims.

Withholding evidence is also a crime. So if said victim knowingly withholds any evidence, if indeed she has any, they can also be tried for that.

If the state has enough evidence to go through with the charges and go to trial, the co-operation of victims is not required. Is it helpful? Yes. But not necessary to go through with the case and maybe even possibly get a conviction.

Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:59 pm

^^Agree with you, no one can drop charges, the Commonwealth Attorney is already involved. Confused

Marv, Maybe you have not heard from her because she is in jail and she can't pick up a phone. If I were you I would call the jail that she is in and ask what her rules are as phone calls. My bro could not call us until we hooked up with PayTel and it came in like a collect call would. It cost us about $10.00 for 10 min's. and if we were not home, he was out of luck at that time. They also had certain times that they could call. He waited in line, the one behind him would be antsy and nosey. These calls are also recorded. Sad

Good luck!

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:52 am

Akai Ryu wrote:

The state gets to decide to press charges, not the intended victims.

Our CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) has the same remit. However, if there are no witnessess, then the chances of securing a conviction are slim, the CPS wont proceed. Surely there is something similar in America.

Akai Ryu wrote:

Withholding evidence is also a crime. So if said victim knowingly withholds any evidence, if indeed she has any, they can also be tried for that.

True. But they would have a hard time proving it. Besides, at least her silence would be understandable to the jury, they might be lenient. Also, short of actually committing murder, there is no punishment on this earth that could induce me to give evidence against my own daughter if I didnt think the punishment was just.

Akai Ryu wrote:

If the state has enough evidence to go through with the charges and go to trial, the co-operation of victims is not required. Is it helpful? Yes. But not necessary to go through with the case and maybe even possibly get a conviction.

I think the operative words here are 'enough evidence', 'maybe' and 'possibly'. If the witnesses wont co-operate, then there is no case. The barristers can argue till they're blue in the face but it would never be a very strong case and you can weaken it further by not helping.

The girl deserves a fright and a few weeks in jail. It'll teach her a valuable lesson. She's probably spent the last few days promising every diety in the fundament that she will never do anything wrong ever again if s/he'll just get her out of this. I dont think any of the professionals really would press this to it's conclusion. There's no point. No harm was done and even the intended victim refuses(?) to co-operate.

Now, the boyfriend is a different matter....I'd hang him out to dry. Families have the unique remit to hate each other and wish each other ill, strangers should mind their own business.

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:06 am

i want to thankyou all for being there. This is not easy. We may get over to see her later today.

For the curious among you...

http://www.wsmv.com/news/14595016/detail.html

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 12:32 pm

Bloody Hell mate!

Thoughts are with you. That must have been (and still is I expect) one heck of a shock.

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 12:41 pm

^^^
That makes it all the worse Sad

Sorry mate to see all that. However as a father of three, well only one now, the elder have moved on. I know there is nothing we can do to stop kids doing stupid things. As for drink driving, taking drugs, stealing cars etc this does take the cake. Crying or Very sad

I hope it all goes well for you.
Don't eat yourself up, it wasn't your fault.

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